Previously: Death turned out to be less of a dick than expected.
Swan Song
Kirsti: CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!! (S: THERE’LL BE PEACE WHEN YOU ARE DOOONE.)
That’s right, friends. It’s the final episode of the season, and that means it’s time for the previouslies to take us right back to the beginning and remind us of all the major plot points from the past five seasons that may prove relevant here. But mostly it means a full minute of jamming to Kansas because I have not so secretly terrible taste in music. (S: I could sing this song a cappella so I’m with you. It also gives me ALL THE FEELS when it comes on the radio.)
After the lengthly previouslies, we’re treated to shots of a car factory while Chuck voiceovers. He says that in April 1967, the one hundred millionth GM vehicle was made. There were speeches and a big party, blah blah whatever. Three days later, another car rolled off the assembly line. No one gave a crap, but they totally should have because it would turn out to be totes important: the Bromobile. (S: I….am feeling… all the feels that this episode beginning wants me to….)
<imgsrc=”https://45.media.tumblr.com/c8f3d03166b34fa341e87e04f5fdc185/tumblr_ncpddrTv6I1rf3y7go2_250.gif” alt=”” width=”311″ height=”175″ />For the final time: BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!
Samantha:
K: Perfection.
After the Not Credits, a couple of bodies hang over a devil’s trap, the blood draining into big pans. Cas transfers the blood to gallon bottles as Sam cleans Ruby’s knife. They carry four bottles of blood to the Bromobile. Dean trails after them, looking increasingly uncertain about this plan.
Samantha: I mean. Me too, dude. This was particularly unsettling. Especially because in the season 4 finale they made a huge deal of reminding us that innocent people are in those vessels, when Sam kidnapped that nurse with Ruby.
K: YES. It’s pretty disturbing how quickly they’ve gone from “protect the innocent” to “protect ourselves and fuck everyone else.”
Dean heads over to talk to Bobby. Bobby’s been looking for demonic omens, and rattles off a few. One of them is a 20 degree temperature drop in a specific area of Detroit. Dean looks a little sad as he says that has to be the one. Bobby’s all “Whaaaa? How do you know?”. Ohhhh IDK, maybe because of that one time he got angel zapped to 2015 and his future self told him? Maybe. Dean just stares at Sam in a feels-laden way. (S: I’ve always feels enjoyed that callback to the beginning of the season. Always Detroit.)
Cut to them speeding through the night. Cas is snoring in the backseat of the Bromobile. “Aww. Ain’t he a little angel?” Dean smirks. Sam looks serious and points out that angels don’t sleep. Dean looks bummed out, and says that he’s pretty convinced this whole Detroit thing is a trap and that Lucifer knows stuff they don’t. Sam says they just have to hope he doesn’t know about the rings.
Then he changes the subject and says that he wants Dean to promise not to try and bring him back from Hell if the plan works. Dean’s all “HAHAHA, NO.” Sam snaps that he doesn’t have a choice. Dean feelsely asks what he’s supposed to do without Sam. Sam tells him to go and find Lisa and “live some normal, apple pie life.” He wants Dean to promise him that. But we cut away without hearing Dean’s answer.
Samantha: Teenage me was YELLING at the screen, ABSOLUTELY NOT. DO NOT SAY YES TO THAT DEAN.
K: SERIOUSLY.
Detroit. Bobby returns to the alley where Team Free Will is hiding out, and informs them that there are at least two dozen demons nearby, so clearly something serious is happening. “I’ll see you around, kid,” he says to Sam. They hug tearfully as Bobby tells Sam to fight tooth and nail when he lets Lucifer in. I have a lot of feelings. (S: I am nothing but feels.)
Sam walks over to Cas, holds out a hand and asks him to take care of Dean and Bobby for him. Cas is all “Yeah, no, that’s totally not going to happen.” Sam gives a resigned sigh, and Cas is all “Ohhhh, you wanted me to lie”. He does so, very unconvincingly, and Sam’s all “Yeah, not helping.” He walks over to the Bromobile, where Dean’s got the bottles of blood waiting. “You mind not watching this?” he asks Dean. Dean walks away in disgust as Sam picks up a bottle.
Samantha: For Sam to have to go back to the blood, when he worked so hard this season to overcome all that, is pretty makes me sad.
K: SAME. He worked so hard to get over that, and then LOL NOPE. Right back to where he started.
Cut to Sam slamming the boot of the Bromobile, a little smear of blood by his mouth. “Okay. Let’s go,” he says as he stalks off into the night. Dean looks feelsy and follows. Okay, so dude is supposed to have just consumed FOUR GALLONS of blood. And yet his stomach is still perfectly flat. Uh, sure. Mostly I mention this because all I could think of when I saw the four bottles was that line of Xander’s where he talks about Buffy’s potential future with Angel and foresees that “Angel’s always in front of the tube, with a big ol’ blood belly.” Just saying. Sam would totally have a big ol’ blood belly. (S: Not on the CW. Mortal rules do not apply to these male model types.) (K: SIGH.)
Anyway.
Sam walks into the middle of the demon hotspot and basically stands in the street yelling “FIGHT ME”. Obviously, a couple of demons come out and drag the boys upstairs to see Lucifer. “Hey guys. So nice of you to drop in...” Lucifer says while staring out the window. The tinkly orchestra basically does a non-copyrighted version of the Law and Order DUN DUN noise, and we fade to black.
After the Not Commercial Break, we’re back to Chuck’s Bromobile voiceover. He tells us that it had all the usual things cars have, plus some less usual ones. That’s accompanied by a shot of the weapons compartment in the boot. But this stuff, he says, isn’t important. The stuff that’s important is what made the Bromobile theirs – the army men and Legos they wedged in the ashtrays and heating vents. We watch as the miniest of Mini Winchesters carve their initials into the car.
When Dean rebuilt the Bromobile in season 2, he made sure all those things stayed (really, Dean? The rattly Lego in the heating vents??) because they’re what made the Bromobile perfect. But Lucifer gives zero fucks about the Bromobile.
Samantha: I know, right? It always felt unnatural that Dean would keep the Legos there. I appreciate the attempt at explaining away a plot hole but, yeah, weird.
K: The weirdest.
Lucifer blows on the window and draws a pitchfork in the ice that forms. He apologises for the cold and says that he doesn’t burn hot like most people think. Dean sasses, and Lucifer turns to give him a thoughtful look. He asks why the boys are there, and Sam’s all “I’M SAYING YES”. Lucifer’s all “LOL WHUT”. Sam closes his eyes, and the two demons guarding him and Dean crumple to the floor, dead.
Lucifer’s vaguely impressed. Sam says that he’s saying yes on the condition that when the Apocalypse is over, he, Dean and their parents all get to live. Lucifer interrupts to say that he knows they have the rings. Dean gets “OH SHIT” face. Sam tries to play dumb, but Lucifer’s all “Bitch, please.” (S: This is pretty rough, that he already knows.) He insists that he’s never lied to Sam, and he’d like the same respect. But it’s okay because he likes the idea of he and Sam fighting it out for control of Sam’s body. “A fiddle of gold against your soul says I’m better than yoooou!” he sing-songs.
Sam regains consciousness and calls out to his brother that he can feel Lucifer inside him. Dean’s all “FIGHT HIM! JUMP INTO THE PIT!”. Sam walks towards the hole, then turns and is all “LOL, TRICKED YOU”. Lucifer informs Dean that Sam is long gone. He chants and the hole in the wall closes up. Lucifer pulls the rings from the wall, and turns back to Dean. “I told you… this would always happen in Detroit,” he says. Then he vanishes. Dean spins in a panic, tears in his eyes.
Samantha: MY HEART HUUUURTS.
K: SAME.
Elsewhere, Samcifer is in a basement, with five people standing around him in a circle. For some reason, Samcifer decides to have a conversation with Sam, and this takes place in a broken mirror. And, like, the reflection is Sam. It’s weird, you guys. Just go with it. Anyway, Lucifer insists that he’s not the bad guy. Sam rages about tearing Lucifer apart. “Such anger, young Skywalker,” Samcifer smirks, and OKAY LOOK. I know the intention is that he got it from Sam’s head, because that’s how demons work. But I LOVE the idea of Lucifer sitting around in Hell, watching Star Wars.
Samantha: Yes. Head canon accepted. Yes. I wonder if he liked The Force Awakens.
K: Um. HOW COULD HE NOT?! The more pertinent question is whether Lucifer likes Jar Jar Binks or not…
Anyway, Sam rages some more, and Lucifer says that he’s been waiting for this 5eva and now everything is perfect because they were literally made for each other. Sam’s all “Uh, NO”. Lucifer smirks that he can see all of Sam’s thoughts and memories, and he knows how Sam totally felt out of place as a Winchester. He says that he’s Sam’s real family, and that every time Sam ran away from Dean and Papa Winchester, he was really running towards Lucifer. (S: College….Lucifer…same thing I guess.)
He says that he just wants Sam to be happy, and they’re going to start off with a little payback. Sam’s all “Whut”. Lucifer asks him if any of the demons standing around them look familiar. Sam realises that one is his grade school teacher. Oh, please. As if Sam Winchester would remember every freaking teacher he ever had. Another one is his prom date. And another is a friend of his. Lucifer says they’re the demons Azazel had watching him throughout his life. And he wants Sam to let his rage out on them. JPad acts with his nostrils. (S: OOOOOOOF. Lucifer lies or legit? Probably legit, huh? Ooof.)
Back on the streets of Detroit, the news is reporting major earthquakes all over the world. “It’s starting...” Cas says. Dean asks what the plan is. Cas suggests getting wasted.
Dean gives him “Excuse me, sass is MY thing, get your own” face. He wants to know how they stop it. Cas says they can’t – it’s already been foretold that Michael and Lucifer will fight on the chosen field. Dean’s all “Okay, and where’s that?”. Cas has no idea. Bobby’s out of ideas too. Dean looks tearfully at Cas.
Cut back to Samcifer, who’s had himself a nice bloody massacre. Demon corpses are scattered all over the damned place. He turns to a nearby mirror, where Sam is looking like a puppy who just got accidentally kicked. “So. Are we having fun yet?” Samcifer smirks. Sam looks a little teary and totally freaked. Yeah, this was clearly the best plan ever. Fade to black.
Samantha: I am suddenly confused. For some reason I always thought that this was just a visual manifestation of the battle is Sam’s head. But now I’m realizing it’s probably actually real, Lucifer in a basement somewhere. This stuff was either poorly done or I am an idiot.
K: It had never occurred to me that it wasn’t real. But I only pay attention about 50% of the time. So.
After the Not Commercial Break, it’s time for more Bromobile Backstory with Chuck and the Tinkly Orchestra of Feels! Chuck tells us that sometimes between jobs, the boys would have a day or a week of downtime. They’d use it to make money by hustling pool. But sometimes they’d drive half way across the country to watch basketball or go to a concert. Some nights, they’d just park in the middle of nowhere and stare at the stars. And though they spent years and years thinking they were homeless, they never were because they had the Bromobile. That…is not the same thing, Chuck. STFU. (S: HA. I love you. Meanwhile, I’m a sappy sap who is tearing up.)
We cut to Chuck, typing his latest manuscript. His phone rings, and he’s surprised to hear that it’s Dean. Mostly because he was expecting it to be Mistress Magda, which I mention only because it’s a key point in the fandom’s Chuck Is God theory. Magda, like Magdalene. Geddit? Yeah, me neither. Clutching at straws, y’all.
Samantha: I mean, the lapsed Catholic in me has never been able to not think Magdalene when I hear that name. Also, I guess him and Becky broke up.)
K: Anyway, Dean fills him in on Sam, but Chuck already knows, obvs. Dean asks if he knows where the big fight will happen, and Chuck tells him that it’s a cemetery outside of Lawrence. Isn’t it convenient that the Christian Apocalypse won’t take place in, oh I don’t know, ISRAEL but will in fact take place a mere 11 hours and 37 minutes (according to Google Maps) drive from their current location?
Samantha: In a place that is important specifically to these two random boys.
K: WHAT A CRAZY RANDOM HAPPENSTANCE!
Dean asks Chuck if he has any bright ideas on stopping the Apocalypse besides the rings, and Chuck’s all “NOPE”. Cut to Dean packing up the Bromobile. Bobby studies him and says “You’re goin’ to do somethin’ stupid. You got that look.” That’s just his face, Bobby. Dean says he’s going to talk to Sam. Bobby’s all “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??” Dean insists that he has to try. Cas basically eyerolls and says that all he’ll see is Michael killing Sam. “Well, then I ain’t gonna let him die alone...” Dean says sadly. JFC, these two and their codependency have reached a new level of madness. Dean starts the Bromobile, and Cas and Bobby exchange a look.
Samantha: Okay. OKAY I know. I get it, you’re right. But I am trash and “I ain’t gonna let him die alone” always turns me into a puddle of sibling feels.
K: I mean, I had sibling feels too. But they were overwhelmed by the ridiculous codependency issues…
Cut to Samcifer standing in the cemetery. Michael – wearing an Adam meatsuit – appears. They exchange nice-to-see-yous, and then Michdam (Adael?) gets down to the “I’mma kill you” portion of the evening. But Samcifer asks why they have to kill each other. He says that God made him the way that he is, and therefore he’s totally not responsible for his actions. He says that they’re brothers and they should just agree to walk away. Do you see the correlation to Papa Winchester yet? DO YOU? DO YOU??? Hello, Anvil of Obvious Storytelling. So nice to see you back, old friend.
Anyway. Michdam thinks for a second and then says that no, he’s the good son and he can’t possibly go against Daddy Dearest’s wishes. The Anvil is currently thumping against my head like the glasses of whisky Dumbledore pours for the Dursleys at the start of Half-Blood Prince (S: 1430.). Samcifer and Michdam both look a little sad, but start circling around each other.
But then they hear a car engine. They stop and stare at the road into the cemetery. We cut to Dean putting a cassette tape into the Bromobile’s stereo, and Rock of Ages by Def Leppard starts up. I have to admit, it’s not the best choice of song because for 99% of the show’s viewing population (including me), the beginning of the song will make them think of precisely one thing:
Yeah. Although now that I think about it, Pretty Fly for a White Guy could basically be Dean’s anthem. (S: Hahahahaha I just googled this, didn’t know it before this moment.)
Anyway, Dean slowly and melodramatically drives into the cemetery, then climbs out of the car. He leans against the door nonchalantly, and says “Howdy, boys. Sorry. Am I interrupting something?“. Fade to black.
After the Not Commercial Break, Dean informs Samcifer that they need to talk. Samcifer is all “This is your stupidest plan yet”, but Dean clarifies that he’s talking to Sam, not Lucifer. He needs five minutes. Michdam is all “Uh, NO. You didn’t want to play with me so now you’re not allowed to be here neener neener”. And then we get one of my favourite Supernatural lines of all time.
“Hey, assbutt!” yells Cas, having just appeared out of nowhere with a flaming Molotov cocktail. (S: YES.) He hurls it at Michdam, who explodes into flames and vanishes with a scream. Cas turns to Dean and says that Michdam will be back, and super pissed, but he’s got his five minutes.
Samcifer glares at Cas and snaps that no one gets to mess with Michael except him. With a snap of his fingers, Cas explodes into chunks of bloody meat and trenchcoat. It’s nasty. Dean looks horrified. Bobby looks grossed out, probably because he’s covered in bits of Castiel.
“Sammy? Can you hear me?” Dean says. Samcifer glares and says that he was trying to be nice, but Dean is being a super pain in the arse. He throws Dean onto the bonnet of the Bromobile, his head cracking the windscreen. Bobby shoots Samcifer in the back. With a glare, he turns towards Bobby. Bobby shoots again, hitting Samcifer in the heart. Samcifer watches the blood trickle for a second. Bobby gives Dean an “IDK, it was worth a try?” shrug. Then Samcifer gestures, and Bobby’s neck snaps. He drops to the ground, dead. “NO!!!” Dean shouts.
Samcifer drags Dean off the bonnet of the bar and punches him in the face. Dean keeps pulling himself upright and asking if Sam can hear him. Samcifer pins him against the car door and beats the living crap out of Dean. And all Dean does is say “Sam, it’s okay. It’s okay. I’m here. I’m here. I’m not gonna leave you.” Oof. Samcifer pulls back for a king hit, then the sun glinting off the window of the Bromobile catches his eye.
Samantha:
K: We get a zoomtastic close up of Samcifer’s pupil constricting in the light, then he sees the little green army man wedged in the ashtray. That throws us into a montage of all Chuck’s Bromobile voiceovers from this episode – the miniest Winchesters carving their initials and wedging Lego bits in the vents. Then we’re thrown to a montage of Bromobile moments from throughout the show, starting with Sam going through Dean’s cassette collection in the pilot. There are literally dozens of episodes of Bro-tastic moments in there. It’s accompanied only by the wind. The montage finishes with Dean hugging Sam at the end of All Hell Breaks Loose Part 2.
Samantha:
K: Fair.
Back in the present, Sam’s fist unclenches and drops. He’s in control again. A bloody and battered Dean stares up at him. “It’s okay, Dean. It’s going to be okay. I’ve got him,” Sam gasps. He pulls the rings from his pocket, and starts chanting. A huge hole opens up in the ground. The boys exchange feels-laden looks, and Sam looks terrified. “Sam!” yells a voice from offscreen. Both the boys look around. It’s Michdam. He says it’s not going to end like this because he has to fight Lucifer. It’s his destiny. Obviously, all I can think of is this:
Sam looks at Dean for a moment, then closes his eyes. He stretches his arms wide, and it’s very reminiscent of the end of Buffy season 5, when she’s about to sacrifice herself to save Dawn. Michdam lunges forward to grab Sam’s jacket. Sam grabs Michdam’s arm and leans back. They tumble into the pit together and vanish.
After a moment, there’s a bright white light and the pit closes. The rings burn red hot on the grass, but somehow don’t start a fire. Dean stares at the spot where his brothers disappeared and breaks down. Fade to black.
After the Not Commercial Break, Dean’s kneeling on the grass over the rings. The tinkly orchestra tinkles as he looks up to see Castiel standing over him. “Cas, you’re alive?” he says in surprise. Cas replies that he’s better than just alive. He presses two fingers to Dean’s forehead, and his mangled face is healed. Dean looks surprised, and asks if Cas is God. Cas smiles a little and says that he’s not, but he believed God brought him back. He walks over to Bobby and brings him back to life with a touch. Dean stares down at the rings in his hand.
Cut to Chuck’s house. We see a manuscript titled “Supernatural: Swan Song” on the desk. Can…can we give a gold star to a prop? It feels like cheating, but the episode titles are so complicated now that we never get to hand out gold stars any more, so what the fuck:
Chuck voiceovers that endings are hard. Anyone can write a beginning, but endings require tying up loose ends. You can never get them all, and someone always complains. He downs a glass of whisky, then goes back to typing.
Elsewhere, the Bromobile speeds through the night. Dean asks Cas what he’s going to do now. Cas says he’s going to go back to Heaven because it’s probably anarchy. Dean calls him “the new sheriff in town” and Cas smiles. Dean’s pissed at Cas being at God’s beck and call again and Sam’s still dead, and Cas is all “What the hell did you think was going to happen when you stopped the Apocalypse?”. He says that Dean got exactly what he asked for. When Dean looks over, Cas has vanished. “You really suck at goodbyes, you know that?” Dean says sadly.
Bobby’s. He and Dean hug each other tearfully as Chuck voiceovers that this is the last they’ll see of each other for a long time. Bobby watches Dean drive off as Chuck tells us that next week, Bobby will be hunting a rugaru (urgh, no). But Dean didn’t want to be saved, and every fibre of his being wants to be hunting or looking for a way to bring Sam back. But he won’t. Because he made a promise. (S: Ugh. Fuck that promise. Go find your brother and keep your found family together, yo.)
Dean drives alone through the night, the tinkly orchestra tinkling. Then he knocks on a door. “Hey, Lisa,” he says when she answers. “Thank God...” she says. She asks if he’s okay. His voice cracks a little as he says he’ll take her up on her offer of beer now please. She tells him that it’s never too late and hugs him tightly. Dean tears up and buries his face in her shoulder. (S: Idk about this.)
Chuck voiceovers that he thinks it was a test for the boys. He thinks they did okay. We’re treated to flashbacks of the boys fighting Meg, Azazel, and Zachariah, along with shots of them spending quality Bro Time together. Chucks says that they chose family over destiny, and that’s kind of the point. We cut to Chuck’s house, as he types THE END and drains his glass. He voiceovers that nothing ever really ends. Onscreen, Chuck smiles, then vanishes. (S: He’s also wearing ALL WHITE.)
The tinkly orchestra tinkles some more as we cut back to Dean, sitting with Ben at the dinner table. Lisa brings dinner over, and asks if he’s okay. Dean smiles that he is, and they sit down for a happy family dinner together, Dean serving. The camera pans out through the window and up to a nearby streetlight. It burns out, and we see a figure standing underneath it. The camera pans around to show us that it’s Sam. Fade to black.
This was Eric Kripke’s intended end to the show, you guys, and it’s a pretty damned good one. Right up until that last shot, anyway. It’s feelsy, not everybody lives, the cycle of codependency is broken, Dean gets to live a happy, non-huntery life, and Sam gets to die a hero. It was the perfect place to finish the show, to have it go out on a high. But noooooo, there’s another (at least) six increasingly terrible seasons. Sigh.
Samantha: I mostly agree with you. I don’t think I would have liked the show ending with Sam in hell and Dean with Lisa, forever. The Lisa stuff always feels kind of forced to me and I’m the trash fan who want Sam and Dean together at the show’s end. Either going out together or just riding off to the next adventure.
K: In summary, this episode is great. But the show should have stopped here. And, I guess this is as appropriate a place as any to announce that we won’t be continuing with Supernatural from here on. I had every intention of seeing this show through to the bitter end, you guys. But our first Supernatural post went up on 4 December 2013 and it’s taken us two and a half years to get through five seasons, and I’m just…I’m so tired, you guys. So very, very tired. And considering the show goes dramatically downhill from here, this seems like a good spot for us to wrap things up.
—-
Marines: Hey all! Just jumping in to say that yes, Supernatural is going on an indefinite hiatus. This show has struggled some since we introduced it to the site as we’ve gone through a number of contributors and then during our recent struggles with posting regularly. My #1 priority is making sure my current contributors are working on things they actually want to work on. Everyone here does this for the free, so if it’s time for K to move on, we’re shelving this project.
As with other things that are currently on indefinite hiatus (Veronica Mars, Dollhouse), I will say that I would eventually like to finish them off as time and contributors allow. We’re already (slowly, but surely) working on Veronica Mars and perhaps that’s how I’ll one day get to the rest of Supernatural. I’m not trying to tell you to hold your breath; I just suck at quitting things.
Except Gotham. That shit’s gone forever.
Thank you so much for reading and following with us! Thank you for your patience across the years. I hope you had some laughs and I hope to see you elsewhere on the site.
CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!! (Did I do it right?)
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
I'm a 28 year old graduated English major and almost librarian. I can often be found singing too loudly (poorly) in the car or spending some time (hours) on Tumblr. I am a lover of Harry Potter, the Spice Girls, and too many other things.
