Previously: Sam found out that his college friend was a demon. Bummer.
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Two Minutes to Midnight
Samantha: So we open in Iowa, at a fancy old person home hospital thing. Freaking Pestilence walks into an old lady’s room. I dunno you guys, I had somehow convinced myself that all of the Pestilence stuff would be finished in the last episode and that I wouldn’t have to recap him again. I was wrong. He sits down on the old lady’s bed and acts all Good Doctor-y. Up until the moment he announces she’s suffering from the cold, encephalitis, and dengue fever. He then waves his hand and gives her chicken pox.
She’s all confused and he tells her that she’s his own personal experiment and she should relax. But then he tells her that she’s going to die which doesn’t actually help with the whole relaxing thing, doctor. Anyway, she die vomits green goo all over and it’s gross and I hate Pestilence.
Kirsti: It’s SUPER gross, and also super creepy because he’s basically being a mad scientist.
Samantha: BLOOOOOOOOOD.
We jump to One Day Earlier where Dean is berating Sam about wanting to say yes to the devil and jump in the cage. They are at Bobby’s. Interestingly, what Dean actually says, while we are looking at Sam is, “To say yes to the devil?” but my closed captioning says, “To cram the devil down his throat?” Like. When did that get changed? Who changed it? It feels like it was post production since we quick cut away from Jensen mid sentence. Was it because that sounded too gay? If I had more motivation I’d see what my DVDs say as opposed to Netflix. Anyway.
Bobby admits that he knew about Sam’s idea. Teenage Sam comes out and passively aggressively says that the consensus is that he shouldn’t do it so he won’t do it. Dean’s phone rings and it’s Castiel, not heard from since he booby trapped himself in the 100th episode. He’s in a hospital and isn’t doing too hot. He appeared unconscious on a shrimping boat and now his angel battery is drained.
K: Poor Cas. But I also kind of want to see him appearing unconscious on the shrimping boat. Like…did he just poof into existence on the deck? Did they fish him out of the ocean? Did he fall from the sky? I NEED ANSWERS, DAMMIT.
Samantha: Yeah for all this episode covers, it really leaves us hanging in some places.
He can’t heal himself or poof to them or help out with Pestilence. He needs money for food and a plane ticket and Bobby is hilariously affronted at being offered up as money sugar daddy to Cas. Castiel apologizes to Dean for doubting him and beating the crap out of him. “You are not the burned and broken shell of a man I believed you to be,” he says, while Dean makes bitch face.
Dean creeps into the security room where a guard is hanging out. He asks for help locating his Nana, Eunice Kennedy, and mid description socks the guy in the jaw, who falls back unconscious. Sam comes in and they get to work watching the camera feeds. It’s slow and boring and times passes, Dean falls asleep.
K: THIS was their genius plan? What about the security guard’s relief? What about other staff members popping in to say hi? What happens if the phone rings? Or the front desk requires security assistance?!
Samantha: ALL THE JAW SOCKING.
It’s after all of this that Sammy finally asks what exactly they are looking for. More time passes and that security guard has been unconscious for awhile. Is he okay? Anyway, Pestilence walks out of a room and the monitor goes all screwy around him, alerting Sam to his supernaturalness.
We cut back to the pre credits scene and I decide that I am not going to watch it again just as it cuts to Sam and Dean creeping around the corridors. They are spotted by a nurse lady who turns out to be a demon. She hurries into the old lady’s room, where Pestilence is wiping goo off of his face in way too slow a manner. She tells him about the boys and that they should probably head out because they have a tendency to kill Horsemen. Pestilence gets all angry and decides that he actually wants revenge for what they did to his brothers and Satan will just have to glue them back together. The demon looks like she’s going to cry so Pestilence makes her give him a hug? Then he twists his ring and people all over the hospital start catching diseases and dying and stuff.
K: The hug thing was super gross not only because Pestilence is creepy as shit, but because he’s covered in vomit. NO ONE WANTS TO HUG YOU WHEN YOU’RE COVERED IN VOMIT, DUDE.
Samantha: Sam and Dean walk down a hallway and starting coming down with ailments themselves. They are coughing and weak and their vision starts to look like mine without my glasses.
Dean collapses on the floor and the patient room door swings open in from of Sammy, who is clutching the wall. “The doctor will see you now,” says the demon and I gag on the cheesiness. Sam falls over into the room.
After the Not!Commerical Break Pestilence is gloating over all the diseases he gave them as they writhe on the floor.
K: The list includes syphilis, but let’s be real: the boys probably had that one all on their own.
Samantha: He starts condescendingly waxing poetic about disease, like that guy in your Joyce class who wears a beanie. He wants to show God that He’s wrong about humans via epidemics blah blah blah. Castiel busts in saying he got there by bus (K: BEST) but immediately doubles over, overcome with disease too. Pestilence mocks him for not having a speck of angel left inside and Cas rears up all “Maybe just a speck” before chopping off his ring finger.
The demon launches herself at Cas but he stabs her. The boys jump up all healthy and grab the ring but Pestilence tells them that it’s too late before disappearing. And thus ended Pestilence, in the middle of an episode, anticlimactically. I hated the gross but this felt so crammed in and *shrug*. So glad we wasted an entire episode on that Brady storyline.
K: RIGHT? It was TOTALLY worth sitting through all that “let’s torment Sam” stuff to have them get Pestilence’s ring in such an anticlimactic way…
Samantha: Next shot takes us to Bobby’s where the gang discusses Pestilence’s ominous “It’s too late” remark. They are afraid he left a disease bomb somewhere. Dean asks for good news and Bobby informs them that a giant storm and some natural disasters are about to destroy Chicago and kill 3 million people. Castiel chimes in with, “I don’t understand your definition of good news.”
Bobby sighs but continues that Death is going to be there so maybe they can get to him first. Sam is all, “skrrrrt, how do you even know all this?”
Bobby evades the question but Crowley chooses that moment to show up, whiskey in hand. He tells Bobby to tell them and the boys heads’ whip around in unison, accusatory looks in place. “World’s gonna end. Seems stupid to get all precious over one little soul,” he tells them. Bobby you have THE MOST PRECIOUS SOUL. Dean demands that Crowley give it back while Sam is stuck on wondering if they sealed the deal with a kiss. Bobby denies it but Crowley took a picture. (K: I love that picture more than I can say.)
Outside, Dean is rooting around the Impala’s trunk when Sam comes over, leans against the car, and sighs heavily and extra audibly. Dean looks up and says, “Let me guess, we’re about to have a talk?” Props for recognizing your own tropes.
They keep angsting until Crowley comes upon them with an actual “Annnnnd, scene.” Lol. He hands the boys a newspaper and Sam reads about a pharmaceutical company that is rushing an order of Swine Flu vaccine. Crowley waits for them to get it, but when they don’t he explains that Brady was the VP of distribution at this company.
We cut to Chicago, where a bad storm is brewing in slow motion. The song sings its title, “O Death”, as a swanky looking car pulls up to the curb. A man with a cane and a ring gets out and starts bad ass slow mo walking as the lyrics sing “O what is this that I can’t see, with ice cold hands taking hold of me?” The badass cane man and another man bump shoulders and the other man is rude about it. We switch back to slow motion as the badass cane man brushes off his shoulder and the rude man just drops to his knees and collapses. “When God is gone and the Devil takes hold, Lord have mercy on your soul.” Fade to black. Sorry guys, it’s a really cool and well done introduction to Death. The song is “O Death” by Jen Titus.
K: This entire scene is SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL. Like, everything about it – the slow motion, the music, the lighting, the set, the swirling leaves – is just visually stunning. Deserves-An-Award kind of stunning. It’s an A+ introduction to Death as a character, especially that little petty moment of “how dare you bump into me? DIE NOW”.
Samantha: Oh I’m so glad that you love it too! Here, wonderful readers, is a gifset.
Outside, Dean wishes Sam luck stopping “the zombie apocolypse” and Sam wishes Dean luck “killing Death.” Nobody looks hopeful. These guys could really use some Kimmy Schmidt optimism.
Sam gets nostalgic over the earlier seasons and then goes to give Dean Ruby’s knife, but Crowley interrupts. He has a mini scythe that should maybe kill Death. Cas seems perturbed that Crowley even has it. Crowley snarks at Bobby for sitting around and Bobby snarks back that he can’t exactly Riverdance. Crowley says that Bobby wasted his deal so he took the liberty of changing it a bit. Everyone looks disbelieving but yes, Bobby can stand and walk again. It’s a nice little moment because of Bobby and the boys’ reactions. They all head out.
K: My notes say “It’s a demonic miracle!”
Samantha: In the Bobby/Sam/Cas Express, Sam is telling Castiel about his Say Yes to the Dress plan. He expects Castiel to tell him that it’s dumb but Cas responds that it would be a lie for him to say that. The Winchester boys keep exceeding his expectations so maybe Sam could be stronger than Lucifer. He offers some wisdom: Michael has taken Adam as his vessel (Adam Feels), so if Sam loses to Lucy the fight will happen and a shit ton of people will die. He’ll also need to drink a whole lot of demon blood because it strengthens the vessel and stuff.
The next scene it is morning and Team Stop Croatoan has pulled up at the pharmaceutical company, where the shipment is getting ready to go out. Bobby says that they have an hour before the shipment heads out and starts outlining an elaborate grand plan. Castiel nods and interrupts to point out that one of the trucks is already leaving. “Balls,” Bobby says and announces that he has a new plan.
K: NGL, Bobby has the most authentic reactions of anyone on this show when the shit hits the fan.
Samantha: YESSSSS. They are consistently the best.
We cut to the truck driver scanning his security card to open the gate, but Castiel is there and hits the driver’s head a few times with his gun until the dude unconsciously falls on the steering wheel. Cas stops the gate from opening but unconscious dude’s head lays on the horn, alerting a nearby demon to something being up.
The demon announces to another demon that it’s the Winchesters and the two lock down the warehouse and start opening boxes with the Niveus Croatoan virus.
Sam and Bobby have to shoot open one of the doors, where frightened people are banging to get out. The people flee and Sam and Bobby head inside. All we can hear is a man yelling in pain, along with gross squicky sounds. The guys round the corner and see a group of worker men with crazy eyes tearing into another guy. Sam looks sad/resigned/bored and aims his gun.
After the Not!Commercial Break, Bobby and Sam start gunning down the Croatoan baddies like they are in easy mode during level 1 of a video game. After that is taken care of, they hear a woman shouting for help and Sam heads in that direction. Bobby stays and takes out a demon.
Dean and Crowley are in the Extra Windy City when Crowley suggests getting some pizza. Dean scoffs, so Crowley points out an abandoned warehouse where Dean is hosting a slumber party with the reapers. Except just kidding. Crowley pops back after checking it out and says that oh well, he was wrong, Death isn’t in there. Dean is pissed because millions are about to die and Bobby sold his soul for this. Crowley just wants to get out of dodge.
Sam saves a woman from a Croatoan baddie and ushers them out of the warehouse. He goes back deeper into the warehouse and Bobby looks at him all thoughtful/perplexed.
K: Something about all of this gave me a horrifying thought: do possessed uterus havers continue to get periods while they’re possessed? Do demons have to deal with it? Clearly demons have genders, because Azazel said at some point in season 1 that he had a son and a daughter. What happens if a male demon possesses a trans man and then has to deal with his period?
I mean, we had that woman earlier this season who got pregnant while she was possessed, so clearly it’s a consideration. Mostly I was just intrigued by the idea of the demon being exorcised and then discovering that you’ve suddenly got Implanon because the demon possessing you was all “…I don’t have time for this shit right now.”
Samantha: This is an excellent question and one that I’m 99% sure the SPN writers have not wondered about. Maybe the body shuts down that natural stuff when it’s unnaturally inhabited? Or, yeah, there are some really excellent scenes we are missing out on.
Dean and Crowley get into the Impala, with Dean trying to figure out how he can save 3 million people in 10 minutes. Crowley pops over to a pizza place and starts mouthing and gesturing to Dean. Dean doesn’t get it so Crowley pops back to the Impala to tell Dean that he found Death in the pizza place. Did Crowley know all along? Was he just being a dick and playing mind games? Was it total contrivance that they happened to have parked near the pizza place Death was chilling in? Dean starts heading towards it and Crowley leaves.
Samantha: Warehouse of Early Level Video Games. Bobby is dispensing of another demon with the knife (remember when they tried to save the human in there?). Sam bounds back with some last survivors and does this little hair toss before announcing All Clear. It’s a premature hair toss of victory though because a man leaps out of nowhere and tackles Sam. Bobby is out of bullets and all. seems. lost. until Castiel strolls over and shoots the guy in the head. Point and shoot indeed. Bobby wants them to do what they came there for already so they can leave.
Dean creeps into the restaurant and people are just dead everywhere. It’s pretty horrifying and, my enjoyment of his entrance scene aside, Death is a dick. He’s eating at a table and Dean attempts to continue creeping up on him with the scythe but it starts to shake and glow hot in his hand. He drops it and Death thanks him for returning it. He invites Dean to join him at the table and Dean looks like he might pee his pants. (K: Legit, dude.) As Dean sits down, Death says that he’s been wanting to talk to him, as he eats his pizza. Dean wonders if this is where Death kills him. Death declares Dean a snarky bacteria compared to the likes of him.
Death continues to talk about how young the planet is compared to the rest of the universe and that he himself is hella old. Is he literally Death for everything ever in the universe? Dayum. He places a slice of pizza on Dean’s plate and tells him to eat.
K: Dean being all “Whaaaaaaat??” over the idea of God dying is so freaking frustrating after we literally JUST had an episode where he witnessed a ton of deities being killed.
Samantha: Psh, but surely the Christian god can’t die! Don’t be silly! He’s definitely superior! *eye roll for days*
Death tells Dean that he wants the leash around his neck off because, weirdly, Death doesn’t appreciate being chained to a comparatively minor angel. “I’m more powerful than you can process and I’m enslaved to a bratty child throwing a tantrum,” he says. He’s going to give Dean his Magic Horseman Ring, with a condition. Dean has to do everything it takes to get Lucifer back in the cell. Dean is all “yeah, sure, of course” but Death is like “boy, I literally mean you have to let Sam jump into the cage.” Dean looks feelsy and scared but says yes. Death is all “you can’t cheat death” which is a silly thing to say to a Winchester. (K: And Death, of ALL people, should know that.) As the storm outside abates, Death leans forward to tell Dean how to work the rings.
Bobby’s. Dean is in the garage messing with the rings, which seem to be electromagnetically (is that a thing?) connected to each other.
Bobby comes in with some beers and some real talk. “I walked up and down stairs all night, for no damn reason,” Bobby laughs. Ah the rare laughter in the Supernatural Universe. Watch how quickly it flees. Dean shows Bobby the Ring Magic and then wonders what Death does to people who lie to his face. He has no intention of letting Sam say yes to Lucifer.
Bobby is intrigued that Death even thinks it’s a good idea which makes Dean mad. Bobby says that Sammy has his faults but back at Niveus he never stopped or slowed down and saved a lot of people. They’ve always been hard on him, but Sam has a lot of good in him to offset the dark. He can beat the Devil or die trying. Bobby dramatically asks if Dean is afraid of “Losing? Or losing your brother?” Long close up on Dean, fade to black.
K: Way to get straight to the point, Bobby.
Samantha: This episode is weird. It feels like a bunch of different episodes shoved into the penultimate. Each part kind of works on its own, sure, but all together it feels like a bit of a mess. Like a race to get everything in place for the finale. Also, each of the other Horseman couldn’t do their thing after their rings were taken. Are we just to believe that Death is so powerful he doesn’t really need the ring to fuck shit up?
K: This episode almost feels like they’d already written the finale because they knew what the end game was. And then they suddenly realised that they only had one episode left to get from where they were to the end game. And so it was a mad panic of bits and pieces to try and do everything they needed to do AND wanted to do to get the pieces connected. Death’s introductory scene was definitely the highlight for me.
Next time on Supernatural: Where the show should actually have finished because 90% of the subsequent episodes are shit in S05 E22 – Swan Song.
I'm a 30-something librarian and I still live with my parents because I'm super broke. Leader of Team Heartless Cow. I have an inexplicable love for 90s television, eat too much chocolate, and read more than is good for me.
I'm a 28 year old graduated English major and almost librarian. I can often be found singing too loudly (poorly) in the car or spending some time (hours) on Tumblr. I am a lover of Harry Potter, the Spice Girls, and too many other things.
