Dear Traumateers,
Sweeney: We had big plans for Halloweentober, that were occasionally interrupted by us doing actual things and being actual people. We were both in all sorts of time zones this month and shit was just busy, you know? Excuses, excuses. Still, we had a lot of fun here in Traumaland, and we are, as always, grateful to everyone who joined the fun in comments last month.
Lorraine: I know you weren’t expecting me to mention it (ahem), but mostly I had fun NOT posting about Fifty Shades. Let me just enjoy my last few moments here, okay?
Sweeney: It’s funny you mention that, because:
Last Month
We can blame missing a few more days than usual this month on the fact that we started it with our FSoG send off. We had the final chapter, in which Ana leaves Grey a millionty chapters later than she should have; Lor answered questions frequently asked by Google searchers sent to our site; and, finally, we invented a drinking game and shared some of the hilarious FSoG things readers have sent us (mostly Lor) in the last few months.
We kept our Sunnydale schedule pretty faithfully, starting with Sunnydale Halloween, where we learn that Buffy is nothing without her snark. After that, we got vampire wannabes and #awkwardXanderboner; Ms. Calender getting possessed and some utterly amazing special effects for Angel; the discovery of Sunnydale’s airport; a bit of an uncomfortable snark moment in the form of robotic Angel John Ritter; and finally sex ed turned out to be pretty detrimental to the kids of Sunnydale High.
We also watched some awesome Halloween movies. The Craft taught us that if you suck as a person, but are deemed to possess inner goodness by the owner of your local magic shop, you will be exempt from the consequences of your actions! Hocus Pocus taught us all about the magical powers of virgins.
In an effort to bring a little Childhood Trauma spirit to Halloween, we watched a few episodes of Are You Afraid of the Dark (something we started waybackwhen, before the rename and all! the! changes!). In the first episode we got easy exposition and Bargain Priced Robin Williams in Jumanji. From there we came across that instigator of ACTUAL CHILDHOOD TRAUMA, Zeebo the clown, the life lesson that reading is better than making friends, and further proof that you should never use the words, “I wish.”
Lorraine: And, of course, Halloween wouldn’t really be complete without a little bit of our all time favorite Trauma perpetrator, R.L. Stine and his third Goosebumps book, Monster Blood. We of course get dumb kids, negligent parents and sexual innuendo, but as an added bonus, R.L. threw in the most roundabout way to kill someone, ever.
Nuts & Bolts:
I don’t think we have any nuts or bolts this month. It is a nut and bolt free moment. Maybe I can take this moment to shamelessly remind you of our Facebook and Twitter pages? Actually, following us everywhere and subscribing is a mega-wise idea, since I posted some things on the wrong days this month. MEANING: if you’ve come to rely on our commitment to our schedule as a guide for when to check the site, well, you probably shouldn’t. Blah, blah, self-promotion, we do what we want.
Lor: Also, you get some bonus content! I mean, bonus as in we tell you fun things about all the different ways the series we cover basically ruins our lives. Good times for everyone.
Sweeney: Also, also? I finally got the @snarksquad.com emails working. I mean, you can keep sending us funny stuff directly to us, but now we’re super mega legit with our “team@snarksquad.com” email address.
Coming Up:
We know you’ve all been waiting for it, so yes, the horror of Fifty Shades of Grey continues with Fifty Shades Darker.
Lor: If you like our Facebook page you already know that I tried to start writing the first chapter recap and basically ended up in a pile of sorrow and emotional eating. See? Bonus content.
But! The truth is that we miss our Fifty Shades readers dearly and we hope you’re ready to start soothing our pain with those lovely comments you always leave.
Sweeney: It’s the only way we’ll find the will to complete this book.
Welcome Questionable New Friends:
Lor: Well, since we’re on the topic, the end of October saw a very significant spike in searches directed to our blog due to many, many, many variations of a “Fifty Shades of Grey Popsicle.”
I know why you all are being directed here: in chapter 9, Ana calls Grey her “very own Christian Grey flavored Popsicle,” and it made me want to die. BUT WHY ARE YOU ALL SEARCHING FOR THIS SUDDENLY? Please, I truly want to know. ‘Cause I searched for it and all I found was this lousy t-shirt:
THIS EXISTS.
So, welcome questionable friends.
Sweeney: I feel like this month has been low on questionable google searches for us. So, thanks for that, guys!
Enjoy the weekend. It’s our last weekend without FSoG-trauma, so I know we will.
♥
The Snark Squad
