Previously: Benjen’s back, Sam steals a sword, the Faith and the Crown become besties, and Tommen fires his dad-uncle.
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The Broken Man
Democracy Diva: Thanks for your patience, Snark Nation! Mari is traveling around the world, recruiting soldiers for the Great War to come, so Catherine and I are going to finish this season up on our own and probably hold each other while we sob. Right? Right.
Catherine: It’s so likely that I’m upgrading it from a probably to a definitely. Get ready to emotionally suffer!
Diva: The previouslies remind us that Margaery is basically a nun now, shit’s happening with the Freys and Tullys in Riverrun, Pacey is King of the Iron Islands, Arya <3s theater people, and Sansa, Jon, & Co. are plotting to take back Winterfell.
Instead of credits, we cut straight to a group of people building some kind of structure. They are working together, soft happy music plays, there’s food and laughter – I’m pretty sure Don Draper created this Coke commercial we’re watching right now. We see an old, scraggly but still undeniably sexy hippie nod with approval at the work being done.
Slowly, the camera pans up on the freakishly strong tree-hauler, and we see a familiar half-burned face. Sandor “The Hound” “Fuck the King” “I’m Going To Have to Eat Every Fucking Chicken In This Room” Clegane IS BACK.
Diva: If we don’t actually see him die, he ain’t dead. And even if we DO see him die… there’s still room for debate.
Book readers were expecting something like this – the episode is called “The Broken Man,” and the books contain a notoriously magnificent speech from a soldier-turned-septon about broken men. Fans have theorized that a certain quiet grave-digging giant dude rolling with that septon is the Hound, but the show just confirmed it, and filled a thousand hearts with CleganeBowl hype.
After the credits, we’re back at Haight-Ashbury, and the Hound chops wood. Sexy Septon comments on his strength and how it must have taken a bunch of men to bring him down. The Hound corrects his assumption.
Catherine: #whoruntheworld?
Diva: We pan around at the rest of the community, where everyone has food and smiles and family and happiness and all the other things you know can’t possibly last in this bleak hellscape of a show. The Hound sits off by himself, but Sexy Septon comes to reminisce about how he found the Hound half-dead, and somehow he didn’t die even though Brienne fucked him up real good.
The Hound thinks that hate kept him alive, but Sexy Septon thinks there’s a greater purpose. The Hound’s heard that before, though about a different god than the one SS follows. I wondered if this was referencing his battle with Beric Dondarrion, but tumblr confirmed it:
Diva: For real.
Sexy Septon doesn’t pretend to know what the gods are all about, even in his line of work. (This makes for a refreshing change from Sexy Septon’s photo-negative, the High Sparrow, who above all believes he knows exactly what the gods are all about, and also is the opposite of sexy.) Sexy Septon preaches that whether you worship the Seven or the old gods or the Lord of Light or Gendry’s rowboat, or whether they’re all the same thing, all that matters is that there’s a higher power. And that power has plans for the Hound. The Hound gets serious when he tells SS that he’s done some bad shit, and the gods should probably punish him. SS tells him that they already have.
Catherine: Sexy Septon truly is a refreshing take on the other religious figures on this show. It’s nice to know that not every Septon in the show is a religious zealot.
Diva: Between Melisandre burning children, the High Sparrow torturing women and gays, and that red witch in Meereen being all, “let’s purify the nonbelievers by murdering them with fire,” yeah, we’re long overdue for a chill, nonviolent religious figure.
Baelor’s Sept. Margaery is playing the perfect little religious girl when the High Sparrow walks in. She’s memorized fancy bible passages and everything. She says she only pitied the disgusting smallfolk in the past. She didn’t love them, because poor people smell bad, I guess, but now she’s reformed. Then the High Sparrow gets all personal and starts prying into why Margaery isn’t having sex with Tommen. As gross as this sounds, I’m going to hope HS is into some creepy voyeuristic shit. Because the only other option is that Tommen went to the old dude who made his mom walk through the city naked and said, “hey sparrow, why doesn’t Margaery want my d?” And I cannot handle that.
Catherine: Oh God. I didn’t even think of that. Both options are terrible. Now I wanna bleach my brain.
Diva: You’re welcome!
As if this sex talk weren’t weird enough, the High Sparrow dries up every vagina within a thousand leagues of Kings Landing as he tells Margaery that women don’t have to like sex. They just have to do it, because women aren’t people, they’re storage units for fetuses! He follows up that bullshit with a barely-veiled threat to Grandma Flowerboss. He says Olenna is a sinner and has to be brought into the Faith, or she gonna die, basically. I KNOW you are not fucking with my Flowerboss right now, Sparrow.
Grandma Flowerboss comes for a visit and tries to get rid of Septa Unella, for which I cannot blame her. Septa Unella is basically the Nameless Cunt (AKA Faceless Sisterwife AKA Waif) of King’s Landing. Olenna threatens to have her guards beat the shit out of the Septa, but Margaery just wants to know why her grandmother dared to take on the Faith in the last episode. Grandma is all, “I was trying to save your ungrateful ass.” Margaery says the gods could have punished them for challenging the Faith/crown, but didn’t. And they’ll show Loras mercy too, if he confesses and repents. He’ll get to go back to Highgarden – if he renounces his name and title. Which means Highgarden will lose its heir.
Grandma Flowerboss thinks this is some bullshit and orders Margaery to leave the city, but she insists she has to stay to serve her husband. Margaery forces a note into her grandmother’s hand and gives a Deep Meaningful Stare as she tells Gran to hitch a ride back to Flowerbossland.
Catherine: We predicted that Margarey was schemin’ and guess what guys? Margaery’s schemin’. Before the end of the season she’s gonna have all those Faith Militant dudes working for her and a Starbucks in the Red Keep.
Diva: All hail Margaery, First of Her Name, Queen of the Pumpkin Spiced Latte, and Wardeness of the Caramel Macchiatos!
Random Wildling Village. Jon, Sansa, Tormund, and Davos are asking for the wildlings’ help in their battle for Winterfell. The wildlings aren’t sure why they should give a fuck about any battle except one involving White Walkers. They’ve already lost too many people – if they start fighting Jon’s battles, there will be no wildlings left. Jon tells them, well, that will happen if you DON’T join us. Because if you don’t, the people we’re fighting will come kill you too. Tormund starts getting fired up, talking about how Jon Snow saved all their asses and legit died for them, and so they probably fucking owe him one.
Wun Wun the awesome giant rises, and says only one word:
Diva: Huge, sweet, with limited language skills? Wun Wun might be our new Hodor. (JK THERE IS NO REPLACING HODOR. But Wun Wun still gave me a stupid amount of feelings.)
The head of this gang of wildlings clearly agrees with Catherine, because he follows in Wun Wun’s footsteps and shakes Jon’s hand in agreement.
King’s Landing. Cersei and Frankenmountain stroll up to Grandma Flowerboss. Cersei wants to know why she’s abandoning her grandson to rot in prison. True to her name, Olenna flowerbosses that Cersei’s the reason Loras is locked up. Cersei’s the reason the Faith Militant have taken over. And Cersei’s the reason both their great houses are on the brink of collapse. Because Cersei is the worst. (I may have added that last bit. And I love Cersei, but that doesn’t make her any less The Worst.) (C: Seconded.)
But shockingly, Cersei actually admits it. She knows this whole mess is entirely her creation, and she admits it, and adds that she and Grandma Flowerboss need each other in order to fix this. Olenna claps back at her with this casual musing:
Olenna wonders what Cersei will do – her brother’s gone, the rest of her family (AKA Uncle Kevan and Westboro Baptist Lancel) hates her, the people loathe her, her enemies surround her – “Are you going to kill them all by yourself?” Olenna asks. I for one would legitimately love to see her try. Lena Headey continues her epic face-muscle acting through Olenna’s speech, particularly when Olenna says that the only good thing about this shit-pile of a situation is that Cersei lost. Seriously, just give all of these people Emmys, all the time. It’s stupid how great 99% of the actors on this show are.
Somewhere in the Riverlands. You can tell, because there’s a river! And Jaime and Bronn leading a huge column of Lannister knights. They see Riverrun from afar and gossip about how crappy this siege is, because the Freys suck at literally everything, from sieges to wedding planning to not being Squibs. Jaime tells Bronn, you’re gonna be the Hamilton to my George Washington, right-hand-man style, and I’m totally gonna give you the national bank and a Schuyler sister a castle and a highborn bride. Bronn is tired of hearing about Lannisters and their debt-paying, but he’s still along for the ride.
Catherine: No, wait, Bronn is my favorite character?
Diva: I’d watch the shit out of a spinoff where Bronn does a singing tour of Westeros.
Anyway, Bronn and Jaime make their way through the Frey siege camp. Some dude yells from the ground for the Blackfish to yield the castle because they have his nephew Edmure. And they’ll hang him if the Blackfish doesn’t yield.
This doesn’t seem to intimidate the Blackfish, in his cool af scaly armor, pacing the ramparts and looking down at the wimpy-ass Freys. When the Blackfish does nothing, one of the Freys pulls Edmure down from the noose and puts a knife to his throat instead, because all of this is a show and, may I remind you, the Freys are bad at everything. Blackfish continues to ignore them, and heads back inside the castle. The Freys stare at each other with their thumbs up their butts and still don’t kill Edmure.
Jaime introduces himself to one of said Freys who are bad at their jobs. Lothar, Jaime might have called him? Jaime and Bronn remind Lothar that his siege is a mess, and maybe the Freys should have scouts who might notice 8,000 Lannisters marching towards their camp. Jaime orders them to bathe and feed Edmure, who looks desperately in need of both those things, and also maybe some Zoloft or at least a cuddly puppy (C: Plus a non-emo haircut, thanks) (D: cosigned). The Freys get all huffy about how Edmure is THEIR prisoner, not Jaime’s. Jaime tells them that only fucking idiots make threats they can’t carry out. For example, if Jaime threatened to hit this Frey if he didn’t stop talking, and then the Frey kept talking… well, you know how it ends, because we saw Tyrion do this same thing to Joffrey back in Season 1. Aww, smacking bitches who backtalk you is like a family tradition!
Unknown castle featuring a super pretty waterfall.
Diva: MARI, TAKE US WITH YOU NEXT TIME.
Sansa, Jon, and Davos stand before a Lady Mormont, who is all of maybe ten years old. And she is clearly taking no shit from anyody. Ladies and gentlemen, meet your new favorite character on this show. If Olenna Tyrell is Lady Flowerboss, this bitch right here is Princess Bearboss.
Catherine: I am in no way over exaggerating when I tell you that we all immediately fell in love with her the second she came on screen. #gameofsnark tweets became a series of incomprehensible squeals. You probably heard it, where ever you were.
Diva: +1 times infinity.
It’s clear now that we’re at Bear Island, the seat of House Mormont. I guess this girl would be Lord Commander Mormont (RIP)’s granddaughter, and Jorah Mormont’s niece? Sansa tries to play the big sister/girly girl angle, reminiscing about Princess Bearboss’s birth, and how she’s going to be beautiful like her namesake, Sansa’s aunt/fan theorists’ fave Lyanna Stark. Bearboss claps back that she doesn’t give a flying fuck about beauty. Her mother wasn’t a beauty, she was a warrior, and she died fighting for Sansa’s brother Robb. (C: She JUST SO GODDAMN COOL!)
That shuts Sansa right up, so Jon gives sweet-talking Bearboss a shot. She’s not quite old enough to appreciate his sexy zombie appeal, so she’s got no reason to be charmed by his warm recollections of serving as her uncle’s steward. (Welp, guess I don’t understand how family trees work.) (C: Lol no one does. This is Game of Thrones.) She cuts him off and demands to know why they’re here.
Jon explains that he saw the letter she wrote when Stannis asked for Mormont to send him men. Lyanna remembers the letter – “Bear Island knows no king but the King in the North, whose name is Stark.” Jon tells her that Robb is gone, but the Starks are not. And they need House Mormont’s allegiance.
Lyanna quietly consults with the maester by her side. She doesn’t see any Starks – she sees a Snow, and a Bolton. Or maybe a Lannister. That shit hurts, because we know Sansa had no choice in either of her marriages, and that she’s been hurt worse by Ramsay Bolton than almost anyone. But from Lyanna Mormont/the law’s perspective, Sansa stopped being a Stark when she got married. Sansa coldly tells Princess Bearboss that she is a motherfucking STARK, and no amount of forced weddings can change that.
Diva: Lyanna says, either way, you don’t just want my allegience, you want my men. Jon explains that they have to take Winterfell back from the Boltons, who have Rickon captive. He then makes the grievous mistake of mansplaining, “what you have to understand is,” which is just a longer version of “well, actually,” and you KNOW Princess Bearboss ain’t having any of that shit.
Davos tells her that her uncle chose Jon to be his successor because he would do anything for the Watch, and because they both understood that this squabbling between the houses is bullshit. The real war is between the living and the dead. And the dead are coming. Without emotion, she asks if this is true. Jon explains about the battles at the Fist of the First Men, and at Hardhome, and how both were lost. Davos tells her that as long as the Boltons have Winterfell, the North will be divided, and the divided North can’t win against the dead. Davos knows she wants to protect her people, but there is no avoiding this enemy. They have to fight together.
Lyanna’s maester tries to whisper in her ear again, but she throws up a hand like she’s about to break into the Single Ladies dance.
Diva: SHE’S BASICALLY THE BEYONCÉ OF THIS SHOW.
Bearboss proclaims that the Mormonts have been loyal to the Starks for a thousand years. And they aren’t gonna stop now. Relieved, Jon thanks her and asks how many fighting men she has. After a brief consultation, she replies, “Sixty-two.” Jon is somewhat less than impressed, but Lyanna won’t be shamed.
Catherine: Okay, but show over now right? Bearboss is queen? No more war ’cause she just Single Ladies anyone who tries to speak?
Diva: Yes. I think I speak for all of us when I say #ImWithHer.
Riverrun. Jaime Lannister looks unfairly good riding that horse. He stands before the castle, and there are half a dozen dudes pointing crossbows at him. But the drawbridge is lowered, and we get a great shot of him looking teeny-tiny beneath the huge castle walls. The Blackfish strolls out and asks if Jaime’s here to make good on the vow he made to Catelyn, when she freed him – that he’d bring her girls back safe. Jaime admits he doesn’t have Sansa or Arya, nor does he feel like resuming his captivity. Jaime reminds the Blackfish that this castle belongs to the Freys, and the Tully forces are trespassing. Blackfish is like, what’s your big threat, you’ll kill Edmure? You’ll do that regardless of what I do. Jaime elaborates that he’ll also storm the castle, causing the Blackfish to lose hundreds of men for no reason. Blackfish isn’t so sure the Lannisters/Freys will win so easily.
Jaime insists that they’ll breach the walls and kill everyone in the castle. But on his honor, he swears to protect the Blackfish’s people if he surrenders. The Blackfish knows better than to trust a Lannister, particularly one who so famously broke a vow, they fucking named him Kingslayer. Jaime tells him the war is over, but the Blackfish says, it’s not over until I die in this fucking castle, buddy. Attack if you want, or starve us out – we’ve got enough food for two years, and you don’t. Jaime gets pissed and asks why the Blackfish bothered coming to talk to him if he has no intention of leaving the castle. Blackfish tells him that sieges are boring, and he wanted to meet Jaime.
Diva: He’s awesome. The Blackfish should be Hand of the Queen to Princess Bearboss. That way she doesn’t have to get tired holding up that Single Ladies hand all day. Blackfish can just glare at people for her.
Anyway, Jaime storms off, probably because he has daddy issues about older men telling him he’s a disappointment. RIP, Tywin!
Jon/Sansa/Davos Northern Tour. Jon begs a Lord Glover for help, but Glover says the Boltons just helped them take this castle back from the Ironborn like ten minutes ago. And also he’s rather fond of not being flayed. Glover asks who’s fighting in Jon’s army, and Jon explains that it’s mostly wildlings. Glover is disgusted at the idea of abandoning his home to fight with wildlings, and he starts to walk away over Jon’s protestations. But Sansa steps up and reminds Glover that he is sworn to the Starks.
In an unfamiliar city, we see boats with kraken sails, so we know the Greyjoys are afoot. We see a whorehouse, where everyone has their tits out and is laughing, except Theon, who is a nervous fidgeting wreck. Next to him, his sister Yara makes out with one of the said tits-out laughing whores. Yara tells him to drink, but he refuses. She shoos her girltoy away to have a chat with her brother about how to be chill in a brothel. She jokes that Theon’s not exactly interested in that kind of thing anymore, but then apologizes. She also tells him that she’ll never hurt him, which is about as fuzzy-wuzzy as the Ironborn ever get. ( C: “I’ll never hurt you! Except that time when I insulted your PTSD 30 seconds ago”.) Theon is terrified Euron will find them, but his big sis is not concerned. They’ve got fast ships and the world is pretty big. Yara bullies Theon into drinking, and callously brushes off his time as Ramsay’s torture-pet as “a few bad years,” in a line that makes me laugh so hard I actually feel guilty. I’m not recommending anyone treat their traumatized relatives this way, but this is so perfectly in-character for Yara, and for anyone who’s from the Iron Islands. If their motto wasn’t “what is dead may never die,” it would be “life is fucking rough so let’s get drunk and motorboat some hookers.” (Well, technically their motto is “WE DO NOT SOW,” which is also epic, but whatever.)
Catherine: Admittedly, if ANYONE else tried to cheer someone up the way she does I’d be in a rage. But it’s just so Yara. She’s built up so much goodwill with me.
Diva: Anyway, Yara tells Theon she needs the real Theon, not this bullshit pretender. After every sentence, she orders him to drink. He’s never going back to Ramsay, and they’re going to get justice. Theon says justice for him would be his own dead body over Winterfell, so Yara amends “justice” to “revenge.” She tells him that if he’s too broken to keep going, end it now. (Again, don’t do this with your actual relatives, please.) (C: Snark Squad therapy tips.) But if he’s staying, she needs him to sail to Meereen with her, befriend the dragon queen, and take back their home.
Northern Camp, Previously Occupied by Stannis. Jon, Sansa, and Davos ride through the camp where lots of really sad Stannis-related things happened. They think it will be safe for now, at least until the snow comes again. Jon wants to march on Winterfell now, while they still can. They don’t have enough men, but Davos thinks they could still eke out a victory. He suddenly says, “for fuck’s sake,” and runs off to do something, IDEK what. (C: I think he went to go break up a fight.) Sansa judgingly asks Jon why Davos is her most trusted advisor – for winkling 62 men out of a little kid? (C: Pfft. Little kid and future queen.) Jon explains that Davos knows what’s up and served Stannis for years. Sansa reminds him that Stannis is dead, and they can’t take back Winterfell with so few men. Jon fights back and says they’ve got to fight with what they’ve got.
We cut to Sansa, signing her name on a letter, and stamping it with the direwolf seal. Looks like Sansa’s gonna find a way to get Jon a little bit more than just the army he has.
Catherine: Sansa’s also schemin’.
Diva: Haight-Ashbury. Sexy Septon starts talking about how he used to be a soldier, and my heart explodes with hype because WE’RE GETTING THE BROKEN MAN SPEECH, OH MY GOD, WE’RE GETTING THE BROKEN MAN SPEECH. Well, we don’t actually get the speech, but we get a speech, at least. Sexy Septon tells the commune that he was a coward who followed orders, no matter what they were. He did horrible things under orders, killing women and children. He betrayed his nature and slaughtered a child while his friends held her mother back. He felt ashamed of what he’d done, hearing that mother scream her child’s name. The look in his eyes when he recalls this to his community in this moment is so haunting, you can almost see him hearing the screams still, reacting to them even now. There’s a reason everyone was hyped AF for Ian McShane to be on the show, and the reason is, HE’S FUCKING AWESOME AT EVERYTHING. He’s like the opposite of a Frey.
Anyway, Sexy Septon says, all we can do is stop doing the horrible things we’ve done, and start helping. It’s never too late to come back and do something good in the world. The Hound spies a few riders in the distance and looks nervous. SS continues his speech, about learning to answer your own prayers yourself, instead of waiting for the gods, as the riders approach. The riders are creepy and not nearly as “let’s smoke a blunt and talk about existentialism” as Sexy Septon and his crew. They ask if SS has any horses, to aid them in “protecting” the people. SS says no, and no gold or steel either. He says they can stay for supper, but they have hungry mouths here too. (I beg to differ, since we’ve seen how lush and green this land is, and they seem to have fabulous Pottery Barn wooden mixing bowls filled with all kinds of yummy-looking veggies that I’m totally adding to my wedding registry, but whatevs.) (C: Hippies eat well, yo.) The creepy riders tell SS to stay safe, because the night is dark and full of terrors, and ride off.
The Hound goes off on his own to chop more wood. He’s incredulous that Sexy Septon wasn’t tougher with the outlaws. They’re from the Brotherhood without Banners and follow the Lord of Light, not the Seven, so it’s not like they were SS’s followers. But SS doesn’t care, because everyone is welcome at Haight-Ashbury as long as they bring some dank shit. The Hound reminds SS that they have food, and steel (contrary to what they told the outlaws), and that SS still knows how to fight. SS is too hippie-dippie for that life now, and the Hound asks if he won’t pick up a sword again even to protect his own people.
Braavos. Arya overhears a man talking about the Iron Fleet being in Slavers’ Bay and how he’s not going anywhere near that shit. She approaches and asks if she can book passage on a ship back to Westeros. He tells her she can’t afford it, but she throws a bag of silver on the table that tells him otherwise. The captain responds that they’ll leave in two days and she can have a hammock in steerage. She throws him another bag of money and demands a cabin, and tells him they’ll be leaving at down. But she takes the money back before she leaves, because our girl is no idiot, letting this dude run off with her cash before sunrise. Also, where did she get all this money from?
Catherine: She definitely stole it. From the Faceless Men? IDK. They don’t seem super rich or anything. They all wear the potato sack outfits and they can’t even afford real faces.
Diva: Truth.
Arya stops and looks out over a bridge, and gazes off at the giant Titan of Braavos statue in the distance. It’s peaceful and tranquil and strangely lovely. An ancient woman walks up slowly behind her, and calls her sweet, and Arya turns around pleasantly, like she has not a care in the world and isn’t being hunted down by face-changing hit men.
Things get less pleasant extremely quickly, when the old lady stabs Arya repeatedly in the stomach, twisting the knife for good measure. The old lady pulls off her face to reveal the Waif. Arya runs straight off the bridge and plunges into the canal below, disappearing beneath the water in a cloud of blood. Hey, Waif, didn’t Jaqen tell you in the last episode not to let her suffer? I’m pretty sure a knife twisting in someone’s gut counts as “suffering,” asshole.
Arya finds her way to the steps leading out of the water and gasps for air. She crawls out, blood dripping steadily from her stomach.
Catherine: Okay, so I hate looking at these gifs? Look how vulnerable she is! I for real suffered wondering over her fate. Arya is my baby. I don’t want my baby to be stabbed.
Diva: I was screaming SOMEONE HELP THIS POOR GIRL at my TV, so, yeah, I clearly agree.
Haight-Ashbury. The Hound is still chopping wood. He seems peaceful, when suddenly his face changes and he runs back towards the camp. He looks around and sees corpse after corpse on the ground, overturned tables of food, and a general scene of chaos. The entire commune is dead. The Hound approaches the half-finished sept. Hanging from it by a noose is Sexy Septon. The Hound gazes up at him angrily, and then turns away. He grabs his axe, and keeps on walking.
Diva: Whew. Some thoughts:
1) When did Arya turn into a complete fucking idiot? When did the daughter of Ned Stark and Catelyn Tully and the protegee of Syrio Forel and the buddy-cop partner of the Hound LOSE HER GODDAMN MIND? No part of me believes that Arya is stupid enough to be wandering around in the open, happily letting strangers approach her when she KNOWS FOR A FACT that A POWERFUL GUILD OF ASSASSINS WHO CAN SWAP FACES wants her dead. Nope, nope, 1000x nope. I know she has an impenetrable layer of plot armor, but SHE doesn’t know that. She should at least be a little bit wary.
b) I’m psyched that Yara is gay, and ready to watch her fuck the tits off every woman between Pyke and Meereen. Also, I absolutely adored that scene of Yara forcing her shell of a brother to bond with her the Ironborn way: with booze and tits and minimalizing the trauma of being flayed and mutilated. In her own stubborn insensitive iron way, she’s trying to bring Theon back from the brink. She needs to know if she can depend on him, or if he’s truly broken. Again, please do not take this as an endorsement of telling depressed people to kill themselves in your daily life. But for our brittle Iron queen, it was damn near perfect.
cat) Sexy Septon’s speech about how war makes people do bad, violent shit is good, and Ian McShane was virtually flawless in this role. I’m also thrilled x1000 that the Hound is back. But I can’t pretend I’m not disappointed that an episode called the Broken Man gave us the Septon Meribald character AND the Hound, but didn’t give us the speech that I consider the thesis statement of this series. It’s not an indictment of violence, like Sexy Septon’s speech. It’s an explanation of what makes a man break, what makes a man broken, and why an outlaw deserves our pity as well as our fear. In a series that gives us the point of view of high lords and noble ladies and their children and servants, this is a speech about the smallfolk who die by the nameless thousands for the aforementioned lords and ladies, with no control over the stakes of the game.
I think this story would have been better served by that speech than the one Sexy Septon gives, if only because the Hound proves SS’s speech wrong. Sexy Septon fails to defend himself and his people, and every single one of them dies for it. The episode ends not with the Hound accepting this tragedy as part of life and refusing to spread the disease of violence, but with him arming himself for violence once again. It ends with him ignoring Sexy Septon’s speech, not endorsing it. I would have loved to see the Hound picking up that axe at the end, but recontextualized with a speech that doesn’t condemn violence as much as it sheds a different light on it. Also, this episode was only 50 minutes long! Make it 52 and give us a bigger speech. I’ll shut up about it now, but do yourself a favor and read it.
tl;dr: everything was awesome but it’s basically impossible to please a book reader.
direwolf) That said, I loved the recurring theme of broken men in this episode. The obvious ones: the Hound, broken physically and spiritually, but brought back to physical and spiritual life by Sexy Septon, another broken man. And brought back to violence by the broken men who killed his guide and his community. Theon, who broke long ago in Ramsay’s hands, whose sister tells him he can choose to be broken and die, or choose to live and help her to victory.
And the less obvious ones, like Jon, back from the dead and assembling a meager army of other broken men, wildlings who may well be the last of their line if they fight for him. Or if they don’t. Edmure Tully, filthy and starved, with a noose around his neck and a knife to his throat, broken but still alive. The Blackfish, under siege and surrounded by 8,000 Lannister knights (and some useless Freys), broken but still refusing to bend. Maybe even Jaime, broken by the Blackfish’s obvious disdain for his lack of honor (though maybe I’m projecting that onto the show from the books); and Loras, only mentioned briefly but certainly broken in the dungeons of Baelor’s Sept.
The men might be broken, but the women are more powerful than ever. Long Live Princess Bearboss.
Catherine: I will always love this episode for giving us Princess Bearboss. She is my daughter and also my mother.
Also +1 to all of the above. I haven’t read the books so I don’t know what I was actually missing in the Broken Man speech but I’m still somehow disappointed by it’s omission. You make it sound so good! What have they done? Ahhh!
I thought it was interesting that they seem to be showing us a lot of Jon Snow being understandably exhausted and not wanting to fight paired against Dany absolutely wanting to fight and spoiling for a brawl, basically all season. It’s almost like they’re juxtapositioning her wanting to be a ruler, but maybe not being cut out for the actually ‘ruling’ part and him wanting to be a normal dude but getting pulled into being a big muck-a-muck with sword fights and potential king stuff. It’s like he keeps getting pulled into the war that she desperately wants to be a part of.
Does that mean anything? I mean, probably not. It’s rampant speculation. But what isn’t? It’s Game Of Fucking Thrones.
And now, the #gameofsnark tweets:
SEASON SIX IS BASICALLY THE SEASON OF YES! HE IS ALIVE! #gameofsnark #GameofThrones
— Mari (@mynameismarines) June 6, 2016
It’s all happy so everybodies about to die. #GameofThrones #gameofsnark #ThronesYall
— Tayci (@TayciBear) June 6, 2016
do you think i could pull off margaery’s tiny crown at my wedding #GameofThrones #gameofsnark
— Democracy Diva (@democracydiva) June 6, 2016
Listen to High Sparrow admitting he’s never given a woman an orgasm before. #gameofsnark
— Catherine McGinnes (@CatherineJane91) June 6, 2016
Grandma Flowerboss telling Cersei like it is gives me such life #GameofSnark #GameofThrones
— Daria Marshall (@idoubledogdaria) June 6, 2016
OH. MY. GOD. I think this is my new favorite character? She has been on my screen for 15 seconds and I already love her. #gameofsnark
— Nicole Sweeney (@SweeneySays) June 6, 2016
I want Lyanna to join our team!!!!! I’m so happy we have an actual team again!!!!! #gameofsnark
— Samantha Ania (@SamanthaSpice91) June 6, 2016
Travel’s got a lot quicker around the North lately #gameofsnark
— Franuel (@LollyWheeks) June 7, 2016
Shit. Sansa is writing to Petyr Baelish isn’t she? Littlefinger has men. She needs men. #gameofthrones #gameofsnark
— Rhonda Cowsert (@rcowsert) June 6, 2016
Is this like an AA meeting for criminals? #GameofThrones #gameofsnark #ThronesYall
— Tayci (@TayciBear) June 6, 2016
@CatherineJane91 I will join you in that riot #GameofSnark
— Daria Marshall (@idoubledogdaria) June 6, 2016
Next week, if Arya Stark is not totally fine, WE RIOT. #gameofsnark #GameofThrones
— Mari (@mynameismarines) June 6, 2016
Join us every episode for #gameofsnark. We live-Tweet at 9pm EST, but you can join in whenever you watch the episode! We keep checking for new Tweets until the recap airs.
I'm a J.D. by day/blogger by night who directs her snark and judgment primarily towards celebrities and their many red carpet mishaps. Blogging from the style capital of the world (just kidding - I live in DC), I rant and rave over the best and worst in fashion and pop culture.
I am a 30-something year-old human woman who lives in Maine. I'm a freelance writer who mostly spends time that I should be doing that, watching T.V. I also love reading and comic books way too much.
