Dawson’s Creek S04 E11 – Keep All Your Old Letters

Previously: We met the truly awful Tobey, and Bessie left her child for three days with a seventeen-year-old with other responsibilities. Also, Pacey was extra adorable.
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The Tao of Dawson

Chelsea: We open on Dawson and Pacey fishing, because they’re friends again now? Dawson drops the bombshell on Pacey – he likes Gretchen. Pacey makes a Say Anything reference, which only makes me love him a thousand times more.

Kirsti: Dawson is 100% the guy who would stand outside your house holding a boombox over his head. 100%.

Chelsea: Dawson brings up the fact that the last year would have been so much easier if Pacey had just been upfront with how he felt about Joey (woah, dude, maybe ease up on poking that particular wound) (K: Oh puh-leeeze, Dawson. If Pacey had told you about Joey, you would have cracked the shits) and Pacey says “yeah, but sisters are off limits. They’re like mothers, only pretty…” To which Dawson makes it clear that  he isn’t going to force things with Gretchen. His plan is to not have a plan. Pacey then giggles and says “So, the Tao of Dawson is to do nothing.” I can’t believe this is happening so fast, but:

HEY YEAH YEAH YEAH

Pacey and Gretchen are on the road, going to get Gretchen’s car back from her college ex-boyfriend. Pacey waxes poetic about Gretchen’s ex, who he has only met one time, in what is clearly an attempt to steer Gretchen’s mind away from any potential Dawson relationship. She SWEARS that the kiss was nothing. Pacey gives her the hardest side-eye to date and mentions that her ex was always a good-looking guy to boot.

Back at Leery Manor, Dawson and Jack are taking a dresser off of the top of another dresser? I have no idea what or why this is happening. Dawson for SOME REASON opens the dresser drawer and just HAPPENS to find a letter he wrote to Gretchen when he was, like, eleven about how much he likes her. BECAUSE OF COURSE. Can you tell I’m a little upset with the Contrivance Fairy for this particular move?

K: It’s a LOT of contrivance for one scene.

Chelsea: Anywho, Jack tries to convince Dawson to give her the letter and act like a kid again, when Dawson makes an actual rational decision and decides to continue acting like an adult. He’s already told Gretchen how he feels, and if it’s meant to be it will be. I have to say, this new zen Dawson is way less annoying, which annoys me because I now have nowhere to channel my hate.

K: Agreed.

Chelsea: Yacht Club: Joey is putting up signs and boxing up lamps because they’re doing their yearly renovations. Drue is just sitting there, literally thumbing through his little black book and being no help whatsoever. He asks Joey who he should call tonight, and Joey does a decent job slut-shaming a couple of girls she’s never even seen with prime terms like ‘bimbo’ and ‘skank’. A+ job there, Joey. Really.

Joey explains that she’ll be using her day off to study, and Drue makes an (actually really clever) joke about Joey’s English term paper entitled “How to Keep A Boyfriend and Your Virginity; or The Many Uses of the Human Hand.”

K: I actually still can’t believe that they got away with that line on network television in 2000. I nearly sprayed my TV screen with water when I heard it.

Chelsea: Joey shoots back something way less clever, and Drue’s awful trash-monster-human of a mother comes in and tells Drue his father wants to see him. Drue clearly doesn’t want to, at which his mother insists because child support payments are still being figured out. Seriously. This woman is forcing her teenage son into a potentially emotionally stressful situation because she wants more money. She is worse than Drue, Tobey, and Dawson combined. It’s delicious. Joey is just about to make her exit when Drue insists that a bunch of mugs need to be taken down to the storeroom before she can leave. Insert defeated sigh here.

Gretchen’s College Pad. The Witters pull up outside a carbon copy of every TV frat house you’ve ever seen. Gretchen reiterates to Pacey that they are just here to get the car, and then they’re leaving. Which is when Pacey points out that the car they came for is on cinder blocks in the front yard, clearly missing a tire and probably with a bunch of jacked engine parts, too. Gretchen calls her ex a jerk (which is a million times milder than the word I would have used for the dude who dismantled my car, then told me to come get it anyway, but I digress) and Pacey tells her to lighten up on the guy. It’s at that exact moment that Gretchen’s ex walks out of the frat house with another girl, hugs her goodbye, and she and her GIANT overnight bag get in a car and drive away. Gretchen calls her ex a son of a bitch (there you go, Gretchen!) and The Ex insists he can explain.

K: The Ex just so happens to be Lindsay from Angel, creating a nice little piece of Crossover Magic. HELLO, OLD FRIEND. HOW I MISSED YOU.

Chelsea: He says a bunch of car words, and then insists that Gretchen can hate him all she wants, but he’d hate himself if anything happened to her because he didn’t take care of the car. Which is sweet, but also slimy and manipulative. Pacey gives him the brotherly pat on the shoulder, and The Ex explains that mystery girl with the giant bag WASN’T a hookup, but a housemate he asked to stay at her mom’s so that Gretchen could have her room, see all her old friends, and have a comfortable place to crash. He’s being really nice, which only means that when the jerk-shoe drops, it’s going to drop SO HARD.

K: And he’s Lindsay, so we know already just how jerky he’s capable of being!

Chelsea: Chez Grams. Arthur Brooks and Grams walk out together and Arthur tells her that he can’t wait to see her again that night. Dawson approaches and Mr. Brooks huffs off and OH MY GOD THEY ARE DATING AND IT’S THE CUTEST THING. Mr. Brooks threatens Dawson’s life (A+++ Mr. Brooks) and Dawson drops off a bunch of old clothes for Grams’ church. He ribs them about dating (they’re going to dinner and then to the old movie theater to see Almost Famous which is one of my favorite movies of all time and a date I would 1000% go on) and Grams schools Dawson that she is well-versed in the ways of relationship. Which I’m pretty sure is a sex reference. You go, Grams.

K: I loved that line so much. SO MUCH.

Chelsea: Yacht Club. Joey and Drue are carrying heavy boxes of shit to a very dark and creepy basement. Nothing can go wrong here, I’m sure. Drue tries to help her with said heavy boxes, but Joey freaks out and yells ‘don’t touch me’ which, fine, but also seems a tad dramatic. Drue moves some boxes put in front of the door, and when the door closes it locks and then the door handle falls off. WHAT DO YOU KNOW, Joey and Drue are locked together in this storage room. Apparently until Monday morning, when the cleaning crew comes.

K: Um. THEY’LL NEED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM DURING THAT TIME. No thank you please.

Chelsea: Not Commercial Break.

Joey is banging on the metal door trying to get someone to let them out. Drue sits on a box of…something, without a care in the world. This whole scene is deeply representational of them as people. Joey tries to pick the lock with her eyebrow pencil (Joey, sweetie, what are you even doing?) (K: Why would you even carry an eyebrow pencil around with you?!) while Drue casually goes through her purse. He really is the worst. He’s trying to ‘get an inventory of their rations’ and Joey tells him that if he touches her or her stuff again she’s going to murder him with the aforementioned eyebrow pencil. Which isn’t possible, but I understand the sentiment.

The Ex’s House. Pacey and The Ex are taking a casual hottub steam together – you know, as you do as a set of two adolescent boys – and The Ex is explaining all the hedonistic benefits of college, including tons of parties financed by low-interest government loans. Except he doesn’t mention having to pay back all those loans for THE REST OF YOUR FUCKING LIFE but whatever. Gretchen pops up and is invited to join their soak, but runs off to former friends instead. The Ex admires Gretchen’s butt, and Pacey uses it as an opportunity to try and hook the two of them back up.

K: Pacey, sweetie. Stop. Meddling. Right. Now.

Chelsea: Leery Manor. Jack is having a hard time doing simple math, explaining that with an 18 year age difference, Dawson will be 36 when his new sibling graduates high school. But Dawson isn’t listening because he’s trying to figure out how to fit Grams inside the bubble of his savior complex. He’s worried about her getting her heart broken. Dawson knows Mr. Brooks is dying, and doesn’t think that he’s told Grams. Jack insists that Dawson tells Grams, which is all kinds of intrusive and about a billion times not their business. But of course Dawson is considering it, because he’s horrible.

K: My notes say “QUIT MEDDLING IN PEOPLE’S RELATIONSHIPS, DAWSON.” Because of reasons.

Chelsea: Yacht Club. Drue is cold and wants Joey’s sweater. Which I think is weird, because the place still has overall heating? Like, it’s inside? But I guess there has to be some reason for them to speak to each other. Drue gives Joey permission to cannibalize him if she needs to, and Joey goes in search of canned goods. She falls off the step ladder and DRUE CATCHES AND KISSES HER AND OH MY GOD WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING.

K: Horrible, horrible things.

Chelsea: Joey, understandably pissed off, punches him square in the face and I am right there with you, girl. (K: Yup. A+++ decision, Joey.) Drue tells her she could have just said thanks, and it’s unclear whether he’s talking about the catching her or the kissing her but either way, he’s an ass.

The Ex’s House. It’s frat party time! Gretchen and The Ex are talking about how much she definitely in no way at all misses college. The thing The Ex misses the most about Gretchen is the line on her chin under her lips, which is an attempt at romance but really is just weird. Pacey pops in to reassure The Ex that Gretchen still loves him (….questionable) and when some girl starts to give Pacey bedroom eyes, The Ex gives Pacey the keys to his upstairs room. Even though Pacey has told him he’s got a girlfriend at home who would be super, super not okay with that decision. The Ex reassures Pacey that what his girlfriend doesn’t know won’t hurt her, and we all begin to understand why it is that Gretchen thinks this guy is so damn awful.

K: In addition to the fact that he’s the king of smarm land. Ugh.

Chelsea: Chez Grams.. Grams is arranging flowers when Dawson knocks on the door and NO DAWSON GO AWAY WHAT YOU’RE ABOUT TO DO IS A BAD IDEA. Turns out Dawson has a change of heart (he has a heart?) and, seeing how excited Grams is, decides not to tell her anything. At which point Grams drops the bomb – she already knows Mr. Brooks is sick. Say whaaaaat. Turns out Grams was a nurse, so she’s got some mad medical chops. And when The Blonde Spider continues to question her adult decision making, she reassures him that it’s a rare thing to find a friend like Mr. Brooks, who shares your humor and passions and views on life. So back off my shit, punk (I may have added that part). Grams SCHOOLS him with the line “a moment, a single moment of true joy, is more powerful than a lifetime of sorrow”.

K: It’s times like this I’m eternally grateful that they decided not to keep Grams as the judgmental church lady in season 1 who didn’t want to help deliver Alexander because his parents weren’t married and his father was black…

Chelsea: The Ex’s House. Pacey has pulled a complete 180 in his opinion of The Ex, and is explaining to Gretchen that he’s a total asshole. Which, of course, Gretchen already knew. Sometimes Pacey can be so face-punch-y. Pacey insists that The Ex is why Gretchen left school, and Gretchen calmly explains that nothing happened that she didn’t allow to happen. And then tells Pacey about the whole pregnancy/miscarriage thing. Which is a really deep conversation to have at a frat party kegger, but whatever.

Pacey eats appropriate crow, insisting he never would have been trying to play matchmaker if he’d known. Turns out, though, that The Ex didn’t know either. Gretchen never told him. That makes Pacey want to punch The Ex (in an emotional move I don’t entirely understand) but Gretchen insists that she’s no victim, that she doesn’t want The Ex to know, that no one knows but Dawson. Which of course sends Pacey into a tailspin that Dawson Leery knows about all this before he, the brother, does. Gretchen defends herself by insisting that she left school to find out who she is, and she couldn’t limit that by trying to be his idea of a perfect big sister. Pacey just kind of nods and looks corrected while The Ex swoops in, puts his arm around Gretchen, and the two go back to the party.

K: There’s a very clear awkward sibling “should we hug now?” moment in here, and it’s pretty much everything to me.

Chelsea: Not Commercial Break.

Brooks’ Place. Dawson is editing the movie while Mr. Brooks is getting dressed for his date with Grams. He bought her some earrings and wants to know if Dawson thinks they’re too much. Dawson tries to run away, and Mr. Brooks checks him SO HARD by getting Dawson to admit that he’s only uncomfortable because Mr. Brooks is dying and Dawson wants to protect Grams. Mr. Brooks explains that he doesn’t need to protect Grams – they both know they’re old, that death is coming for both of them (bleak, but true) and that it’s better to make the attempt at happiness than live with the shadow of inaction. God, I love these people.

K: I basically missed this entire scene because I was so busy being grateful that I don’t have to edit my videos the way Dawson is editing his. 

Chelsea: The Ex’s House. Flirting between Gretchen and The Ex – ewwwww. The Ex (who I guess should say has a proper name, which is Nick, but I don’t think he deserves it) insists that they can be more than old friends. But Gretchen just can’t, because he doesn’t know about her pregnancy, and he’s not as reformed as he thinks, but then they go upstairs so I guess there that goes. Pacey watches them leave with judgement eyes.

K: GRETCHEN, NO. He’s so…smarmy. And gross. And smarmy. Did I mention that he’s smarmy?? 

Chelsea: Yacht Club. Drue wants Joey to leave him alone, even though he tried to kiss her, because she punched him and now he hurts. Good. Drue calls Joey mean, and she cops to having walls built because she basically had to raise herself (I guess we’re just forgetting about Bodie and Bessie here). Drue tells Joey she’s lucky her dad is in jail, because then she has a reason not to see him, as opposed to Drue who doesn’t want to see his dad because his dad is a rich asshole who cheated on his mom. And while I don’t support infidelity, having seen the living trash-fire that is Mamma Drue, I’d probably cheat on her to. With someone who isn’t a demon.

K: YUP.

Chelsea: Joey shares her sweater in an attempt at reconciliation. I feel like this whole scene only exists to get us to feel bad for Drue, but I don’t. He’s a horrible person, even if he’s got contextual legitimacy for being that way, and I don’t think Joey should have shared her sweater.

K: Especially seeing as he said “At least your father’s in prison.” Um. ?!?!?!

Chelsea: The Ex’s House. Up in The Ex’s room, there are such a large number of candles lit it seems incredibly, incredibly dangerous and I’m distracted. I tune back in right as The Ex starts to feel her up and insisting that she’s been thinking about him since she left school. He babbles about puzzle pieces and losing yourself, and I’m gagging so hard it’s difficult to focus (K: Same). She pushes him away several times, and each time he insists that she’s just fighting what she knows she wants – him. EW. But then he passes out right as Gretchen comes to her moment of clarity that she’s not the same girl he used to date, and she kisses him on the cheek (double EW) before leaving.

Not Commercial Break.

It’s the next day and Gretchen comes out of the house as Pacey fixes the car (I guess they both just slept on the couch?!) and Pacey unloads on Gretchen that he doesn’t understand how good-girl Gretchen could be with bad-boy Ex. That he’s sorry for pushing her to be with “someone like him” – God I love it when Pacey gets all self-deprecating and we have a chance to talk again about how wonderful he actually is – and that what she deserves is someone who will listen to her and treat her well. To which Gretchen replies: SOMEONE LIKE DAWSON. I see what you did there, writers. Well played. And then this happens:

   
  

OH MY GOD STAHP.

K: SIBLING FEELINGS.

Chelsea: Gretchen drives off in her now-fixed car, and Pacey promises to meet her at home.

Leery Manor. Dawson and Jack are painting the nursery, talking about inevitability (because of course they are). Jack laments the fate that caused him to blow out his shoulder for the season, and make the astute observation that wondering over the “what-ifs” is more excruciating than the injury itself. Turns out this is ALL ABOUT DAWSON, of course, because he doesn’t want to make the same mistakes with Gretchen that he did with Joey.

K: Of course everything is about Dawson. OF COURSE IT IS. *headdesk*

Chelsea: Yacht Club. Weirdly long close-up on a mouse, and we pan out to see that Joey has fallen asleep on Drue’s shoulder. It’s at this exact moment that Drue’s cellphone rings, and it turns out they could have called for help the entire time. But they didn’t, because Drue orchestrated the whole thing. And apparently peeked down Joey’s shirt as she was sleeping which is all kinds of not okay. Mamma Drue walks in, yelling about Joey punching Drue. When Joey tells her it was all Drue’s fault, her response is to question how realistic it is that Drue would rather spend the night locked in a storage closet with Joey than see his father. Which, of course he would. Joey looks enlightened, and makes her exit.

Witter Household. Gretchen walks up her front porch and finds the Contrivance Fairy letter from eleven-year-old Dawson. There’s a voice-over of the letter as we montage seeing other couples – Mr. Brooks giving Grams the earrings, Mitch and Gail watching sonogram footage, Joey and Pacey cuddling on a dock being adorable- and suddenly Gretchen is driving and crying, which is just incredibly dangerous. She gets to Leery Manor while Dawson is outside hammering (???) and they kiss and it’s sweet. I guess. Mostly gross, because I don’t want Dawson to be happy. Especially not with a decent person like Gretchen.

K: SERIOUSLY. I’m also squicked out by the fact that she was starting high school when he wrote this stupid letter and he was ELEVEN and she still finds it worthy of driving over there and kissing him. Like…my niece is eleven. And the idea of her crushing on a fifteen year old is SUPER GROSS AND UNACCEPTABLE TO ME.

Chelsea: Zoom out and fade to black.

And there you have it, my little chickadees. An episode in which we learn nothing new other than that older people dating is absolutely adorable (duh) and now Dawson has a new girlfriend (gross).

 

Next time on Dawson’s Creek: We finally get an episode full of Pacey feels, and remember why Joey is such a truly awful girlfriend in S04 E12 – The Te of Pacey.