Gilmore Girls S01 E03 – It’s never just golf.

Previously: Rory had a rough first day of school.
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Kill Me Now

Samantha: Okay, so lets get this third episode party started! I’m your host, Samantha “Bubbles” Spice, and am an already avid GG junkie. Let’s have some fun!

We kick things off at a Friday Night Dinner. Emily and Richard are listing off the various cooks they’ve had since Heidi, the last one that Lorelai remembers hearing about. Richard mixes up a cook named Anton and one named Sophia, which Lorelai can’t let go because “one is a man and one is a woman.” Maybe they don’t identify that way Lorelai, you don’t know. Richard condescendingly tell her that he’s very busy and can’t keep track of their inconsistent staff as Rory sighs. The current cook, who Emily thinks is named Mira, brings in dessert and Lorelai compliments the dinner. Except, whoops, her name is Sarah.

Emily shrugs it off and Rory changes the subject to how pretty the plates are. They belonged to Lorelai the First, Richard’s mother, and then they start talking about her in the past tense which is weird, since she’s not dead. Spoilers? (M: Yes?) Emily calls Mira to cut the cake and Lorelai calls back, “Yes and why don’t you bring Sarah out here with you?” Cut to credits. 

WHERE YOU LEAD! I WILL FOLLOW!

Post credits, we’re still at Friday Night Dinner. Emily asks Lorelai about the Inn and Lorelai gives a nothing answer. Rory then takes it upon herself to tell Emily that they’re actually hosting a huge wedding. Emily gives the barest of interest and then the conversation turns to Rory having to pick a team sport in school. OMG thank god only normal PE was required in my school. Ack. Being forced to play a sport sounds… mean.

Marines: This is private school! I’m definitely not going to pay someone to make me play a sport.

Samantha: Anyway, Rory isn’t sure what she’s going to pick and golf comes up as one of the options. Emily’s eyes straight light up and she says that Richard could surely teach Rory how to play down at the club. Seriously, there are practically little lightbulbs where her pupils are supposed to be. Richard looks furious and says that golf isn’t something you can teach in an afternoon. Lorelai tries to backtrack but Emily is all about the golf idea. “You can use you mother’s old golf clubs. They’re upstairs gathering dust along with the rest of her potential.” Whoa. Hella harsh out of left field, Emily. (M: That’s basically been her style in these first 3 episodes.) Lorelai requests a brief meeting with Emily in the other room.

Lorelai asks Emily not to force Richard and Rory to spend time together. She insists that Richard doesn’t want to take her and Rory doesn’t want to go. Emily pounces on the fact that Lorelai seems to be afraid that Rory will have fun with her grandparents and without her mother. Lorelai tries to protest this but we can see that Emily is, sadly, right. I hate when Emily is right. Seriously, her approach is bullshit, but she makes some points. The conversation ends with Lorelai telling her mother that she wins.

Mari: It’s especially frustrating because just at this moment, Lorelai isn’t wrong. Richard’s reaction to the suggestion was a big EW and no one asked Rory. Lorelai’s frustration gets the best of her, though, and we can definitely see that Emily hits a nerve, as she’s so good at doing.

Samantha: As they leave the house, Lorelai apologizes to Rory for being unable to stop it but Rory is hopeful that it won’t be that bad. She also asks her mom to come with her but Lorelai starts listing all the awful things she’d rather do than go to the club with them. Which seems counter-intuitive to her earlier fears but okay.

Independence Inn. Lorelai is walking the twin brides and their mother through set up for the wedding, complete with swans. The brides start whining about the purple flowers and how they wanted and paid for pink and or blue flowers. Their mother steps in and tells them that they didn’t pay for anything and she chose purple as a compromise. If they don’t like it they can pay for their own flowers, which is not going to happen, and then she sends them away. She tells Lorelai that their father spoiled them and also they won’t move away. It’s half funny, half awkward. Awkunny? Funward? They start going over a disaster list of What Ifs, such as what if it rains and Lorelai has an answer for everything. She sends the MOB to take a bubble bath and get a massage and can I go next, Lorelai?

At the reception desk, Michel wants to know if these events are scheduled specfically to torture him. Seems like a really elaborate way to torture someone, Michel. He reports that everything is going smoothly, and then Lorelai asks if Rory has called. When the answer is no she babbles a little about expecting (we know you mean hoping, Lor) a big save me call from Rory.

When Michel is uninterested, she shifts to wondering where the twin brides grooms are because they should have already arrived. Naturally, cue two twin men walking in right at that moment. Lorelai and Michel can’t believe their eyes as the twin brides run and hug their twin grooms because it’s too weird.

At the Gilmore Mansion, Richard is grumpy because Rory is a little late and they are supposed to tee off at a designated time. He grumbles about Rory being a 16 year old who would rather be at the mall and I chortle at this strange stereotype. Emily demands that Richard take Rory to lunch and the very idea terrifies him. The doorbell rings and Emily gives a final admonishment: Richard had better make this a memorable day, because she’s desperately trying to forge a relationship back with her daughter and granddaughter and this is the only way she knows how to do it. I paraphrased. And also made myself a little sad at all the messed up dynamics and feels at play here. I guess it’s never just golf. Also, she literally says all of this standing in front of the door so presumably Rory also heard all that? Maybe they’re rich enough for soundproof front doors.

Mari: Alternatively, Emily knows exactly what she’s doing and it’s all part of her manipulative master plan.

Samantha: Rory apologizes for being late and Emily puts a… golfing hat… I guess? on Rory’s head. Alexis Bledel makes it look dorky cute. Off they go to golfing.

Out on the golfing… field? (M: You are a sports natural.) Rory asks her grandfather if it’s difficult to become a member of the club. He tells her that it’s more exclusive than an FBI screening process and then gives an anecdote about a big finance deal that went down on the green. He starts teaching her about golf and I’m sorry, I zone out a little small bit. She goes to hit with the driver club thing and hits only grass, twice.

Independence Inn. Jackson, the produce guy, is bringing Sookie her order of blueberries, except she actually ordered strawberries. They do their bicker/foreplay routine about the produce; Jackson thought the strawberries weren’t any good so he brought the blueberries. Sookie hilariously demands at least a Polaroid of the strawberries so she can see for herself. While this flirting is happening, Lorelai comes in for coffee and asks if she can bring some chocolate cake home for Rory. She thinks that her daughter will need it after spending the day with her grandfather. Honestly, Lorelai is just setting herself up for the conflict that is soon to occur. She rants a bit about her mother before Sookie gets emotional over her lack of strawberries. Michel enters the scene and announces that WWIII is going on with the bride twins, over soup or salad.

Lorelai heads out and tells the mother that the guests can just have a choice of soup or salad. Good grief, this is why you don’t share your wedding day, I guess. (M: Specifically if your are too dumb to think of a choice of soup or salad.) Sookie comes over and they all marvel again at how weird the double twin wedding is and how they can’t tell the boys apart. It turns out that Michel, in a stroke of smarts, put a post it note on ones back in order to keep them straight. Sookie wonders if it counts as cheating if they accidentally sleep with the wrong spouse. Lotta twin jokes. Lorelai checks back in with the mother, who says that labor was the high point of raising her daughters. Oof.

Golfing for Family Bonding. Rory and Richard are cutely discussing how Rory hit the ball into the water. Rory remarks that she could see coming here just to think and read. Because Rory is Special and Different and Wouldn’t be Caught Dead in a Mall. Sorry, it just sometimes drives me crazy that they sort of do the “not like the other girls” trope with Rory.

Mari: Fair! I haven’t seen too much of it so far, but as an avid reader myself, I’m always really thrown by the telegraphing of readers as people who literally spend 80% of their speaking time talking about what they’d rather be reading. 

Samantha: They chat a bit about what Richard’s job is and then segue into how much Rory wants to travel. I feel you, girl. If I’m not mistaken, this is also the first time that we hear about Rory and Lorelai’s plan to go backpacking through Europe once she graduates. (M: Yep!) Richard is stopped by a woman to chit chat and after he calls her the most odious woman alive.

Mari: Odious always reminds of Pride and Prejudice and the odious Ms. King. Oh, shit. I guess avid readers really do just talk a bunch about stuff they’d rather be reading…?

Samantha: Dammit, we are just the stereotype.

They reach the main building and make plans to get lunch after they steam. This is significant because of how adamant Richard was that they not do lunch at all, earlier. I think he likes Rory, you guys!

In the men’s steam room, Old White Guys are sitting and moaning about their golf carts. Whatever. Richard comes in and tells them that he came with his granddaughter today. Then, these old white men start being awful about their granddaughters. Because I guess we can’t like Rory unless we put down all the other granddaughters? IDK. (M: That tactic goes hand in hand with “not like other girls.” It’s “I’m not like other girls ‘CAUSE THEY’RE AWFUL!”)

Over in the women’s steam room, the gals are talking about another woman who caught her husband cheating. The same woman who hailed Richard earlier sails through and greets them. Once she’s gone, the other woman also calls her odious. Rory smiles to herself.

Independence Inn. Lorelai is supervising the tulle and ribbon displays when Kirk rolls up! He’s not really playing the Kirk character yet, they’re still fiddling with him, but I can’t not call him Kirk okay? (M: I have no idea who Kirk is! Pop-culture didn’t teach me!) (S: Oh that’s fun! You have such a journey ahead of you!) He has two swans with him, even though there were supposed to be 20. Lorelai asks Michel to show Kirk where to put the swans but he can’t do it because he was attacked by a band of swans as a child. “Was it an all boy band? Kind of a scary feathery ‘NSYNC kind of fiasco?” Lorelai quips. Drella, the harpist, walks up wanting help moving the harp. Lorelai tells Michel that it’s either Drella or the swans and when Drella is rude, Michel goes for the swans. As he walks away, Drella oogles his backside and Lorelai gives wtf face.

Lunchtime of Lost Relationships. Rory is filling Richard in on all the gossip she heard in the steam room. The Old White Men come over and ask to join them for lunch. They’re fairly insufferable but Richard gets to brag proudly about Rory.

Luke’s. Okay, I admit it, Luke’s looking pretty good today, all scruffy and denim. Rory is waiting for her mother and so her and Luke chat a little. You guys should know that every scene between Luke and Rory I just read in all this substitute father subtext. I live for this relationship, even when it’s the third episode and not properly developed yet.

Lorelai comes in and immediately starts ranting about how crazy the wedding is. She asks about Rory’s hat and this leads into them discussing Rory’s Golfing Adventure (TM Lorelai Gilmore). Rory tries to tell her that it wasn’t that bad, but Lorelai insists that she’s just being sweet. Sure, okay Lorelai. Go ahead and not listen to your daughter. Rory doesn’t order dinner because of her big lunch, and Lorelai starts to get affronted. She harps on Rory for saying “quite” and is then legitimately surprised when Rory actually had a good time. She tells her that it’s great but there is some discord hiding in her voice.

Independence Inn. Miss Patty is teaching the soon to be wedded twins the dance for their wedding. She is also dancing too close to the groom twins. Inside, Rory is working at a desk while Lorelai admires her handwriting. The inn phone rings and it’s Richard, for Rory. She walks off talking while Lorelai looks a little crestfallen. It makes me sad because I think some of it is feels that she never had a relationship like that with her father.

Mari: Absolutely. She didn’t fit in these spaces so I can’t imagine that it feels good to have evidence that it was a her thing, you know? 

Samantha: The mother of the brides is asking Drella to play two completely different songs for the two brides. Drella insists that she isn’t a jukebox, right up until the mother offers her another $100. Money talks, yo. Lorelai sadly watches Rory talk to her grandfather.

Lorelai and Rory’s House. The girls sit on the front porch, with Rory examining herself in a hand mirror. She says that she might want to change her hair and Lorelai makes a “quite” joke. Rory goes to get water and when she comes back out she leaves the door wide open and that is how you get house flies people. Anyway, Lorelai asks about Richard’s phone call and Rory informs her that it was about a book they had discussed. Lorelai remarks on how weird that is when Babette, the next door neighbor, comes onto the scene. Her cat, Cinnamon, is stuck under the porch so she needs some oil and a shoehorn. As Rory goes to get it, Babette talks about the trance she goes into when her husband, Morey, plays the piano. Just then, we hear a meow and Morey calling over that Cinnamon is free. She calls to him, “Play me home, baby” and Morey starts up on the piano again. Just. All the lovable quirky characters.

Mari: They are kind of just quirky at this point, sorry. I’m sure we’ll get lovable…. eventually. 

Samantha: Rory comes back out with the now unnecessary oil. Lorelai tells her that the golfing adventure should count as a Friday Night Dinner, and she can probably get them out of it this week. She says it in that testing way, when you’re afraid someone is going to give you an answer you don’t want, so you try to lead them toward the answer you do want? It doesn’t work because Rory still wants to go to Friday Night Dinner. Lorelai says okay but looks mad. Then she starts to act like a freaking child towards her actual child and I lose a lot of patience with her. She passive aggressively remarks that Rory is wearing her sweater and she’s supposed to ask first. Rory, the teenager, apologizes and tells her to chill out. Lorelai continues her childlike behavior and tells Rory it’s her favorite sweater (it’s not) and that Rory is going to stretch it out just like she always does. Yes. She actually says this to her teenage daughter. Rory responds that she couldn’t possibly stretch out her sweaters and then they argue over who’s boobs are bigger.

Lorelai even threatens to get a tape measure before Rory storms out with a “You’re cracked!”

Look. I get it that Lorelai has some very legit bad feelings for her parents, who treated her very poorly. It makes sense that she would have some complicated feelings about Rory being close with them. Seeing her deal with them like this is incredibly frustrating. Which it’s supposed to be, so this tangent is probably not even necessary. But, it’s the mark of a good show when the characters are supposed to be complex and frustrating, and not pissing us off by accident.

Mari: I think beyond just the surface level understand of Lorelai’s frustration now that her parents are back in her life, I think this shows a little bit of Lorelai’s immaturity? She had to grow up very quickly because she got pregnant, but sometimes it’s clear that she’s still incredibly young. Because she is but also probably because she had a shortened childhood. I also think that this irrationality and immaturity are probably extra-exasperated by anything having to do with her parents.

Samantha: Very well reasoned! I hadn’t thought of it that way.

The next day, Lorelai and Sookie are walking around town while Lorelai bemoans what an idiot she was to Rory. She hasn’t apologized yet because Rory was gone when she got up this morning. Lorelai talks about how mixed up she is about Rory having a good relationship with her parents. Sookie remarks that Lorelai is jealous because Rory and her parents have a relationship she never had with them. Sookie goes to console her before being distracted by something and charging into the street. She steps right in front of a man on a bike, who falls off in an effort to not hit her. There’s a good shot of Lorelai making sure the man is okay in the backround as Sookie heads straight for a stand of strawberries.

As Sookie fondles the beautiful strawberries, Lorelai obsesses over Rory maybe wanting the rich country club life.

I appreciate that she says, “Not that there’s anything wrong with that type of kid.” Jackson, inevitably, comes around the corner and sees Sookie with someone else’s fruit and freaks out. Listen, buddy, you refused to give her strawberries so girl is gonna go get herself some strawberries.

The scene ends with Sookie chasing Jackson down the street so they can talk about it.

Fancypants Twin Wedding. The brides and grooms are happily dancing with their guests as Drella sneaks a beer. The mother of the brides heads over to Lorelai to thank her and gleefully says that the girls are moving to Arizona. She heads off to tipsy dance. Lorelai spots Rory sitting at the desk with the guest book and heads over. She offers to get her a drink and then apologizes when Rory asks her if she’s here to make up. “A crazy evil spirit obsessed with bra size took over my body,” Lorelai says. Rory accepts her apology and Lorelai explains that it’s weird for her to see Rory bonding with her parents. She worries that she shouldn’t have cut Rory off from them for so long, just because it felt right for her. This is interrupted by a mother sitting a little girl in a poofy dress in a chair, and telling her not to run around and to cross her legs because she’s a lady. Rory thanks her for not putting her in a dress like that. It’s not really the dress that’s the problem, it’s the “sit still and act like a lady part.” Also, I super noticed how many shots from the opening credits are in the episode.

Mari: It’s not exactly subtle, but it was a nice reminder that Lorelai has legit complaints against her parents and those don’t go away, whether or not Rory can or wants to have a good relationship with her grandparents. It’s complicated, for both our girls.

samantah: Friday Night Dinner. The girls show up with leftover blueberry shortcake for dessert and Emily is a straight up snob about it. You kind of want to shake her. As she’s getting drinks, Emily talks about how wonderful it is that Rory had such a good time with Richard. Lorelai tries her hardest to be agreeable about it and Richard comes in. He greets Lor and then him, Rory, and Emily head off to look at the fancy books he found. The episode ends with Lorelai sitting by herself on the couch. I have a lot of feels, in general, about Lorelai and her parents.

Mari: It’s a good thing Snark HQ has a couch for Team Feels.

 

Next time on Gilmore Girls: Rory gets a D in S01 E04 – The Deer Hunters.