Previously: Torture was torturous.
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The Path to War Part One: The Gathering Political Storm
Dani: I could have done without the exploding head montage that begins this episode’s “previously on” song, but it was totally worth it to get to the fake prescription ad for Space Bugs. Funny how the possible side effects sound so similar to actual ads, other than the “Brain matter leakage is common but harmless” disclaimer.
Marines: The people running around in fields is fantastic. Also, on a related note, drug ads in the U.S. are RIDICULOUS.
Dani: We pick up where last episode left off, with the Healys hugging it out in Luke’s office. Gustav’s bug-detecting device goes off when he points it at Papa Healy, so Rochelle tells him to get closer. He does, but then the machine suddenly goes silent. Rochelle thinks it’s broken, but Gustav thinks the bugs changed their frequencies because they knew they were on to them. Clever bugs!
Mari: Probably a good lesson for Gustav that the intelligent bugs using high frequencies to communicate can also hear the machine making all that noise…?
Dani: Over in Senator Wheatus’s office, Red is watching news coverage of the failed vote from last episode and looking disgusted. He goes to see Gareth, who he tasked with obtaining security footage from the hearings. Unfortunately, Gustav and Rochelle can easily be seen coming and going. Red remembers them from the previous day (when they came to see Gareth about Laurel being missing). He asks Gareth their names, but Gareth doesn’t reply. Red searches his memory and comes up with Dr. Bob and “Rachel,” but Gareth is still silent.
Side note: Red likes to say “Lana” instead of Laurel, and I always assumed that was an intentional choice, meant to demean her by showing she’s not important enough for him to remember her name. But as he’s doing the same thing to Rochelle, maybe this is just general misogyny manifesting itself.
Mari: I thought that you were going toward a general half-a-brain-missing, memory problems conclusion, but considering that this “memory loss” thing wouldn’t really explain why it only happens with girls, misogyny it is.
Dani: Red asks Gareth why they were there the previous day, and Gareth reluctantly admits it was for “information on the intelligence meeting.” Red assumes Gustav and Rochelle are terrorist sympathizers. He tells Gareth to print out the images and have them ready for some committee meeting later on. Once Red leaves, Gareth closes his laptop and leaves his office.
He finds Laurel, and the two go outside. Laurel asks him to forget she ever mentioned bugs, since they’ll have enough hurdles without bringing that level of weirdness into things. Gareth doesn’t seem to care, one way or another, but Laurel just wants to eat a cheeseburger and drink a beer and be like a normal couple.
Normal is not an option, though. Gareth tells Laurel that Dr. Bob and Rochelle (sounds like a morning talk show) are in trouble, because Red saw them at the hearing and thinks they somehow caused the vote to fail (which they totally did). Laurel wants to know what Red will do, but Gareth has no idea.
Mount Vernon Hospital. Rochelle is trying to work, but Gustav is there being Gustav. He insists his bug detector works and Papa Healy is definitely infected, and Rochelle needs to tell Laurel. Then Laurel walks in, and both Gustav and Rochelle are hilariously bad at acting nonchalant. Laurel knows something is up, and Rochelle eventually (and with obvious reluctance and kindness) tells her there’s a pretty good chance her dad is infected. Laurel leaves, but not before warning them about Red.
Senate Select Committee on Intelligence. Red, Ella, Luke, and a bunch of other senators are on a panel to discuss the outbreak of C.H.I.s (catastrophic head injuries). It’s standing room only, and the place is packed with photographers and press, so all eyes are on the proceedings. After some bickering, Red presents a witness to testify on the subject. Ahmed Kadhimiya (Omar Maskati) says he’s a former freedom fighter (Triple F!) in the Islamic Something-or-Other Front, which he joined after his mother was killed in a drone strike. Since he’d studied chemistry in school, he helped develop a methane-based compound that, when injected beneath the skin, would cause a head to explode. Wait … what?
I’m no scientist, but I know methane is a gas. And to liquefy a gas, you have to condense it at like negative several hundred degrees, right? So acting like it’s something that can be injected like a vaccine should make all of these people really, really suspicious.
After some leading questions from Red, Triple F says the exploding heads thing was done with the approval of the Syrian government. Luke thinks state-sponsored terrorism is a matter for the president, but Red says only Congress has the ability to declare war, which leads to more bickering.
The Healy mansion. Laurel surprises her dad, who’s about to go running. She asks if he’s feeling okay and then tests his hearing. His right ear is fine, but he gets annoyed when she whispers in his left. She confronts him over it, but he pretends he heard her. I dunno — I got suspicious from the moment he put on his running shoes, but maybe that’s because the only way I’d ever run is if I were being chased by a knife-wielding clown.
Mari: I still think I’d be like, “ooh, well. Guess I’m gonna lie down and die now.”
Dani: Cut to Gustav and Rochelle parting ways outside. Rochelle walks home, and we see a guy in a suit following her. At first I thought it was Anthony, but it’s actually Santino Fontana, who starred in “Act One” on Broadway alongside Tony Shalhoub (this show is lousy with Broadway actors. I keep hoping for a musical episode, so we can get the full Aaron Tveit. Are you listening, CBS?) (M: DON’T YOU DENY ME THIS.)
Santino follows Rochelle into her apartment building, but she never sees him. Once inside her apartment, she sets down her stuff and opens her fridge. Then she hears a noise and sees her window is open. She glances at her knife block, but all the knives are missing. So she opens the freezer and takes out a honking leg of lamb (or something). Santino appears with a box cutter, but Rochelle is ready for him. He tries to swipe at her, but she blocks him. He tries again and gets her arm, so she takes her frozen meat-bat and hits him IN THE FACE and then in the head, too, for good measure. Santino drops his knife and is all like “hold, please.” But Rochelle is a BAMF, and she’s got a meat-bat with his name on it.
She knocks him out cold (heh) and calls Gustav. Go, Rochelle!!
Mari: Seriously, she was so collected. What a bad ass. And, on second thought, I’d attack the knife-wielding clowns with frozen meat. Yeah.
Dani: Select Intelligence Committee. Red is done questioning Triple F, and now it’s Luke’s turn. But Ella’s all “let me” because she wants to turn the dude’s testimony into an indictment of American entitlement and make it seem like it’s income inequality and corrupt bankers provoking these attacks against us. We can’t blame the terrorists, because we were totes asking for it. (Seriously, America — if you don’t want guys to force their dirty bombs on you, then you shouldn’t parade around with that slutty stars-and-stripes flag.) (M: Like, have you tried not being bombable?)
Back in the Healy mansion, Papa Healy has returned from his run and Laurel is going through his medicine cabinet. She calls Rochelle to ask about the various Rx he’s taking, and Rochelle tells her she should come over because she’s caught a bug guy.
Instead, Laurel goes to Luke’s office and asks if their dad has Parkinson’s. Luke confirms he does, but that he didn’t want anyone to know because he hates showing weakness. Luke only found out because he confronted their mom after he saw his dad’s hands trembling. Laurel asks if it’s terminal, and Luke tells her he has 6 months to a year, tops. Ooof.
Luke also says that this was the whole reason he wanted Laurel to return to DC and work for Luke — so he could spend more time with her. Because he loves her. Mary Elizabeth Winstead’s acting as she takes all this in gives me serious feels, and when she goes out to the hall and breaks down it’s remotely possible I maybe cried a little with her. MAYBE.
Mari: Ain’t no maybe in my game. Can Garrett come give her a hug IMMEDIATELY?
Dani: Back at Rochelle’s apartment, Gustav has taped Santino to a column and put a helmet on him so he can’t broadcast to other bugs. Rochelle sees scar tissue in his ear, but he says it’s from a near-drowning incident when he was 6. Santino ridicules their questions about bugs, claiming he was just there to steal Rochelle’s knives (M: lol.) and only attacked her because she startled him. Other than that incredibly flimsy story, he does a pretty good job of making me question whether or not he truly is infected.
Later, at the Senate hearings, Red has realized that Ella the bleeding-heart liberal is just as sympathetic to American policies engendering radicalization as she is to the victims of terrorism. He puts a large image of smiling Syrians on a TV screen as Triple F details “testing” his magical methane compound by exploding the heads of people just like them. Ella doesn’t even look at the photo, so Red leads Triple F into admitting they exploded the heads of zoo animals, too. Red clicks to a picture of an adorable baby panda, and Ella tears up. I’m probably supposed to think she’s horrible, getting more upset over animals dying than people, but as someone who watched Jurassic Park and found the goat’s death way more traumatic than the lawyer’s… I get it.
While Ella stares into the baby panda’s expressive eyes and cries, Luke thinks maybe they should make sure the witness is telling the truth and check for things like facts and proof and stuff.
Red: I’m sorry to see that my respected colleague has a greater regard for the truth than he does for the lives of pandas.
LOL!
Obviously, Red was paying attention when Stephen Colbert updated “The Word” from truthiness to Trumpiness (we don’t need leaders to say things that feel true; we need leaders to feel things that feel feels). Red asks Triple F if more zoo animals are in immediate danger of having their heads blown up, and he says yes, they just got a shipment of baby seals. Red flashes a picture of a seal pup, and Luke’s eye-roll is priceless.
Back in Rochelle’s apartment, Santino is being forced to listen to “You Might Think” played backwards when Laurel arrives. Santino makes a pretty good case for being the only sane one in the room, but Gustav has had enough. He grabs Santino’s box cutter and threatens to cut off his fingers unless he tells them what the bugs want.
Laurel and Rochelle pull him away and say he can’t do that because it’s torture. It’s a nice parallel to last week’s episode, when the show made us question the boundaries of extreme interrogation techniques. Gustav even comments that it’s not like what happened to Laurel, because this guy’s not human. Laurel says we don’t know that, though. Gustav thinks they’re not getting how serious this is, because it could be apocalyptic, end-of-the-world level shit. Laurel pleads with him to just chill, and she tells them she talked to her dad. She’s not sure if he’s infected, though, and asks if there’s any way his Parkinson’s could have made Gustav’s machine go wiggy. Rochelle thinks it’s possible. The obvious bug symptoms — balance and hearing — could be attributed to Parkinson’s, too. Rochelle asks if Papa Healy’s given up alcohol or sex, and Laurel takes off.
She goes to the Jefferson Memorial, where Terri the Tour Guide (Rosa Arrendondo, yet another familiar Broadway face) is overly excited about the minutiae of the monument’s history. She wraps up the tour quickly when she spots Laurel, whose body language is saying she’d rather be back in the waterboarding chair than talking to this woman. We quickly learn that Terri is Papa Healy’s mistress, and has been for many years. Laurel is initially upset to learn that her dad told Terri about his Parkinson’s before her, but then she finds out that it was Terri who noticed the symptoms and made him see the doctor in the first place. She went with him, so she knew about the diagnosis before anyone. She tells Laurel that her dad called her the very night they found out (to wish her a happy birthday). Laurel thought he got the date wrong, but Terri tells her no, he just wanted to hear her voice. As the Violin of Feels begins to play, Laurel asks Terri whether her dad has stopped “coming” to her, and although Terri is initially put off by the line of questioning she eventually admits that she’s suggested Viagra to him.
Laurel thanks her and leaves, but Terri stops her and says she wishes they could talk sometime because she truly does love her dad. Laurel looks like she doesn’t know how to respond, because there’s obviously a lifetime’s worth of hurt feelings and lies and betrayal there… but she reluctantly thanks Terri, and it’s all incredibly uncomfortable and very well-acted.
Laurel goes back to her dad’s house, where she catches him trying to fake the tremors in his hand. Then she sees his copy of Forever Juice and knows he’s infected. He tries to wriggle his way out of Laurel’s accusations, but she tells him she knows he’s lying — about having a mistress, about having Parkinson’s, and about being infected. Papa Healy says they should talk, so they go out on the verandah and gaze out upon the Washington Monument, the Jefferson Memorial, and the Capitol. The Healys must be FLUSH. (M: I hear dealing in weapons helps that happen.)
Papa Healy tries to assure Laurel that he’s still her dad, even if half his brain is missing. He likens the bugs to “good” parasites or antibiotics, and since he went from having Stage 3 Parkinson’s to completely, totally healthy I guess I can see his point. Laurel says there’s no way he’ll convince her this is a good thing, but he just tells her it’s an inevitable thing.
Papa Healy: This is happening, honey. And people are going to be better for it.
Laurel tells him he can come back, like she did. She tells him to use the right side of his brain, and then she reminisces about the time they drove to Orlando and how he made a candy salad out of apple-flavored gummy bears. Papa Healy channels Spock and says that wasn’t logical, but Laurel disagrees. She then reminds him of some funny, made-up song he sang (which he says was totally stupid) but Laurel loved it because it made them laugh.
Papa Healy: What do you want, babe? Do you want me to go back to a state where I have a year to live? Where the last year of my life will be in a wheelchair with your mother feeding me? Is that what you want?
I hate to say it again, but… ooof. This one really hit me hard, probably because I lost my mom when I was about Laurel’s age and there’s not much I wouldn’t give to have her back. But this raises a really interesting point. What is it that truly makes a person the person we know and love? It has to be their flaws as much as their strengths, right? I don’t know if I’d even recognize my mom without all the crazy, illogical things she did that made her unique (and that make me miss her so damned much). Laurel might not be that close to her dad, but now she has to decide whether she’d rather have six months with the guy who sings “I’m a dog, dog, dog,” or a lifetime with the shell of someone who looks and sounds like her father.
Laurel says she just wants her dad, and I tearfully nod along. Papa Healy insists he’s right there and tries to hug her, but she pushes him away and leaves. He looks sad at first, but then he sees all the Army helicopters flying over the Capitol and starts to smile. Dammit.
Mari: I’m just not convinced that this is her father in anything besides the shell. If his actions, decisions, and even that shell are being controlled by an entire other entity? IDK, man. And I think about other infected we’ve see, like her reporter friend who literally was like, “your friend is GONE” and I can’t help but think Papa Healey is manipulating Laurel.
Dani: Back in Rochelle’s apartment, Gustav and Rochelle decide to get Santino drunk and see what affect alcohol has on the teetotaler bugs. Gustav holds up one of those tiny bottles you get on airplanes and announces that it’s a 3-year old Scotch. This is one of those little details I probably shouldn’t fixate on, but who’s ever heard of a 3-year old Scotch? I’ve bought many a single-malt and even the blended stuff on occasion, but I’ve never seen any younger than 10 years. I can’t even imagine how nasty it would taste! I’m not sure if this was a deliberate choice on the writers’ part, or if it was just shoddy research. I’m going to assume it was the former, as any writer worth their salt is an alcoholic who should know better.
Red’s offices. Gareth is questioning Dr. Ragheb Samira (Nasser Faris), prepping him for his upcoming testimony on animal headsplosions. Dr. Samira gets the name of the Syrian government department (from which he acquired the zoo animals) wrong, and when Gareth calls him on it Red comes out to helpfully supply him with the correct name. Gareth tells Red that Dr. Samira is lying, but Red doesn’t want to hear it.
That evening, Gareth is waiting for Laurel by the Lincoln Memorial’s reflecting pool with a cheeseburger and a gorgeous sunset (what, no beer?). Laurel is understandably withdrawn, having learned her father has a terminal illness and then that bugs have eaten half his brain all in the span of one day. Gareth asks if she’s okay, and she says a cheeseburger feels like the best thing in the world at the moment.
Been there, girl. (M: Amen.)
Gareth tells her about Dr. Samira being a lying liar who lies, and it’s not the first time we’ve seen him clear his conscience by slipping insider information to either Luke or Laurel. I’d be thinking about a new career if I were Gareth, but maybe he thinks the best way to effect change is from the inside. It’s kind of funny, though — after the #SalamiSex incident, he told Laurel he didn’t want to be used, yet he’s okay using her as his private confessional, ya know?
Then he makes his move, and I forget all about my previous qualms.
Everyone knows ketchup is a major aphrodisiac, so the next time we see Gareth and Laurel they’re in bed, post sexy-times. Laurel obviously still has a lot on her mind, because she asks about Gareth’s parents, which is always a popular subject to bring up immediately following intercourse. (Although to be fair, Gareth’s probably just happy she didn’t bring a snack bar to bed with her this time.) (M: This is too Fifty Shades for me. They always started talking about weird family/childhood things around sexy times.) (D: #NeverOkay) Gareth’s parents are happily married, even though they have nothing in common (just like Gareth & Laurel, see? Ouch, show – you didn’t have to hit me over the head with it!).
Laurel says her parents have loads in common, but they don’t like each other much. Papa Healy’s had the same mistress for 15 years, so… at least he’s faithful in his cheating? Laurel doesn’t want to dwell on that, though. They get all romantic again, but a few seconds later Laurel bolts upright and shouts, “My mom!” which is something guys LOVE to hear when they’re naked and focused on sex. Laurel says she has to go and rushes off to the Healy mansion, where she tells her dad he can’t infect her mom.
Papa Healy mockingly asks Laurel how she plans to stop him, and Laurel thinks the truth will work. She marches into her mom’s bedroom, throws the cherry blossoms out the window (vase and all) and tells her mom she has to move out. Her mom’s probably like, “girl, have you seen the view from the verandah, though?” Papa Healy comes in to say that Laurel is just acting crazy because she’s concerned about his health. But Laurel has a better idea: she tells her mom that Papa Healy is still seeing Terri the Tour Guide. Her mom calls Papa Healy a bastard, and Laurel has scored a tiny victory (if losing your father and breaking up your parents can be considered a victory).
Select Intelligence Committee. Dr. Samira is testifying while Ella sketches a cartoon puppy. (Your tax dollars at work, folks!) Red gets Dr. Samira to say that war is the only thing that would stop the Syrians from blowing up the heads of more precious animals (and okay, people too). Then Luke takes over, and he’s doing a good job of discrediting the doctor (who’s never even been to Syria, lol) when the Committee leader halts the proceedings. She tells Luke, Red, and Ella to stick around, so that a dude from some unnamed security agency can give them Class-4 Classified information. Turns out Syria is not really behind the C.H.I.s. What a shock!
Mari: I’m mostly so glad they didn’t extend that hearing out forever and ever. Maybe I’m speaking too soon here, but yay! Maybe over!
Dani: Rochelle’s Apartment of Bug Debauchery. Gustav must have singlehandedly wiped out DC’s supply of 3-year old (lol) Scotch. Look at all those adorable little bottles!
Dani: Santino is feeling the effects, but I’m still wondering why they didn’t just buy one large bottle of Scotch. This tiny bottle thing is really starting to distract me…
Mari: I’m guessing they were stolen or hoarded from somewhere. That seems more in line with precious Gustav.
Dani: Now that Santino is drunk, he confirms that the bugs are from outer space — but he warns Gustav and Rochelle not to call them aliens, because they don’t like that word. Sensitive! Laurel shows up and says nothing about the six dozen tiny bottles on the table. Santino says the bugs just want a place to live, and the reason they’re making people uber-extreme is so we’ll be busy fighting each other instead of the bugs. (This seems like a short-sighted strategy, tbh. If you’re going to live inside us, then you probably shouldn’t make us want to kill each other, or make sex so repulsive that our species ends with this current generation.) (M: Can they control the level of extreme like with a volume button? Damn aliens.)
The Scooby Gang continues to grill Santino, and eventually they catch him switching pronouns when referring to the bugs. He says “we” instead of “they,” so it’s obvious Santino is now more bug than human.
Red’s office. Ella comes in, and she and Red spar a little over the typical liberal/conservative differences of opinion. Then the queen bug flies out of Red’s ear, and another large (though not quite as large as the queen) bug crawls down Ella’s shoulder. The two bugs circle each other on Red’s desk while Red and Ella, I dunno… channel… the bugs’ thoughts? The queen goes to the little mirrored pencil holder on Red’s desk and the consort bug comes up behind her while Red and Ella continue their slightly BDSM-ish dirty talk. Not gonna lie, these bugs/senators are making me uncomfortable, and yet… it’s nowhere near as awful as Fifty Shades of Grey. (I especially like the way the queen violenty shakes off the consort once she’s had enough.)
Mari: Welp. I thought the salami scene would be the strangest sex scene we’d get on this show.
Dani: Not even close!
The next day, Santino tells the Scooby Gang that there’s really no way to stop the bugs from taking over humanity, as it’s in their DNA. He thinks they have to let him go, as he knows Laurel doesn’t have it in her to just straight-up murder him.
Laurel: [I’ve] squashed a bug on the floor before.
Santino: Yes. But I’m Kevin.
It’s actually pretty clever of the bugs to operate like this. Anyone watching the line of space bugs crawl through their window would be happy to kill them, but it’s much, much harder when the space bugs ARE your dad, or your best friend. Or Kevin.
Press conference outside the Capitol. Megan Hilty is interviewing Red Wheatus about the briefing he received from the CIA, but since his briefing was sooper-sekret and highly classified, Red can’t tell the press what was discussed. That doesn’t stop him from saying how shocked he was by what he heard, though. He tells Megan he’s never heard anything as shocking as what he was briefed on, which results in Not-FOX-News showing shocked!Red’s press conference via split-screen with the war-torn streets of Aleppo. (That’s in Syria, btw.)
Luke is watching the news from his office, and he is PISSED. The Committee Leader says there’s nothing they can do, since Red hasn’t divulged classified info. Luke wants to censure Red, but the Committee Leader points out that he’d have to censure his own party, too. Ella joins Red, and she echoes his shock while confirming her support for a non-binding War Powers Resolution. Then she holds up a photo of a baby seal pup. So the American public will now conclude that Syria was behind the C.H.I.s, even though they absolutely weren’t. And the bugs will get their war.
Back at Rochelle’s, the Scooby Gang decides to free Kevintino. Rochelle follows him, and he heads straight to the Capitol. (DROP EVERYTHING AND WALK TO THE SENATE!) (M: LOLOL) She shadows him down several hallways and corridors, until he finally disappears behind a locked door marked SRB-54.
Laurel goes to see Luke, who is trying to decide whether to leak what the CIA told them in the classified briefing. Papa Healy is also there, arguing that leaking this could hurt Luke’s presidential chances in 2020.
Laurel: Unless it’s the only way to stop a war.
Papa Healy: No. Either way, he can’t leak a CIA briefing.
Laurel: Unless it’s to stop… a… war.
Luke decides he needs to think about it, and Laurel and her dad face off once he leaves. Papa Healy asks Laurel if she’s going to keep fighting him, and the episode ends with her saying, “What do you think?”
Pretty sure that’s a yes, Papa Healy.
Final thoughts: On a scale of one to salami sex, I’m deeming this episode good but not great (and I’m not just saying that because of the limited time we spent with Gareth… I think). I liked Rochelle being a badass with her meat-bat, and the Parkinson’s/I-just-want-my-dad storyline was both heartbreaking and exceedingly well-acted. I could have done without the bug-erotica, and the Select Intelligence Committee was a snoozey way to start a war, but still a mediocre episode of BrainDead is still better than 99% of everything else on network TV.
That said, I’ve made a handy list of the Things That Confused Me:
- The episode starts with Luke whispering “I thought I’d lost you” into Laurel’s left ear, the same one the bugs breached. Shouldn’t she have lost hearing in that ear? (M: Maybe the damage is caused by brain matter being forced out and that never happened to her?) (D: I suppose that’s reasonable… and can I just say how glad I am that we haven’t had to watch that in a while?)
- When Santino follows Rochelle, he’s consistently a few steps behind her. Then she literally walks into her apartment, sets down her purse, opens the fridge, sees her window is open, and notices that all her knives are missing. How could Santino get from several steps behind her to inside her apartment (and at her knives) without her seeing? (M: ALIEN MAGIC.)
- Three-year old Scotch. ‘Nuff said. (M: We are so disappointed.)
Next time on BrainDead: Things take a turn for the miserable in S01 E09 Taking on Water: How Leaks in D.C. Are Discovered and Patched
I’m a serial procrastinator and a genuinely terrible singer, and if anyone knows how to monetize either of these skills please hit me up. In my spare time, I like to study Dutch painters, Italian architecture, and Canadian bacon.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
