Designated Survivor S01 E03 – #BogusPOTUS

Previously: Lots of things went badly for Tom on his first day.
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The Confession

Dani: We begin at the site of the Capitol explosion, where a survivor has been found in the rubble. Hannah (Maggie Q) rushes over, obviously hoping it’s the guy she’s been brooding over for the last two episodes, but it’s not. Poor Maggie Q. I wish the writers would give her something to do other than have reactions to stuff.

Samantha: It’s unbelievable wasted potential. I should not keep forgetting that Maggie Q is in this show.

Dani: A Breaking News story (the laziest info-dump tool in the writer’s toolbox) (M: Hahaha, you should watch Supergirl) informs us the survivor is Congressman Peter MacLeish. The reporter then helpfully summarizes the entire premise of the show in case anyone missed the first two episodes.

In the Oval Office the next morning, Aaron, Emily, and Seth have all come in early at the president’s request. They talk about a bunch of super boring stuff that is clearly just background noise for the BIG SHOCKING OMG SECOND ATTACK that was teased in the coming attractions from last week and about seventeen trillion commercials leading up to this episode.

Samantha: Is it possible that this show hurts itself with all the promos?

Marines: Yes. It goes back to how exactly this show is trying to play the character vs. plot developments. At this point, it’s putting all its stock in plot twists, but it keeps telling us what those plot twists are. So, you know. BO-RING.

Dani: We know it’s super serious because all the lights in the White House go out. Over in the control center (?) the security dudes say there was a power surge, and then the backup generators kick on. Aaron notes the network is down, and they all act a bit panicked. I agree this is a legit reaction, given the attack on the Capitol. (M: Which is why the decision to keep Tom in the White House is mind-boggling.)

Mike the Secret Security agent points to a computer screen which shows icons of computers throughout the building. Some are blinking red, because it looks scarier that way. The security dudes are on the phone with the NSA who think it’s just a “sniffer,” some kid poking around in their electrical grid. (It’s awesome how they know this already, even though it’s been like one hot minute since the lights went out.) The other security dude says the NSA is wrong and dramatically announces it’s a real-time network intrusion attempt.

OH, COME ON. Most companies have thousands of intrusion attempts per DAY — are we really expected to believe this is so unique at the White House? Apparently we are, because alarms go off and the icons on their digital map of the White House turn red because OMG THEY’VE REACHED THE OVAL. (Because network intrusions physically travel from computer to computer? HOKAY.) (S: I don’t know enough about any of this, IRL, but yeah! Fishy!) (M: It looks like computer hacking tag!)

Mike runs to the Oval Office (with a flashlight, since it’s still dark everywhere else for some reason) and throws open the door, telling the president to step away from his computer in the most melodramatic way imaginable. The president asks what’s going on, and Mike gravely announces, “The White House has just been hacked.” DUHN-DUHN-DUHN.

Wai … what? ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? All the hype this show has been shoving down our throats about a second attack was for a data hack? Let’s ignore for a moment that hacks don’t generally cause power surges that kill the lights, or set off flashing red alarms, or make computers explode (or whatever Mike was trying to imply by charging into the Oval and heroically grabbing everyone’s laptops). This seemed like a cheap bait-and-switch, and it’s eroding what little faith I had in the show.

Samantha: Am I totally missing the reason why the computer would be physically dangerous to the President? Even if the web cam is turned on or something…? It just felt like Mike was worried the hacker was going to make the computer explode or something.

Dani: Precisely my problem with it! There’s nothing a remote hacker could do to physically harm the president. It’s not like it’s going to catch on fire or anything … it’s a laptop, not a Galaxy Note 7.

Mari: I think you just wrote the next episode, tbh. A Note 7 with a little sticky note that says, “CHARGE ME,” addressed to the president. It also causes a power surge, because those are just cool!

Dani: Title sequence, then Mike is telling everyone that this was a “one-time, malicious cyber intrusion.” How can he possibly know that so soon and why is this lone Secret Service agent in charge of everything? Seth says the public will consider this another attack, and Aaron agrees they must never find out about it. Um… is this show set in some AU where American citizens don’t understand that shit gets hacked like ALL the freaking time?

Samantha: An AU concept is kind of fascinating. This universe had 9/11 so it would be a recent split from our own timeline and… uh… sorry. 

Mari: No, it’s okay. I like that we are writing the show for them. Hire us!

Dani: Whatever, they all decide the public is too dumb and/or fragile to learn that someone hacked into the White House. Again. Mike concludes his briefing by revealing that they have no clue who was behind the hack, what they wanted, or whether they took anything. (So basically nothing,  yet they know it’s a one-time attack. Because reasons.)

Seth suggests they cancel some interview Tom is supposed to do that afternoon, but Aaron thinks that will create too many questions. He decides they’ll just bring the TV crew in through a different area, so they don’t “get wind” of the hack. Wait, are they trying to imply you can actually SEE when computers have been hacked?

I unfriend you, show.

Mari: Bros, probably no one would “get wind” of the hack if you weren’t running around yelling at everyone to BACK AWAY from the computers.

Dani: Word.

FBI Offices. Hannah’s hoping for more survivors, but it’s been 36 hours, so it’s not looking good. She wonders how MacLeish survived and eventually convinces Atwood to let her take his statement.

White House Security ‘R Us. Some tech dude says the president’s laptop was the only one impacted by the hack, and okay, sure. While scanning the hard drive he notices a PAL file, which is instantly suspicious because it’s highlighted in red. Oh, and because that video format isn’t common here. Elsewhere, folks are loading every computer, monitor, and probably even the keyboards onto carts because the writers have no clue how network security actually works. (S: This feels like CBS. CBS how did you get in here?) (M: CBS is just code for old people. Are old people writing this?)

Aaron starts mansplaining to Emily that if she wants to be Chief of Staff she has to actually show up to work on time. Emily tells him she was late because her boyfriend proposed to her that morning. Aaron laughs derisively and dismisses the proposal as classic post-traumatic acceleration (shut up, Aaron. I’m sure Emily’s watched Speed, too). (S: God, I LOVE Speed. I watch it every year.) Aaron says Emily’s lucky, because love in Washington doesn’t happen every day, but she says Aaron just wants her distracted so he’ll get the Chief of Staff job. Ugh, I can’t stand either of these characters, yet I predict they’ll be banging by episode 10, and the show will expect me to care. (S: God, I didn’t even consider that but you’re probably right.) (D: I’ll meet you at the Snark Squad liquor cabinet when the time comes…)

The lovebirds-to-be meet with Congresswoman Hookstraten and present her with Tom’s choices for his cabinet. Aaron tells her she’s “basically Congress,” and they laugh and laugh at how these will be the fastest confirmations in history.

Sorry, but this is too stupid to skip over. Presidential appointments can only be confirmed by the Senate, and Hookstraten is a member of the House. There is no conceivable way she could confirm anything — I know the country has suffered a catastrophic attack, but you can’t just upend 200+ years of constitutional procedure. It’s not like assembling a new Senate would be difficult — in most states, the governor appoints senators to fill vacated senate seats. There are some exceptions, but it’d be possible to fill ~80% of the seats and have more than enough for a quorum.

The urgency around appointing cabinet members is stupid, too, since the Deputy Secretary typically fills the role in an “acting” capacity when/if a Secretary leaves. Boom, there’s your cabinet! The bickering between Aaron and Emily shouldn’t exist, either, because as Deputy Chief of Staff, Aaron would just automatically be acting Chief of Staff. (S: But Dani, fake tension is the lifeblood of television!)

It’s not really Tom Kirkman’s cabinet to appoint, anyway. As Designated Survivor, he’s only the acting president — he’ll be replaced the minute someone higher than him in the line of succession gets appointed (i.e. as soon as the new senators choose a Senate leader (#3 in line of succession), or Tom appoints an Attorney General (#7), that person becomes the new POTUS).

Mari: Wait, WTF. Is that true? He’s about to be replaced anyway? WHY ARE WE WATCHING THIS SHOW THEN?

Dani: Haha, like the writers will let a little thing like reality stop them. You’re adorable.

Okay, back to the show. Hookstraten asks if Tom got a Best Buy gift card for Christmas (best line of the show) because she saw IT guys taking all the computers from the West Wing. Aaron blows it off, but then an aide comes in to take Emily and him to the president. Mike tells them the NSA finished scanning all their files (lol, right) and everything is still there so the hackers didn’t get anything. Wow, do they really think files disappear once they’ve been hacked? Even the worst hacker would just copy the data.

Mari: All the hackers I know would leave a friendly little note detailing what files they stole! #politehacking

Dani: Tom dramatically tells them that the hackers left a file behind, and we see the mysterious PAL file being played for the Joint Chiefs of Staff, et al. Turns out it’s a video of al-Sakar claiming responsibility for the attack on the Capitol. Golly, that is a seriously indirect and not at all suspicious way to assert your authority and draw attention to your cause. General Cochrane urges the president to exercise caution and think carefully about whether or not we should attack. Just kidding, the general says Tom has his enemy and his proof, so let’s go kill everyone.

Tom says something feels off because why go through the trouble of hacking the White House with all their special, blinking red digital maps just to leave a message. General Douchebag eyerolls and says they’re doing it to taunt us. Duh.

Some dude points out that al-Sakar has taken credit for other terrorists’ attacks in the past. Tom runs with this, begging people to come up with any other reason to believe al-Sakar wasn’t behind the attack. Atwood tells him Hannah’s theory that someone is trying to distract them from the real culprit by making it look like foreign terrorists (hey, wait… wasn’t that also the space bug agenda in BrainDead? New headcanon: the general is infected.) (M: Sad reality: We don’t know if BrainDead is going to survive, but we’re going to be watching this show forever.) (D: Hush, woman.)

The general asks for the president’s orders, and Tom says the video must stay secret until they have proof that al-Sakar was behind the attack. (I got $20 that says the video will definitely NOT stay a secret. Anyone?) (S: That’s a fools bet.) (M: Stop trying to hack my wallet!) (D: Ladies, step away from your cash… it’s super dangerous.) Tom also tells them to find Majid Nassar (the al-Sakar dude on the video).

Tom then shows the video to Hookstraten, who thinks it might not be a bad idea to release it so people can bond over this common enemy. Tom says we have to be sure it’s the right enemy, and also that he has to believe war isn’t the only way to unite the people. It’s a nice moment, and Hookstraten offers him congressional support no matter what he decides. (S: Please don’t turn shady, please don’t turn shady.)

Bethesda Medical Center. Hannah interviews MacLeish, who can’t remember anything about the night of the attack. One minute he was sitting there, watching the speech, and the next everything went black. He has some survivor guilt, and wants to know “why me?” Hannah seems to be thinking the same thing. MacLeish then grab’s Hannah’s arm and insists she tell him whatever she finds out. Welp, that’s not suspicious at all.

White House. Seth and Tom meet with Tyler Richmond, the former president’s son. Seth is writing the eulogy Tom will deliver at Richmond’s funeral, and they want Tyler to share some personal stories with them, because it is absolutely appropriate to ask a grieving son to help you do your job. (Also, would they really be having the president’s funeral already? Wouldn’t he lie in state for a while first?) Tyler waxes poetic on how great his dad was, how he was always there for him, etc. Both Tom and Tyler agree they have some big shoes to fill, and it’s another nice (if inappropriately precipitated) moment. (S: I need more of these “legit reactions/grieving” stuff. Otherwise everything rings hollow.)

Elsewhere, Alex and Penny are unpacking Leo’s stuff for contrivance purposes. Tom calls to tell her he wants to do family dinner at 6:30, and this moment of wholesomeness is interrupted by Penny finding a baggie of pills and Alex discovering a giant roll of cash in Leo’s top drawer. Ugh, hide that shit, Leo. Worst drug dealer EVER.

Aaron and Emily walk the president to his interview with Elizabeth Vargas. Everything goes okay until Vargas asks whether the president had fired him the day of the attack. (You’d think either Aaron or Emily would have vetted the questions prior to granting this interview, but no.) Aaron pulls Tom from the interview (subtle), and tells him he should deny it, but Emily wants Tom to be honest. Tom compromises and tells Vargas that Richmond offered him an ambassadorship, but he hadn’t yet decided whether to accept. Vargas asks if he requested the position, and Tom admits he didn’t. She says ‘so basically Richmond didn’t want you in his cabinet any more,’ and Tom has to agree. Smooth.

FBI Offices. Hannah is working with a tech guy, reviewing footage of the State of the Union. There’s a 34-second gap between when the feed cut out and when the building blew up, which they believe is due to someone tampering with the on-site control panel. Hannah sees a woman in the audience who was taking photos with her phone. She tells Tech Guy to find out who she is and then download the contents of her cloud, in case she got photos after the feed got cut. Tech Guy points out that hacking the woman’s phone without an Order to Compel is illegal, but Hannah says that’ll take too long. (I find it hard to believe a judge wouldn’t instantly approve this, given the circumstances.) Hannah tells the guy the greatest act of terrorism since 9/11 just occurred, so they need to play dirty.

Two things: first, stop calling this the greatest act of terrorism “since 9/11.” If something like this ever happened, we’d probably just call it the greatest motherfucking act of terrorism ever. Second, I want to like Hannah, but we already have one painfully abuse-happy general. Can we please skip the fuck-the-rules FBI agent archetype? Thanks.

Back at the White House, Leo is looking for his pills when Alex comes in and scolds him because the pills were actually MDMA (aka Ecstasy, and it’s a little weird the show won’t call it that). (M: Old people.)  She’s interrupted by the Secret Service, who are ready to take her and Tom to the funeral.

Samantha: How did the First Lady dispose of Ecstasy? Or is it in her medicine cabinet?

Dani: Probably saving it for those dope D.C. raves we’re always hearing about.

At the funeral, Tom meets with Tyler, who has seen the Vargas interview. Tyler refuses to let Tom deliver the eulogy because he thinks it’s a PR stunt. Emily wants Tom to force the issue, but Tom says they need to respect Tyler’s wishes. He changes his mind when Tyler sends Kimble Hookstraten to the podium, instead. Naturally, she delivers a rousing speech that quotes the Gettysburg Address. Everyone jumps to their feet, clapping like mad, which freaks me out. Seriously, do people really applaud at funerals?

This entire scene was tasteless, honestly. It’s one thing not to advance the characters, but I think they’ve actively regressed them here. These people are attending the funeral of the President of these United States, yet all of them — including Tom and Alex — are more worried about the optics of Kimble speaking during the funeral than losing the leader of the free world. When JFK was killed, people lined the streets and wept for days. Yet these soulless pieces of shit sat a few feet away from the flag-draped coffin of their president (a man many of them knew personally) and didn’t even shed a tear. Instead they whispered snide little comments to each other, about how political Hookstraten was being, and how Tom got screwed for being honest. FIND YOUR HUMANITY, PEOPLE!

Samantha: Yes, see, exactly. This is my fundamental problem. These main characters do not seem messed up enough for the tragedy that has befallen them. Occasionally, we’ll see flashes of it from Tom and Seth but overall, heartless.

Mari: This show starts with an all-out tragedy and seems to be banking on the fact that we’d be invested on the actions following the tragedy without connection to the emotions. They should stop banking on that immediately.

Dani: Outside, Mike tells Alex that Leo went to their old house. Tom exchanges some passive aggressive words with Kimble, while Aaron/Emily/Seth worry about the social media backlash the Vargas interview generated. This is literally the conversation they’re having as they’re walking away from the president’s funeral. Make it stop, please.

Also, would people really be tweeting #BogusPOTUS during the president’s funeral? Would they even care whether Tom was offered a different role the day of the attack? Seth says the Washington Post loved Kimble’s speech and is questioning whether the wrong designated survivor is leading the country. The WaPo can write whatever they want, but there’s this little thing called the Constitution that says some random US representative is nowhere in the line of succession, compared to the HUD Secretary, who, interestingly, is not the lowest in line in our current government, He’s #12, with the Secretaries of Transportation, Energy, Education, Veteran’s Affairs, and Homeland Security all coming after him. #TheMoreYouKnow

Samanta: Wow you’d think Homeland Security would be up there. (D: IKR!) And it’s so ANNOYING how everyone keeps talking like we’re gonna disregard the literal Constitution.

Mari: There is enough, “can this man lead us???” tension in the concept of the Designated Survivor without forcing it this way.

Dani: Alex goes to their old home and finds Leo hanging out in the kitchen. He acts bratty and tells her he has no idea why he was selling drugs, that people just screw up and sometimes there isn’t a reason. I hate this kid so much, but I can’t tell whether it’s because he’s a self-absorbed creep, or because he looks like a young Tom Cruise.

Both, maybe? (S: HA. Both.)

Alex says there’s always a reason why people do stuff; for example, she and Tom wanted to do family dinner to remember who they were before the attack. Leo asks if she’s told Tom yet, and she says no and sighs over how disappointed he’ll be. Then she grabs a photo off the fridge, tells Leo that dinner is at 6:30, and leaves. Wait… what?

I get that they were going for a tender moment here, but COME ON. You just found out your teenage son is selling Ecstasy and leaving it where your 8-year old daughter can find it, and rather than talk consequences you blithely leave him alone, with nothing but a gentle reminder to be home by dinner? Who the hell ARE these people??

Also, you know it’s just a matter of time before every low-life who ever bought E from Leo threatens to tell the press that the First Son is a drug dealer. This would be the time to make a list of those people and take it to Olivia Pope and Associates. #It’sHandled (S: We need some Shonda.)

Oval Office. Tom leaves a message for Tyler Richmond, because in this AU people never take the president’s calls. Seth comes in to tell Tom that Tyler lied about how close he was to his dad; they’d had a falling out a couple years ago and hadn’t spoken since. Just in case we missed the freight-train labelled “PARALLEL STORYLINES ABOUT SONS,” Seth actually says something about how every son just wants to be loved by their father. If these writers don’t stop beating me over the head with this shit, I’m sending ABC a bill for my Advil.

We get another Breaking News story, and this time it shows the al-Sakar video. (PM me on where to send my $20.)  (M: NO ONE TOOK YOU UP, DANI.) (D: Crap.) Tom somehow instantly knows General Warmonger didn’t leak it, and he demands an audience with Kimble Hookstraten.

After the c-break, Kimble promises Tom she didn’t leak the video, and she insists she’s a straight shooter. She tells him the video did him a favor, though — no one will be talking about Richmond firing him, or her super amazing speech at the funeral. They’ll be rallying around Tom, instead. Tom dismisses Kimble, but not before she tells him she’s counting the days until she can run for president.

Samantha: I’m sad. I wanted them to be at least a team until that day.

Mari: I’m sad that this show has done every obvious thing it has the capacity to do so far.

Dani: FBI Offices. Atwood yells at Hannah for trying to force the IT guy to illegally hack that woman’s phone. Hannah knows she made a mistake and is ready to accept the consequences, but Atwood isn’t ready to fire her. He hands her an updated file of the dead, and among them is the senator Hannah has been trying to contact. Hannah’s surprised that Atwood knew about them, but he reminds her he’s the head of the largest intelligence gathering organization in the country. That’s… creepy.

Hannah tells Atwood she met the senator a year ago, after he’d supposedly separated from his wife. Atwood eventually tells Hannah she made a bad decision (about hacking the woman’s phone, not about having an affair with a married senator. I think.). He won’t fire Hannah, but he expects her to make good decisions from now on. Also, he just separated from his wife, so…

Just kidding.

White House. Tom tells Aaron he knows he released the video (didn’t he just say that same thing to Kimble?). Aaron gives his reasons, and they’re the very ones Kimble predicted (which have all come true). Tom is infuriated over this blatant insubordination.

 

Ask me how long I’ve been waiting to use that gif. *whispers: “years”*

Aaron says he wants to see Tom succeed, unlike a lot of other people in the White House, and everything he does is with that goal in mind. He gives Tom his letter of resignation and tells him he can accept it any time he wants.

Later that night, Tyler comes to the Oval Office, and Tom tells him about the time the president spent an hour of his cabinet meeting talking about one of Tyler’s recitals last year. (An hour? Seriously? Ugh, I’m beginning to understand why no one cried at this guy’s funeral.) Tyler is certain his dad wasn’t there, but Tom assures him he snuck in wearing a ball cap (it’s like an Invisibility Cloak, but better) and watched from the back. Yeah, nothing says “blend in” like going to a classical musical recital wearing a suit and ball cap. Tom says fatherly things, and Tyler gets choked up… and I’m gonna need some wine to go with all this cheese.

Mari: You’ve needed Advil, wine and the Snark HQ liquor cabinet just to get through this one recap so far. (D: I’m not exactly known for my endurance.) I’d apologize, but the traumateers did it!

Dani: Tom calls Emily into the Oval to tell her he’s made a decision on who will be his Chief of Staff. She gets all excited, but he’s all, “PSYCHE! I’m choosing Aaron because he’s a political animal. Sucks to be you.” He makes Emily his “Special Advisor” which sounds like the bullshit title you give your kid on Take Your Child to Work Day. (M: Next, Tom is going to hand her crayons and some construction paper.) (D: A+)

Tom looks at the clock and sees it’s 9:30 and he’s missed family dinner. I’ll call bullshit here, too, because the president has like three different admins who constantly tell him what’s on his calendar and ensure he gets fed and stuff. There’s no way he’d just suddenly realize he missed dinner by three hours.

Emily congratulates Aaron on the Chief of Staff position, then warns him not to get too comfortable. She also manages to slip in the fact that she didn’t accept her boyfriend’s proposal, thanks to that post-traumatic acceleration thing. Aaron smiles and watches her ass as she walks away, so I’m feeling pretty confident about my earlier prediction.

Tom enters the residence and sees the table still set for family dinner. He sad pandas for a moment, but then Penny comes out and hugs him, and Alex tells him they stayed up to wait for him. He asks where Leo is, and Alex says she told him he could stay over at a friend’s house. (It’s nitpicky, but “at a friend’s house” is something you say to people outside your inner circle. Spouses would say their kid was “with Josh” or “at Ben’s.”) Tom points out it’s a school night (and a security nightmare for the friend, one would presume), but Alex doesn’t say anything because she’s covering for Bratty McBratface, who was supposed to be home for dinner. Then Leo comes in, saying he changed his mind about the imaginary sleepover. He looks at Alex and smarms something about family dinner, and she just beams at him because she’s a terrible parent and also because the writers enjoy wasting Natascha McElhone’s talents.

Samantha: I’m glad they cut Tom some slack about being late. I was all ready to be mad at them for not, since everything went screwy less than 2 days ago. That was a nice surprise.

Dani: Elsewhere, Hannah is sitting in her car crying when the IT guy who ratted her out calls her back to work. He says he’s not a fan of Orders to Compel, so let’s burn the 4^th Amendment and hack this dead bitch’s phone! They find two photos shot during the missing 34 seconds: one of MacLeish in his seat, and a later one showing his seat empty. Hannah says MacLeish survived the attack because he wasn’t there. Thanks for stating the obvious, Hannah. You’re worth every penny the FBI pays you.

Mari: Her competency makes me feel great about her willingness to break laws and stuff!

Dani: The episode ends with Aaron walking home alone. The president calls to tell him his first official job as his Chief of Staff is handling the al-Sakar problem. Aaron then meets with some unidentified woman who gives him a file on Tom. Aaron asks if there’s anything good in it, and the lady says it depends whose side he’s on.

Roll credits.

Obviously, I have a lot of issues with this show, and I’ve used this recap to list them all in excruciating detail. SORRY. Entertainment Weekly just listed this as one of their top picks for fall, and other people seem to love it, so it’s probably just me being weird. I get super irritated when good actors are given crappy dialogue and zero character development. Also, it’s hard not to compare this to a show like BrainDead which, while not perfect, had thought-provoking plotlines, well-developed characters, and a truly unique style. Sadly, BrainDead has probably ended after one 13-episode season, whereas this show just got picked up for a full 22 episodes. #FML

Samantha: I don’t hate it quite as viciously, but I’m definitely feeling disappointed and annoyed. 

Mari: Same. I think the pilot was crap, episode two improved a noticeable amount and this was proof that things aren’t strictly on an up and up trend. It’s just kind of cheap at this point. What’s good about it is just good and not enough to combat what’s lazy about it. That said, I’m more bored than anything else. I also know that I’m not the best person to truly ask because we recapped a whole god-forsaken season of Gotham.

This is not Gotham.

 

Next time on Designated Survivor: Tom has to decide if he’s going to war in S01 E04 – The Enemy.