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Game of Thrones S07 E01 – It’s just dragon blood thangs.

Previously: Cersei set everybody on fire. Like, EVERYBODY.
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Dragonstone

Democracy Diva: Welcome back to Game of Snark Thrones! I’ve missed you all dearly and am ready to cry in all of your arms for yet another magical season. Shall we begin?

Marines: LET US BEGIN.

Diva: The editing of the previouslies – just the goddamn PREVIOUSLIES – should win an Emmy. Intercutting Arya cutting Walder Frey’s throat with Catelyn’s throat getting cut at the Red Wedding… I want to call it “magnificent,” but it’s hard to use that word when discussing multiple throat-cuttings.

Catherine: I’ll use it. It was MAGNIFICENT. The previouslies on this show are never boring.

Marines: That’s true and something about these were especially beautiful and stylistic. It may be all of our WE MISSED YOU glasses on, but IDK. I just think those previouslies were, well, magnificent.

Diva: 3/3 Snark Ladies agree. Pre-credits, so you know we’re in for some shiiiit, we are greeted by the sight of Walder Frey banging his wine goblet, despite the fact that we know him to be very dead. The (M: magnificent) previouslies reminded us and everything! He’s in his hall at the Twins, addressing 50-some-odd Frey men (and a handful of serving girls, plus another in a long line of sad child brides at his side). He says he’s throwing his second feast in a fortnight to party with his bros. He proposes a toast, mentioning the Arbor Gold wine (which should be GOLD, not the RED wine we clearly see, but I digress) and his plans now that winter has come. Everybody drinks – except for Walder, and Child Bride Frey, whom he refuses to let drink because she has a vagina.

He talks about his pride for his family, who helped him kill the Starks in this very room. He mentions their bravery as he goes into details about what they did – killing a pregnant woman, butchering a mother of five, violating guest rights. The room goes quiet as they realize these are not, in fact, compliments. As Walder tells them they should have killed ALL the Starks, the whole family tree, men start choking and retching and collapsing. “Leave one wolf alive, and the sheep are never safe,” he warns them. Suddenly the only ones left standing are Walder and the women, who didn’t drink the wine. Walder rips off his face, as we knew he would, and reveals the face of Arya Stark, Gory Revenge Queen Direboss of the Seven Kingdoms. She tells Child Bride Frey, when people ask, tell them the Starks dropped by for a casual visit.

Catherine: I fucking died. It took me probably longer than it should’ve to realize that it was Arya in that Walder suit and from that moment on you just KNOW everyone in the room is going down.

Mari: I was at a watch party and I was annoying and yelled IT’S ARYA as soon as I saw Walder. Even so, the payoff was brilliant in a murder-y, we hardly ever promote violence kind of way.

Diva: Arya leaves the hall calmly, a sea of dead Freys in her wake. Roll credits.

Winterfell has direwolf banners and is not on fire! Oldtown! NO MORE ESSOS!!! Best credits ever?

Mari: BEST CREDITS EVER! (Sorry. I missed this show!)

Diva: Cold winds rise. Literally, a cloud of snow-smoke rolls in like a wave, slowly revealing Night’s King and his crew. And the Night’s King rolls deep. Row after row of marching dead soldiers, and a dead giant or two for good measure.

Wun Wun? But Wun Wun died within Winterfell’s walls, how would his corpse have gotten north of the Wall to get turn’t into an ice zombie? Please don’t be Wun Wun.

Catherine: I considered that too. Unfortunately I cannot tell the giants apart on the best of days, let alone when they’re all zombiefied. So no idea.

Diva: Bran de-wargs, and we realize we saw the dead army through his vision. A gate opens, and I squeal when I realize that Bran and Meera have finally made it to Castle Black. Meera of the House Reed, Crossfit Champion of the North, dragged his ass ALL THE WAY THERE. I barely survived my first spin class. Jon may not be at the Wall anymore, but Definitely Edd is, and after a brief “how do I know you’re really Bran?” “uh because ice zombies are coming to murder us all,” he lets them enter.

Mari: I got super excited because I briefly forgot that Jon and Sansa were at Winterfell and not The Wall. I thought we were getting 3 Starks in one room and it was probably good the joy didn’t last because it was too much. Too much.

Diva: If a 3-Stark reunion ever happens, it will be too much for our hearts to take.

Winterfell. Jon is speechifying about how all the maesters in the North need to research dragonglass because it murders ice zombies. He also says everyone will be trained to fight – including the girls. Lord Glover is offended by the prospect of someone with a vagina holding a sword, which is phenomenal because it gives us the opportunity to catch up with the greatest character this show has ever given us, Bearboss Lyanna Mormont. She tells Glover she’s going to fucking fight. Because she is a Bearboss and that is what Bearbosses do.



Catherine: You can tell the cool people in the room because they have to hide a smug smile whenever Bearboss talks.

Diva: Lord Glover backs the fuck down and the men mutter their agreement with Bearboss. Jon then asks Tormund to man one of the Night’s Watch castles – Eastwatch-by-the-Sea, which is closest to Hardhome, where the White Walkers were last seen. Hey, does Jon remember that he is not Lord Commander anymore? I know he’s KINGINDANORF, but that’s definitely not his decision to make, right? Whatever. The northern lords look a wee bit uncomfortable at the prospect of wildlings guarding Eastwatch, but, sucks to be them.

Jon then notes that the closest castles, the ones who would be impacted first if the White Walkers pass through the Wall, belong to the Umbers and the Karstarks. One of the lords of the Vale – Royce, I wanna say? – points out that both those houses fought for Ramsay and against Jon (and the rest of the people in the room) in the battle for Winterfell. Maybe Royce thinks the castles should be torn down. Sansa, seated on the dais next to Jon, points out that that is dumb. They need every castle, and they should give those castles to people who were loyal to Team Stark. Several lords mutter their agreement. Jon is not pleased, arguing that the Karstarks and Umbers kept faith with the Starks for a thousand years, and he won’t punish entire families for individual family member’s crimes by taking their homes away from them.

Sansa points out that this means Jon neither punishes treason nor rewards loyalty, and the room goes quiet. But he claps back that Lord Karstark and Lord Umber died in the battle, and death is the punishment for treason. Sansa gives no fucks – they died for Ramsay, and those castles should be given to the families of men who died for Jon. Many lords agree, and Littlefinger smirks in the corner, as is his brand. Jon says he’s executed men who betrayed him, and his father taught him that the man who passes the sentence should swing the sword. But he refuses to punish sons for their father’s sins. “That is my decision, and my decision is final,” he tells her. Sansa sighs, but knows she’s lost the fight for now, and goes quiet.

Personally, I agreed with Sansa, until Jon calls forward a young boy and a teenage girl – Alys Karstark and Ned Umber. Sansa, my girl, the surviving Karstarks and Umbers aren’t men off hiding in their castle, refusing to acknowledge the King in the North, rallying troops against Winterfell. They’re children, and they’re HERE. In this room. Following Jon’s orders. I love watching you call your brother on his bullshit, but for God’s sake, let these kids keep their home. Let them fight for you. They wouldn’t be here if they weren’t willing to do that.

Catherine: Also, maybe don’t like… execute them? Maybe some children survive in Westeros for once?

Diva: I wasn’t sure if execution was on the table, but yeah, definitely don’t execute them, thanks! Jon asks Alys and Ned to pledge their loyalty to House Stark. They kneel and swear their swords to him. Shoutout to tumblr for having a better memory than I do:

Catherine: DUUUUDDEEEE. Targaryen blood makes you develop catchphrases?

Mari: It’s just dragon blood thangs. You wouldn’t understand.

Diva: Listen, we mere mortals cannot be expected to understand dragon blood thangs. Anyway, Jon reminds them that all the living North need to stand together – the old wars don’t matter anymore. Sansa looks pissed; Littlefinger looks satisfied.

Sansa and Jon walk-and-talk to continue their debate. He’s pissed she undermined him by questioning him in front of other people I thought Dany once got mad at Jorah or Ser Barristan for the same thing – and Tumblr proved me right:

Sansa’s pissed he won’t let her question his decisions, kinda like Joffrey. Jon is rightfully insulted by the comparison, and Sansa rightfully admits he’s as far from Joffrey as anyone could possibly be. She tells him he’s a good king because his lords respect him, but – he laughs, and reminds her of what Ned used to say – everything before the word “but” is horseshit. Their father never said it to Sansa, of course – he wouldn’t swear in front of the girls. Ned wanted to shield them from the bad things in the world, but he couldn’t, and neither can Jon, so he should stop trying. Jon agrees to stop trying to protect Sansa if she stops trying to undermine him. She grabs his arm and pulls him around to face her, which seems to shock him a bit.

Time for some real talk from Sansa: she tells Jon that he needs to be smarter than Ned and Robb, and she is so fucking right I can’t even take it. She loves them, but they died because they made stupid fucking mistakes. Jon wonders what she means by “smarter” – listening to her? She doesn’t think it’s a bad idea.

Mari: Especially when her main piece of advice seems to be BE SMARTER THAN YOUR DEAD KIN.

Diva: It’s good advice, Jon.

They’re interrupted by the Maester. Like, Ramsay’s maester, who was in the room when Ramsay killed his father. I know maesters swear loyalty to a castle, not a family, and serve no matter who holds that castle, but DAMN. That is some serious job security. Anyway, the maester hands him a letter from Cersei, who orders them to come to Kings Landing to bend the knee. Sansa basically scoffs at Jon for being so busy looking at ice zombies he forgot about the south. She reminds him they have a Wall to block the zombies, but not Cersei.

Jon reminds Sansa, as the camera reminds us, that there’s a lotta fucking land between them and Cersei. Those southern troops have never marched this far north, and it is fully winter now. Sansa is unmoved. Cersei has managed to kill literally all of her other enemies, and she will never stop trying to kill them either. Jon calls it like he sees it:

Kings Landing. A man paints a giant map of Westeros on Cersei’s floor so that she can have dramatic conversations while the audience is reminded of where the fuck everybody is right now. Jamie enters and dismisses the painter and asks what’s up with the dramatic map. She tells him this is what their father trained them for, to conquer the world. Cersei notes he’s been quiet since she murdered half the city and their son killed himself he’s been back. He says he’s not angry with her (which, weird if true) and Cersei asks if he’s afraid of her. “Should I be?” She changes the subject.

Cersei somehow knows Tyrion is now Dany’s Hand, and asks where their armada will land when they get to Westeros. Jamie points to Dragonstone, ancestral seat of the Targaryens, where Aegon the Conquerer landed, and also Stannis had it for a bit but then he died. Cersei goes through the list of enemies: to the south, Ellaria Sand and her gang; to the West, Flowerboss Olenna Tyrell; to the North, King Jon and Sansa. Cersei wants the army to march north, and Jamie’s all lol, we’ll starve/freeze because only the Tyrells have food. Cersei asks if those Tyrells will stand against Dothraki and Unsullied – so I guess she knows literally everything about Dany’s army? k – and Jamie says yes, because we look like we’re losing.

Catherine: Yeah, how does she know all this shit? All of her connections either left or were literally killed by her. I guess she still has Qyburn?

Diva: And his army of knife-wielding children. Yay?

Cersei says she rules the seven kingdoms, and Jamie snarks back, “three kingdoms, at best.” She says she understands that they could die, but she wants to launch a dynasty. He reminds her that their dynasty is fucking dead, but she doesn’t care. He tries to talk abut Tommen and Cersei bolts for the wine. She tells him that they have to focus on their own survival, not their dead kids.

  

  

Jamie says they have no allies left – the Freys were all killed by some unknown enemy (lol) and they can’t win this war alone. Cersei says her daddy raised her right. And we cut to ships with giant black flags, featuring krakens. Uh oh. I think Iron Islands Pacey is making a pit stop in Kings Landing!

Catherine: Damn, it is a cool flag, though.

Diva: Jamie is horrified as they watch the ships Iron Islands Pacey somehow had built in like ten minutes sail into Blackwater Bay. Cersei exposits that it’s Euron Greyjoy, and he’s a great potential ally. Jamie thinks the Greyjoys as useless as the Freys, murdering their allies when it suits them. Cersei’s all, all the cool kids do that, and also Euron has ships. Jamie says all the Iron Islanders are bitter and sad little people who just steal shit they can’t build themselves (which is mostly true, save for Yara, who is a Krakenboss). Cersei tells him that Euron isn’t here for that – he’s here for a queen. Awkward thing to say to your brother-lover, no?

Throne Room. Euron has a new leather daddy makeover that I am living for. He may be a fratricidal sociopath, but the man has charisma, and I’d watch a charismatic villain over Ramsay fuckin’ Bolton any day of the week. Euron recaps the end of last season, when he was named King of the Iron Islands, and Theon and Yara stole his best ships and gave them to Dany. To attack Cersei, he notes. He recognizes that Cersei has faced worse treason from family members (epic Tyrion subtweet), but all their treasonous relatives are fighting for the same person. So he and Cersei, both “rightful monarchs,” should murder them together.

Jamie scoffs at Euron – he’s not a rightful monarch. The Iron Islands fought for their independence and lost.Euron remembers the day Jamie breached their walls and started cutting down his brothers. Euron thought it was beautiful, and had a blast watching his family die. He thanks Jamie for crushing the Greyjoy rebellion, because it led to Euron getting exiled and becoming the best captain in the world. At this, Cersei finally speaks, smiling as she notes Euron’s obvious lack of humility. “You’re not humble,” he tells her, and I can’t even with the way she tilts her head at him. This is a fun villain team! Euron points out that she doesn’t have to give a shit about his terrible homeland full of ugly people. But he does have “the greatest armada Westeros has ever seen,” and he can help her defeat Dany AND the Starks AND Dorne. Cersei loves the sound of this, but IDK, man. Dany’s got a fuckload of ships too, with Ironborn to sail them, PLUS an Unsullied army and a khalasar. Oh, and three dragons.

Anytangent, in return for his ships, Euron wants the most beautiful woman in the world. (Which used to be Dany, according to last-season Euron, but I guess he’s in search of the most beautiful woman who isn’t being aided by his niece and nephew.) He’s here for Cersei.

  

AWWWW, SHIT, Y’ALL. Pacey did not come to play, he came to SLAY.

Catherine: Right, like she’s gonna stop fucking Jamie if she marries you. Because monogamy worked so well for her last time she was married. I mean, granted, I doubt Pacey cares. But still.

Diva: Despite her obvious interest, Cersei declines because she doesn’t trust him not to turn on her the way he’s turned on his other allies. Also he murdered his own brother. “You should try it – feels wonderful,” he advises. I assumed he meant Tyrion, but Jamie seems to think Euron’s got another brother in mind. Euron says he’ll prove his worth with a priceless gift, and won’t return to the city until he has it.

Bets on what this gift is? My first thought was Tyrion, but he’s a little hard to get to, what with the dragons and all. If he means Sansa, I’ll kill him myself. Olenna Tyrell? Ellaria Sand? A lifetime supply of wine and epic armored shoulderpads?

Mari: Every season of Dawson’s Creek on DVD! 

Catherine: I don’t know but I’m just gonna stay afraid in advance.

Diva: My money’s on the DVDs.

Citadel. The library is still amazing. I’m going to fast-forward through this terrible montage of Sam stacking books, Sam emptying chamber pots, old men shitting, Sam cleaning chamber pots, Sam puking, Sam serving food that looks like what’s in the chamber pots, etc. We get it, show. Sam is there to do world-saving things and he can’t because he’s caught up in the gross mundanities of everyday life. Thanks for telling us that with as many bodily fluids as possible. After the poop montage, Sam explores a locked gate to the Restricted Section of the library. He’s gonna need a note from Madam Pince for that.

CSI: Oldtown. Sam helps the Archmaester take out a dead maester’s organs. He’s played by the absolute treasure Jim Broadbent, so I’ll call him Archmaester Slughorn, because Archmaester Bridget Jones’s Dad is too long. Sam takes the opportunity to ask Archmaester Slughorn if he can get into the Restricted Section. Archmaester’s all, no, you’re not a maester yet, you know the rules. Sam says everybody doubts that he’s seen what he’s seen, or that the White Walkers ever existed at all. Archmaester says, hey, doubting shit is kind of our brand, don’t knock it til you’ve tried it. But he actually does believe that there must be some truth to the sources about the White Walkers. Sam asks Archmaester Slughorn about Horcruxes if these sources are in the Restricted Section. Duh.

Archmaester believes that Sam saw what he says he saw. Sam’s all, well, you’re the only one. Archmaester says that’s because maesters aren’t like other people. They have different reasons for living here – to record this world, to give it a memory, to make sure men can live for something more than just their next meal. He recaps all the times throughout history people thought the world was ending – when Robert rebelled against the Targaryens, when Aegon Targaryen flew his dragons to Westeros, during the Long Night – but they were wrong. The Wall has always stood, and winter has always ended. (C: Um, okay but like, this one is a zombie apocalypse. So.)

Cut to Sam, stealing the keys to the Restricted Section, and then stealing a few books from it for good measure. Atta boy.

Winterfell. Brienne trains Podrick to fight, which mostly involves kicking his ass. It’s lovely to see people we like play-fighting in Winterfell’s courtyard again. Especially when Tormund arrives.

  

  

  

Littlefinger and Sansa watch them from above. He calls Brienne impressive, noting that she beat the Hound in single combat. Sansa has no time for his mind games and asks what he wants. He says he wants her to be safe and happy. Sansa is safe, but Littlefinger asks what else she wants. “At the moment, peace and quiet,” she tells him pointedly. Brienne approaches and Sansa dismisses him coldly/epically.

  

Once he’s out of earshot, Brienne asks what Littlefinger is still doing here. Sansa admits they still need the knights of the Vale, that Littlefinger saved her and Jon. Brienne wonders what Littlefinger wants, but Sansa sounds older than we’ve ever heard her when she responds, “I know exactly what he wants.”

Woods. Arya rides a horse, following the sound of a man’s voice singing a song that makes book readers squee. (Fun fact: A singer wrote this song about Tyrion and Shae, threatening to sing it to Tyrion’s father and sister to blackmail Tyrion into letting him sing at Joffrey’s wedding, so Tyrion had him killed by Bronn and cooked into a stew. For real! Good times.) (C: That IS a fun fact!) (D: Glad we share a flexible definition of the word “fun”!) While I’m pondering this, the camera finds a group of young-ish Lannister soldiers, and oh my God, the one singing is Ed Sheeran. The camera lingers on him in a way that is painfully distracting.

Catherine: Of course. It was always gonna be Ed Sheeran. It took us all a stupidly long time to work that out considering this isn’t Westeros Idol and no one else can sing that well.

Diva: Arya rides up to them, and they invite her to share their food. She dismounts warily, eyeing the men and their pile of swords. She mentions Kings Landing and they do a roast about how it’s the worst place in the world. Arya asks what they’re doing in the Riverlands. They’ve part of the Lannister army that’s been sent to keep the peace, since there’s been some trouble at the Twins recently. (Yeah there has, boys. And you’re lookin’ at her.)

They offer Arya the first bite of their food, as a soldier tells her that his mother taught him to be kind to strangers and they’ll be kind back. Another one admits his wife just had their first baby. He hopes it’s a girl, who will take care of him when he’s old. Ed Sheeran passes her the wine, which she compliments. We can see her becoming less wary and more relaxed as she realizes that this is actually, to all of our shock, just a group of nice, normal people. They ask why she’s going to Kings Landing by herself, and Arya takes a big swig of wine before responding, “I’m going to kill the queen.” They’re silent for a long moment, and then burst into laughter. She giggles right along with them.

Catherine: Okay, I love you but please be careful.

Mari: I love me some Arya, but that entire scene from Sheeran to giggles felt pointless to me. I hope it was a piece to something in the future. Or maybe the point was that nothing happened and sometimes nothing happens in life. I still don’t like it. And it’s all Game of Thrones’ fault that it got me used to something always happening in a scene, okay?

Diva: To me, the point was to remind us that Arya is still human, which was worthwhile enough for me. But Sheeran made it feel even more out of place in this universe than it already did because strangers were nice to each other and nobody died.

Somewhere in the North. The Hound is snarking Thoros of Myr and it’s extremely fun. Thoros asks why he’s such a grump, and the Hound tells him, “experience.” They arrive at a small house – one that I think we’ve seen before. The Hound says the people there don’t want them in their house, but Beric Dondarrion doesn’t see any signs of people. The Hound doesn’t want to go inside, and also thinks Thoros’s manbun is stupid. Thoros thinks they might have some ale hidden away, but the Hound assures him that they don’t. Now I remember this house, with the man and the little girl who fed the Hound and Arya on their epic buddy cop “fuck the king” tour of Westeros. The Hound took their silver and ran, over Arya’s protests. Here, have another tumblr reminder:

They enter the house, and we soon realize the Hound was right – there’s a pair of skeletons in the corner, a child in her father’s arms. Beric assumes the father killed them both because they were starving to death. Beric and the Hound catch up on old times, and the Hound wonders why a totally non-special dude like Beric has managed to come back to life so many times. Beric’s all, IDK, this is the Lord of Light’s gig, not mine. Thoros calls the Hound over to the fire, as the Hound grumbles about his luck, ending up with a band of fire worshippers. Beric calls it divine justice, but the Hound doesn’t believe in that shit.

Thoros tells the Hound to stare into the fire. First the Hound just sees burning logs, but he looks longer, and longer, and his face changes as he describes what he sees – The Wall, Eastwatch-by-the-Sea, a mountain, an army of the dead marching past. Oh shit. That’s an actual vision. Beric asks if he believes them now.

Later, Thoros wakes up to a digging sound. He goes outside and sees the Hound burying the man and his daughter who lived here. The Hound Redemption Arc continues, and Thoros grabs a shovel and helps him fill the graves. The Hound begins a prayer about the seven gods, but he can’t remember it. Instead, he says, “I’m sorry you’re dead. You deserved better. Both of you.” And walks off. I melt into a pile of feelings.

Citadel. Sam reads, and Gilly plays with Toddler Sam. He tells her that the Targaryens used dragonglass not even knowing what its true purpose was. He turns to a page with a map of Dragonstone, the Targaryen island, with a mountain of dragonglass there, beneath the ground.

He writes to Jon immediately.

Sam on maid service duties. He picks up pans from shelves on closed doors. As he reaches for one, a terrifying, scaly grey hand reaches out through the hole in the door. A strangled, gravelly, familiar voice asks if she has come yet. The dragon queen. Sam hasn’t heard anything. We see the man in the darkness of his cell, and that stubbly jaw belongs to Jorah fuckin’ Mormont. His search for a greyscale vaccine does not appear to be going well.

Dany stands on a ship, with Tyrion and Varys and Missande at her side, sailing into Dragonstone, with her dragons flying ahead.

Catherine: Well what a coinky-dink! We were JUST talking about Dragonstone throughout this entire episode that is also named after it!

Diva: I am already emotional. They deboard onto the beach. Dany steps onto her homeland for the first time since she was a baby. She walks forward alone, and touches the sand with her hands. They all walk into castle, which is empty and unlocked, thanks to the Great Contrivance Spirit. We’ve seen Dragonstone before, but not these parts, the giant dragon gargoyles at the massive gates. The cameras give us our money’s worth of gorgeous views of the stunning landscape and the castle’s walls and grounds. Dany passes one of Stannis’s banners, the stag inside the burning heart, and pulls it down. She enters a throne room we’ve never seen before. There’s a throne made of jagged rocks – dragonglass, perhaps? Or just like… fancy wood?

Catherine: Uncomfortable as fuck either way. When will someone in this show get a throne made from, like… cushions?

Diva: Seriously. We’ve got an Iron Throne and a Salt Throne and this Uncomfortable as Fuck Throne – where is the Tempur-Pedic Throne?

Dany climbs the steps to the non-cozy throne, then turns and sees the Chamber of the Painted Table that Stannis and Melisandre Totally Had Sex On Like a Million Years Ago. (C: You’re def gonna want to Lysol that shit, Dany. Lest you catch demon snatch.) The table carved into a map of Westeros. She enters that room instead of sitting on the throne. She touches the table because she doesn’t know it’s a sex table. Tyrion walks around the room, staring at the dragon carvings in the walls. Dany stands at the head of the table, and Tyrion turns to her. She asks, “shall we begin?”

Credits. Holy shit, friends.

1. Arya left the Frey women alive, to tell their story. Yet I can’t help but think of the advice she gave them – to kill all of their enemies, even the mousy little girls who don’t seem like they could possibly be threats, or they’ll come back to gut your ass. Maybe Child Bride Frey is thrilled to be rid of her gross husband. Maybe the serving girls are Walder’s bastard daughters and granddaughters, resentful at being made to serve their half-siblings, thankful for their liberation, wishing they’d poisoned the damn wine themselves. Or maybe they just saw every man they’ve ever met, maybe a lot of assholes but maybe also a kind uncle or a protective big brother, murdered in front of them. Who’s to say they won’t want their own revenge? Oh, we only have 12 episodes left? Nvm.

Mari: I wrote this comment in earlier during the Jon-Sansa conflict, but I’m moving it here to make a parallel: I made all sorts of OH NO AW MAN noises when the two baby Karstack and Umbers stepped up because their fathers were killed in battle. The thing that sucks, though, is that we go back to Arya’s words to the Freys– if you leave one wolf alive, the sheep aren’t safe. That’s not me advocating for killing all the Karstark and Umber babies, or anything. This is just me reminding you that I am worried for everyone CONSTANTLY.

Diva: All the time, always.

b) I am HERE for the Jon-Sansa conflict. I want all the Starks to be best friends forever but this is so much more character development for Sansa and I am EATING IT UP. I am thrilled to be able to have strategic disagreements with Sansa, because that means Sansa is strategizing. Gone are the days of Sansa the victim, though we loved her through all of them. But I take a unique pride in getting to see Sansa the leader. Sansa the survivor. Sansa the Direboss.

cat) It’s an interesting juxtaposition: Sam’s poop montage, which is really about living from one meal to the next with no greater purpose, versus Archmaester Slughorn’s point about the maesters being different from the people who do exactly that. I like the conflict between what Sam is trying to do and what he’s been doing, and I like that this whole storyline got him into the Restricted Section within an episode. We’re moving at a whole new speed now. It might make the timeline very confusing and the speed of travel virtually impossible, but I appreciate it from an episode pacing perspective.

direwolf) I loved that the show gave us a whole new view of Dragonstone. The cameras never lingered on its dragon detailing when Stannis held the castle, but now we see it in a new Targaryen light. Dany’s return to the island where she was born is six seasons and Dany’s entire lifetime in the making, and I am grateful for several minutes of silence and gorgeous scenery as we see her arrive back home.

Mari: I’m with you. Someone called this scene boring within my earshot and I was like EXCUSE YOU. All I can think about is those first scenes where we meet Dany in season 1, where she tells Viserys that she wants to go home. He’s all like HOME? HOME??? With what ships and what army? And six seasons later, for as much as Dany is NOT my favorite character, the fulfillment of that in beautiful broad strokes was amazing.

Catherine: I didn’t even realize that Dragonstone was where Stannis was at until after the episode. I think we only ever saw that castle in sex shadows and dark candlelight when he was in it. (D: Facts.)

I’m more torn about the Sansa/Jon fight. Only because I feel like them not being united is going to give Littlefinger a chance to slime his way in between them. And we all know he’ll take it. Also I just generally hate when they fight?

Other than that, this ep felt like it was setting up a lot of different storylines for this season. Which is normally boring to me, the set up episodes, but I was not bored by this. How can one be bored when an episode starts with Arya killing a room full of people, I ask you?

Mari: My final thoughts are just about how much this episode, which honestly did have a lot of set-up and not a lot going on, was about haunted and past places. The site of the Red Wedding, Dragonstone, the little cabin full of bones. This was an episode full of “what now.” Sansa and Jon are in that fight currently, where Sansa’s “what now” looks just a little less naive that she was before and she’d be okay with Jon being less honorable than the now dead men who raised him. Cersei’s what now is to dig deeper into her warpath, regardless of how terrible her prospects currently look. And for Dany, she returns home and while maybe her goal was to get there and sit on that throne, today she enters the war room and gives us really great words to end on: let’s begin.

And so while this episode wasn’t the best, most thrilling we ever saw, I’m hyped to get started.

Diva: We are nothing if not united in our hype.

And now, your #gameofsnark tweets:

 

 

 

 

Next time on Game of Thrones: Dany gets a visitor, Jon’s got trouble at Winterfell, and Tyrion puts his mind to werk. ALSO MAYBE NYMERIA??

 

DemocracyDiva (all posts)

I'm a J.D. by day/blogger by night who directs her snark and judgment primarily towards celebrities and their many red carpet mishaps. Blogging from the style capital of the world (just kidding - I live in DC), I rant and rave over the best and worst in fashion and pop culture.





Marines (all posts)

I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.





Catherine (all posts)

I am a 30-something year-old human woman who lives in Maine. I'm a freelance writer who mostly spends time that I should be doing that, watching T.V. I also love reading and comic books way too much.





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DemocracyDiva

I'm a J.D. by day/blogger by night who directs her snark and judgment primarily towards celebrities and their many red carpet mishaps. Blogging from the style capital of the world (just kidding - I live in DC), I rant and rave over the best and worst in fashion and pop culture.