Supergirl S02 E13 – Blandsome

Previously: Lena went to jail and got broken out of jail but we’re not sure if she’s evil yet.
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Mr. and Mrs. Mxzyptlk

Marines: We pick up right where we left off, with the appearance of Mxzyptlk. He uses some blue light magic to romance the apartment up with candles, some live music, food and an engagement ring. Mxzyptlk gets on a knee and calls himself Kara’s one true pairing (as the kids say). Mxzyptlk asks if Kara will marry him and starts to sing “A Whole New World,” while Kara is essentially speechless. Mon-El grabs Mxzyptlk by the lapels and lifts him up, saying that Kara’s with him.

“The other suitor,” Mxzyptlk says. “I didn’t see you there, tall, dark and bland-some.“

That’s cheesy as hell but it fits Super Mayo so well, I’M LOVING IT.

Samantha: I only want to call him blandsome for now on.

Mari: Fair.

Mx, as I’m going to call him because so many consonants, tells Mon-El he’s barely there and definitely not a romantic rival. Mon-El tries to punch Mx in the face, but he disappears and rematerializes next to Kara. Mx tells Mon-El he’s best left invisible and transport him to the DEO, wearing nothing but his underwear. Mon-El smiles uncomfortably and then vows to kill Mx.

Back at the Super Pad, Kara wonders what Mx did with Mon-El, stumbles over his name, and then tells him to start from the beginning, which is a funny way of saying “if you don’t get your creepy ass out of my apartment, I will find a way to kill you with my laser eyes.”

Kara asks Mx where he’s from, but he avoids the question, and gets back to the insta-proposal, going as far as using his magic to outfit Kara in a wedding dress. Kara is still at a loss for words. Mx goes on about how there is no one like Kara where he’s from, no one as strong, independent, beautiful, brave or bold. Kara says she’s flattered, but definitely not going to marry him. Mxzyptlk says he’s all seeing and all powerful, but that’s one thing he can’t make her do. “That” or make her fall in love. Wait, I thought the “that” was making her fall in love? Someone tell me he’s talking about marrying him and not anything else…

Samantha: Oh god, this is so creepy one way or the other.

Catherine: I think the “That” was make her marry him. Which is comforting. Glad he randomly doesn’t have that power. 

Mari: Other no-gos for Mx are stopping her from killing herself or making her drink orange juice har har har. Kara apologies for not being interested, but Mx thinks she’s playing hard to get. I’m already really over his whole schtick and this episode, so it’s good that we are up to 3 minutes and 48 seconds.

Mx swears that Kara will most certainly fall in love with him and his pick-up-artist magic, or whatever. He snaps and disappears, leaving a flustered Kara in her empty apartment, with everything back to normal.

Catherine: Okay, I have not done one of these in a while so bear with me. 

Mxyzptlk or Mister Mxyzptlk is a pretty popular Superman villain, if you can believe it. He originally appeared allllllll the way back in 1944. Since then he’s appeared in all kinds of Superman media. And yes, he was in Lois & Clark and was played by Howie Mandel. For your daily dose of Peak 90’s: 

This ep explains his character pretty well but let me just sum up that he’s a little guy from the fifth dimension who has the power to warp reality. Superman (/girl) is vulnerably to Mx’s powers because he of his susceptibility to magic (a characteristic I’m not sure they’ve ever mentioned on this show) and he is one of the most powerful villains in DC canon except he’s just such an annoying a-hole that he never thinks to get around to destroying the world. Let me put it this way, him hounding Kara into marrying him is so on point that if it’s not straight out of comic canon I’d be shocked. 

Mari: Kara heads to the DEO, and Mon-El has found some clothing. J’onn Hank is explaining that she’s been visited by a fifth dimensional being, and they possess the ability to warp our reality. Mon-El says they had a zero tolerance policy on Daxam when it came to these beings (wtf does that mean) because, while they know how to party, they are very dangerous. J’onn asks Winn to scan the archives for anything resembling fifth dimensional incursions on Earth. Winn is on it and by-the-ways that J’onn’s message to Mars is also ready to send. Kara nosily asks what message and J’onn explains that he’s sending the equivalent of a Valentine to M’gann. He rambles some explanation about how since he lives on a psychic planet, writing is a way of truly saying something.

Mon-El wants to know more about this “day of the Valentine,” but Kara shushes him and takes him aside. She really wants to get back to their romantic times, but for some reason, she can’t until she gets rid of Mx. OKAY, KARA.

Catherine: You can just admit he’s a bad kisser, Kara. You can just say it. 

Mari: Alex brings Maggie breakfast. She’s also got a Valentine’s Day card and explains that it’s from her mother. Alex kind of nervously laughs about it being silly, and Maggie obliviously grabs the card and makes light fun of it. Alex fishes for Maggie’s thought on the holiday and is sad when Maggie says she hates it. Alex lies that she totally does, too.

Alien Bar. Winn is being sad at the bar and then gets sadder when a couple aggressively making out bumps into him (?) and spills his drink. (S: Fucking stop, idiots.) In further, contrivance-heavy, unexplained events, a bumpy-faced alien starts picking on Winn for no reason. I guess because his drink order is stupid? (C: Also, HE’S stupid. I think. Do I hate Winn right now? It’s been a while and I can’t remember.) IDK, the point is that Winn is rescued by a super strong ridge-faced alien. She fights off the Bumpy Bullies and ends the fight by saying that she hates bullies. Winn is in awe, and even more so when she shares that she’s from Starhaven. That’s like his most favorite planet he’s never been to! He can even quote some of their children’s books! I think. I’m lightly paying attention to the circumstance throwing Winn and Ridge Face (Lyra) together. Lyra asks Winn out to dinner, since he owes her his life and it is Valentine’s Day.

Thieves steal some jewels from a shop and run. Supergirl is there to stop them, but she pauses long enough to showboat and get shot at for no reason because she’s fast enough to just, you know, stop them. Mx shows up and uses his warp magic to take the guns out of the thieve’s hands and turn them around. He snaps his fingers, causing them to fire, but Supergirl jumps in front of the bullets and saves the thieves. Supergirl asks WTF Mx is even doing, and he says “let the wooing begin.” 

Back at the DEO, Kara tells J’onn what happened as they walk over to Winn for an update. Winn’s update is, “know genies and leprechauns? Yeah. Reality bending aliens.” Thanks, Winn. Mon-El is on hand to suggest they kill him swiftly, because that’s what he meant when he was talking about how they handle these guys on Daxam. Kara insists there will be no killing and that she can take care of herself. J’onn suggests looking through the basement of convenient alien artifacts and maybe finding something there that can deal with Mx and send him back to the Fifth Dimension. Winn gets a text from Lyra asking if they are still on for tonight. Winn looks… unsure?

Catherine: I thought this was weird, too since he seemed into her. Maybe he just realized she might have a weird alien genitalia situation happening and he’s nervous. 

Mari: Super Pad. Kara tells Alex that she can deal with Mx, but it’s Mon-El who is being infuriating. Alex wonders if maybe Mon-El is jealous and Kara is like PFFT NO, so of course they walk into her apartment, covered in arrangements of roses. Kara gives one to Alex for Maggie, but Alex sighs that Maggie hates Valentine’s Day. Kara thinks that’s a bummer. Alex really wanted to be able to do all the silly things couples do after so many years of being alone. Kara tells her to think of things Maggie loves and make a tailor-made Maggie Valentines, and reinvent the holiday for the both of them. Alex thanks her for the advice. The girls hear a car crash right outside her apartment. They run to the window and see the giant monster Parasite wreaking havoc in the street. Kara pulls open her shirt.

Down on the street, Supergirl lands and engages with Parasite. She manages to knock him down with her laser eyes, but then gets distracted by a fire started by a crashed tanker. Parasite knocks Supergirl down and she just stays down, helplessly, why does this keep happening? (S: BOOOOOOO.) Mon-El flies in and charges at Parasite, only to get thrown away easily. Supergirl and Mon-El both stand and have a whole conversation instead of, I don’t know, trying to take down the monster. Everyone looks up at the sky and sees a bird? A plane? It’s Mx in a Superman-like suit. He gets rid of Parasite and uses his freezer breath to stop the gas fire. Mx thinks it’s awesome he was here to help Supergirl. Mon-El is like, “bro. I was helping her.” Mx laughs him off and they get into an aggressive, manly back and forth. Supergirl figures out that the whole parasite thing was Mx, so he could jump in and save the day. Mon-El yells for Mx to just say his name backwards and go already. Supergirl is kind of shocked that Mon-El knows how to get rid of him, but I’m not sure why she would be. She angrily sends Mon-El away because she’s handling this, dammit. She asks Mx what it’s going to take to get him off this planet. Mx says two words: I do. Or else things will get real bad for Earth.

Samantha: Wait, so saying his name backwards poofs him away? Like… a twist on Rumplestiltskin?

Catherine: Yep. Pretty much.  

Mari: Thrilling.

Back at the DEO, Kara and Mon-El get into a fight. He cannot believe that she sent him away to have private time with Mx. Kara says she sent him away so he wouldn’t get zapped away to Siberia and because he was being out of control. Monl-El says excuse him for defending her honor. Kara says she’s SUPERGIRL she can defend herself, thank you very much, and she has everything under control. Mon-El thinks she doesn’t always do a good job realizing what things are in her control. Kara asks if that’s why he didn’t tell her the secret to getting Mx off Earth. Mon-El says no, he didn’t bring it up because it NEVER WORKS. (C: It literally always works.) The argument keeps going as Kara accuses Mon-El of being jealous, egotistical and a Daxamite. Mon-El thinks she’s full of herself. They both get so worked up they agree that anything between them is a super bad idea. Kara stomps away.

Mon-El finds Winn, who is still obsessing over Lyra. He asks for a pearl of wisdom from Mon-El, who can only offer that things were a lot easier on Daxam where he objectified women and didn’t care. Boohoohoo.

The boys get distracted by very cool alien artifacts. Winn is testing a bunch of them, but it’s going to take time, so he’s off to have dinner with Lyra. Left alone, Mon-El steals one of the super strong alien artifacts.

Catherine: I MEAN maybe we don’t leave the super powerful alien artifacts just laying around on a table so you can go get some alien strange. Maybe we don’t do that. 

Mari: Maggie’s apartment. The lights are dim, music is playing, the dessert is out. Maggie walks in and hates it all immediately. She flips on the lights. Alex comes out of the room and says she was just about to make her entrance. Maggie is very angry that Valentines is happening right now because she hates not being heard. She tries to leave, but Alex pulls her back and tells her to use her words right now. Maggie admits that she lied about her parents being supportive of her coming out. She realized she liked a girl in a romantic way when she was 14 and gave that girl a Valentine. That girl gave the card to her parents. Her parents called Maggie’s parents and that’s how she was outed. Maggie’s father kicked her out of the house and she had to live with an aunt for 3 years. Alex says she’s sorry, but wonders why Maggie lied in the first place. Maggie says she didn’t want to scare Alex. She wanted things to be better for her. This time, Maggie really does stomp out of the apartment.

Alien Bar. Winn runs in, late. Lyra thinks he better have a real good reason. Winn excitedly says that he got reservations and he’s got all kinds of big plans for the night. Lyra looks unimpressed and then just aggressively kisses him. Winn says this works, too.

DEO. Kara is practicing saying Mxzyptlk backwards and realizes that this is going to be real hard. J’onn walks in and she asks him where Winn is. J’onn doesn’t know, but he does know that only one of the alien artifacts tested positive for fifth dimensional energy. They see that it’s gone and Kara immediately rightly assumes that Mon-El took it. (S: I’m bored.) (C: I don’t blame you.) 

Somewhere in the city, Mon-El is telling Mx to show himself. He appears on top of a dumpster, which seems right to me. Mon-El challenges him to a Daxamite duel, to the death, for Kara’s hand. Mx accepts and then says they should do this like proper gentlemen. He snaps and suddenly, Mon-El is on stage at a theater, dressed as Alexander Hamilton. Mx says he’s always been a Burr man himself. He pulls out two pistols and truly tells Mon-El not to throw away his shot.

My feelings are so confused. I’m 100% here for any and all cheesy and non-cheesy references to Hamilton. But I still hate this episode, so.

Samantha: A bright spot! A fleeting moment of joy!

Catherine: You guys had a totally different reaction to this than me. I rolled my eyes so hard I sprained something. It was just so aggressively: 

Mari: I did say it was cheesy.

Mon-El shoots Mx, but obviously it does nothing, because Mx wasn’t going to actually hand him a loaded gun that could kill him. Mon-El resorts to plan B and holds up the alien artifact and it strips Mx of his magic. Now, they are down to old fashion fisticuffs, peppered with arguing about who Kara would want more. A tumble, though, allows Mx to grab away the alien artifact and I’m just… Mon-El, really. BE GOOD AT SOMETHING.

Mx turns the artifact off and suddenly Mon-El is strung up by ropes. Mx cocks the pistol, but Supergirl arrives before he shoots. Mx boohoos about how Mon-El tried to kill him, but Supergirl cuts him off and tells him that she’ll marry him. Mon-El protests, so Mx snaps his fingers and makes him disappear. Supergirl is all yep I will definitely totally not fake marry you. Meet me at the Fortress of Solitude tomorrow at noon. Mx disappears.

The next morning, Mon-El shows up at the Super Pad and launches into a speech about how right Kara was about his jealousy. He wishes that he could snap his fingers and give Kara everything she wants. Kara says it’s not only about the jealousy. He also doesn’t respect or listen to her. She told him she had this under control. Mon-El swears to listen and do better if she just gives him the chance. Kara says it’s too late. She’s going to marry Mx and team up with him to do good things. Mon-El sadly says that he thought they would make the great team. Kara sadly shows him the door.

Samantha: I hate that this will all be a trick or whatever, because her points are valid.

Mari: Which means it will certainly be a trick.

Kara goes to the DEO to look for Alex, but she isn’t there. Maggie is there looking for Alex, too. She says she needs to apologize to her. Kara thinks for a second and then decides to put her $0.02 in: she knows that Valentine’s Day doesn’t mean anything to Maggie, but it means something to Alex. So maybe Maggie might consider making some changes for the sake of her relationship. Maggie looks thoughtful.

Catherine: I feel bad for Maggie about her bad memories of Valentines Day but I still can’t believe this is a fight that we’re supposed to believe two grown adults would have. 

Mari: And yet here we are.

Fortress of Solitude. Mx is in a tux and he’s looking for Kara. She flies in, wearing her costume, and drinking orange juice. I’m serious, she flew all the way here with a cup of OJ. Supergirl breaks the news and she’s definitely not going to marry him and she brought him here so he wouldn’t hurt anyone when she broke the news. She brought this guy who can be anywhere in a snap of his fingers far away for safety? It’s a good thing this show really doesn’t make any one of its super powered people do things that make sense.

Mx gets angry and brings an ice sculpture of Jor-El to life to hold Supergirl down until she agrees to marry him. She smashes through the ice sculpture and destroys it. She then punches some buttons at a console and engages a self-destruct button of sorts. Mx can’t stop her from killing herself, so he can’t get out of the sealed, exploding Fortress. Mx tries to talk her out of this. Supergirl tells him that being with him would be going against her heart daily. As if that’s the problem here– what her heart is saying, and not the fact that this is a maniacal, homicidal, boundary-less weirdo. But right, her heart and stuff.

Samantha: I’m groaning. We’re not even going to properly address the creepy?

Catherine: Also, her threatening to kill herself to get away from him is… not a great message.

Mari:  Mx calls her bluff, but as the Fortress starts to shake, he begs her not to kill herself. Supergirl says she’s super definitely not going to tell him the code to stop it. Mx runs over the console, but can’t read the Kryptonian symbols. As the countdown gets close to the end, Supergirl “gives in” and points out the correct sequence for Mx to enter. The self-destruct stops and a little projection shows the entered symbols. And then it translates it so we all see that Mx just typed in his name backwards. And somehow that counts. And Supergirl quotes what J’onn said at the beginning of the episode that on some planets, writing a thing is like truly saying it.

Catherine: I mean, he left so does it matter?  

Mari: The writers of this episode would say no.

Mx starts to disappear, but not before he sadly says that he just wanted someone to love him. Supergirl tells him he can’t force love. He has to let it find him.

After a cut, Winn waits for Lyra in a restaurant. She’s kind of uncomfortable because people are staring at her. He tells her she looks beautiful, though. Lyra was surprised he called as she figured she would be a one-time thing. An experience. Winn says he’s totes cool with dating an alien, just scared of falling for someone because of past heartbreak. Winn offers to take it slow and Lyra asks to be taken to his house.

Maggie’s place. The lights are dim and there is a gift on the counter. Alex opens the card and sees instructions to put the dress on and meet Maggie somewhere. We cut to Alex in a really stunning red dress arriving at an empty ballroom. Maggie welcomes her to a Valentine Prom? Okay, cool. Maggie apologizes for nursing her old wounds and not considering Alex’s feelings. They dance.

Mon-El visits Kara at the Super Pad. He tells Kara that she’s awesome for out-tricking Mx with no violence, which he never should’ve doubted. Mon-El tells Kara that he realizes that his feelings for her are his Kryptonite and he’s not used to feeling this way. He tries to leave, but Kara stops him. She explains that she lied about them not being a match to trick him and just in case Mx was listening. They kiss and fall back on the couch.

Samantha: Ugh.

Catherine: ugghhhhh.

Mari: And that’s really all there was left to say.

 

Next time on Supergirl: DEAN CAIN? in S01 E14 – Homecoming.