After Chapter 68 – Ready to “you know” with his “arousal.”

Previously: Tessa and Hardin decide they love each other.
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Samantha: They stop kissing and sit on the bed and Tessa demands to know who he fought with. Was it Zed? Was it Landon? WAS IT AN ALIEN?

Nope.

It was just a few random guys he picked a fight with ’cause he was mad his abuse victim went off with another guy.

Cool. Fascinating.

Marines: Who voted for anything besides “lol it doesn’t matter”? You were all wrong.

Samantha: Hardin apologizes for the shitty way he treats her and we all roll our eyes in unison and don’t buy this. Tessa says it isn’t okay but she’ll give him another chance. They cuddle, and she tells him she’s afraid he’ll change his mind. He tells her that’s he’s always wanted to be with her he was just fighting it before. You know, fighting his feelings by verbally abusing her, humiliating her, and physically intimidating her! He wants to earn her trust, he won’t hurt her again, he loves her, blah blah blah.

They say I love you a few more times and she wants to heal him with her love and they start making out. Things take a turn for the pseudo-hot-and-heavy and the text makes a point of telling me that Hardin doesn’t ask for permission before taking her shirt off?

Mari: I mean, the text yes, but also that’s Tessa’s inner dialogue. She NOTICES this, so some part of me feels like that it means something to her or it bothers her. And yet, we keep going.

Samantha: Yes, good clarification, thank you.

He’s missed her and her body so much and slides his hands into her jeans. Is this it? Is this the sex? Am I in it? She briefly wonders how they can go from hating each other to loving each other to this and it’s because this book is terribly written, Tessa. (M: You’re in a shit spiral.)

She tells him to undress, he obliges, and she tells him that his infinity symbol tattoo is more feminine than the rest. She also keeps referring to his penis as his “arousal.” (M: Jesus Christ.) She then also narrates “before either of us can ruin the moment with more words” and I just… wow. Okay. Sure. Keep on acknowledging that this relationship is problematic AF.

She’s all turned on so she tells him that she wants to “you know” and I guess that means the sex. (M: Does it, though?) He tells her that he doesn’t think it’s a good idea. She gets all panicky and he replies her that he just thinks they’ve been through too much emotionally today to also take her virginity. He tells her that once that fake social construct is gone, it can’t come back.

1. Too much emphasis is placed on women’s virginity and I hate it.
2. This is a valid concern to raise and discuss when talking about taking a relationship to the next level but
3. It feels like he’s making this decision for her and she’s too humiliated to have a say.

He tells her that he’ll gladly fuck her a lot once she’s ready and she’s shocked that he had “enough respect for me to turn me down”. Idk. Remember when Christian Grey never did the sex stuff when or how Ana wanted so that she never had agency? Again, talking about misgivings and concerns before sex is GOOD but this didn’t feel like enough of a discussion. Or maybe I’m ruined. Mari?

Mari: All of the above. Withholding sex was also a Edward thing. Bella always wanted it, but it didn’t happen until it happened under Edward’s terms, “for her own good.” So, yes, we are ruined. And yes, this conversation had good parts of it. And yes, it’s also strange in the context of their entire relationship. Mostly because, as you mentioned, it was less a conversation and more of a decision on Hardin’s part. It’s extra gross because of that “when you are ready” bit because who gets to decide that? HARDIN? Pardon me while I choke on my laughter. 

Samantha: He goes down on her and that’s how the chapter ends.

 

Next time on After: Greenhouse good times in Chapter 69.