After Chapter 77 – Security! Security!

Previously: Tessa got the best internship to ever exist, I guess.
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Marines: Tessa finishes up her angry shower and puts on the new sexy underwear she bought with a t-shirt over. 

“I slip a t-shirt over my head and look over my stuff for tomorrow. All I can think about is where he went; I know I’m obsessive and a little crazy, but I can’t help worrying that he’s with Molly.”

Okay, but Tessa are you “a little crazy?” Because almost every, if not every, time he’s stomped away, he ended up with Molly. That’s a pattern, not paranoia. 

Samantha: I’m tired, this is tiring.

Mari: As she’s trying to figure out whether or not she should text Hardin, she gets a text from Steph, who is going to stay the night with Tristan again. Tessa sighs over how wonderful it must be to have a boyfriend who adores you, tells you about his job, and doesn’t snap and leave for no reason all the time always. THE DREAM.

Samantha: Omg, Tessa, it’s okay to get you one of those.

Mari: We certainly encourage it.

Tessa watches TV until she’s so sleepy, she forgets that she’s angry. She texts Hardin good night and then falls asleep. 

She wakes up to the terrifying sounds of Hardin drunkenly stumbling into her room. I can’t even remember anymore why it was a big deal that Hardin didn’t drink and Tessa sometimes wanted to, but honestly at chapter 77, I don’t care and it doesn’t matter. 

Tessa asks why Hardin is even here and thinks that she doesn’t want him here drunk at two in the morning. That’s fair. If only she had some say about who was in her room or something. Hardin says he missed her, so Tessa asks why he left in the first place. Hardin says that she was annoying him. If you’ll remember, Tessa asked about Hardin’s job and that annoyed him so much he had to brat out of the room and go get drunk. 

Samantha: I’m so angry.

Mari: Since Hardin is going to be drunk and mean, Tessa says she’s going back to sleep. Hardin says he’s not being mean, but he is definitely drunk. Tessa doesn’t care about the drunk thing, or so she claims. She’s definitely thought at least twice about how she doesn’t want Hardin here drunk, but okay. We know that Tessa doesn’t really object to drinking, but I don’t blame her for being on her guard around her violent, awful boyfriend who likes to destroy things when he’s angry while drunk. 

Out loud, Tessa says it’s a school night and she needs her sleep. In her head, Tessa thinks about how she would stay up all night if she knew that Hardin wasn’t going to say hurtful things. This is so disgusting. She doesn’t want to be in this situation, but there is a disconnect between how she’s processing that internally and what she’s saying out loud. 

Samantha: This is horrifying, honestly. Todd, once again, knows this is messed up but is attempting to romanticize it anyway.

Mari: Hardin mocks Tess about the school night thing, calls her a square, and laughs and laughs and laughs. Tessa tells him to just go, and she sulks while thinking about her “semi-sweet” Hardin because the best she’s got is SEMI sweet. 

“Aww, baby, don’t be mad at me,” he says, but I ignore him. “Do you really want me to go? You know what happens when I sleep without you,” he says, just above a whisper.” 

I made it half-way through typing that quote and had to switch over to Twitter to rant. I HATE THIS BOOK SO MUCH. Hardin just LETS HIMSELF INTO HER ROOM DRUNK, INSULTS HER, he’s asked to leave, AND THEN HE MANIPULATES HER INTO STAYING BECAUSE HE HAS NIGHTMARES. Tessa has repeatedly thought about how much she doesn’t want him here because he’s drunk and mean, but now, if she kicks him out, she’s dooming him to nightmares????? 

THE WORST PART???

ANNA TODD KNOWS THIS IS ABSOLUTE GARBAGE. 

“My heart sinks. I do know what happens, but it’s not fair for him to use that against me when he’s drunk and taunting me.
“Fine. You can stay, but I’m going to sleep.””

IT’S. NOT. FAIR.

And then, as a non-sequitur, FINE YOU CAN STAY. 

Samantha: Okay so I don’t really have anything new to add except also RAGE. IF YOU DON’T WANT TO SLEEP ALONE THEN DON’T BE A DOUCHE CANOE. I’m so sick of the narrative that men get to “act out” because they’re in “pain” and that pain is supposed to excuse that behavior. FUCK OFF.

Mari: Your pain and past trauma has nothing to do with how you can treat me. Let me tell you, showing up drunk and uninvited to insult me IS NOT IT.

We go back around in this endless cycle of misery as Tessa explains that she’s going to sleep because Hardin is drunk and mean. Hardin insists that he’s not being MEAN, he’s just… calling her names? I’m not sure where he’s going with this. Tessa further explains that calling someone annoying when all they did was ask a questions about his job is MEAN. Tessa didn’t even ask the question again, and Hardin’s all, “ugh, not this again. Just drop it.” 

Tessa instead asks why Hardin was drinking tonight, knowing that every time he’s gotten drunk in the past, it was for a reason. Hardin doesn’t want to answer, so instead he whips out his next manipulation trick, “Can you please stop being mad at me? I love you.”

And just like that, Tessa’s not angry anymore!  

Tessa says she’s not mad. She just doesn’t want to backtrack in their relationship. She doesn’t like when he brats out of the room. She wants him to be able to talk about the things that make him mad. Instead of listening at all, Hardin calls her a control freak. Tessa is like, “okay, wow, I guess we are still fighting. Anything else you want to say?”

“Nope, just that you’re a control freak and I really want you to move in with me.”

You guys… is this banter? DOES ANNA TODD THINK THIS IS ROMANTIC BANTER? 

Samantha: Is this like, Hardin is supposed to be Darcy-esque? And this is supposed to be cute? He can’t explain it but she makes him crazy? Cause, like, fuck off book.

Mari: All the way off.

Hardin says that before he got drunk, he went apartment hunting and he found a place for them to live. Tessa says it’s hard to “keep up with the five personalities of Hardin Scott,” and I just… No more shades, no more personalities, NO MORE. 

Tessa EXPLAINS SOME MORE that people don’t usually insult their girlfriends and then ask them to move in. Hardin tells her to lighten up, but smiles while doing it, so Tessa is like l o l. Hardin says he’s not trying to be a jerk. He just can’t help himself! “I’m really, really good at it!“

Samantha: Just…seriously what is happening?

Mari: THIS MAKES ME FEEL UNBALANCED.

Tessa sighs and thinks how if you don’t take into account this entire night, aka the most recent and relevant evidence, he really is trying to be nicer! Being in Tessa’s head while she tries to justify all of this is painful. Picking up on the fact that he’s totally won here, Hardin asks if Tessa will move in with him, then. Tessa tells him to take it one step at a time and invites him into the bed with her. Hardin undresses and passes over his t-shirt so Tessa can wear it to bed. She takes off her own shirt and Hardin is STUNNED by her pink underwear. Tessa says she was going to show him earlier, but he was being a jerk. Hardin is like “mmm,” because he isn’t listening and he doesn’t care. 

And so, in this chapter where I’ve yelled more than anything, in which Hardin showed up drunk and rude, in which Tessa thinks about how much she doesn’t want him there that way, in which Hardin calls her annoying, square and a control freak, we go to sex. We go directly to sex. We do not pass GO. We do not collect $200.00. (IDK, maybe you can donate $2.)

Samantha: Yeah, okay. Cool. Sure. This is totally the perfect time for this after 77 chapters of wishy-washing.

Marines: Tessa tells him that she wants to have sex (like, not in so many words because lol, Tessa), though she does spare a thought for how she wishes he weren’t drunk right now. She probably should wish he weren’t drunk because you know CONSENT ISSUES, but here we are folks. They exchange I love yous as they kiss and as Hardin fingers her. He stops before her orgasm, switches to oral sex and there is a lot of shaking, unintelligible noises and vague dirty talk. 

Hardin tries to ask again if Tessa is sure about this, but Tessa cuts him off and shushes him. Hardin tries to say something again because he has something to tell her, but Tessa tells him to stop talking. (S: I hate this ignoring the words stuff a lot.) She grabs his dick and he’s like woo, wow, this is amazing, even though she like just touched it. Hardin pulls out a condom, which, yeah cookie for the basics there.

Tessa doesn’t feel afraid or nervous. She just feels her love for him. 

In the long moments while Hardin grabs the condom, Tessa thinks about how she used to think her first time would be with Noah on their wedding night in a big bed on a fancy honeymoon. Instead, she’s here with drunk Hardin in a small dorm on a small bed. 

And she wouldn’t change a thing about it. 

I wouldn’t change a thing about the penetration happening next chapter SORRY SAMANTHA, I LOVE YOU DEARLY.

Samantha: Oh no. OH NO. Maybe we just fade to black?????????????

 

Next time on After: S E X in Chapter 78.