Midnight Sun Chapter 10 – Sigh all the way home.

Previously: Edward dreams of murder.
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Marines: Please recall that Bella is asking Edward the few questions he allowed her to ask.

She wants to ask one more question. Eddie is nervous about letting her, but also wants to prolong these moments of having Bella with him. “Willingly,” he clarifies, just for an extra good reminder that having her unwillingly is also an option. Edward sighs dramatically and grants her one more question. Bella wants to know how he tracked her.

Edward glares at the windshield because the answer would give away too much about him. (K: I don’t know why “I glared out the windshield” is so fucking funny to me, but it is.) Bella says that she thought they were past all the evasiveness. Eddie thinks that’s ironic because she’s being evasive without even trying. He means because he doesn’t get unlimited access to her thoughts. Edward decides to be honest, since this conversation isn’t going anywhere good, anyway. He admits that he followed her scent. Bella takes this really well, considering. After a moment, she speaks up again and her voice is steady. She reminds him that he didn’t answer one of her questions: how does the mind reading thing work?

K: That would DEFINITELY not be my first question if someone told me they’d followed me by my smell.

Mari: Truly. I would want to know more about how he sniffed me out immediately.

Again, Edward is like “whatever, why not” and tells her that he can only hear people who are fairly close to him and that the more familiar someone’s “voice” is, the father away he can still hear them. But still, no more than a few miles. He describes it as being in a hall of people all talking, so that the noise sounds like a buzzing until he focuses on one voice. Bella of course wants to know why Edward can’t hear her (K: Because her head is empty??), and he admits that he doesn’t know, but maybe her mind doesn’t work like everyone else’s. As soon as the words are out, Edward realizes that Bella will take this badly, and he starts smiling anticipating her reaction.

And sure enough, Bella is concerned that her mind doesn’t work right. “I’m a freak?” she asks. Because naturally anyone whose mind doesn’t work right is a freak.

“Ah, the irony again.
“I hear voices in my mind and you’re worried that you’re the freak.” I laughed. She understood all the small things, and yet the big ones she got backward. Always the wrong instincts.”

I’m really annoyed by how hilarious Edward finds messing with Bella and how charming he finds her lack of self-preservation. I literally just started this chapter and I want out.

Catherine: These dialogue heavy chapters are always a trial. So are the action heavy ones, though. And the descriptive ones. And the blank pages at the beginning and end of the book.

(Annie: The fact that he loves pushing her buttons to get negative responses from her is such a red flag. Fear, anger, anxiety are all emotional reactions he gets off on. Settle down your fang boner, Edward. This is some unhealthy, toxic relationship vibes and it isn’t cute or romantic.

K: I made the mistake of looking at how long I have left in this book according to my Kindle and the answer is 4 hours and 55 minutes, which is 4 hours and 54 minutes too long to be in Edward’s head. Remember those t-shirts that did the rounds when Twilight first came out that said “And then Buffy staked Edward. The end.”?? Can we just insert one of those t-shirts into this book? That’d be great.

Marines: Bella is still concerned that her mind isn’t, you know, working right. Edward tells her not to worry because it’s just a theory. And speaking of theories, Eddie is still waiting to hear Bella’s. She sighs, so he repeats what she said earlier– aren’t they past all the evasions now? Bella looks around a lot and has a lot of emotions before screaming, “holy crow!” Edward wonders how the heck he could’ve frightened her since he didn’t do anything. But then she tells him to slow down because he’s driving 100 miles an hour. Bella asks him again to slow down, but he just laughs at her discomfort and tells her he’s never been in accident. Bella points out that if they are in one, Edward could probably just walk away. He’s like “yeah, that’s true” and “laughs without humor.” With the 3rd sigh of the chapter, Edward slows down and grumbles about how much he hates driving slow.

Catherine: He only slows down because she reminds him that she wouldn’t survive a car crash at that speed. Mr. I Worry My Girlfriend Is Gonna Get Hit By A Meteor I’d Better Watch Her While She Sleeps forgot about car crashes, one of the number one causes of human death. OKAY.

K: I’d forgotten about the meteor thing, so thanks for reminding me about that.

Mari: Wow, it’s almost like being really worried about her is just an excuse to stalk and control her, huh. Absolutely shocking.

Now it’s time to return to Bella’s latest theory about what Edward even is. Bella gets all worried again, so Edward tries to reassure her by saying that he won’t laugh. Bella admits that her worry is that he’ll be angry. (A: RED FLAG.) (K: GIRL, RUN) Bella doesn’t know how to start, so Edward asks her to start at the beginning. Did her theory come from a book or a movie? She says no and tells him about Saturday at the beach and talking to Jacob Black. Edward doesn’t recognize the name but it reminds him of something from many years ago. He doesn’t have to wonder about it long because Bella tells him that Jacob’s dad is one of the Quileute elders. Edward figures Jacob is a descendent of Ephraim Black, which means that Bella totes knows the truth.

“My mind was flying through the ramifications as the car flew around the dark curves in the road, my body rigid with anguish– motionless except for the small, automatic actions it took to steer.” 

I think it’s hilarious that Edward thinks that “motionless except for the motions I’m making to drive this car” is a description that tells us anything about this moment. Like “wow, he must be having a hard time because he’s motionless, except for the motions it takes to drive this car.”

Edward realizes that Bella found out the truth about him on Saturday and for some reason decided to still spend time with him today. Bella finishes her story about how Jacob mentioned vampires and his family. Edward thinks it’s ironic (everything is ironic to Edward) (A: I don’t think that word means what he thinks it means.) (K: His understanding is worse than Alanis Morisette’s) that Ephraim Black would be the one to violate the treaty. Edward casually thinks about how now he was “free to slaughter the small, defenseless tribe on the coastline, were I so inclined.”

K: The fact that Steph thinks anything about that was an okay thing to write a decade after the hot mess that was her original series is extremely yikes-worthy.

Mari: It really makes me think that she’s never engaged with criticisms of her work. And it confirms she cares absolutely nothing about how she portrayed the Quileutes.

Bella can probably sense that Edward is thinking genocidal thoughts and rushes to explain that Jacob thought it was a silly superstition and that Bella forced him to tell her about it. Bella guiltily admits that she was flirting with Jacob for information. Edward feels bad for Jacob because Bella doesn’t know she’s beautiful and that’s what makes her beautiful, so he can only imagine if she “tried to be attractive. I was suddenly full of pity for the unsuspecting boy she unleashed such a potent force on.” I feel like I’ve definitely said this before elsewhere on this blog, but truly, I am rolling my eyes the hardest I’ve ever rolled them RIGHT NOW.

K: That, but also everything about this is a giant freaking red flag. Bella’s hanging her head like she’s ashamed, and Edward’s cold in the way he responds, laughs sharply, not as angry as he expected to be. Like……. 😬

Mari: Always 😬. Forever 😬.

Edward laughs again, this time with “dark humor.” I like that every time he laughs, he has to specify with what kind of humor. And by “like” I mean “hate it very much.” Edward says that Bella accused him of dazzling people, but poor Jacob Black. Edward can feel the air warm as Bella blushes (WHAT) (C: Like a fart?) so he glances at her. She’s looking out the window. Edward asks what she did next. Bella tells her about her Google search and how nothing fit, but then she decided it didn’t matter. Not in an “I don’t care what Google says, I believe the evidence I have witnessed” sort of way. In a “it doesn’t matter what kind of monster Edward is because ❤️” sort of way.

Edward tells us once again how all of Bella’s reactions are wrong and how she attracts danger. He even wonders if she’s “stable.”

“I supposed that I could arrange for her to receive the best care available… Carlisle would have the connections to find her the most skilled doctors, the most talented therapists. Perhaps something could be done to fix whatever it was that was wrong with her, whatever it was that made her content to sit beside a vampire with her heart beating calmly and steadily.”

Listen, I know we’ve done our fair share of asking if Bella is alright, but… is this supposed to be funny??? Is it supposed to be charming??? The main love interest hears the main character assure him that she’s with him no matter what and he thinks pleasant thoughts of committing her???

Okay, Steph. Okay.

Annie: The victim blaming and romanticizing of abuse is strong with this one.

Catherine: And it’s preposterous because we know from Breaking Dawn that Carlisle would just steal whatever pills/equipment he needed from his hospital and bring it all home and they’d lock her in the attic like Mrs. Rochester or something.

K: I honestly don’t understand how ANYONE thought that publishing this shit was a good idea.

Mari: Bella sighs the 4th sigh because she can tell that he’s angry. I don’t know how she can keep “telling he’s angry” when it seems to be he never stops being angry. Bella thinks he’s mad because she’s wrong about her guess. This makes Edward even! angrier! Because she’s wrong about what she’s wrong about! He’s mad that “it doesn’t matter.” Bella is just like “WAIT, SO I’M RIGHT?” Edward asks if it matters if she is. Bella says not really, but she is curious. Edward starts to feel a little bit of hope alongside his worries for her sanity.

We’re back to questions, goody. Bella asks how old he is. “17.” How long has he been 17? “A while.”

“She smiled up at me. When I stared back, anxious again about her mental health, she smiled wider. I frowned.” 

You know, by constantly wondering if Bella is okay because she likes Edward, isn’t freaked out by him, and is at least somewhat enjoying this whole thing, it kinda feels like Meyer is also questioning the mental health of her fans? Like “you must be crazy if you like Edward” is a weird thing to have Edward keep thinking, so your readers who like Edward can keep reading it.

Anyway, we keep on with the questions. Not being able to come out in daylight? Myth. Burned by the sun? Myth. Sleeping in coffins? Myth. He can’t sleep at all. Bella is surprised and in seeing her sympathy for him, Edward longs for sleep and dreams so he can dream of being with Bella the way that Bella dreams of him. Which he knows since he watches her sleep.

Edward says Bella hasn’t asked the most important question yet, namely what he eats. Bella cringes, but admits that Jacob told her about how they hunt animals and not people. Edward more or less confirms that this is true, but warns Bella not to get complacent. His family is still dangerous. Bella doesn’t understand, so Edward explains that they try really hard not to kill people but sometimes they make mistakes. Edward says being alone in a car with her right now is a mistake. This makes Bella sad, not because Edward is like telling her he could probably eat her any second, but because she doesn’t want their alone time to be a mistake.

K: It’s hilarious that he says the “we try REALLY hard” thing given that we’re like a third of the way through the book and he’s spent entire chapters of this book wanting to murder basically everyone who comes into contact with Bella.

Mari: Bella asks about the animal diet thing. Edward says he doesn’t want to be a monster, but eating animals only is like living off of tofu and soy milk. It doesn’t satiate their thirst, but it keeps them strong enough to resist… mostly. Sometimes it’s more difficult than others. Bella asks if it’s difficult now, and Edward sighs the 5th sigh, because it is.

Of course, Bella is unconcerned. Plus she knows he’s not hungry because of his magic eyes. Bella asks if he was hunting this week, and Edward says he was. He didn’t want to leave, but it’s easier to be around Bella after he feeds. Bella sails over that and asks why he didn’t want to leave. Edward takes a deep breath he doesn’t need to admit that it makes him anxious to be away from her because she is definitely going to die unless he watches her 24/7, or whatever, as proven by the fact that she scraped her hands at the beach and almost got raped in Port Angeles. Bella sighs the 6th sigh and admits that she fell. Edward smiles and admits that it could’ve been worse and that it tormented him the whole three days he was gone.

Catherine: Again, he was driving 100 mph a few minutes ago.

Mari: Bella just alley-oops past the pertinent details to be shocked that the hunting trip was only three days since Edward wasn’t at school Monday. Edward can tell she’s annoyed but it is totally puzzling to him why she would be. He explains about how he can’t go in the sun where people can see him, and promises to show her why sometime. Internally, though, he wonders if this is a promise he’ll be able to keep.

Bella tells him that she gets anxious when he’s gone too and doesn’t like spending time away from him. Edward has a mix of emotions but he’s “mostly horrified” to have Bella confirm her feelings for him. Edward makes sure we know that her flimsy human feelings could be nothing to his deep, soul crushing, stalking love, but at least she cares. He realizes that leaving her for her own good would now hurt her, so anything he does (stay and eat her, leave and make her cry) would hurt her.

“Every word we spoke here– each one of them was another pomegranate seed.” 

I feel like I’ve definitely said this before elsewhere on this blog, but truly, I am rolling my eyes the hardest I’ve ever rolled them RIGHT NOW.

Annie: Bella’s weird, insta-codependancy is gross. Edward’s I want her to miss me and be sad if she doesn’t see me, but I am MOSTLY HORRIFIED that she does have feelings for me is gross. The ‘I’m bad for you but I can’t quit you’ trope is so gross.

Catherine: Stephenie trying to force the Persephone/pomegranate comparison because she already had a jpeg for the cover saved in a file labeled ‘Taxes DO NOT READ’ on her Dell laptop? Also gross.

K: Literally everything about this is gross, including the money grab that is this book existing at all.

Mari: All of this is true.

Edward says this is wrong, that he doesn’t want to hear about her feelings, and that this is dangerous. Bella doesn’t care because it’s too late for self-preservation, or whatever. Edward remembers Alice’s vision so he hisses at her to never say that. Bella looks out the window and then Edward is like “what are you thinking?” Um, I’m thinking you hissed at me SIR so I was giving you a moment.

Actually, Bella is crying and she pretends she’s not. Edward makes a big deal about how some human instinct makes him reach out for her, but then he remembers he isn’t human so he stops. We then get another paragraph about how agonized Edward is and believe me, this is in fact agonizing. In between every line of dialogue, there’s a paragraph of Edward just going on an on about what a bad idea this is but also can’t stop, won’t stop.

K: This sentence in particular is very telling: “”I’m sorry,” I said, my jaw locked.”

Mari: Much apology, very sincere.

He takes another deep breath he doesn’t need and just decides to casually change the subject to what Bella was thinking about before Edward Volvo-ed to her rescue. Bella says she was trying to remember how to incapacitate an attacker and was preparing to smash his nose into his brain. Edward describes to us how angry he gets just thinking about it, and asks if she thought about running. Bella says she falls down a lot when she runs. Also, she was going to scream for help later. Edward tells her he is fighting fate trying to keep her alive. Again, is this reaction supposed to be funny or charming?

Bella sighs the 7th sigh. She asks if she’ll see Edward tomorrow and despite the fact that Edward was just like “nope, can’t be together’ and made her cry, he is now like “as long as we were on our way down to hell- why not enjoy the journey?” I’m legitimately confused as to what Edward is doing or like if there is supposed to be any sort of consistency or logic to his actions from page to page. The point is that he tells her he’ll be there and he’ll save her a seat at lunch.

They finally (finally) get to Bella’s house, but she just sits there. She wants him to promise to be there tomorrow, and he does, which makes him happy. And sad. Bella takes off his jacket, which Edward says she can keep, but she doesn’t want to have to explain it to Charlie. Bella is hesitant to leave, and Edward wants her to stay too. Not for any romantic reasons like “I enjoy spending time with her’ but because he doesn’t want “to have her unprotected, even for a few moments…” Edward remembers the randomly visiting contrivance vamps, Peter and Charlotte, and sure they’re gone now, but there could always be other contrivance vamps.

With that in mind, Edward asks Bella not to go into the woods alone. Bella is surprised by this and asks why. Edward has this whole little mental tangent where he glowers into the darkness and thinks about how good he is at seeing in the dark, but so are other hunters. (K: I think he thinks he’s Batman or something??) Out loud, he tells Bella he isn’t always the most dangerous thing out there. Bella agrees. Edward would like to keep talking to her, but he’s like a toddler’s mother and knows Bell-Bell needs her sleepy night night. Edward sighs the 8th sigh. He says he’ll see her tomorrow but secretly knows he’ll see her when he breaks into her room later. Bella turns to leave, but he calls her back. When she turns, their faces are real close. Edward feels her body heat, but then he’s just like “sleep well” and backs away before he can kiss her or eat her.

Bella sits there for a moment, and Edward guesses that she’s dazzled. He is too. Bella recovers and trips out of the car and stumbles to the house, just to remind us that Edward really is doing the right thing, stalking her every moment. Edward drives away and he can feel Bella’s eyes as he does. He thinks about how usually he can just hijack people’s minds and watch himself walk away, “were I of a mind to.” lol, sure, nice save Eddie. Way to let us know you just jump into people’s minds to watch yourself walk away from them.

Oh god, are we just going to get a bunch of brooding Edward thoughts now? God help me.

He drives around aimlessly for a while, thinking about how relieved he is to have the truth out there, and better yet, Bella doesn’t care! He reminds us (again!!) that even though Bella does return his feelings, she couldn’t possibly love him like he loves her, with an “overpowering, all-consuming, crushing love [that] would probably break her fragile body.” Romantic?

Catherine: He’s gatekeeping his love for her. He doesn’t think she gets it. She’s not a real fan.

K: No one can POSSIBLY understand the extent of his “I want to eat you but I can’t” love.

Mari: Even though Bella’s love is puny next to his, at least it’s strong enough to not care he’s a vampire. He has some moments of joy thinking about her puny but strong love and reliving all the moments they shared tonight, imaging how it would feel to “touch the delicate skin that stretched over her cheekbones.” Yeah, cool, that feels like something someone who wants to wear your skin would say.

Soon, his fantasies give way to remembering her about to get attacked. He thinks about murder some more, and has to remind himself a couple times that surely Bella is safe inside her house. But there is still a predator loose on the streets of Port Angeles. Edward wonders if this is a human problem. The Cullens try not to get too involved in human problems because 1- they want to eat humans, you know and 2- the Volturi would be mad. He knows he shouldn’t go kill this man, but also leaving him free wouldn’t be right either. And then randomly he thinks about how the hostess or the waitress at the restaurant could be attacked? And even worse he thinks “both had irritated me in a trivial way, but that did not mean they deserved to be in danger.” Uh, no shit. How magnanimous of you.

Catherine: This is like when a guy gets a daughter and he’s suddenly like wOmEn ArE pEoPlE???

K: Oh God, he’s the Prime Minister of Australia…

Mari: Edward thinks he needs some help deciding what to do, so he drives home. Alice is waiting for him and tells him where to find Carlisle. She sarcastically think-thanks him for returning her call, which he completely forgot about until this moment. She lets it slide easily and apologizes for not seeing a vision of Bella sooner, I guess. By the time she visioned it, Edward was Volvo-ing to the rescue. Alice apologizes again, but Edward tells her no one expects her to be omniscient. He adds that he almost asked her to dinner tonight. Alice didn’t catch that in vision, but wishes he would’ve. She would’ve joined. Edward asks what had her distracted and she think-tells him that Jasper’s been thinking about their anniversary and trying not to decide on a gift. Edward calls her shameless. She says she did pay better attention when she caught wind of the attack and wants to know if Edward is going to tell everyone about Bella knowing they are vampires. Edward sighs the 9th sigh and says later. Alice doesn’t want to be around when Edward tells Rosalie. Alice thinks Bella took the news well and tells Eddie not to underestimate Bella.

Edward sighs the 10th sigh. Alice knows all his worries, though, and promises to vision-stalk Bella since she “sort of needs twenty-four-hour supervision” while Edward handles his business. Edward finds Carlisle, who is waiting for him, since he heard him talking to Alice. Edward explains his dilemma– knowing that killing humans is wrong, but not wanting to leave a serial rapist out on the streets. Carlisle just starts smiling because Bella is so good for Edward, he’s suddenly caring about strangers and not wanting them to get raped. (A: My fucking hero.) (K: Absolute dreamboat!) The healing powers of love. Edward says he isn’t looking for compliments, and Carlisle knows, but he can’t help his thoughts. Anyway, Carlisle has a plan so the rapist doesn’t attack again and also so Edward doesn’t murder him. Edwards reads the plan in Carlisle’s mind and while it has 100% less murder than what Edward is a fan of, he offers to show Carlisle where to find the man. Carlisle grabs his medical bag on the way out, and again Edward thinks about how he’d like way more violence in terms of sedation, but Carlisle’s way will have to do.

They pass Alice on the way out and she’s visioned no difficulties with their plan. Edward drives real fast with his headlights off and thinks of Bella. Carlisle is also thinking of how good Bella is for Edward, but also isn’t too happy with the whole “Bella ends up a vampire” thing. Still he thinks Edward is owed some happiness. They get to Port Angeles, and Edward just drops Carlisle off. He starts to get all murder-y, but Carlisle says the magic words: go stalk Bella. Edward leaves Carlisle the car and super runs back to Forks.

K: I’m pretty sure I’ve said before that this book reads more like a thriller than a YA paranormal romance. And this whole thing definitely adds to that feeling.

Mari: Edward climbs into Bella’s room and sighs the 11th sigh. He sighs “silently” which, no he didn’t. Bella is shivering in her sleep so Edward finds a closet with some extra blankets and grabs one for her, thinking he’ll return it before she wakes up. Edward thinks of Carlisle and sighs the 12th sigh. He doesn’t think he’s as good or deserving as Carlisle thinks he is. This spirals into a bunch of thoughts about fate I truly don’t even follow. Something, something… forces for good… and uh, Bella should have a guardian angel because she deserves one. Edward says she obviously doesn’t have one, though, because she ended up in Forks. And so he cannot believe in guardian angels because again, Bella really needs and deserves one and instead he’s here watching her sleep.

And even though he is the most present danger, Edward thinks about all the other ways Bella has attracted danger and vows to be her guardian vampire. Bella warms up and relaxes in her sleep, so Edward congratulates himself because at least Bella is sleeping more comfortably tonight because he was around. Bella sighs the 13th sigh, Edward’s name, and Edward lets himself be happy about it.

Sigh.

 

Corresponding Twilight Chapter: Chapter 09 – Eyes on the Road.
Next time on Midnight Sun: We find out what Carlisle did to the Port Angeles rapist in Chapter 11.