The Vampire Diaries S01 E08 – Justice for Lexi

Previously: Stefan and Damon dad Vicki and then kill her.
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162 Candles

Marines: Salvatore Boarding House. Stefan startles awake when the book he has on his lap falls. He stands and stretches, and then starts to hear creepy noises around the house, including a woman laughing and wind howling. He looks concerned and calls out for Damon. We see a blur of vampire super-run past him and Stefan honestly just looks around like “huh? huh? huh?” At least take a defensive position, my man.

Stefan gets knocked on his ass and suddenly, a blonde vampire is on top of him and vampire-growls in his face. “Lexi?” he asks, and she drops her vampire face and smiles. They both get up as he hugs her. Stefan says he missed her and asks what is she doing here. In answer, Lexi wishes him a happy birthday.

Title Card.

Lexi and Stefan are catching up and the summary is that Lexi is like “WHY ARE YOU STILL IN MYSTIC FALLS?” It’s a fair question. I like Lexi already. I hope this episode doesn’t 1- make me not like her or 2- kill her.

Lexi wants to blow this joint and go catch a Bon Jovi concert in New York. Stefan repeats that he’s sticking around for a girl named Elena. Lexi picks up a picture of Katherine (why is it just out in the open) (E: For plot development purposes) and hopes Elena is better than Katherine. Stefan points out that Lexi didn’t even know Katherine, which she says is a good thing, ’cause she would’ve beat the little bitch’s ass up. SPEAKING OF BITCHES, Lexi asks where Damon is. Stefan assumes he’s off causing misery. Anyway, Stefan’s got some daylight errands to run and since Lexi doesn’t have a daylight ring, she gets to just hang out in the mansion alone. Way to treat a guest, Stefan.

Nic: Right? Oldest friend visits you and you’re like ‘cool enjoy the house, I’m gonna just go run some errands while you’re trapped and bored here.’ Kay, Stefan. Kay. Also, Lexi is way too cool of a character for us to keep alive.

Mari: Lexi takes it in stride and repeats that they are totally going to celebrate his 162nd birthday later.

Mystic Falls PD. Sheriff Forbes questions Matt, Stefan, Jeremy and Elena about Vicky leaving town. This is a legit reason for leaving your guest alone, Stefan. I take back my previous side-eye. (N: Fine. Agreed.) Through the intercut interviews, we see all the kids corroborate each other’s stories– that Vicky’s behavior was erratic, but not violent; that Stefan got involved because Elena asked him to; that Elena was worried about Vicky because of her brother Jeremy; and that they all think that she really did leave town. Jeremy ends by saying that he’s going to miss her, but he knows it’s for the best, the very lines that Damon forced into his head/memory.

Outside of the station, Matt walks by Stefan without saying a word. Stefan calls after him that he was just trying to help her, but Matt keeps walking. The Gilbert family comes out next. Elena tells Jeremy and Jenna that she’ll meet them at the car, so they head off. Elena tells Stefan that she doesn’t think the Sheriff suspected anything. Stefan thanks her, but she says she can’t do this. Every time she looks at Matt or Jeremy, she thinks about how Vicky is never coming back and they’ll never know why. For a second it feels like I fever-dreamed the end of the last episode when Elena was all “I can’t forget the way I feel about you” because she’s back to “stay away from me Stefan.” And she’s not wrong, honestly, about how people get hurt and die around Stefan. And I can imagine that lying to the Sheriff brings up the bad feels. But also, from a viewing/entertainment perspective, please, make it end. I’m already tired of this merry-go-round.

Nic: Thank you. She said ‘I can’t’ and I about threw my laptop. Every single episode she says ‘I can’t’ for thirty-eight minutes, changes her mind for about five minutes, and then we rinse and repeat. She said she wanted him. Why is she changing her mind now??

Emmy: I felt the life leave my body when she said “I can’t do this anymore.”  NEITHER CAN I ELENA.

Mari: Truly, we are on the same page ELENA.

Lexi is napping. She turns around and Damon is there next to her. She gives an immediate “ugh” and have I mentioned that I love her? She sits up as Damon calls her visit an “unexpected surprise.” She snarks that the wrong Salvatore brother went back to high school. Damon asks how long she’s in town for, and when Lexi explains that she’s here for Stefan’s birthday, Damon sarcastically laments that she didn’t come all this way to see him. Lexi gives it right back, saying yeah, for sure, she’s here because she finally realized, after a century, that death means nothing without him. “Do me,” she whispers close to his face. Damon groans and asks why she’s so mean to him. Lexi is like, “uh, have you met you? You’re not a nice person.” Damon blames it on being a vampire, but she says he’s only the bad parts of being a vampire. Damon leans close to her, like he’s coming in for a kiss, and asks her to teach him to be good. Lexi super-hops off the bed and super-runs to the other side to pin Damon by the throat. “I’m older, and that means stronger,” she helpfully exposits. She threatens to hurt him if he ruins her time with Stefan.

Have I mentioned I love Lexi? I mean, no one is surprised to learn that watching a female vampire choke Damon has been my favorite scene in 8 episodes. Plus, we get that neat tidbit of lore confirmed– older vampires are stronger.

Nic: God, I love her so much. There’s no way she survives. She’s too cool. Sassy and smart and strong and the opposite of every character, female or male, presently in this show. There’s no way we get to keep her, I can just feel her impending death already.

Emmy: Yeah, the second she appeared and was cool, I just knew she was either going to turn out to be a huge bitch and NOT cool, or she was going to die. You can almost feel it. Watching her choke Damon and him have to cow to her was pretty amazing.

Mari: I really appreciate that I was like “hope she lives” and you guys are like Mari, no. And you know, that’s fair. There really was no hope here.

Bonnie! Always surprised to see Bonnie. Bonnie is packing her stuff. Not Anyone’s Grams asks if she’s leaving. Bonnie says her dad doesn’t like it when she stays here too much, on account of Not Anyone’s Grams filling Bonnie’s head with witchy juju. Bonnie is putting the Necklace of Plot away, but Not Anyone’s Grams says she needs to be wearing that. Bonnie tries to beg off, saying that she has to return it to Caroline, or maybe Grams can wear it, but Not Anyone’s Grams says no. The Necklace of Plot found and protected her. It’s her talisman now and she can’t give it to anyone. Bonnie puts it on but wishes it were prettier. Not Anyone’s Grams gives a nod that says, “fair.”

Gilbert House. Elena is wallowing on the couch. Jenna joins her because turns out, she got dumped via an email from Logan that basically said, “leaving town, see ya.” That’s real sus. Jenna knows that Vicky also mysteriously left town. She should be asking some questions. As the girls wallow, Jeremy tells them to keep it down because he’s doing homework. The girls sit straighter on the couch and turn around to both look at him like “wtf.”

    They joke about him being an alien or a replicant, but Jeremy is very serious about doing homework right now. Elena is concerned. Wow, if you change someone’s memories, you might change their behavior? Who would’ve thought! (Not Elena. Elena did not give this one second of thought.)(E: Elena is getting on my nerves.)

Sheriff Forbes gets a visit from Damon. He’s here with the lie that Uncle Zach is out of town, and he’s the new vervain pusher. Damon pointedly says he hopes what he brought is enough, and Sheriff Forbes says that it’s a small circle of people she, as the Sheriff of this town, is trying to protect. Just founding families, a few city officials. Everyone else is vampire chum, I guess.

Damon asks if they are any closer to identifying the vampires. Forbes says she thinks their facts are wrong. They’ve always assumed that vampires can only come out in the daytime, but maybe that’s changed because they’ve exhausted every other option. She has to now consider that the vampire is walking around in the daylight right in front of them. Damon looks at her so intensely and so quietly and gives such a delayed “hmmm” that I half expect Forbes to whip out a stake, but instead, she just keeps sharing investigation information. They are now looking at anyone new to town since the deaths began. Damon offers to do anything he can to help.

Nic: All of this means that Damon didn’t call the Lockwoods or Sheriff Forbes after last episode and tell them that he found and staked a vampire (Vicki) to gain their trust. Which just doesn’t make sense. It seems like the obvious move.

Emmy: Yeah, they already HAD a dead vampire. Damon had already situated himself as a Salvatore worth trusting. Why not throw them a dead vampire on whom all the deaths could be placed? Sure there would probably be holes in the story somewhere, but they’d probably be too relieved that they’d caught a vampire to really care too much.

Mari: I will now be forever mad this didn’t happen.

Bonnie visits Elena who hasn’t been returning her calls. When Elena says she’s going to stay in bed forever, Bonnie climbs into bed with her. Bonnie asks what’s going on. Elena is tired of talking and thinking, so Bonnie asks for a one line version. Elena’s tl;dr is: Stefan and I broke up. Honestly, that’s is the very least important thing that happened, but I see how that’s the safe version to go with. Bonnie is sorry to hear it and knows she’s been MIA recently, while Elena has needed her. Bonnie wants to know how to help, so Elena asks for distraction. Bonnie has just the ticket. She gets up, closes the window, and rips open one of Elena’s down pillows. Bonnie swears Elena to secrecy and then proceeds to levitate a feather, using her hand to guide it up. Then she levitates a hand full of feathers with the same hand motion. And then finally, she levitates a whole bunch of feathers with just a look. Elena is astounded as Bonnie confirms that everything her grandmother told her was true. She’s a witch.

Emmy: Thank god other people FINALLY see Bonnie’s powers. I was so tired of it. This is sweet to watch, too- she is being a good friend and trying to cheer Elena up. It works, and it’s a sweet view into their friendship that we haven’t seen in quite a few episodes now. Also, though, feather pillows are expensive. I hope you’re gonna use those witch powers to stitch them back up.

Nic: Hooray, but also it’s extremely irritating to me that Bonnie is up to being a good friend here, but when she was in Caroline’s room post-breakup a few episodes back and Caroline was trying to talk about her actual abuse and trauma, Bonnie didn’t care enough to pay attention or be supportive. Why does Elena get Good Friend Bonnie but Caroline doesn’t? Sorry, I’ve developed an intense level of protectiveness toward my girl, Caroline. Bear with me, guys, this is a new development and this episode is gonna stress said development out.

Mari: This to me goes back to some inconsistency in storytelling. Not that it makes it better how they treat Caroline (the characters or the storytelling), but I feel like the way they established Caroline was sort of outside of the Bonnie/Elena friendship. A friendly acquaintance. And then a few episodes in, it was suddenly like Caroline is their third best friend, but Bonnie and Elena never got the memo.

Caroline comes across Damon in town. She starts telling him off, calling him dungeon boy, and asserting herself for all of two seconds before Damon compels her into a more bubbly and welcoming attitude. (N: Intense protectiveness and RAGE rn.)(E: I started yelling.) Damon compel-tells Caroline that she’s going to host a party at the One Bar and Grill. Caroline asks why he doesn’t do it himself. Damon replies that if he hosts, then Stefan and Lexi won’t come. He plans on using Caroline to solve the town’s vampire problem, and he wants to get his crystal back from Bonnie.

Boarding House. Lexi is assuring Stefan that Elena will come around. She asks if they’ve had sex yet and Stefan gives a very cute (if you don’t think about the age difference lol) “noooo.” Lexi tells him that sex always works! He’ll rock her world with his super-vamp-sex (what.), and she’ll be his forever. Stefan says it isn’t about sex, though. It’s about dating someone simply because they look like an ex-girlfriend. Oh, wait, no, he says it’s about Elena wanting to be with him on her own terms. Lexi says that sounded mature and grown-up and Stefan makes a joke about not getting any older.

Nic: I had to stop for a second and stuff my face with ice cream to quell the toxic amusement I was spewing. Like- sure, Stefan. It’s not about sex. You just happened to find and woo a girl who looks exactly like the woman who took your virginity and humanity. Sure.

Mari: As they talk, Lexi unpacks some blood bags, puncturing one with a straw like a Capri Sun. She offers a sip to Stefan, who turns it down. Lexi feels his judgey eyes and tells him to calm down. She didn’t kill anyone for this. She has a phlebotomist supplier. She tried the animal diet and it lasted 3 weeks. Stefan’s problem is that he doesn’t know if he could stop again if he ever started drinking human blood. While looking at her with very judgey eyes, he tells Lexi he would never judge her.

Emmy: I was so excited that a vampire in this show is doing the smart middle-ground thing. Like, you don’t wanna bite people. Okay, there are 100% other ways to still get human blood. This girl is so cool (and dead).

Mari: Lexi says she’s just jealous of his restraint, considering she has none. Speaking of which, what are they doing tonight?

That’s Damon’s cue to walk in and butt into their conversation. I really take great delight in imagining him standing in the shadows, waiting for the perfect moment to jump in. He tells them about the non-birthday party he’s definitely not throwing, saying all of Stefan’s friends will be there, and the town really should see them blending in like normal folk. He gives Lexi’s bagged blood a disgusted look and sees himself out.

Lexi thinks they should go to the party, even though she should know that no Damon idea is a good idea.

Emmy: I laugh a lot here because she talks about Stefan’s exploits with her, like naked drunken dancing in fountains and swinging on the Statue of Liberty’s torch and I just… going back to Nik’s comment last post- If Stefan were a cookie, he’d be a shortbread. Where is this fun Stefan she’s talking about?

And then I stop laughing because upon finishing the episode and coming back to my own comment here, I discover that the fun Stefan? It’s with Lexi. He loves her as a friend and is most comfortable with himself and who he is when he’s with her, because they have been together so long. He loves her and she loves him and they’ve got such a sweet and fulfilling friendship and UGH.

Mari: Bonnie and Elena are still talking about her being a witch. Elena is curious why Bonnie told her, even though Not Anyone’s Grams told Bonnie to keep it a secret. Bonnie is like “….you’re my best friend.” Duh, Elena. I understand vampires in town is a huge secret but that only means you must tell your best friend all the more. I don’t understand how she doesn’t know this.

Emmy: Yeah, when someone says “don’t tell anyone” your best friend is not considered part of “anyone.”

Mari: It is known.

Lexi is fresh out of the shower and Stefan is still sitting around, thinking about what a bad idea going to this party is. Lexi says it will be fiiiine and Damon will totally be on his best behavior probably and it’s the one day of the year Stefan is less of a broody broodster, so he’s going to go get ready and they are going to this party. Lexi sends him on his way with a playful slap on the ass.

Elena shows up at the Salvatore Boarding House and rings the bell. Lexi yells for her to come on in and then meets her in the hallway in a towel. Lexi’s reaction is OH MY FREAKING GOD, because she didn’t previously know that Elena is Katherine’s doppelgänger. Elena looks like she’s having some painful gas, what with Lexi being in a towel and telling her that Stefan is in the shower. Lexi offers to tell Stefan that she stopped by, but Elena says that’s okay and stumbles out.

Nic: Oh, no. Who ever could have foreseen this misunderstanding arising?

Mari: Absolutely shocking.

Lexi runs up to find Stefan and yell that he has some serious explaining to do, because she just met Elena. She helpfully holds up the picture of Katherine, in case Stefan needs some reminding that he likes Elena because she looks like his ex.

After a not!break, Lexi tells Stefan that he has some serious emotional damage. (N: This is the appropriate reaction. This is the reaction I have [along with some vomiting] whenever I think about the fact that Elena is Katherine’s doppelganger.) He insists that even though Elena looking like Katherine is what drew him in, dating her now has nothing to do with Katherine.

  He goes on to list Elena’s many good qualities (I laugh a little, because I still feel like Elena is kinda bland and underdeveloped but sure she’s “warm” and “caring”). Lexi does the classic movie/TV thing where she looks at her friend and goes, “oh my god. You’re in love with her.” Stefan smiles and says he is.

One Bar and Grill. Caroline smiles at her great party she last minute threw because of magic. Caroline sees Damon at the bar and looks for some validation for the great party, asking if he’s having fun. Damon asks if she has his Necklace of Plot. Caroline says no, so Damon says he’s not having fun. (N: I crack my knuckles menacingly with my newly reinforced rage over Caroline’s life.) Damon sees Lexi walk in and goes to meet her. He asks where Stefan is. Lexi says that he’s meeting her here. Damon starts to offer to buy her a drink, but she doesn’t even stop to let him finish the question. Just breezes right by him.

Emmy: God, Lexi is such a queen.

Mari: Stefan visits Elena to see why she stopped by. Elena asks him about the girl in the towel, and Stefan realizes how it must’ve looked like to her. He explains that Lexi is 350 years old, and his oldest friend. It’s not romantic between them. He presses Elena about why she visited, but that was like two scenes ago so clearly Elena has already changed her mind about that. She complains to him about keeping secrets and about having no one to talk to, not even her best friend. Stefan assures her that she can always talk to him, which feels to me like he missed the point. Stefan offers to drive her to the party at the One Bar and Grill, explaining that Lexi is making him go for his birthday. Elena wishes him happy birthday, but says she’s staying in for the night. He wishes her a good night and leaves.

Party. We know people are having a good time because in the background, some poor extra goes “woo hoo! YEAH ALRIGHT.” Caroline finds Bonnie and pulls her aside to ask for her necklace back. Bonnie says she can’t give it back. Caroline tries another tactic, and says that Bonnie looks fat with it on. Bonnie figures out that Damon is the one who really wants it back. Caroline hedges, and then reaches for the necklace, getting zapped in the process. Bonnie cannot believe Caroline was going to pull the necklace from her neck.

Stefan shows up at the party. He finds Matt and tells him again that he was just trying to help Vicki because he went through something similar once. He apologies, but Matt tells him not to be sorry. This isn’t the first time Vicki has run off. Matt says Vicki is just like her mother, and he can’t count on either of them. He is definitely listening to Air Supply tonight. Maybe Stefan is too, tbh.

Damon finds Caroline and asks if she has the necklace. Caroline says that Bonnie won’t give it back. Damon tells her to rip it from her neck. Caroline admits that she tried that, but the necklace shocked her. Damon wonders why the necklace keeps doing that. He tells Caroline again that he needs that crystal. Caroline asks why he’s being like this. She’s so good to him, and she’d do anything for him. It’s just some stupid necklace. Damon does this weird thing where he flicks Caroline’s hands, which are in his, and then he tells her that she’s the only stupid thing here. And shallow. And useless. In case you really liked last episode because it was whacky family hijinks, this was a reminder: Damon is cruel.

Nic: I was almost vibrating with rage here. Why is Caroline this show’s punching bag? She is a teenager. It’s okay to think about boys and party and be a little silly. That’s not a bad thing, and yet the show is treating her like she’s a lesser character for it.

Emmy: Damon was def a Bad Guy in Episodes 1-6, but in the last episode, it became very clear that the writers were trying to make us believe that Damon is just terribly misunderstood. That was irritating and none of us liked the rapid change, but it was whatever.

But then here? He’s right back to being the manipulative, mind-rapey, cruel, despicable character that he was Episodes 1-6. Did they get their Damon scripts mixed up? Was the “two dads raising a chaos baby” vibe meant to be later? Did they just edit the relationship change between Stefan and Damon out and then FORGET Episode 7? I have no answers, only questions and fury for the idea that he is, eventually, someone we are supposed to be rooting for. Episode 7 gave me Damon Development Whiplash and this episode did too.

Mari:  Just let Damon be cruel if he’s gonna be cruel. I don’t want to be led to believe he’s nicecruel.

Lexi and Stefan are dancing together. Mostly Stefan is bopping and Lexi is making fun of him.

A boy and a girl leave the party to make-out in an alley. Unfortunately for them, Damon sees them. The girl hears suspicious noises, but the boy is focused on kissing. And he promptly gets chomped on by Damon. And then we watch Damon choke the poor girl.

Inside, Elena has showed up to the party after all. She broodily watches as Lexi and Stefan have fun while playing pool. Damon catches her at it and jokes about how they have to alert the media because Stefan is smiling. Elena points out that Damon hasn’t exactly made Stefan’s life easy lately, and they banter on for a bit about how she’s so self-righteous and he’s a psychopath.

Elena asks what Damon did to her brother, because he’s not drinking or doing drugs. Damon has to spell out that he took away his suffering so he doesn’t have to cope in those ways anymore. Honestly, I don’t understand why it took so long for Elena to connect those dots.

Now, Bonnie finds Caroline and apologizes. She wants to explain. Caroline doesn’t give her a chance to, basically sharing what Damon called her and insinuating that Bonnie doesn’t treat her any better.

Nic: She doesn’t. There has been little to no follow-up or aftercare for Caroline after her abuse following the episode right after the ‘break-up.’ Caroline, you have terrible friends. You are surrounded by terrible people. I am so sorry and so angry for you.

Mari:  I’ll go out on a limb and say that Bonnie and Damon aren’t actually treating Caroline the same, but I agree that Caroline is the show’s punching bag and it reads as everyone treating Caroline badly.

Outside, a deputy pulls up to the alley where the random boy was vampire mauled.

Lexi goes up to the bar and orders two shots of tequila. She looks around and sees Elena and decides to order a third shot. She compels the bartender into not looking at her ID and giving them to her for free. Lexi finds Elena and gives her a shot. Elena didn’t know vampires could drink. Lexi says alcohol helps curb the cravings, but it makes for a lot of lushy vamps. Elena has never seen Stefan drunk, so the girls share a moment over how uptight Stefan is. Except, Elena says, around Lexi. Lexi says it comes from knowing someone for over 100 years. Elena sighs because after knowing each other for 2? 3? weeks, Stefan can’t be himself with her. Lexi points out that it’s a “not yet” thing, and in fact, the first step was telling Elena what he really is. Lexi shares that the love of her life was human, and he went through a lot of what Elena is going through, but at the end of the day love really did conquer all. She smiles at Elena, and proceeds to drink Elena’s shot. Elena admits that she’s scared, but Lexi points out that at least she’s here. And she’s crazy about Stefan. She takes the third shot also, Stefan’s shot presumably, and Elena says it was really nice to meet her. Lexi does a little smile and shimmy, like she knows she’s a bad bitch.

Lexi joins Stefan at the pool table again. He thanks her, because he listened in on the whole conversation. She kind of demures but Stefan really looks at her and smiles. “I was feeling epic,” she says sheepishly. “Whatever.” Honestly, it’s a tragedy that next episode I have to watch all these characters that are so MEH when Lexi exists.

Nic: God, Lexi is so cool. I’m counting the seconds to her death, because you just know. You know we can’t keep her. There’s no way.

Emmy: I’m so upset.

Mari: Sheriff Forbes is on the scene and sees the vampire-mauled boy. And then the deputy tells her that’s not all and uses his flashlight to illuminate the girl in the alley crying. So apparently, the deputy just let her cry alone until Forbes showed up? Cool. Forbes asks the girl if she saw who did this, and the girl nods that she did, so clearly Damon compelled her into accusing someone. GOD I HATE HIM.

Nic: AND WHY DIDN’T HE USE VICKI FOR THIS PURPOSE WHY DID WE HAVE TO INTRODUCE LEXI AND MURDER HER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Mari: Inside, Fauxliage’s “All the World” plays as Elena joins Stefan at the pool table and says that she couldn’t miss his 100th and whatever birthday.

A very drunk Caroline joins Matt and a friend at a booth. Matt sends the friend to get coffee for Caroline. Caroline drunkenly asks Matt if she’s shallow. He laughs and asks if this is a trick question. She says she doesn’t mean to be. She wants to be “like the abyss deep.” Matt tells her deep isn’t really her scene, so she starts crying and calls herself a kiddie pool. Matt assures her that she’s not that either, but Caroline just wants to go home. Matt agrees to take her, but she can’t walk out, so he carries her.

Nic: I had to stop the episode to vent. This is so terrible. I am so angry. He agreed that she was shallow and was honestly a complete dick, and then they’re trying to make him into some viable romantic interest. No. Damon was abusive in every way, but this isn’t better. She was vulnerable and hurt, visibly so, and Matt just made her feel worse. Then he gets to scoop her up and help take care of her like Prince Charming? No. No. Go screw yourself, Matt. I was fine with him as a character before. He was bland and mopey but fine. I am now actively rooting for him to get eaten.

Emmy: So comedian Daniel Sloss (gorgeous and amazing man with a very dark sense of humor) has a bit in his show, Jigsaw, where he says, “If you only love yourself 20% and you meet someone who loves you 40%, you’re just like, that’s so much!’ But it’s still only 40% of you.”

And I feel this here. People will say, “Matt’s not as bad as Damon!” Okay. But he’s still not GOOD. It’s just like Jeremy and Tyler for Vicki. There were plenty of times where they were both awful to her. Just because they’re not as terrible doesn’t mean that they are “good.” None of these romantic interests are good and everyone should just stay single.

Mari: The thing about this scene that caught me was that it was almost there? Like I think there is a version of this where Matt says something more about how she’s not deep or shallow, she’s Caroline. She’s fun and loving and easy to get along with and all of that counts for a lot. It almost felt like that’s what Matt was meant to say, but there were missing lines in this scene.

Outside, Matt and Caroline run straight into her mother. Sheriff Forbes is not very happy to see Caroline drunk, but Caroline doesn’t seem to care. Matt still offers to take Caroline home, which Forbes appreciates. Forbes tells the deputies to not let anyone else leave.

And back inside, Lexi brings Damon shots to bribe him into telling her what he’s really doing in Mystic Falls. Damon says he has a diabolical master plan, but if he shared it, it wouldn’t be very diabolical. Sheriff Forbes and her deputies walk in and see Lexi and Damon talking at the bar. The alley girl points in their direction and god dammit, Damon. Sheriff Forbes marches over and injects Lexi with vervain, while two deputies haul her off. Stefan and Elena see this happen so Stefan tries to go after her. Their way is blocked, so they have to go around a long way.

Emmy: Stefan, I get that you don’t want to hurt people. I understand that you want to maintain this veneer of humanity. But your best friend in the entire world just got injected by vervain and has been hauled off by known vampire-hunters. KNOCK THOSE MEN ASIDE AND GET LEXI AND FREAKING RUN. I promise that your little human pretend game is not as important as protecting the best and let’s be real, only friend you’ve had for a full century.

Mari: Outside, Lexi regains some strength and manages to fling off the two deputies. Sheriff Forbes shoots her a bunch of times, but it doesn’t hurt or stop Lexi. But then, out of nowhere, Damon appears to stake Lexi in the heart. I… I just. I know it’s a me thing. I’m so fickle when it comes to watching TV that I genuinely would quit the show right now if I weren’t recapping it. I can’t believe they give us and kill Lexi in one episode and somewhere down the line, I get to watch Damon have some sort of redemption and become a love interest. (E: Gurl, same. UGH.)

Nic: God, I knew they were going to take her from us from the minute she showed how cool she was and that she wasn’t going to take Damon’s crap. The really frustrating thing is that Lexi proves that the writers can write strong, dynamic characters that viewers respond to. So why don’t they?

Mari: I’m almost afraid to overstate how good Lexi was. It wasn’t anything mind-blowing, but I think the real key here is that she shines compared to every single other character. We’re so deep into all this brood and bland, that Lexi shows up for 20 minutes to sass and smile and we were immediately on board. Immediately.

Whatever, I’m over this episode and recap. I’m gonna wrap it up fast: Stefan and Elena watch from the alley as his oldest friend dies.

We cut to Sheriff Forbes handcuffing the bartender at the One Bar for serving minors.

Sheriff Forbes tells Damon that he came in handy with that stake. He points out how lucky it was that they had a witness, which is going a little too far, but fine. (N: That’s just dumb. Damon, why would you point out how lucky it was? Let her think it was her excellent police work. God.)

We watch as Matt deposits Caroline in her bed as Switchfoot’s “Yet” plays. They bond over how sucky their lives as supporting characters are. Caroline asks Matt to stay and he climbs into bed with her.

  Nic: VIBRATING WITH RAGE. If Matt hadn’t insulted her twice, not like fifteen minutes before this scene, it would be fine and maybe even cute. Matt, get your hands off my girl and get out the door before I somehow develop the ability to breathe actual fire.

Mari: Stefan is distraught. He stomps away as Elena tries to convince him not to kill his brother, because apparently that’s what the scripts calls for her to do in this scene? Even though a couple of episodes she was like “why haven’t you killed your brother, he’s the worst.” And now it’s her turn to be like “talk to me” and Stefan’s turn to be like “no, stay away.”

Emmy: I genuinely think Elena is just there to do whatever the plot requires of her at the time.

Mari: This is true.

Stefan gets back to boarding house and attacks his brother. We watch them super speed vampire fight until Stefan gets Damon up against a wall and stakes him, but in the stomach. Damon says Stefan missed, but Stefan says he did it on purpose, sparing Damon’s life as repayment for saving his life. IDK man, I feel like you don’t have to honor that when he just killed your best friend? I’m biased in favor of killing Damon, though.

We end with Bonnie having a dream of running through the forest. Actual un-aging vampire Bianca Lawson playing Bonnie’s ancestor tells her “it’s coming.” Bonnie wakes up in the middle of the woods, I think where Damon killed all of Vicki’s friends.

Nic: The mausoleum said Salvatore. So that’s cool or whatever. I don’t know. I’m just mad. I’m mad and bitter about Lexi. I’m furious about Caroline. I’m just mad. I’m so glad the next episode is Emmy’s because I have spent the last ten minutes yelling to my housemates about how dumb this episode was.

Mari: It would be easier to accept characters I don’t like if they were at least consistently portrayed. The soapiness is there, the angst and teen drama is there. This show is trying, just not hard enough. We are 8 episodes in and man is it struggling to find its footing.

 

Next time on The Vampire Diaries: I think everyone is a vampire now in S01 E09 – History Repeating.