Buffy the Vampire Slayer S03 E17 – The Slayer Cold Shoulder

Previously: Vamp!Willow magically poofed into town and made everything infinitely more fun. We know she likes to lick and bite and eat people but we were still sad to see her go.
—

Enemies

Lorraine: We open at a theater that has Le Banquet D’ Amelia announced on the marquee. A happy, snuggly couple exits the theater followed by Buffy and Angel looking 10 different kinds of awkward. Apparently, Buffy thought the movie was about food and it was probably more soft-core porn.

K: Of course it was. It’s clearly French.

Sweeney: Awkward.

Lor: Buffy: So, feel like getting some hot chocolate, or some cold shower? 

Angel apologizes for all the awkward, as he only wanted to do something fun. Buffy apologizes because because she doesn’t want to get him horny, on account of sex makes him lose his soul. Oh, they definitely dance round and round this topic but (1) these posts end up being between 3,000-5,000 words so I have no room for dancing and (2) I cover Fifty Shades so LOL Buffy and her soft porn. We’ll talk awkward when Angel is pulling out your tam- NEVER MIND. NEVER MIND. VAMPIRE. BLOOD. NEVER MIND. EW. SORRY. I’M SO SORRY.

K: So you should be. Urgh.

Sweeney: YOU’RE THE WORST.

Lor: Sometimes, I don’t even try to be.

Angel basically says that Buffy’s mere presence makes him horny, but that he can control himself, and what’s more, he enjoys it on account of sometimes not having a soul and not feeling anything. They make-out a tad.

K: Excuse me while I puke. 

Lor: Man, I am the worst.

Faith creeps up on them, and she’s wearing pleather and nefarious lip stick. “Check out the lust bunnies,” she says.  They exposit some that Faith is back on active Slayer duty, and I’m just accepting that and choosing not to question that insanely quick turn around time. Buffy takes her leave of Angel and she heads off with Faith.

At a cemetery, Faith is giving her unsolicited opinions on Buffy’s no-touchy-touchy relationship. B is about to tell her to STFU but shouts, “duck!” instead because a demon has appeared behind her. They apprehend him quickly, and he reveals that he came looking for them. He has something in his possession called The Books of Ascension. The Mayor wants the books too so it would be in their best interest to give him what he’s asking for: $5000. Faith snarks, “so you can buy- I’m guessing here- some skin care products?” DON’T MAKE ME LAUGH, FAITH. YOU ARE EVIL NOW.

The demon actually wants a ($5000?) plane ticket out of town. I know this was before all our current security measures, but good luck to him blending in at the airport.

K: Maybe it’s like $1000 for a plane ticket and $4000 for a forged ID and to bribe whatever the precursor to the TSA was to actually let him onto a plane??

Sweeney: Something like that.

Lor: Faith is really up on killing him and also her cleavage is really prominent right now. Buffy says to let him go, as he seems like a Non-Threatening Demon. Weird, hearing that from Buffy, even though she claims to want to look more into the Books of Asc (for short). Faith forcefully says that that would be great, just so we know she’s lying and thinks it would be certainly not great. Roll credits.

Faith is sitting in the Mayor’s office, recounting the story of the Non-Threatening Demon. The Mayor asks what he looked like and Faith replies, “demonic.” The Mayor creepily changes course and says he wishes Faith would pull her hair back and stop hiding her “such a nice face.” (S: Stuff like this is part of his epic creeperdom.) Faith changes the subject back to Buffy and “the super friends.” The Mayor thinks she worries too much and pours her a nice glass of milk to ease the worry. The plan: drink milk, kill the demon and get the books. Faith wants to know what would happen if Buffy gets there first and the Mayor threatens her in the nicest way I’ve ever heard. He urges Faith to drink her milk: There’s nothing uncool about healthy teeth and bones.

UM:

K:  What in the actual fuck is that?! 

Sweeney: AWESOME. The “got milk?” campaign people came to my high school once and set up a photo booth so that kids could take pictures like this. I wish I was kidding when I say that I not only took one, but still have it in my bedroom at home.

Lor: I’m actually really glad you aren’t kidding. 

Wiggins Library. Buffy and her super friends are also talking about the demon. They wonder what the ascension means, and it’s Willow who recognizes the term from an obscure text. Giles wants to know where she read it, and Willow admits she read some books he tried to keep hidden from her. Giles fetches the book and there is a passage from some pastor. It’s basically all, “Dear Diary. Ascension tomorrow! OH NOS.” and then the whole town disappeared after that. Ascension, bad. Got that?

Giles wants B to go after the Non-Threatening Demon. She wonders if anyone has $5000 and on cue, Cordelia walks in looking like $3000 of loneliness and $2000 of about to make this scene really awkward. She asks Wesley out on a date. Awkward.

K: So much. Her asking is basically “I have to write an English paper, and you’re English, so we should date.”

Sweeney: Pro-tips for girls looking to play jailbait! It is awkward, but I also find all of their scenes hilarious and awesome, so I support it.

Lor: Wesley stops looking like he pissed himself long enough to suggest that maybe they go grab the Books of Asc from Non-Threatening free of charge. Buffy suggests that Five Finger Discount Faith have a crack at it, as she’s good at taking things and being violent. Man, I’ve turned on her quickly.

Sweeney: You’re not alone there.

Lor: SEGUE MAGIC to the Non-Threatening Demon packing and in a hurry. The last thing he grabs is a little fishbowl when Faith busts down his door. The demon asks for his money and Faith knifes him. There is a little bit of a struggle and she has to stab him a couple more times before he dies on top of her. She rolls his dead body off and looks at her bloody hands.

I hate to think too much into this… JUST KIDDING. I LOVE THINKING TOO MUCH INTO THIS. We’ve discussed souls a lot already and I don’t really want to do that again, but I find it interesting how things are a changing. Faith: souled and going bad. Non-Threatening Demon: not souled and has a pet fish.

K: WHO’S GOING TO LOOK AFTER THE PET FISH, FAITH?

Sweeney: Soul chat is like my absolute least favorite, but this is a line of soul conversation that I can get behind.

Lor: Brooding Bungalow. Angel is reading in almost the dark. Clearly, we had it all wrong and he isn’t brooding 95% of the time; he’s squinting. (K: So it wasn’t Poop Face a couple of episodes back?) Reading in the dark is bad for your eyes. Anyhow, Faith says she needs help because she’s scaring herself on account of turning into a cold blooded killer. Also: a lying liar who lies. I don’t believe a bit of this. Faith lays it on thick, appealing to Angel’s killer-redeemed-sensibilities. She goes in for a “killers stick together” hug and tries to convert that into a smooch, but Angel shuts her down. He’s with Buffy. Probably also, he walked in on her attempted rape/murder of Xander, so you know, that’s a thing.

Sweeney: I’d say that being  a murderapist tends to be a turn off, but there is a best selling book series that begs to differ.

K: Although Angel doesn’t breathe, so that whole choking thing she tried on Xander wouldn’t really work on him. 

Lor: I say to you both: you would think.

Faith says she won’t press it, but she’s practically talking to Angel’s nostrils and the two of them just need to back up out of  each others’ space.

She tells Angel he’s been a big help. She leans in to kiss his cheek and we cut away to Buffy arriving at that exact moment. She watches Faith walk away and enters the Bungalow and calmly asks her boyfriend what’s up and waits for his explanation.

JUST KIDDING. SHE LEAVES IN A HUFF AND GETS NO EXPLANATION.

Sweeney: Obviously. This is what every television character ever does in this situation.

K: It probably didn’t help that she could hear the Tinkly Pianos of Feels playing away in the background. 

Lor: Faith’s Kept Slayer Apartment. She is recounting her failed seduction of Angel to the Mayor. They wonder at Faith not being able to seal the deal.

Sweeney: Mayor mentions one-moment-of-true-happiness and she’s all, “I was thinking more along the lines of a long weekend,” and I remember that even when I hate her, she’s still entertaining to have around.

Lor: Still, they want to strip Angel of his soul and since whoring Faith out didn’t work, the Mayor says it’s time to go to the “most painful way imaginable” plan.

Giles and Wesley are researching in the Wiggins Library. So, guys. Giles is the librarian of Sunnydale High, but what exactly is Wesley’s cover story for being on campus surrounded by minors? Huh?

Sweeney: Librarian’s Assistant! Or, more likely, everyone’s all, “IDK, British people know shit about books, yeah? We clearly don’t know things about education around here, but they have those fancy British accents, so…”

Lor: HOKAY.

Their research hasn’t turned up anything, so Giles says maybe he should call the Council. Wesley says that isn’t a good idea as they don’t even know Wesley is “allowing” Giles to work for- he quickly amends with him.

K: I kind of love that Giles stops mid-nose blow to glare at Wesley for using the word “allow”. 

Sweeney: And “work for.”

Lor: Enter Buffy as Wesley decides their best bet is the Books of Asc. B offers to track the demon alone without that stupid loser Faith. She doesn’t say that but her huffing really conveys it. Wesley says that they need to go together, as tracking the demon will be hard. “Found your demon,” Xander enter-announces. It’s funny because if it were hard, Xander wouldn’t be able to do it. Turns out, all he had to do was bribe Willy.

Buffy heads off which cues Faith to walk in wearing a pleather red shirt. Oh, girl. Your propensity for evil grows and grows.

K: Made more obviously evil by the fact that Buffy’s dressed like a Sunday school teacher. a) BRA, b) 3/4 sleeves, c) Below the knee navy blue pinafore dress thing.

Sweeney: Good girl/bad girl! But B’s Good Girl uniform is in darker colors, because she’s a broody Good Girl today.

Lor: In my head, all our readers keep reading strictly for our amazing and in detail analysis of the morality of the wardrobe. You’re welcome!

Faith grabs Buffy’s arm but she frees herself quickly, saying she can handle this assignment on her own. Faith insists and B gives in. They leave and Xander points out how chilly that interaction was.

Non-Threatening Demon’s apartment. Faith walks in with the confidence of a woman who knows the apartment is empty. Buffy asks where Faith was the previous night and she lies about patrolling and mentions how much scum there is in Sunnydale. Buffy’s all, “MMHMM.” because scum tried to kiss her boyfriend.

Sweeney: Slayers can’t go around kissing other slayers’ soul-having vampires and not expect a little Slayer Cold Shoulder.

Lor: Buffy sees Non-Threatening’s body and Faith mentions that whoever killed him must’ve gotten the books too. Faith wants to leave quickly, but Buffy lingers, considering the scene before her.

The Mayor offers a mint to some person shrouded in black. At first I think his eyes are closed but then I realize his eyes are just flesh colored. Maybe it’s my shitty Neflix quality. Flesh Eyes it is, though. He says that deadly magic is required to de-soul Angel and Buffy would thank you not to call her vagina that. What? Other deadly magics? Oh.

Sweeney: A+

Lor: School. Willow asks Buffy what’s up with her gloom. Rada rada, B saw Faith and Angel standing near each other. Willow immediately says, “no way!” B tries to take comfort, saying that she knows Faith would never. Willow’s all, “SKKKRTT! Yes she would. In a heartbeat. Yes. Yes. She would.”

K: I know Willow’s probably still bitter about the whole Xander boinking Faith thing, but I’m gonna have to back her up here.

Lor: Me too. What Will meant was that Angel would never do that. Buffy low-self-esteems, though, because Angel and Faith have a lot in common. Like… cheap leather clothing? I’m not entirely sure. Willow asks what Angel had to say for himself and Buffy admits she ran away like the emotional pansy she can sometimes be. Willow sends her off to, you know, talk to her boyfriend.

Sweeney: She prefaces this sage advice with, “Buffy, I too know the love of a taciturn man.” She’s the best.

Lor: Over at Angel’s place, WHAT DO YOU KNOW. FAITH IS THERE FIRST. She’s there under the guise of apologizing and it’s kind of hilarious because Angel keeps backing away from her. She takes offense and boo-hoos that nobody trusts her. Angel sighs and says he knows what she’s feeling, as he inches closer to her. Faith turns around and splashes some blood on his pristine white wife-beater as she calls him a chump. Angel looks all, “well that’s going to be a bitch to get off.”

Enter Flesh Eyes, who begins chanting and Angel stands there and chats with Faith, instead of, I don’t know, running. Doesn’t matter, though, because Angel is relieved of his soul.

AGAIN. Also again: writhing on the floor.

He stands after a big vamp out and starts making out with Faith. Then he punches her and kicks her, saying the taste of Slayer in his mouth is like cigarettes. Angelus says that he isn’t sure why Faith turned him but he’s happy to be back. Faith knees him in the balls, but whatever, because Buffy did it way better.

K: She really did. Aaah, those were the days!! 

Lor: Faith manages to get Angel on the ground and straddles him. She tells him that he should cooperate to avoid that whole “being sent to a hell dimension” thing and then they start making out.

Wiggins Library. Wesley is speeching about their enemies being a step ahead and Cordelia has joined the Scoobies once again, but only to flirt with Wesley. (K: EW. On the plus side, OZ IS BACK.) (S: I know I should join you on Team Ew, but I can’t because I love it. BUT YAY!) As Giles sends B to the Mayor’s office and asks Willow about her progress hacking into the Mayor’s files, Cordy says Wesley is running the meeting. Giles puts up the most hilarious, “bitch please” hand and I love him.

Anyways, Willow hasn’t had luck with the hacking as the Mayor emptied his files. Oz suggest the hall of records and they all figure that’s a good place to start. Xander opts out of the field trip on account of he must be allergic to Cordelia’s desperation.

K: I don’t blame him, because this happens:

Cordelia: I’m in Wesley’s group!
Giles: There is just the one group.
Cordelia: Yes. And I’m in it. 

Lor: I should specify that I don’t have an particular feelings toward the two of them, other than “weird.”

Mayor’s office. Faith asks if she can keep Angelus, and the Mayor thinks they need to take it one step at a time. “May I call you Angel,” the Mayor asks and I say no because then it makes the recap all confusing. Angelus says no because he wants to be called Master and WOAH THERE. Not touching that one.

Angelus picks up a letter opener and the Mayor babbles. He notices that Angelus is caressing his letter opener. Actually, he was planning on stabbing him. The Mayor invites him to try, he does, and hey, remember, invincible and stuff? “Can’t be killed, but you don’t like germs?” Angelus says, and I KNOW RIGHT? Totally weird. Anyhow, he offers to find, torture and kill Buffy, which the Mayor approves of. He says to make the killing slow, as they don’t want another Slayer to rise up. “They can’t all turn out like my girl Faith,” he smarms, and Faith eats that shit up.

Faith and Angelus are off but not before the Mayor asks him to have her home by 11. This is gross.

K: SO MUCH.

Lor: Xander is walking along talking to himself, mocking Cordelia, when he spots Faith and Angelus. “Hey guys!” he chirps, and as he asks them to find Buffy, Angelus punches him IN THE FACE. “That guy just bugs me,” he says without slowing.

Sorry, but it is hilarious.

K: Nope, totally didn’t cheer when that happened. Would never do such a thing. Sorry, Team Xander. 

Sweeney: I LOVE IT SO MUCH. NOT EVEN A LITTLE SORRY, TEAM XANDER.

Lor: Summers’ home. Joyce opens the door and welcomes Faith and Angelus, saying she hopes it isn’t some “vampire thing.” It kinda is, on account of your daughter’s boyfriend is a vampire.

Buffy is packing weapons when the pair enter her room. Buffy is still gloomy. Faith says they have the books at the mansion, but they couldn’t possibly have taken them to Giles because of strength in numbers and bad cover stories. Angel offers to carry Buffy’s weapons and the entire interaction is creepy.

Brooding Bungalow, Angelus tells “Buff” that there is a slight change in plans. It’s kind of like when Wesley in Princess Bride says “as you wish” and Princess Buttercup immediately knows its him. Buffy’s all, “NUH-UH. Only the un-souled version of my boyfriend calls me Buff!”

Sweeney: It’s a kind of hilarious tell.

Lor: Angelus says he wants to thank Buffy for sending him to hell, and otherwise threatens her while Buffy tries to let it sink in that they are doing this plot point again. “No,” she whimpers. Shhhh, girl. I know. I know.

It’s only a second of whimpering though because Buffy says she will kill Angelus before she will let him touch her. She still thinks Faith is on her side, which nope. Angelus punches her. “One thing I learned abut Buffy? She’s so cute when she’s sleeping.” Calm it down, Stalker Boyfriend.

At the hall of records, the Scoobies find a picture that proves the Mayor is over 100 years old. Xander enter-nounces the news of Angelus’s return. “I told you so,” he says. “Shut up,” I say. He goes on to blame Wesley for it all because Faith was his responsibility and now she’s Angelus’s “playmate.” That’s quite the stretch there buddy. He’s probably just pissy ’cause he got punched.

Sweeney: Which is I guess fair. But, you know, +1 to the, “Shut up.”

Lor: Buffy comes to as Angel is tying her up in chains.

K: Angel makes an “I can’t believe we never tried chains” comment in a sexy times voice, and I throw up in my mouth. 

Lor: Faith jokes again about her unhappy childhood and how that makes being an evil traitor feel good. She says that when she was little she used to beg her mom for a dog because she wanted something to love. She then grabs Angelus and kisses him and it’s funny that he lets her, because she just called him a dog. Buffy winces at their display of affection.

Faith goes on: all she wanted was a dog and toys (she reveals some torture tools) but she never got what she wanted because her mom was a drunk. Buffy tries to warn Faith about Angelus turning on her, but she shrugs it off and keeps with the threatening, telling Buffy to scream if she’s a screamer.

B asks why Faith turned on her. It boils down to this: Faith comes to Sunnydale and is being an awesome Slayer, kicking ass left and right, but all anyone wants to talk about is Buffy. She does the good girl thing but everyone thanks Buffy. Everyone wants Faith to be more like Buffy, and she has the Watcher and the mom and the Scoobie gang. Sunnydale was supposed to be her town.

K: JFC, Faith. Sunnydale’s a shithole. Go find another crappy town to be Queen Slayer of. 

Sweeney: Right!? Why the hell did she want Sunnydale so badly?

Lor: Faith wants to hear Buffy say that she thinks she’s better and Buffy acquiesces. “I am. I always have been.” Faith points out that she’s the one that has Angel(us). B says that she got him by magic, otherwise, Angel would never touch her. BURN. Faith stomps over and punches her. Buffy goes on: “You had to tie me up to beat me. There’s a word for people like you, Faith: loser.”

Faith thinks that Buffy is trying to make her mad enough to kill but she’s too “smart” for that. I have my theories about Faith actually being dumb as a bag of rocks, but I’m waiting to gather all the evidence to make my case.

OH WAIT. HERE’S SOME NOW: Buffy baits Faith for information on the ascension and Faith starts yammering. The Mayor built the town for demons to feed on and come the end of season 3 Graduation Day, “he’s getting paid.”

It is about this time when I see Angel in the background, not  moving, no game face on that I figure out that he’s in on this capture of Buffy. At this point, I think to go back and delete my mini-breakdown about him losing his soul again, BUT I’LL LEAVE IT. You guys can all point and laugh at my real-time pain. It’s fine. No big.

K: LOL. First time viewers are so cute.

Lor: Buffy says that she never knew Faith had so much rage. Faith chalks it up to being the best actor in the world. “Second best,” Angel says from in the background.

K: I find it hilarious that they put Faith’s “OH SHIT” head turn in slow motion. I don’t know why. I just do. 

Lor: “You think we missed anything?” Buffy asks. “I think we know everything she knows,” Angel smiles. Faith is pissed at being played but you know, pot, kettle, etc. Buffy and Faith scuffle and they end up both holding knives to each other. Faith pulls an Angelus season 2 and says Buffy isn’t ready to kill her and runs off.

Sweeney: By which she mostly means that the plot isn’t ready for that yet.

Lor: Willow runs to Buffy’s side and asks if she’s okay. She doesn’t look it.

Wiggins Library. We see that Flesh Eyes is chatting with Giles so he was in on the act, which is how they managed the whole thing. Flesh Eyes says that his debt is repaid and leaves. Willow asks what the debt was. Giles: “I introduced him to his wife.” Best.

K: Rupert Giles: Watcher, librarian, badass, and match maker. I love him so much. 

Lor: Wesley was apparently not in on the scheme and threatens to tattle to the Council. Giles thinks maybe they should know about the rogue Slayer. Willow is happy Angel isn’t actually bad, so she wasn’t in on the act either. Xander is still butthurt over the punch to the face so he wasn’t in on it either. Buffy assures Xander it was all an act, but she seems to be trying to convince herself. I guess watching your boyfriend kiss someone else isn’t fun, but I’m not sure it calls for so much wallow.

Sweeney: I mean, reenacting the consequences of her Dark Magic vagina (sans the pre-consequences fun times) had to be at least a little traumatizing.

Lor: Fair. Maybe my grievance is that it hasn’t been dealt with and we keep going back and forth.

Faith in dookey brown pleather pants. The Mayor tries to comfort her about the loss of her friends. He’s her only friend and those other people will be gone come ascension time. Then he tries to cheer Faith up with miniature golf.

K: Don’t do it, Faith. Look what happened when Buffy played miniature golf with Ted…

Lor: Buffy goes to visit Angel again and he is presumably just sitting around by candlelight, waiting for her and the Tinkly Piano to show up. I wish could turn off this episode right now. The big reveal won me back, but now this piano won’t stop tinkling.

K: It’s backed up by the Clarinet of Mopeyness.

Lor: Anyways, Buffy says she knows she was the one who asked Angel to do what he did but it sucked. Now she needs a break. Angel asks if Buffy’s still his girl. She turns around and says, “Always, but we have to keep tension in our relationship somehow and someone writing this thought the best way would be to keep us breaking up and stuff. Also, maybe you should get better lighting in here, to help with the squinting.”

Something like that.

 

I was going to leave it there, but I had to go back and read through my reactions. I’m not sure I get Buffy’s deal here, specifically. Probably because I just want this entire thing to be over. I think it was over for me when she killed him at the end of season 2. When I thought Angel had his soul back, I kept thinking about how miserable this relationship seems to be making the both of them, no matter how much undying eternal love they keep professing. She needs to get out, permanently.

Sweeney: I’m actually with you on this. I mean, I do get some of the initial wallow, but I absolutely agree that the back and forth is ridiculous. It doesn’t make me any less Team Buffy/Angel, but I hate the on-again-off-again bullshit too.

Lor: Also, I think Faith is delusional. Her entire speech to Buffy about being under-appreciated is bullshit. She’s clearly jealous, and I understand the mom and Watcher thing, but Faith has never suffered from a shortage of attention. I’m not buying her sob story and mostly, I really want her to stop wearing pleather.

K: Agreed. Homegirl clearly owns shares in a pleather factory.

 

 Next time on Buffy the Vampire Slayer – Buffy gets infected with demon cooties and can suddenly hear the thoughts of everyone around her in S03  E18 – Earshot.