Angel S01 E05 – Of apartments and Kitty Farmer

Previously: Some guy was sending off pieces of his body to go stalk a woman. Ye… yeah.
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Rm w/a Vu

Lorraine: Cordelia is giving Doyle a little taste of her audition for a commercial. She does as well as you would imagine. The phone rings and he wonders if she’s going to pick that up, and Angel wanders in to wonder the same thing. Angel as a boss makes me giggle.

Sweeney: It doesn’t suit him particularly well….

K: Truth. Also, the idea of Cordy starring in an advert for garbage bags is rather hilarious. 

Lor: Cordelia scurries over, but by that point, the answering machine has it. It’s someone named Aura who’s calling to check in on Cordy. She doesn’t answer because with her crappy apartment and failing career, she has no good news to report. Doyle offers to let her stay at his place for a night, but she shoots him down, gathers her things and leaves.

Doyle goes into Angel’s office and asks for some information on Cordelia. Angel offers that she can’t file or type worth a damn, and the answering phones thing isn’t looking great either. Doyle asks who Aura is all so we can hear Cordy’s back story again: popular high school girl, very rich, family lost it all.

Cordy gets to her aparment and she does lots of things that really drive the “her life sucks right now” thing home. It all culminates with a lot of cockroaches and her deciding to call Doyle.

Doyle arrives at his apartment, but unfortunately there is already a demon in there, B&Eing. Electric Cello.

Said demon, who has spikes around his face (not to be confused with SPIIIKE) demands his money. Doyle says he has it and moves to look inside of a drawer. Demon Loan Shark slams the drawer on his hand and says he better not have a gun in there. Doyle says he doesn’t, but he does remove the whole drawer, uses it to clock DLS and takes off running.

K: LOL. Nice one, Doyle. 

Lor: “Ode to Joy” plays at Angel’s basement and there is a knock on the door. He comes out from a shower, wrapping a towel around himself, and Sweeney would thank you to avert your eyes. That’s her TV boyfriend all shirtless and wet! (S: DYING LAUGHING. I love you forever.) Cordy is at the door with all her bags as she can no longer stand her apartment and Doyle didn’t answer his phone. Oh, not that Angel is a last resort, just that he’s the last person she came to. During her whinging, Cordelia stops Angel’s “Ode to Joy.” Get it? ‘Cause she’s going to steal his joy. Something like that.

Cordy plows on and Angel looks like a deer caught in headlights. She tells him to put her stuff on the couch (or she can have the bed. Whatever he feels good about…) and says she needs a shower. “Do you have mousse?” Cordy considers Angel for a second. “Of course you do.”

Sweeney: A+ for Cordelia.

K: I laughed far too hard about that line. 

Lor: I did too.

The next morning, Doyle heads down to the Brooding Basement and finds Cordelia, fresh out of a shower, finger combing her hair while looking in a stainless steel kettle. First, that’s funny. Second, this is clearly proof that Cordelia no longer owns a hairbrush and needs to find one ASAP (K: A+). She greets Doyle with a, “You ever get that feeling like you just can’t shower enough, like something’s happened and you’ll never be clean?” Cue Angel to walk out in black boxers and a red robe he’s chosen not to close. Angel accuses Cordelia of getting peanut butter on his bed and she runs off to check.

Doyle, meanwhile, joins the half-naked dots and assumes they slept together. He asks how Angel could do this to him, since he’s been obvious about his thing for Cordelia.

Someone mentioned Angel being handsome! SHOTS FOR EVERYONE. Doyle also mentioned his forehead, though, which is hilarious, because he does have a very interesting forehead.

Sweeney: I love when we make new drinking games.

K: Sweeney suggested via email earlier that we watch an episode via Google Hangout and play the drinking game for real. Based on how headdesk-y this series has been making me feel so far, I’m on board with this plan, even though it will have me drinking at 10am or something. #timezonessuck

Lor: I prefer to think of it as time zones making it funnier.

Before Angel has a chance to explain, Doyle gets in one last shot: “How about leaving some scraps for the homely looking fellas who don’t turn evil when they get some?” Damn, Doyle. You had to take it to the evil thing? Angel says that Cordy just stayed over and he slept on the couch. Cordelia walk back in WITH A HAIRBRUSH and now dressed. She claims that Angel got peanut butter on the bed, but Angel doesn’t eat. He drinks coffee, but doesn’t eat. I’m noting these things in case we ever see Angel enjoying a juicy burger in the near future. Angel leaves the room.

Cordy complains about the lack of mirrors and then mentions that Doyle’s “cousin” called the day before. They get into a little tiff about Cordy’s general phone-answering habits and Angel comes back into the kitchen, wondering what’s going on. Doyle says it’s nothing, but Angel’s a crackerjack detective, see, and notices the bruise on Doyle’s hand. He also notices a wet towel on his leather chair.

Later, Doyle is taking one of Angel’s books and we see that Cordy is cutting away at a piece of linoleum because she wants to see if there is hardwood underneath. I’m not sure if that’s a joke or a lie. Cordy has also set up some trophies and her diploma on a shelf and she just really moved in, didn’t she? Her diploma, which we also see,  is singed a bit, taking us back to Graduation Day. The more time passes, the fonder I am of Buffy season 3.

Sweeney: A shot in honor of Buffy season 3!

Lor: Angel comes downstairs and says some big guy is here to see Doyle. As soon as Angel is back out of the room, Doyle takes off running through a back exit (?) (K: I was equally confused by this exit. Because Angel’s apartment is in the basement, and yet has a door that’s at ground level. WHUT.) and runs right into Angel, who is really good at detecting things, because he is a detective. Angel asks Doyle to tell him what’s going on.

A seizure cut later, Doyle is asking Angel for help with the Demon Loan Shark. Angel says he’ll help if Doyle will help him. At that, Cordy comes in to ask if Angel has linoleum glue. He gives a falsely-calm, “I’ll be there in a minute.” Cordy bounds off and Angel says he’ll help Doyle with the DLS if Doyle finds Cordelia an apartment.

Cut to a montage of apartment hunting. Yucky apartments are yucky and Cordy agrees to use Doyle’s contact instead.

Meanwhile, Angel is at Doyle’s apartment detecting the shit out of things. Not very well, this time, though because the DLS sneaks up behind him.

Back with Cordy and Doyle, they are now being shown a very nice, very big apartment that she falls in insta-love with. She wants to know what’s wrong with it but totally nothing! Swear! It’s just a bargain and was recently vacated. It’s her lucky day and she’ll take it. Cordelia points out a wall she wants to demolish and claims part of the perfection of the place is having something to fix.

Sweeney: That’s a pretty sweet rental contract if they’re cool with you taking out walls and stuff.

K: And I’m going to go ahead and further my engineer brother’s assessment that Joss Whedon doesn’t understand structural integrity, because I’m pretty sure taking out a wall between two archways/doorways/whatever would make the ceiling fall down… 

Lor: My beef was with not only having money for this apartment, but also for renovations…

They walk out happily saying everything worked out well, and we see the wall morph into the shape of a face.

Angel is still fighting the DLS. Turns out Doyle’s about to get dead on account of his being unable to pay back his loan. Angel threat-promises to get Doyle to pay. I’m not sure how you can threaten a promise, but Angel manages it here.

K: MAGIC.

Lor: Cordelia is asleep and haunted house things happen, including the radio turning on and a whispering, disembodied voice saying she never should’ve moved in.

Doyle is upset he actually has to pay DLS back, because that seems like Angel didn’t really help him at all seeing as he still has no money. Angel points out that they weren’t even looking for money anymore, just his head. Doyle thanks him for saving his life. Angel wants to know why Doyle lives his life this way, but Doyle defers, as not all is gloomy in “Doyle-city.” Cordelia, for instance, is a bright spot and she’s super happy and grateful for her new apartment.

Cut to Cordelia looking not that happy as haunted house things keep happening, like a boiling cup of water and a levitating bed. She calls out to the room that she’s from Sunnydale and that the ghost isn’t scaring her.

Sweeney: Cordelia shouting about being from Sunnydale was awesome. I appreciate all references to the fact that she attended high school on a hellmouth.

Lor: Agreed! I like the bits of desensitized Cordy.

The next morning, she gives herself a pep talk in front of the medicine cabinet mirror and doesn’t notice that there is a creepy looking ghost-thing behind her. More haunted house things, like a chair slammed against the wall and creepy cold wind, all while she yells at the ghost to move on and walk into the bright light. Her “is that the best you got?!”ing is interrupted by a knock at the door.

Sweeney: Before we go any further, the ghost is played Beth Grant, whose name I had to look up, because she will forever be Kitty Farmer of Donnie Darko to me. Mostly because she is the speaker of one of the greatest movie lines in the history of EVER, which I constantly work into daily life even though it makes no sense BUT NOW IT ALMOST DOES!

Carry on.

K: I recognise her from something, but can’t work out what. Based on her filmography, it’s “From Being In One Episode Of Every TV Show Ever”. 

Lor: Oh, I’ve seen that before. That One Episode, that is, not Donnie Darko.

Angel and Doyle show up with a mini-cactus housewarming present. Adorbs. Doyle walks in while Angel waits at the door and Cordelia remembers he needs an invitation. Then he walks in anyways, and she’s all, WTF? See, she said earlier in the episode that when she got a place, he was totally invited over. Cordy: “What? I didn’t even have a place then! These rules are getting all screwed up!” You know, this show has its world-building problems, but God bless it for having a sense of humor about it.

Oh, but now they want to take my warm-fuzzies away by bringing up sunlight, as Doyle moves to close the curtains so that Angel won’t burst into flames. Even though they were just standing outside her door all perfectly normal like in broad daylight. And none of you say shit about the sewers because there is NOT a manhole directly in front of Cordelia’s apartment door, okay? FUCK SUNLIGHT.

Sweeney: FUCK SUNLIGHT SHOTS. I know we’re bloggers and expected to be sunlight-averse basement dwellers, but we hope that you, the Angel watching/reading crowd can at least attest to our very legitimate reasons for hating all mention of sunlight.

K: Seriously. This shit is getting ridiculous.

Lor: Cordelia is trying to shoo them away as more haunted house things happen. Finally, the ghost writes “DIE” on the wall in blood. Doyle and Angel try and pull Cordy out of the apartment but she doesn’t want to give up her dreamy, rent controlled home. Angel thinks it isn’t worth it, but Doyle suggests a cleansing. Cordy leaves threatening to die before she gives the apartment up and the  ghost is all, “mmkay!”

Later, at the office, Doyle does research as Cordy tells Angel that having the apartment means a lot to her. It would mean that her punishment for being awful during high school would be over and she could be just like Angel. He thinks she means with looking for redemption, but she clarifies: he had that awesome mansion.

Doyle finds that an older lady dropped dead in the apartment.. Angel has a cleansing spell and Doyle knows where to get the ingredients, as he knows a guy who does this spell all the time. Cordelia wonders if maybe this is the same guy who found them this poltergeist apartment in the first place. Whoops.

Cordelia: Little old lady ghost. How come Patrick Swayze is never dead when you need him?

Damn. This is awkward.

K: As is Patrick Swayze’s hair in that picture…

Lor: Yeah. I’m slightly reminded of Christopher Atkins in The Blue Lagoon.

Later that night, Cordelia gets a call from Angel telling her to meet him at the apartment. Cordelia gets there and it’s really just Grandma Ghost (S: KITTY FARMER.) imitating Angel’s voice. GG throws Cordelia around a bit and says it’s too bad Cordelia didn’t leave her son alone.

Seizure cut to Angel getting help from Quasimodo Kate. Angel’s all, “did I mention I’m a detective?” and Kate points out that he doesn’t have a business license or a last name. Only pop-stars and Popes don’t have last names and Angel says he’s definitely a Pope. Turns out there was an investigation into Grandma’s Ghost death as her son lived with her at the time and they argued a lot about his fiancee. Suspicious Son skipped town the day Grandma Ghost died. Angel asks Kate to check if there have been any suicides in the haunted apartment, as there is a certain type of killer who kills that way. Sure enough, there are a string of these “suicides.”

Angel and Doyle figure out that Grandma Ghost lured Cordy to the apartment. We cut there as she tries to explain that she isn’t who GG thinks she is. Grandma is hitting Cordy right in the self-esteem, and then she finally uses a wire to hang Cordelia. She’s up there for way too short of a time to really pass out, but alas, she does. One second later, Doyle and Angel rush in and lower Cordy who wakes immediately. She’s freaking out about GG coming back.

Sweeney: Which, having recently been almost murdered by her, is fair.

Lor: Angel assures her that she has power to get rid of GG and they start the preparations for the spell, with Doyle assembling a binding circle and Angel chanting. They need Cordy to strike the circle but homegirl is just sobbing in a useless heap. Angel tries to tough love her into action (“you are Cordelia Chase!” “you are the biggest pain in the ass!” etc) but Cordy just keeps sobbing that she can’t. Angel decides it’s too dangerous and they all stand to leave, but lo and behold the Demon Loan Shark is at the door with two other lackeys with guns.

The human lackey is freaking out about all the haunted house stuff going on, though DLS tells him to ignore it. He tries to shoot the ghost and ends up damaging the fire place (in LA?). (S: We totes had and used one growing up. No humidity like FL; I swear it really does get chilly at night!) (L: Fair.) The Ghost is pissed now, so as Angel fights the DLS she helpfully knifes the other demon and the human runs. Angel and the DLS keep fighting as Ghost Grandma grabs Cordelia and pulls her into the room. Cordelia tries to apologize to GG, but she isn’t having a word of it. She calls Cordelia, who is crying on the floor, a slew of names including bitch. Something very forced and kind of groan-worth dawns on Cordy as she stands up and declares, “I’m not a sniveling whiny little Cry-Buffy.  I’m the nastiest girl in Sunnydale history.  I take crap from no one.”

GROAN. I mean, I guess the sentiment is fine, and I know I was just complaining about all the Buffy Brood happening, but Cordelia can STFU if she’s going to randomly insult Buffy, who saved her ass like 87 million times.

Sweeney: +1. I would love this moment infinity times more if she hadn’t gone there.

K: I agree entirely, but do find it kind of odd that Cordy basically references the Buffy Brood when she hasn’t seen Buffy since graduation, a point in time at which she was BAMF Buffy and not Broody Buffy. 

Lor: ANYWAYS. She tells Ghost Grandma to hold on to her britches because she’s soon to be out of there.

Cordelia yells at her to get the hell out of the apartment and there is a flash of light. GG disappears. Outside, Angel finally bests and kills the Demon Loan Shark. Cordy comes out seemingly triumphant, but her eyes flash all ghost-y and possessed-y. She grabs a nearby lamp and start beating the wall she said she hated and wanted to knock down. GG shows up again to watch in horror as Cordy busts through brick and finds behind it a skeleton.

We cut to Alive!Grandma paving the wall, with her son, Dennis, bound and behind it. She’s sealing him in “for his own good,” so that he won’t marry the unapproved fiancee. We watch her put up the last few bricks as we hear his muffled voice crying out that he’s sorry and can’t breathe. Damn. That’s sufficiently creepy. Right after Alive!Grandma puts up a picture on her murder wall, she has a heart attack and dies. Instant karma!

Sweeney: The rest of this sucks, but that instant karma is pretty fucking great.

K: Insta-karma FTW.

Lor: Back in present day, a ghost light comes streaming out of the skeleton and is none too pleased with Ghost Grandma. It attacks her and now, for real, she’s gone.

Even later that night, Angel is serious-ing with Doyle that eventually he’s going to need to hear the story of his life. It’s the totes-serious-bro-chat version of phone gossip, which is what Cordelia is doing at this moment in her apartment. She’s telling Aura all about her great new apartment and mentions having a roommate who she never sees. The soda next to her moves and she whisper to “Phantom Dennis” to put it back. ‘Cause now he’s all up in the apartment.

Worth the low rent, or no?

Sweeney: That apartment? In LA? FUCK YES IT IS. No question.

Lor: There you have it. We answer the tough questions for you here at the Snark Squad.

 

 

Next time on Angel: Someone is trying to kill Kate and Angel comes to the rescue in S01 E06 – Sense & Sensitivity.