Buffy the Vampire Slayer S05 E01 – Mind Control Does Not Equal Consent

Previously: The Initiative happened and it was bad, but then it blew up and First Slayer magic dreams happened, and they were good.
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Buffy vs Dracula

Sweeney: Season 5 has mixed reviews from all of you, but anything beats S4 in my book, so let’s get started and leave that disappointment behind us. Buffy is lying in bed with Riley and unable to sleep because she knows her relationship is doomed. Or because she knows there’s a vampire out there waiting to be staked. Whatever. She gets up, runs through the cemetery and gets to staking before returning to bed, knowing that it’s just her doing the slaying and no more Initiative, and all is well in the world.

Lorraine: I got all sorts of Buffy answering the call of duty vibes from this scene. A lot of those very! significant! moments in Restless told us about Buffy coming up against her slayer nature. I think we’re supposed to get a sense of how uncommon this all is. She nestles into a nice night of resting… AFTER she runs down and slays the vamp. See? Significant!

Sweeney: Indeed, it is significant. Roll credits. I SPOT AN UNCREDITED SOMEONE NEW.

Lor: I LOVE NEW SEASON CREDITS.

Also I watched them again but didn’t spot anyone new. (S: I should have clarified: she appears rather stealthily. You’ll have to come back and re-watch once the featured moment actually happens.) Here’s what I did see: The First Slayer, Marc Blucas still in the credits UUUUGH, Emma Caufield now in the credits YAAY!, The Gentlemen!, Spike’s scenes include his two-finger salute which is fantastic because he will be flicking us off every episode, a new walking together purposefully shot of the Scoobies, and we keep our cool little stake twirl and everyone’s favorite Hunga Munga.

K: I love that Spike’s credit scenes are basically a list of awesomeness, while Riley’s are a) from a dream, b) from that time he screwed up in Hush, c) him shirtless because he’s got nothing else going for him.

Sweeney: After said credits, Buffy is throwing a football on the beach with Riley and he gives her shit for throwing like a girl, so she pelts him in the face with the ball. Good job. (K: Seriously, A+ work, Buff. I’ve been wanting to do that for a whole season now.) Elsewhere, Xander’s telling Willow, Tara, and Anya about how exhausting it is just watching people be up and doing stuff (Word) and Willow says that’s pretty much why they’re the sidekicks. Except Willow magics a fire to start, and accidentally causes a storm, which is all a little less sidekicky, not that anyone points this out.

Elsewhere in the storm, two random guys are unloading a mysterious person-sized box and I guess most people don’t instantly identify boxes as being person-sized. I see now that being so good at TV may have awkward implications in the actual world. They drop the box and an arm bursts through the box, and so the random nameless delivery guys are dead.

Back at Giles’s New Wiggins Apartment, he and Willow are archiving all the things and Willow jokes about how he needs to get a life or maybe do this crap in the winter time.

K: And I’m going to stop and point out that it looks like someone has bled right down the front of her shirt. Who put the ginger in head-to-toe pink and red? It’s just unfortunate…

Sweeney: There is a reason we named our fashion disaster award after Willow. Wardrobe made many troubling choices with her.

It gets really serious because Giles has a big secret that Willow can’t tell Buffy. Willow speaks for everyone who has ever been asked if they’ll agree not to tell someone else an unknown thing: “Well, I guess. Now that I know that there’s something to know, I can’t not know just because I’m afraid somebody will know I know. You know?” Yes, Willow, I do know.

Anyway, the big OMG TAKE IT BACK secret is that Giles is going back to England, and is doing all the archiving so that they can find all the magical stuff they need to be able to find. Willow freaks out and says Buffy’s fired Watcher can’t leave. He says he’s proud that she no longer needs him, and Willow says the rest of them need to be watched BECAUSE HE IS EVERYONE’S SUBSTITUTE PARENT. Stop it Giles. Stop it right now. I have too many feelings over this.

Lor: Between the opening Scooby moments and this kind reminder of Giles being the best substitute parent, I need that gif, Sweeney. Thanks.

K: BRB, FEELS.

Sweeney: Back at the Summers home, Buffy and Joyce are finishing up dinner. It was weird to not see Joyce all of last season. I generally fall down on the side of, “EPIC NEGLIGENT PARENTING,” with Joyce, but basically anything that makes this less like season 4 and more like any of the first three seasons is a thing I approve of. Plus, she’s making with the real parenting now, doing dinner with her daughter and stuff! Check her out! She and Buffy agree that they’ll have to establish a standing dinner date once school starts and she moves back to campus.

Lor: I also fall on the side of Joyce being a negligent parent, though I blame a large portion of all that on writing. Joyce was written as an epically bad and absent parent. So, yes, this moment of feeding her child is nice.

K: Also, feeding her child WITHOUT inviting a bunch of other people to come too. Like that time she invited Faith to dinner and it was awkward. Or that time she invited the Scoobies to dinner after Buffy ran away to LA and it ended in zombies. Normality FTW.

Sweeney: This cute mother/daughter moment is cut off by Buffy’s intense need to slay. While she’s out in the cemetery we see a brief flash of a disembodied ghostly head watching her. After the kill, the head appears from the shadows fully embodied and wearing a ridiculous black cape. In his comical accent he introduces himself as Dracula, and Buffy has a brief vampire fan girl, “No way!” moment. It’s weird but amusing.

Lor: Her hair is very pretty. I feel like it isn’t a new season unless we comment on hair.

K: Truth. She has excellent hair in general this season. Also, I’m bummed that I didn’t get to watch this episode live because I would have totally had the same reaction to the presence of Dracula, and then there would have been an ad break to suffer through.

Sweeney: An excellent point, Lor. This season couldn’t have properly gotten started if we didn’t point out how fantastic her hair looks.

Elsewhere in the cemetery, Willow is trying to talk to Xander about secrets, and he interrupts, insisting that everyone already knows about her and Tara. It’s funny in part because Xander was the last person to know. But that is not her secret and they resume dancing around the subject.

K: SEGUE – Is Xander’s hideous Hawaiian shirt covered in sequins? Because it seems like it keeps glittering, and if it is I can’t not cackle hysterically forever because XANDER IS WEARING A SEQUIN COVERED HAWAIIAN SHIRT OMG.

Sweeney: I’m pretty sure you’re imagining that. It would be amazing if it were true, though.

Buffy’s, “This is ridiculous,” moment continues. She adds that she’s fought a few wannabes in her day. Dracula goes on to stoke her ego a bit, telling her that she knows it’s him just as he knows who she is, because she’s mega famous. He then refers to her as famous for her, “killing,” which she does not appreciate, as she prefers “slaying.” Earlier in their banter he asked her if she knew what a Slayer was, and he adds to that now by saying that while she may think of herself as the good guy, her power is rooted in darkness. She goes all, “Bored now,” and tries to stake him but he disappears like a cheatery cheater.

Lor: Gosh, guys, do you think maybe there is something they are trying to tell us about the slayer powers being rooted in darkness? I’m not sure yet.

Sweeney: NOT SURE. I WAS UNCLEAR ON THAT WHEN THE FIRST SLAYER GOT ALL MURDERY. MAYBE THIS EPISODE COULD SPELL THAT OUT FOR US A LITTLE MORE.

Willow and Xander show up and Buffy tries to shoo them. Dracula arrives and after some more introductory banter, he tells Buffy this isn’t the time and that he’ll see her soon, before turning into a bat by way of some of the worst special effects work we’ve seen in a while. Welp, I did ask for this to be more like pre-season 4.

Back at New Wiggins, the trio are telling the story to Giles, Riley, and Tara. Buffy continues to fangirl and get a little swoony about the fact that he knew who she was. Willow bets he made it sound sexy, which is an intro for Anya to mention that she hung out with him a few times back in her demon days. Har har.

Willow seizes this opportunity to say that she spent the whole time thinking, “I WISH GILES WERE HERE.” When he suggests that separating myth from fiction is probably the key to defeating Dracula, she awkwardly adds that ONLY GILES could have thought of such a plan. Aw, Willow. I just want to hug you.

K: ACTUAL BEST. Though I also kind of love how Giles spends the entire story sitting back in the corner with a wistful “I’m going to miss this” expression on his face.

Sweeney: Buffy advocates research; Riley and Xander are on team, “LET’S CHARGE RIGHT IN,” but they’re vetoed. Riley tries to insist that The Initiative could have found out everything about that guy in a few hours. Sure. Given that you hadn’t heard of world-famous Slayer-comma-the, and, more importantly, that we have an entire season’s worth evidence for how much time spent on the book learnin’ down there, I’m just going to leave it at: LOL.

We jump from boring Biley times to Anya making Xander terribly uncomfortable by reminiscing about her days with Dracula. There’s a wolf watching them from the roof during this.

Lor: This wolf is not Oz in a terrible suit so I already hate this wolf.

K: A+. Also, Xander mentions “neck cleavage” and now I’m trying to picture what he means, and I’m mostly coming up with GROSS and WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT.

Sweeney: They part ways and Xander encounters Dracula again, who mind controls Xander into agreeing to be his eyes and ears in darkness. Dracula tells Xander that he is, “strange and off-putting,” before sending him on his way. Pot/kettle, yo. Xander giggles to himself over Dracula’s brilliant disappearing skills. This mind control device is obnoxious, in part because the parameters aren’t particularly clear beyond, “Whatever is most useful for advancing the plot.”

Although Riley told Buffy he was going home, he instead goes to Spike to ask him questions. While trusting Spike is a generally dubious move, that was actually pretty smart. Anyway, Spike says he’s got info because he and Dracula are old rivals, and Spike blames Dracula’s fame for people knowing how to kill vampires. He adds that Dracula won’t be laying low in a crypt, but living it up like the celebrity vamp he is. Then Spike tells Riley to go home to Buffy because he’s way out of his league, which is obviously accurate. Riley threatens Spike, saying that he doesn’t share Buffy’s issues with killing Spike. There didn’t really seem to be a point to that, though, and he leaves. Spike calls after Riley, saying he’s never going to find Dracula, adding to himself, “Not before he gets to her.”

Lor: I like Spike and don’t like Riley but I actually appreciated the little show down. Marc Blucas is rather hulk-sized and I mean, I guess I’ll move on from asking why Spike is still alive and just appreciate any moment when someone reminds us they can kill him.

Sweeney: Back in Buffy’s bedroom, she’s tossing and turning when Dracula magics his way into her bedroom. He says he’s been looking everywhere for a creature whose darkness rivals his own. He continues with the mind-control, which makes Buffy very giggly and stupid and makes me hate this scene. To fuel my hate fire, it’s creepy in a sort of gross, I-don’t-get-why-this-is-happening way (which is to say I Fall To Pieces, rather than Hush, to refer to a comment on the Angel wrap-up). He makes Buffy pull her hair back and comments on Angel’s bite, which he insists that she’s totally hungry for again and l;akjsd;flkja;lkjsf pleasemakeitstop. Eventually he bites her.

Lor: And just so our dear readers won’t say we didn’t say this in so many words: RAPE-Y VIBES.

K: YUP. Plus, we’re back to that whole pesky “vampires need an invitation except for sometimes they don’t” thing again. UGH. As much as I love this show, consistency is really not its strong suit.

Sweeney: Sorry, yes, that gibberish was code for, “I CAN’T EVEN HANDLE THE RAPE-Y VIBES ON SCREEN RIGHT NOW.” Also, they do directly address the invitation later, plus, it didn’t take much of a leap to guess. Unsuspecting Joyce has let a few vampires in before and we’ve established Dracula’s supercharming mind control powers. I’m infinitely more annoyed by the supercharming mind control powers than anything else.

The next morning, Buffy wakes up and, sure enough, she has new bite marks, confirming that this was not just a dream sequence. She puts on a ridiculous scarf to hide it. At New Wiggins, Buffy withholds this supremely important information as the gang is discussing Willow’s research efforts. Xander keeps chiming in awkwardly defensive of Dracula, and growing ever-more twitchy as he tries to play it off.

 

K: Not gonna lie, it took me about four rewatches of this episode before I picked up on the “Dark Master…bator” joke. Also, can we talk about how Buffy is wearing PINK LEATHER PANTS???

Sweeney: Don’t worry, I will get to those pants.

Willow, for her part, gets distracted from the research sharing to remind us of how useful Giles is AND HOW HE SHOULD NEVER EVER LEAVE. Giles go on to add that Dracula is big on getting to know his target super well and the end-game isn’t just kill, but turning them into vampires. Willow talks about how Dracula looked right through Buffy with his supermagic eyes, and B’s all, “NOPE. DIDN’T HAPPEN. NOTHING TO SEE HERE.” Xander interjects with an awkward speech about what a super awesome gift Dracula is giving these ladies AND THEN EATS A SPIDER. Ew. No. Take it back.

Back to Dracula: it’s super important that the lady in question want to be taken. The mind control really helps with that, though, doesn’t it?

 

Lor: A+

K: And 1430.

Sweeney: Moving on. Buffy’s all, “Welp, gotta go!” Riley tries to stop her, telling her to take off the scarf. Guys, my bad feelings about Riley are too far gone to be retracted, but I don’t hate him in this episode. Which is as close as I can get to saying that I am, in fact, supporting Riley in this episode. What with the actual paying attention and all. (L: YEP.) He pulls the scarf off of her as the gang follows them outside, so that everyone can see her bite mark. Buffy sits down, embarrassed and Xander chimes in that she probably kept it a secret because it was totes NBD.

As Xander is laughing off the mind control theory and eating bugs, Riley’s contribution is, “Yeah, figures that you’d be all mind-controlled, because of Angel.” Damn it, Riley, I just said an almost nice thing about you.

Lor: I added a yep and then immediately remembered how he told B she threw like a girl earlier, which EW. I didn’t take my, “yep,” back, but I should’ve.

K: I’m gonna just go with UUUUUGH. With a side of “STFU, RILEY”. 

Sweeney: Buffy can’t go back home now that Dracula got into her house. Since nobody has been watching Xander twitch and eat bugs, they all sign off on her going to his place instead, while Giles and Riley go in search of Dracula. At the Summers home, Tara and Willow are revoking Dracula’s admittance as Joyce awkwards about how when they get to be her age they’ll understand feeling like they’ve given up on men entirely. Tara and Willow just glance at each other to give the audience a chance to giggle.

K: Also, Joyce tells us that she let Dracula in on account of apparently she forgot about the time she let Darla in and woke up in hospital being told that she’d collapsed onto a barbeque fork that sucked out her blood. Oh, Joyce. You’re like that primary school maths problem about the frog in the well that jumps up three metres every day and slips down two metres every night.

Sweeney: Again, I’m going to defend Joyce and reiterate the mind control. She’s pretty clear that it was a seduction thing. Dearly as I hate this seducto-vamp plot, and as ready as I am to hold Joyce accountable when her character is assassinated at the hands of a plot (because that does become her character), in this case, the fault really is all on the plot/Dracula. We just saw Buffy offer up her neck for Dracula to bite and then keep it a secret. There’s really no way I can fault Joyce on this one. This Dracula plot can sure keep pissing me off, though!

The Riley/Giles search isn’t going well. Anya’s complaining about having to Slayer-sit, when she’s the one who knows Dracula. Xander pushes her into a closet and barricades the door, before telling Buffy, very straight-faced, that he’s supposed to deliver her to the Master now. “It’s this whole thing where I get to be immortal. You cool with that?” Aside from the bug-eating, I am admittedly super amused by mind-controlled Xander. Buffy stands up and asks Xander to take her there.

At Dracula’s mansion, Xander delivers Buffy to the basement and is shooed away. Buffy tries to BAMF that she’s not even about this “thrall” business before Dracula mind controls her to put the stake down. Upstairs, Giles and Riley are entering the house as a woman with yellow eyes is watching them from the shadows.

Lor: They try to make a meta-joke about there suddenly being a giant castle in Sunnydale. Har har.

Sweeney: In the basement, there is more creepy makeitstop back and forth in which Buffy swears she’ll regain her will to fight back any minute, as Dracula insists that she totally wants it. You guys, I hate this. I really, really hate this. Dracula moves to the more compelling info that he knows lots of stuff about her powers and where they come from, and how much she wants to know that. The audience is all, “Well, yeah, we asked that all the time many seasons ago, until we just gave up, but yeah, we totally do.”

K: Oh my God. I totally just realised where I know the guy who plays Dracula from – it’s Ari from NCIS. Also, IMDB has just informed me that he’s in a straight-to-DVD horror movie involving hyena people, which LOL FOREVER.

Sweeney: Upstairs, Xander tries to insist that Riley will have to go through him to get to his Master. Riley knocks him out easily. Elsewhere, Giles opens a door and falls into a trap of some sort. He jokes that at least he didn’t get knocked out. He is then seduced by three women he identifies as, “The three sisters.” I love Ripper!Giles, but this awkward Giles in the seduction scene was a bit more like  watching my father get seduced, which made me cringe.

Lor: Also: RAPE.

K: Of the murdery sort, nonetheless.

Sweeney: There is no shortage of murdery rape on this episode.

Down in the basement, Dracula is convincing Buffy that she should just drink a little of his blood. Just one hit won’t make you a vampire! Don’t worry about it! And then he adds, “You think you know — what you are, what’s to come. You haven’t even begun.” LIKE TARA SAID IN RESTLESS. Ugh, but I can’t even appreciate it, because this is all so excessive and heavy-handed and more than that it segues immediately into Buffy gulping down some blood so she can taste her true nature. She gets a series of flashes from both Restless and her slaying in this episode, before she comes to and punches Dracula backwards.

She gets her Buffy snark on (K: YAY) and tells him that this resistance thing is her true nature coming out. There’s not a lot of sense-making for the blood-drinking to initiate the switch from mind control to totes easy resistance, but all right, episode, if we can stop drinking blood and eating spiders, I’ll just accept it.

Lor: Also, I’m really tired of Dracula’s hair, make-up and lisp. Make it end.

Sweeney: Riley comes to “rescue” Giles as Buffy and Dracula get to heavy-duty fighting. I can’t even take her seriously in those ridiculous pink pleather pants. She eventually grabs one of the millionty flame torches he has down in this basement. He’s all, “Shit, son!” and makes with the magic disappearing act, but he’s got a bit of a smoke trail as he does it. She super jumps up to the ledge where he’s about to reappear and stakes him, asking how he likes her darkness now. He’s old, so he gets a prolonged fall to the ground before turning to dust.

Riley and Giles come running in, followed shortly by Xander, looking to kill the guy who turned him into a bug-eating man-bitch. Fair. But too late. Riley tries to say that it could have been worse, like what happened to Giles, but I’m definitely feeling that the bug-eating situation was far and away the worst option here.

Lor: Hahahahah, syphilis. Sorry, Xand.

K: I think his continuation of “I’m finished being everybody’s butt monkey!” is a pretty spectacular summary of Xander’s life to date.

Sweeney: They all leave, except we get two campy bonus-kills of Dracula because he always comes back like in the movies and it’s meant to be campy and funny, but it fails because of how over this episode I am.

Back at New Wiggins, Giles has cookies laid out for Buffy, you know, so he can break everyone’s hearts. Buffy has something to say too, though, and she goes first. She hasn’t really been training or going to him for help, and Giles gets optimistic that she’ll take kindly to his news. But no: the Dracula situation made her realize that this needs to change, especially since things have been different since the First Slayer spell. She’s been going out every single night, not just patrolling but actively hunting. Dracula totally understood her power and saw darkness in it. She wants to know more about Slayer history and, in short, she needs a Watcher again.

Giles has this amazing look of, “MY BABY GIRL LOVES AND NEEDS ME” that gives me all the feels. Then Buffy says, “Right, sorry, you had a thing too,” but he says it’s nothing. After yelling at Giles all episode for wanting to have a life that isn’t surrogate fathering, I’m also a little bummed for him, because I guess he’s allowed to want that. Except for the part where he isn’t.

Back at the Summers home, Buffy is telling Joyce that she’s going out with Riley. She goes into her room to find Harriet the Spy in there. She asks Harriet WTF she’s doing there, just as Joyce calls out to suggest that Buffy take her sister if she’s going out. Barring the larger and more obvious reason why this is weird, that’s also weird. Maybe it’s just because my family fears so much for my eternal singledom, but there’s no way they’d try to interfere with plans with a boyfriend like that.

K: Your family clearly trumps mine, because my poor unfortunate brother has been on the receiving end of the “Your sister needs to get out of the house. I know you’re meeting your girlfriend, but TAKE YOUR SISTER ALONG BEFORE SHE TURNS COMPLETELY SEE THROUGH FROM LACK OF EXPOSURE TO SUNLIGHT” far too many times. And he’s younger than me. 

Sweeney: Regardless, Buffy and Harriet the Spy both cry out, “Mom!” and the audience is left wondering what the hell just happened.

Lor: Oh dear God. That was our introduction to Dawn? FOR REAL?

Sweeney: FOR REAL. It’s ridiculous, but I think I support it. I’m still holding firm on hating The Freshman most of all, as season premieres go, and being more amused than angry by that total DAFUQ episode ending, but I’m not a big fan of this episode. It took things that Restless set up in really clever ways and reminded the viewer (because obviously on original air there was months, rather than a week, between these episodes) in a really clunky way. I get where they were coming from and it had it’s redeeming moments, but I’m generally on the “Nope!” train with this episode.

Lor: Agreed. I will point out that some of the fighting that B does in this episode is fantastic. She had a cart-wheel staking and some sort of wrestling-legs-around-the-neck take down that I thought were awesome. It really fell in tune with the idea that B is getting in tune with her ass-kicking.

But Dracula? Nope.

K: Perhaps it’s in my nature to be the contrary one of our intrepid trio, or perhaps it’s because I love the cheesy episodes and hated Restless. But I like this episode. It’s not the greatest thing ever, but it already trumps about half the episodes in season 4. Plus, they couldn’t really do a seven year show about hunting vampires without including Dracula in there SOMEWHERE, and the fact that they did it in a make-fun-of-Dracula way rather than trying to make it serious is pretty great. Also, I’m bummed that we never get to see Buffy take on a pimply teenage vampire calling himself Lestat. Because that would be awesome. 

Sweeney: I get the making fun of Dracula. That’s fine. I just have a hard time when the camp is so intertwined with rapey vibes (much as many of our readers pointed out that playing a suicide attempt for laughs in Something Blue made them squirm). More than that, though, I didn’t like this episode because of how heavy-handed it was with the SLAYER’S GOT A DARK SIDE message.

Still, it’s not season 4 and The Initiative is gone and I’m feeling optimistic.

 

Next time on Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Buffy teaches Harriet the Spy about being a Slayer via diary entries, because she’s Harriet the Spy. See it all in S05 E02 – Real Me.