Previously: Grey takes Ana into the Red Womb of Domestic Violence and she safe words him. Then they talk about the guy that was trying to kidnap Ana.
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Lorraine: Ana starts us off by confirming that no, she did not know where her husband was born. That’s usually the stuff you learn in like week 2 or 3 of dating, right about the time Grey and Ana were signing contracts or, I don’t know, getting married.
Grey tells Ana that he and Elliot were both born and adopted in Detroit. The Greys moved to Seattle shortly thereafter. Ana wants to know how Grey knows that Jack was born in Detroit.
Oh, this is a serious question? Girl, you are seriously asking how MF STALKER BOYFRIEND knew where Jack was born? Even Grey is all, “um, duh.” as he shares that he had a background check run on Jack. Maybe some of you are thinking, “well, that’s okay, since Jack was trying to kill them and shit,” but Grey clarifies that he had the background check run on Jack when Ana went to go work for him. That would mean that Grey ran a background check on Ana’s boss even though they were just dating or possibly around the time they were broken up and he was busy buying the company she worked for.
Sweeney: What this means is that ELJ is once again pulling some retroactive justification bullshit. Remember all the many chapters, before Jack’s attempted rape, in which Grey was inappropriately possessive? Right, so, now it’s all better because we just didn’t know all the things that Grey knew. Get it? If we knew all of that all along, then we would so. totally. get. why he was that way! Never mind the appalling way by which Grey acquired that information or the fact that it never occurred to him that he could tell Ana the oh-so-troublesome shit he knew about Jack. No, he was just doing ~*the only thing he knew*~ by giving Ana insane arbitrary-seeming rules about how to conduct herself in the presence of her boss and it’s fine because Stalker Boyfriends are totally justified in controlling their Victim Girlfriends when they have ~*a reason*~ to do so. It’s not controlling or abusive at all, as long as you are a proper stalker and have amassed enough data to be suspicious of everyone in your significant other’s life!
“I hate everything,” the blogger mumblemurmurwhispered to the colony of rage gif faces living in her head.
Lor: There is a lot of very blatant James-justification-crud in this chapter. Tell you Inner Gifs to be ready.
Ana jokingly asks about the color of Jack’s folder in Grey’s Binders Full of Victims and then wants to know how bad Jack’s history is. Grey says he’s known worse. Ana internally exclaims at the thought that he could be referring to himself as “worse.” Grey wasn’t even talking about himself, just sort of saying that there have been worse men than Jack Hyde, but that doesn’t stop Ana from blubbering about OMG. HOW SAD CHRISTIAN GREY’S LIFE HAS BEEN.
She imagines Grey as baby!Grey as she holds him and tries to erase his bad childhood through brute-hug-force. Grey asks what’s wrong and she admits she was just picturing him as a baby. SERIOUSLY, IS THIS WEIRD TO NO ONE ELSE? If I were lying naked in bed with my significant other, and he was all, “hey, I was just thinking of you as a baby?” I don’t care what he thought he meant. That would be the super end to naked cuddling.
Sweeney: Truth.
Lor: Not so for our idiot protagonists. Grey just says that he doesn’t want Ana’s pity, as his childhood is over and behind him. Ana explains that it isn’t pity, but sympathy and sorrow at the thought that anyone could harm a child. Then she points out that his childhood clearly isn’t behind him, because he’s, by his own admission, fifty shades of fucked up. Ana makes the next leap and says that his terrible childhood is why he feels the need to control her, “to keep her safe.“
Snark Lady Life Advice: Controlling a person and keeping them safe are NOT synonymous, and if someone suggests to you that they are, run. I mean, I know this book is going to continue ignoring this, but had Ana obeyed Grey and come home, her ass would probably be kidnapped. Had Ana given into Grey every time he suggested beating the shit out of her, she’d probably be dead. So, this idea that Grey is controlling her to safety is bullshit, and another little gem of a line for Fifty Shades apologists. But they are wrong, and also stupid.
Sweeney:
Lor: Let’s go back here and quote this so you can appreciate Grey’s response:
“I know that’s why you feel the need to control me. Keep me safe.”
“And yet you choose to defy me,” he murmurs baffled, his hand stilling in my hair.
I frown. Holy cow! Do I do do that deliberately?”
This is some brain washing right here, I promise you. We’re being bashed over the head with Grey’s childhood trauma (the first 3-4 years of his life where he lived in poverty, which he probably can’t remember much of anyways. Not even the more recent trauma where he was raped as a 15 year old…) so that the blame for all things lands squarely on Ana. She is confused by this backwards logic, as she’s his wife, not his submissive or some company he owns or “the crack whore who was his mother.” LOL. My headache feels better. She said crack whore.
Sweeney: SAY CRACK WHORE AGAIN. Also, my headaches improve whenever you use that Yzma gif.
Lor: I’ll save that extra crack whore for a time when we really need it. In approximately 3 sentences, or something.
Ana remembers Quack Dr. Flynn told her to just keep being herself, as Grey was clearly delighted (and healed!) by her. Except every page, when he isn’t at all. Ana says some crap about disobeying him to “bring him into the here and now,” which I can’t even begin to decipher. She adds that she can never tell how far he’ll overreact, though the fact that he will overreact doesn’t seem to be up for question.
Ana suddenly feels brave enough to psychology Grey and tells him that she knows that he loved the crack whore, but that it wasn’t his job to save her. Besides, she says, she’s much stronger than any crack whore, perhaps implying that she won’t need any saving. Grey is pretty surprised that Ana still loves him, and she replies with her standard, “I will always love you. No matter what you do to me.” See how fucking strong she is? Not at all irrationally addicted to something that makes her make questionable choices like, say, a crack whore would. She’s totally rational and strong, you guys!
Sweeney:
Lor: She follows that up with, “is that the reassurance he wants?” Yeah, probably Ana! I mean, it isn’t as good as a legally non-enforceable contract, but it’s something. Might wanna add a line or two in there about never calling the cops, and perhaps agree to stop speaking all together and just love him in long-suffering silence. (S: A+)
Grey finally gets around to asking Ana why she safe worded him. The question is not, “what did I do wrong,” but rather, “why did YOU safe word,” because have we mentioned that Christian Grey is a flaming heap of shit?
Sweeney: SUCH A HEAP OF SHIT. If you are having the kind of sex that requires the use of safe words, then both partners should be pretty fucking invested in making the environment safe and comfortable for one another. The use of a safe word means one partner stopped feeling safe and/or comfortable. When this happens, you don’t respond with accusatory questions unless you are, of course, a flaming heap of shit.
Lor: Glad we can all agree.
“What can I tell him? That he frightened me. That I didn’t know if he’d stop. That I begged him- and he didn’t stop. That I didn’t want things to escalate… like-like that one time in here. I shudder as I recall him whipping me with his belt.”
Um, all of that would’ve been a great place to start. (S: YUP!)
“Because… because you were so angry and distant and… cold. I didn’t know how far you’d go.”
His expression is unreadable.
“Were you going to let me come?” My voice is barely a whisper, and I feel a blush steal over my cheeks, but I hold his gaze.
“No,” he says eventually.
Holy crap. “That’s… harsh.”
His knuckle gently grazes my cheek. “But effective,” he murmurs.”
Effective for what? EFFECTIVE FOR WHAT? He did not go in there with a mind to use tricks of the trade for eventual mutual pleasure. He was angry and he was taking it out on her. She was begging him to stop, and he wouldn’t. And he calls this, “effective.”
Sweeney:
Lor: He does add that he’s super glad Ana did stop him, because he got carried away. This thought pleases Ana, like he’s saying, “I got carried away and brought home too much chocolate candy!” and not, “I got carried away and decided to ignore your cries for help.”
“I grin. Why does that make me happy? He grins too.
“I don’t know why you’re grinning, Mrs. Grey.”
“Me neither.”
Yeah, me neither.
Grey says that this whole safe word business is actually good news because it means Grey can trust Ana to stop him, because he never wants to hurt her. Funny things here: (1) – he doesn’t want to hurt her, but he thinks it’s a really good thing Ana will stop him… when he inevitably tries to hurt her. (2) – “I never want to hurt you,” is the kind of rubbish that is usually said right after someone tried to hurt you. (3) – WTF does “trust” have to do with anything? He’s really saying, “hey, it’s good to know your survival instincts kick in eventually, and you won’t let me kill you.”
“I need control, Ana. Like I need you. It’s the only way I can function. I can’t let go of it. I can’t. I’ve tried… And yet, with you…” He shakes his head in exasperation.
I swallow. This is the heart of our dilemma– his need for control and his need for me. I refuse to believe these are mutually exclusive.”
It’s funny that she thinks that their relationship has one main thing wrong with it, other than the fact that they are in a relationship. And I love that the “heart of their dilemma” was essentially pulled from a help pamphlet for abuse. “Is your significant other trying to exercise control over you in every aspect of your life and at all costs? Does he insist it is for your own good? Does he claim to need you? Are you struggling with that control?” SEEK HELP IMMEDIATELY.
After Ana assures him that she needs him too, she says, “I’ll try to be more considerate.”
I actually mini-quit. I skipped a few paragraphs to the next line break. Don’t fucking ask me what happened after Ana promises to be a better abuse victim because I’m not going back.
Sweeney: They kiss and it’s all better. No lie. It’s basically, “Oh, good! Thanks!” and then she falls asleep. Just an update: I still hate everything.
Lor: Cool. Good to know that yes, reading it would’ve made me more ragey.
After the line break, Ana wakes up with a start and disoriented. (S: She says “disorientated” which isn’t incorrect, per se, but is another British v. US usage issue in that nobody here says “disorientated.”) Bitch never wakes up peacefully and oriented. I guess this is a bigger part of her never knowing where she is or what she’s doing problem. Oh, and look, Grey is having another nightmare. Ana wakes him and he’s all, “that was one scary nightmare! I’m gonna fuck you now.” And he does.
I think I’m still on strike because I’m skipping over all this sex stuff. It’s nothing new, I promise you. Everyone who says they read these books for just the sex scenes and not all the abuse that ties it all together should be doomed to a life of fucking themselves.
After all this, Ana asks Grey if he’s okay and he’s all YEAH BABY! like an “adolescent boy,” ’cause he just got laid. Ana reminds him about that violent nightmare (he was probably faking), and he doesn’t want to discuss it. After three paragraphs about how they should go to bed, they do.
After a line break, Ana wakes up for the second time in this chapter, and can tell something is wrong because Christian is not in bed. He’s playing a sad song on his Tinkling Piano of Super Deep Emotions, making this the fourth time this exact same scene has happened, down to the pool of light that surrounds him as he plays.
Ana watches him creepily while she asks herself a slew of internal questions. Christian almost starts playing the song again, so she makes her presence known. He invites her to join him on the piano bench.
Sweeney: LOLOL he’s playing “Suffocation.” Appropriate.
Lor:
Reaching over, I take his hand. “You’re really shaken by all this, aren’t you?”
He snorts. “A deranged asshole gets into my apartment to kidnap my wife. She won’t do as she’s told. She drives me crazy. She safe-words on me.” He closes his eyes briefly, and when he opens them again, they are stark and raw. “Yeah, I’m pretty shaken up.”
I squeeze his hand. “I’m sorry.”
Dude, yeah, so sorry someone tried to kidnap me and you punished me for that and then you refused pay attention to me begging you to stop, so I had to use the word we agreed upon to make you stop! MY BAD!
Sweeney: I don’t think I can handle him talking about Ana “safe wording” him one more fucking time. Partly because it’s weird to see that written as a verb, but mostly because this book’s ability to show us new disturbing ways that their relationship is abusive is astonishing. I mean, it’s the same old abuse, really, but I’m shocked that for all of ELJ’s writing-recycling that she’s still got new abusive tricks up her sleeve.
Lor: Sweeney, she keeps apologizing to him for not being the best abuse victim ever. WHAT IS THIS.
ELJ continues to mess with the heads of the stupid masses and inspire superficial sympathy by telling us that Grey’s nightmare was that Ana was dead.
Ana’s all, “nah dawg. I’m alive.” and they head back to bed.
Another ‘nother line break and Ana wakes up for the third time in the same chapter. This time, she’s wrapped in Grey’s body heat which is a thing that has also happened a lot.
“Hard to believe that the man lying beside me, looking so serene and young in his sleep, was so tortured last night… and so tortured me last night.”
and so tortured me last night.
and so tortured me last night.
and so tortured me last night.
and so tortured me last night.
But am I strong enough for both of us? Strong enough to do what I’m told and give him some peace of mind? I sigh. He’s not asking that much of me.
See the ELJ spin? Only STRONG women are capable of withstanding abusive relationships. She has to be STRONG enough to carry the relationship, but really all he’s asking is for her to never leave the house or talk to people, like ever.
Sweeney: HOW DOES SHE KEEP DOING THIS? New variations on abuse are legitimately the only things that change in these awful fucking books. HOW?
Lor: I WILL NEVER, EVER KNOW.
Grey wakes up and he’s all, “good morning! Let’s go to Aspen so that I can distract you and the readers from the fact that this book is sickening. It is capable of making people physically ill.” Something like that.
Taylor drives the Greys to Sea-Tac and when they get there, Christian reveals he’s got a surprise: Kate, Elliot, Mia and Ethan will be joining them in Aspen! See! She can have friends as long as they are picked by Grey and their activity is sanctioned by Grey and Grey is present! What a good husband. Ana gives Grey a kiss to thank him, and he jokes about dragging her off to the bedroom in the jet. Ana says he wouldn’t, which is his cue to throw her over his shoulder and carry her into the jet. Her friends are all laughing as Grey carries her into the bedroom.
Ana really doesn’t want to have sex right then and there, but instead of saying that, she has to ask her husband if he intends on following through with his threat. Because that’s how sex happens between these two. Grey decides for them both that there will be no sex, and explains that he made this whole trip happen sometime between all his emo-piano playing last night.
Those two head back out to the cabin and take their seats. Ana hates on the flight attendant because she has a vagina and ELJ hates women.
“Good morning Mr. Grey, Mrs. Grey,” she says with a purr. Why does she make me uncomfortable? Maybe it’s that she’s a brunette. By his own admission, Christian doesn’t usually employ brunettes because he finds them attractive.”
If Grey were real, perhaps my little piece of real life revenge would be interviewing for something at his company, being refused the job because I am a brunette and promptly suing his ass for discrimination. I hate him.
Sweeney: You mean I could get a job at the Empire of Domestic Violence Emporiums?
Lor: Free Pocket Condoms and haircuts from Mrs. Rape’s Salon for life!
Then, brilliant, college graduate, promoted within a week, SHE READS BOOKS Ana wonders if they are going to do any skiing in Aspen and Grey has to be all, “dude. It’s August.”
Kate starts asking questions about Jack Hyde, on account of he’s a guy that was trying to murder her best friend and her boyfriend. Ana is mortified, though, because someone asking Grey questions is so embarrassing!!!! We don’t learn much of anything new from the exchange, just that Jack was in and out of foster homes as a kid and had a juvie record, but turned his life around and earned a scholarship to Princeton. Kate asks if maybe Jack was acting with someone and Grey says they don’t know yet.
Ana asks how old Jack is for some reason (32) and thinks about how cool information is, even though she doesn’t want to encourage Kate to keep asking questions. Ana’s sure Kate is on Christian’s shit list since “Cocktailgate.” Ana asks if maybe Jack was working with Mrs. Rape. Grey’s all, “OMG, WHY DO YOU KEEP THINKING SHE’S A TERRIBLE PERSON?” Kate is on his shitlist because she invited her best friend out for a drink, but the married woman who raped him at 15 is not to be “demonized.” WHAT A RAGING THUNDER-DOUCHE. I mostly mean ELJ.
Sweeney: I get so confused about where to direct all my rage. But yeah, mostly ELJ.
Lor: Elliot starts teasing Grey about marrying his first girlfriend ever. Ana notices that there is some tension between Kate and Elliot, but Grey and Elliot just laugh it all off. Then Ana is all, “aw! I was his first girlfriend except for the 15 submissives he had and also Mrs. Rape.” He was practically a virgin, Ana! CONGRATS.
We end the chapter with the plane reaching cruising altitude and the flight attendant offering everyone coffee.
I promise I didn’t skip over anything that time. That’s really how it ends.
Murmur Count – 15
Whisper Count – 22
Favorite comment last post: So I work at a hospital pharmacy and we have a drawer where we keep all the suppositories, enemas, hemmorhoid cream, etc., that we refer to as ‘the butt drawer’ for shits and giggles. All those shits and giggles are now ruined. Ruined forever. – Sara
Next time: The gang arrive in Aspen and we celebrate the half-way point of the book with another vlog in Fifty Shades Freed Chapter 13!
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.
