Pretty Little Liars S01 E15 – Arrested yet?

Previously: Aria discovered that there are down sides to being in a pedo-lationship and a new bad boy came to Rosewood.
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If at First You Don’t Succeed, Lie, Lie Again

Lorraine: The Liars all come down the stairs at the Hastings Manor, led by Aria. They complain about the early hour, but Aria says she has to show them something important. Aria pulls up the picture of Alison being followed by a shadow on the night she was killed. Spencer insists the shadow following Alison is totally Ian, but since last week it was Toby, I say we don’t take her word for it.

Aria prints out the picture as Hanna asks if Aria’s been up all night. Aria non-answers, but Hanna can tell she hasn’t slept because one eye is bigger than the other. “You look like a strung out Power Puff girl.” I love Hanna and am only sad that I didn’t think of this association first.

Aria directs the focus away from her saucer sized eyes and back to the picture. She’s Nancy Drew’d that the angle of the picture means that it was taken from Alison’s bedroom. They guess that Ali’s brother, Jason, was the one who took it and figure they need to go talk to Jason all, “hey did you take this picture of your sister on the night she was murdered?” That doesn’t sound like a good plan to me, but okay. None of the PLL’s are particularly keen on talking to him, but Spencer says she’ll do it, because she eats her BAMF-O’s every morning. It’s still a stupid plan, but you go girl.

Powerpuff Eyes, SHHHH.

Sweeney: A+ improvement. Thank you, Hanna.

Lor: After the credits, Hanna is hiding some of the recovered Free Little Old Lady Money in the Popsicle box in her freezer. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE MARIN FAMILY? Your shit got stolen out of a lasagna box, SO YOU MOVE TO THE FREEZER? INTO A DELICIOUS, READY TO EAT SNACK? You’re better than this, ladies.

Sara: Have they never seen a television show before?! In the floorboards, girls! Jeez.

Lor: Mama Marin comes into the kitchen, while chatting on her phone about her schedule for the week. She’s surprised to hear that the Little Old Lady sponsor of their unauthorized loan has made an appointment to come make sure nobody’s stolen her money. Hanna wonders what they’ll do, but Mama Marin says that Hanna should just go to school. Maybe she’ll learn a thing or two about money management or hiding places.

Sara: I love how they literally call her the “lender of our unauthorized loan” because that makes it sound semi-legit when it is super not legit.

Lor: Kind of like how they keep insisting Ezra and Aria are in a semi-legit “relationship.” I apologize. It’s early in the recap.

The start of this next scene has me convinced that we’ll have a lot less Willow Rosenberg Fashion Disaster Seals than expected, but a ton more just legitimately wondering what the heck an outfit is. Or even the more mild version where I ask, “what the heck do I think of this?” Help me, friends:

Sara: Those shoes are …odd. But the rest of the outfit is cute, so I approve! 

Sweeney: I am actually totally on board with this outfit, including the weird booties.

Lor: I remain unconvinced.

Spencer spots Alison’s brother and running up and down stairs the way people who love pain and sweating often do on TV. I wouldn’t know about such a thing in real life. Jason has a nice body. His chest is weirdly flat and muscular at the same time, though it might be the strain of the running, but he’s got THE CUTS.

Anyways. Jason asks what Spencer wants. She shows him the picture of Shadow Stalked Alison, but Jason down plays it. He explains that after Ali’s disappearance they got all sorts of strange mail, including pictures that were probably Photoshopped but with programs better than Photoshop. He offers to give the picture to their private investigator. Jason also apologizes for being a jerk last time he was on the show, and Spencer’s all, “yeah you were!” and walks away.

Sara: But at least he’s a jerk who’s super CUT. Hello abs!

Lor: We cut to Emily at swim practice. She finishes first and there’s a red head in the lane next to her that we’ll call Hater until they otherwise name her, because she’s hatin’. The coach comes over to praise Emily for her performance and tells Paige that she’s got some competition. Well, calling her Hater didn’t last long, but being good at TV leads me to believe that this will not be the last we see of her hating.

Over by her locker, Hanna is calling her mom to see if she’s been arrested yet. Mama Marin tells her not to worry and hangs up quickly. Spencer and Aria come over, and Spencer hands Aria a couple of tickets to some art opening at a museum. Aria is super excited and Spencer says that she can be repaid with extra toppings on her pizza and a DVD rental. See, she’s staying in all night so that she can be Aria’s alibi. I was about to say she was a really good friend, and then I realized that staying home with a pizza and a movie is AWESOME. I’d make a business out of that shit. Professional Alibi. Affordable and reliable.

Sara: I do that shit all the time for free. I had no idea there could be payment involved. I’ve been doing life wrong, y’all.

Sweeney: Right? I’ve been such a fool. I’m so glad we now have Spencer to teach us the ways of the world.

Lor: Aria fills Hanna in and says she’s taking Ezra to the museum. Hanna calls him Mr. Fitz which freaks Aria out. She really wishes her friends would call their English teacher Ezra, so that she can feel better about her inappropriate relationship. She’s taking Ezra out of town for a date, so that it’s less likely he’ll be arrested.

In the locker room, the swim team girls are getting dressed when Paige walks in and starts handing out gifts. She calls everyone together and starts going on about how a leader promotes spirit, so she got everyone these gifts to boost morale. Their coach interrupts this speech all, “that’s nice. You should focus on swimming.” Paige is crestfallen. The coach goes on to say that she wants the team focused… LIKE EMILY. I’m actually reading Ender’s Game right now, so part of me thinks maybe the coach is doing this on purpose to alienate Emily, develop her leadership skills and fine tune her abilities.

JUST KIDDING.

Sweeney: Mostly because Emily is nowhere near as interesting as Ender. #sorrynotsorry

Lor: You shouldn’t be sorry.

Aria walks into Ezrafitz’s classroom super casual, so Ezra’s all, “yes Miss Montegomery, you child, you. How may I help you in a totally appropriate and educational way?” so that Aria knows that he has students in his classroom. Aria stands directly in front of his desk and asks him to “review” her assignment. She unzips her sweater and reveals a tie with at Post-it note that says “wear me.” She then gives him her notebook that has the ticket to the event with a “tomorrow night?” note. Ezra says it looks fantastic so it’s all settled that they’ll go.

Having a teacher boyfriend must be an excellent way to combat up the mid-day lag. That was so fun, I bet the rest of Aria’s afternoon will go by super quickly!

Sara: The combination of Katie Herzig’s Hey Na Na, Aria looking pretty adorable, and the teacher / (age-appropriate) student fantasy makes this scene pretty fun for me.

Lor: Hanna’s calling her mom to see if she’s arrested again, but it goes straight to voicemail. In the hall, she’s confronted by the swim coach.

Coach Fulton says she saw Hanna dancing at the dance-a-thon last episode despite her being recently being hit by a car, and doesn’t buy Hanna’s excuse that that was adrenaline and super human strength for a good cause. She gets detention for the rest of the week.

Caleb is on hand to flirt but Hanna shoots him down. Caleb smiles at her as she turns her back, and gives a little bad boy lip bite that says, “yeah. I’mma tap that.”

Sara: HELLO bad boy lip bite. Gets me every time.

Sweeney: I appreciated it as well when I was watching it, but seeing “lip bite” written out is an instant reminder that I am ruined and all the joy has been sucked out of all the things.

Lor: I had almost forgotten.

Hanna opens her locker to find an envelope. It’s a card from A.

LOL. I mean, this is terrible but also hilarious.

Sara: ALL OF THE FUNNY. 

Sweeney: It’s so hard for me to properly hate A, because (s)he is such a hilariously snarky bitch.

Lor: Inside it says, “wanna help Mama get $$$? Show Aria’s mom what her kid’s been hiding. – A.” Inside the envelope is an extra ticket for the museum event Aria’s attending with Ezra.

WELL DAMN.

Sara: YES! Finally! A has listened to us! The people shall rejoice!

Sweeney: 1430 FOR A.

Lor: At her house, Hanna finds her mom in the kitchen. As Mama Marin cracks eggs into a bowl, she tearily says that no matter what happens, Hanna will always be her baby girl, and she will always find a way to take care of her. I think she proved that when she took the Free Little Old Lady Money from the bank. Hanna hugs her mother and this seems to be the motivation she needs to rat out Aria.

Sweeney: Although it probably helps that Hanna had her judgment face on about this relationship from the start.

Lor: In the locker room again, Emily is putting her things away. Paige grabs Emily’s bra off the locker door and calls it pretty. Emily gives her a tight smile that, to me says, “what the fuck is wrong with you?” Paige says that Emily is getting all of these great times after months of being checked out on the team, but that it will take more to become team captain. Emily doesn’t want to be team captain, and Paige says that’s a good thing.

Emily gets in Paige’s face and says, “you need to suck it up. You wanna beat me? Work harder.” Ooooh, Paige! You got Emily-ed! I define being Emily-ed as being the victim or otherwise recipient of her random but generally awesome bursts of personality.

Hanna writes a thank you note from the Rosewood PTA on the back of the envelop that has the museum ticket and leaves it in Piper Mom’s teacher mailbox.

Later, Aria finds Hanna and invites her for mani-pedis after school. I love when they put Aria in pig-tails. It gives me the giggles. Anyways, Hanna is clearly uncomfortable and says she can’t go because she has to shave her hands. Aria guesses that Hanna is just feeling down because of her break-up with Sean. Because Aria is a man expert (maybe because her boyfriend is the age of almost two boyfriends combined!) she tells Hanna that a break-up is just an obstacle, and that with all the stuff that has happened to her and Ezra, they should’ve called it quits.

Hanna takes this as her in to suggest that Ezria cool it and definitely not go on their date that night. Aria thinks Hanna is just jealous. She flounces off, pig-tails swaying with anger. I imagined the last part.

At lunch, Aria, Spencer and Emily sit together. Spencer asks where Hanna is and Aria snits, “who cares.” Spencer asks Emily how swim practice is going and she wants to talk about something else. Spencer: Okay. I’ve heard of communal cramps, but this is ridiculous. (S: +1) Spencer brings up the out-of-town date, and that gets Aria’s spirits up again. They talk about wardrobe options until Paige passes by and Emily fills the girls in on her. Em says she made a “snarky comment about me being gay,” AND I PROTEST. Since we almost, basically own snark now (in the same way Mama Marin owns Free Old Lady Money) I would like to clarify that that comment was bitchy, or douchey, or maybe even cunty. Not Snark Lady approved.

Or Spencer approved.

Sara: And Spencer certainly would destroy her, with the fire of a thousand suns, just by glancing in her direction. Beast.

Sweeney: SHE’S JUST THE BEST FOREVER.

Lor: Emily says she already Emily-ed it and in the process takes out the little gift Paige was handing out. Turns out that it’s a bracelet a lot like the name bracelets Alison got them all. The girls think maybe the shop owner will know who bought the Jenna bracelet or the extra Alison one.

In an actual class (!), Teacher Piper Mom is lecturing about appeasement. All of the Rosewood High lessons are planned around teaching our Liars deep lessons. Today, Spencer offers that appeasement did not work because giving into bullies never works. Even if you give them everything they want, they always want more. Hanna is touched, and tries to follow Piper Mom after class, but is stopped by Coach Fulton who corals her to detention.

In detention, the only available desk is next to Caleb.

I’m not entirely sure why they’ve been hanging those two strips of hair around Hanna’s face all episode, but I’m not a fan.

Sara: It looks like weirdly long sideburns.

Lor: Those two banter a bit and there is the weirdest full minute conversation about Justin Bieber and his new movie that can only be product placement, and yet can still not fully be explained by product placement. I am disturbed.

Sara: FULLY PRODUCT PLACEMENT. SO WEIRD. I feel dirty after watching that scene. Bring back the less weird Verizon product placement!

Sweeney: IDK, I thought it was kind of hilarious that Hanna is a Justin Bieber fan. It’s a nice reminder that in spite of the 24 year-old actress playing her, she’s 16.

Lor: Anyways, Hanna starts inexplicably telling Caleb about Piper Mom going to Philly and how people will get hurt if she does. Caleb gets excused from detention, because he emailed the school an excuse from his “social worker.” I guess since this is Caleb’s schtick, we should just accept these magically contrivant things he can do with technology.

Aria arrives at Ezra’s apartment wearing a super tight red dress. She buzzes Ezra’s apartment, but there’s no answer. We see that behind her, a limo drives up, and of course it’s Ezra. She hops in and they make-out.

Sara: She’s just buzzing his apartment, right there in the open, where everyone and God can see her in that ridiculously tight dress. Yes. They try so hard to keep this quiet. 

Also, they were originally planning on taking the train for their date. The public train. THESE TWO.

Sweeney: They are impossibly stupid and, legality aside, deserve to get caught just for their stupidity.

Lor: Agreed.

Piper Mom walks to her car, coffee in hand, and finds that her car won’t start.

At school, Coach Fulton has called Paige and Emily in for a meeting. It seems that someone’s made her aware of the homophobic comment. Emily quickly shuts that down, because everyone: IT’S OKAY. SHE EMILY-ED IT.

Papa Cheater (when do we have to start calling him Byron?) is trying to help Piper Mom (S: Never, because she’ll never stop being Piper Mom.) with her dead car. She’s being huffy with him as he says things like, “jiggle the key!” Plus, she told him not to buy a car with a kill switch! She gets and more annoyed with him, but on the bright side, Papa Cheater, at least this time it isn’t because of the adultery.

Spencer comes in to find Jason lounging on the couch in her living room. He says the housekeeper let him in and Spencer probably makes a mental note to fire the housekeeper. Jason says the private investigators have found the photo is real. He confesses he may have taken it, but doesn’t really remember because he was perpetually high that summer. I suspect living with Alison would require nothing less. Jason adds that Ian was always at his house that summer too. Dramatic cut to black.

Papa Cheater still hasn’t managed to fix Piper Mom’s car and she makes a comment about things breaking for good. He takes it personally, though Piper swears she was just talking about the car. Papa Cheater suggests that next time, she find a date that picks her up, but she isn’t on a date. She mocks Papa Cheater for wearing a new shirt and asks if he’s going on a date. He stays silent, so she assumes he is. Then she notices that he’s been working out. He reminds her that he was the dump-ee. She wants to call a cab and be off, but Papa Cheater offers to drive her to the event instead.

Sara: Wait, wait, wait. Does Papa Cheater really get to call himself the dump-ee? Really? I call bullshit.

Sweeney: Right? That’s a pretty selective rendering of the story. I +1 your bullshit call.

Lor: Everyone calls bullshit, except for Piper Mom.

Emily and Spencer are eating pizza and have an adorable little exchange but this recap is already forever years long, so just know that it’s adorable. That is, until Spencer admits that she told the coach about Paige’s comment. Emily is upset because OMFG, I EMILY-ED THAT SHIT, I SWEAR. WHY DOES NO ONE BELIEVE ME? Spencer says she was never able to stand up for herself with Alison. Emily looks hurt and Spencer insta-regrets the comment. Spencer starts to apologize, but Emily sees herself out.

Ezra and Aria engage in some PDA outside of the museum and it makes them happy.

Sara: RIGHT OUT IN THE OPEN.

Lor: Hanna shows up at her mom’s bank to see if she was arrested yet. Not long after she arrives, Mama Marin’s colleague enters the office to announce that Little Old Lady won’t be showing up, on account of she just died. Hanna and Mama Marin share a relief hug. Nothing like a well timed heart attack, though I can’t help but wonder if A is now dealing in well timed heart attacks.

Sweeney: Based on the look on Hanna’s face, she’s wondering this too.

Lor: Papa Cheater and Piper Mom are laughing and reminiscing when they finally get to the museum. Piper thanks him for the ride, and muses that no one else would do this for her. A small kiss on the cheek turns into a full on kiss. I tried to convey how I felt about this development and realized I still don’t care about parent drama.

Spencer visits the old lady who makes the name bracelets out of her home. On sight, she can tell they were made within the last six months because of the type of clasp used. Once she investigates her records further, she finds that those two bracelets were purchased by “Spencer Hastings.” WELL DAMN AGAIN.

Sara: A is GOOD. Even Spencer should feel threatened. 

Lor: At school, Hanna finds Aria, who gushes about her amazing date and then apologizes for snapping the day before. Hanna says she’s happy it worked out.

Emily swims and when she reaches the wall, she’s pushed back under water and held there. After she’s released, she finds Paige, angry that she’s been replaced as the anchor on the relay team, and that Emily (presumably) tattled to the coach. Welp. I guess she didn’t really Emily it very effectively.

Sara: She basically just tried to drown-murder Emily’s face off, NBD.

Lor: It was a pretty intense reaction to tattle telling.

Caleb waits for Hanna by her locker and they flirt and insult each other. They flir-sult. Caleb reveals that he removed something from Piper Mom’s car and that’s what stopped her from getting to Philly. This is the creepiest nice thing. It’s like when you casually mention your favorite flower, and the boy remembers and later buys them for you. Except it’s casually mentioning you don’t want someone to get somewhere, and then they steal parts from that person’s car.

That night, Spencer examines the picture of Shadow Stalked Alison. This sends her into an AliBack. In it, Spencer is telling Alison to keep her voice down. Ali says it doesn’t matter because no one is home, even though she wants Melissa to come home and hear them. Alison is threatening Spencer again, giving her an ultimatum: either Spencer confesses that Ian kissed her, or Alison will tell her. This whole thing acquires a new level of bitchery since we now know that Alison was seeing Ian.

Spencer says she’ll tell Melissa herself, but that she’s sick of Alison’s games. “We all are.” Alison says they can’t vote her off the island because she made them and they don’t exist without her. Spencer calls her full of herself and asks what she would be without any followers. She finishes with a, “you’re dead to me already.” Alison leaves out the back door, and after a second, Spencer follows her out.

The end of the AliBack shows us that the rest of the Liars are with Spencer now, as she finishes up the story. Now the girls know that the shadow in the picture is just Spencer chasing after Alison. They ask why she never told them before, and she says that a small part of her believed that she was responsible for Ali’s death since she wished for it. The girls assure her that it isn’t so, and that Alison said way worse things to them.

Spencer suddenly stands and the other girls follow her to the window. Jason is standing in the window across the way, shadow lurking and staring at them in a way that suggests that he’s the type of guy that could murder his sister.

A-nonymous: The Bracelet Lady is talking to someone we can’t see, though she says that person has “interesting eyes.” We can cross off all the people with boring eyes off of our suspect list! ONE STEP CLOSER.

Bracelet Lady hands the black gloved person a cup of tea and assures him/her that she did exactly as she was instructed.

Man. You can’t even trust the elderly in Rosewood. (S: But you can steal from them!)

 

Next time on Pretty Little Liars: Caleb cashes in on the favor Hanna owes him and Paige keeps on hatin’ in S01 E16 – Je Suis Une Amie