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Sara: After a repeat of the long this-is-the-show-you’re-watching narration, we are aboard Serenity. Most of the crew are playing a game that’s kind of like basketball and would look really fun if group sports didn’t terrify the elementary school nerd inside me. They’re having so much fun, and it’s giving me happy feels, so I’m going to go ahead and prepare myself for something terrible happening. See: Joss Whedon Ruins Lives.
Sweeney: It’s such a stressful watching experience. Happy feels are experienced and immediately followed with anxiety and despair because you know that happy feels can’t be trusted.
Sara: River and Simon are watching the game from up above, and Inara comes out to watch, too. (M: In a beautiful gown. I want to introduce homegirl to boxer shorts and a ratty tank top.) She asks Simon how his sister is doing, and he says that River has her days, but she seems to be getting better. She still won’t tell Simon what the people at the Academy did to her; Inara suggests that River might not even know what they did. Simon worries that he won’t be able to help River, but Inara thinks that leaving his whole world behind for River was a pretty good start. As Simon and Inara talk, we see River watching the crew get rowdy, and she is obviously distressed.
The game of NotBasketball is interrupted when an alarm goes off and red lights start flashing. Zoe fills us n00bs in and says that the warning is for a proximity alert, and that something must be nearby. Wash hilariously freaks out about “WHO’S FLYING THIS THING?” but then he remembers it’s him so he leaves to handle shit.
Wash is in the bridge and sees a ship off in the distance. Right as he squints his eyes and leans forward, there’s a big THUMP and we see a human-shaped figure bounce off of the windshield. This is so funny. What are the chances that, in outer space, you hit a human being, just hanging around in the middle of the freaking galaxy? I’m guessing that this doesn’t happen often.
Sweeney: “Funny” is an interesting word choice to describe hitting a human corpse. Meanwhile, Sweeney Snow over here jumped at the sudden appearance of a corpse. Is that not how we do things in space?
Sara: I probably should have thought to say that I laughed about it before realizing it was a dead person. And I definitely jumped, too! I have no idea how I’ve forgotten so much of this show, but watching this episode, I didn’t remember anything so it was all a fun surprise.
Wash gets the rest of the crew together, and they all stare at the ship, wondering what it is. Nobody can come up with an answer, but River stands away from the group and quietly says, “Ghosts.”
SWEENEY CAN’T TAKE THIS SONG FROM MEEEEEEEEEEE.
Sweeney: Well now I don’t ever want to admit to liking the song, if only so that my name can continue to be used as part of the “and then the credits happen” line. Will pride and ego trump sentimentality? Only time will tell.
Also, I continue to be equal parts creepmused by and in love with River.
Sara: The crew throws some guesses out as to what the ship could be, and Engine Girl Kaylee notices that the ship is spinning in an awkward way, probably because the port thrust is gone. Wash notes that the ship is a short-ranged vessel, probably built for a one way trip to an outer lying planet. He adds that fifteen or twenty families could fit in a ship that size. Jayne’s theory is that the guy they ran over killed everyone on board the ship and decided to take a dive afterwards, because of course that’s Jayne’s theory. Wash tells Jayne he’s obviously a very upbeat person.
Book asks if they should alert the authorities but Mal LOLs at that: “Right, they’re gonna run right out here lickety split and make sure these taxpayers are okay.” (M: We established he has something against the Alliance, right? Just checking.) Book encourages Mal to check on the people who might be on board. He asks if the Captain wants him to tell the story of The Good Samaritan, but Mal would really rather he didn’t. Mal does end up agreeing to check the ship, because they might have some stuff the crew could use.
The Serenity attaches itself to the Mystery Ship and Mal and Zoe prepare to go on their mission. Simon offers to come with, but Jayne harasses him enough to convince him to stay behind. Mal and Zoe make their way onto the Mystery Ship and start walking through the halls. Everything is dark, and they still have their masks on so there’s lots of heavy breathing and creepy music. In the cafeteria, meals are still sitting out, half-eaten. Mal assumes that whatever happened happened quickly, because it looks like the residents left in a rush. There’s no sign of a struggle, which makes the situation even stranger.
Zoe calls Mal over to show him a log that was written right before the Mystery Event. When they go to look at the computer screen, there’s a static noise and we cut to River, waking up from a nightmare and crying. She continues to hold her head and cry, as Simon comforts her. She tells him that she can’t sleep because of all the screaming, but he tells her no one is screaming. Jayne interrupts this family bonding time by telling Simon that Mal needs the both of them on the other ship. Simon is reluctant to leave River behind but says he’ll get Inara to check in on her.
Cut to the next scene, where Simon is in his spacesuit, doing the Darth Vader breathing, and walking around on the Mystery Ship. Right as I’m thinking that this is legit creepy, he rounds the corner and sees the rest of the crew standing in a hallway in plain clothes and Mal is like, “….hey.” This show.
Sweeney: YES! The whole show has this amazing blend of suspense and laughter. Not surprising, because Joss Whedon, but still, endless love for how perfect the timing is on those elements. The funny moments are that much funnier because you have all this built up anxiety.
Sara: Simon gets his helmet off and Mal questions him: “So… what are you doing here, and what’s with the suit?” Jayne cracks up, because he was just fucking with Simon, and I realize that it IS indeed possible to be in love with more than one man at a time. (Jayne and Mal are my imaginary boyfriends.) Simon calls Jayne a sadist and says he’s reeeaaal hilarious, and Jayne just keeps on laughing. Mal shushes them and hands out instructions for finding shit they need: Go in groups. Don’t get greedy. Simon asks what happened to the people, and Mal fills him in: The log said that a lifeboat was sent out over a week ago. Every time they say lifeboat, I picture a raft out in space. As Simon and Kaylee head off towards the engine room, she tells him that his spacesuit is on wrong. Jayne cackles. Hee!
Mal and Zoe radio in to Wash to get information on where the most valuable stuff will probably be. While they wait, Zoe points out that fifteen families would never be able to fit on a lifeboat. Mal knows.
Back on Serenity, Inara goes to check on River and finds that she isn’t in her room. We cut to River walking barefoot through an unknown part of the ship (or at least a part that I don’t recognize.) On the Mystery Ship, Kaylee is checking the engine to see if there are any parts they can recycle for Serenity and is surprised that she can’t find anything wrong with the ship. She and Simon wonder why people would abandon a perfectly good ship like that.
Sweeney: I wish I hadn’t read the 2-3 line episode description to do the, “Next time,” on the last post because they really are dragging out the reveal on this. I failed.
Marines: Either way, there is a certain amount of what! could possibly! be wrong! going on right now that lacks art. We’ve got the creepy music and the empty ship. We get it.
Sara: Serenity. River is still walking barefoot in parts of the ship that I don’t recognize. But I should add that it’s very beautiful, especially cut in between all of the dark Mystery Ship scenes. There’s something about Summer Glau that makes you never want to take your eyes off of her. (M: She’s super graceful.) Mal and Zoe have made their way to the deck that holds what they’re looking for, along with way more luggage than they expected to see. It looks like the people didn’t take anything with them when they left. Mal instructs Zoe to pack everything up, but she has concerns: “Sir, even on a life boat, you’d think those that escaped would find room for this.” Mal shines his flashlight up to the ceiling and agrees. “Nobody escaped.”
They both look up at the ceiling and dead bodies are strung up all over the place, and it looks like they’re skinned? GROSS. Mal says he knows what did this and immediately radios Jayne, telling him to get Kaylee and Simon off the boat. Can I pause for one quick second and say how nice it is that Mal isn’t just trying to protect the women here? It’s so refreshing when that happens in a show. Jayne is about to respond, but the lights flicker and when they come back on, a man is standing behind Jayne and he shoves him into some cabinets.
Sweeney: THOSE MAIMED CORPSES. HOLY SHIT, SHOW. They’ve spoken of the Reavers in such grand ghost story terms, so even though it’s been made clear that they’re mega terrifying and evil, this was still shocking and unexpected and a-thing-I-can-never-unsee.
Sara: Wash tries to radio Mal, but he gets no reply. Getting worried, he tries to reach Zoe. Mal and Zoe turn a corner and meet up with Simon and Kaylee….. and River, who ended up on the Mystery Ship because she was following voices. Hey, I’m glad I don’t have to feel bad about not knowing where she was earlier, since we weren’t supposed to. Wash radios Zoe again: “What in the tyen shiao duh (name of all that’s sacred, or my translation: fuck) is going on in there?!” Zoe says she’s kind of busy at the moment and Wash looks like he’s just been scolded.
The crew meet up with Jayne, who says that someone attacked him, but he didn’t get a look at the guy. Luckily, he was able to hit the mystery attacker, and they all notice a bloodcrumb trail into an air vent. The guy hiding in the vent asks Mal not to hurt him, and Mal assures him that he won’t, right before punching him in the face. They drag him out of the vent, and he turns out to be a pretty normal looking guy. Simon taunts Jayne, saying, “Oh yeah, he looks like a real beast,” and Jayne defends himself with, “He looked bigger when I couldn’t see him…”
Sweeney: I loved this. So, I’ve developed a pretty serious soft spot for Simon and the fact that nobody seems to give any fucks about him worries me in that I fear he’s going to do a terrible thing. For now, though: I feel like Serenity has all these big personalities and I get why they inspire such strong feelings, but Simon’s the one I relate with the most. He was just doing his ordinary (albeit privileged) thing, living his life but made a bold, brave move to save his sister. He’s sort of the everyman figure and I think it makes him easy to overlook, but as I’m currently stumbling through this show with my Snow eyes and corresponding feelings of, “DAFUQ?” over everything that’s happening, Simon is the one whose reactions seems to most closely mirror my own.
This comment would have made more sense up by the part where he was wearing the suit, but whatever. I loved that he got his snarky little moment in there.
Sara: Back on Serenity, Mystery Man is in the infirmary, and everyone is standing around outside of it. Kaylee says he must have been pretty brave to have survived all that, but then everyone gets all quiet and whistly and she realizes that mostly everyone else kind of assumes he’s the one who killed all those people. Simon tells Mal that Mystery Man is in pretty good shape, besides the bullet wound and the head injury from when Mal punched him. While Mal and Simon are talking, Mystery Man is saying creepy shit like, “They were all weak,” and “Cattle for the slaughter,” so yeah, that’s weird. Mal tells Simon to dope Mystery Man up. When Simon does, Mystery Man grabs his arm and says, “Open up. Look at what’s inside.”
The crew all meet up outside of the infirmary, and Book is pleased to hear that Mystery Man will survive. Mal is not quite as happy about the news; he thinks it would be better to put a bullet in his brain and end his misery. He locks Mystery Man in and says no one should be going in or out of that room. Simon questions him, and Mal informs everyone that the Mystery Ship was hit by Reavers. Tzao Gao. (Crap.)
Everyone follows Mal, looking concerned and asking questions.
Mari: I love that he ended up in the kitchen. It’s like he delivered this horrible news and was all, “thirsty now.” and just left. Everyone has to follow him out there to be all, “WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?”
Sara: Jayne kind of wigs a bit about how it couldn’t be Reavers because Reavers never leave any survivors. Mal says he wouldn’t exactly call Mystery Man a survivor, since he’s kind of stuck being a crazy person right now. Book interrupts that this was just something done by men, but Jayne tells him that Reavers most certainly are not men. Book disagrees: “Of course they are. Too long removed from civilization perhaps. But men.” Mal tells Book that Jayne is right; Reavers sailed out to the edge of the galaxy and lost everything that made them human.
Mari: Joss Whedon sure does like his discussions on humanity, huh?
Sara: Jayne wants to know what they do next, and Mal replies that there’s still a ton of crap on that ship that they need. Jayne is like LOL HOKAY about going back in but after Simon and Book sign on to go, he doesn’t have much of a choice. Book wants to give the people on the ship a proper burial, and Mal okays it because he doesn’t want to have those people looking over his shoulder after he leaves. He says that he doesn’t believe in the whole God thing, but if there’s peace to be had for those souls, they might as well try. I like how Mal agrees to do nice things but also makes up an excuse for why he’s doing them that isn’t BECAUSE IT’S RIGHT. That boyfriend of mine is a sly one! Inara thinks so, too, because she gives him the flirtiest smile and says, “Just when I think I’ve got you figured out…” and walks away.
Mari: Wait, but Mal is my TV boyfriend, so this either means we can all be friends, or that we can never talk again, bitch!
Sara: DILEMMA OF THE HEART.
After the others have left, Kaylee tells Mal that what he said was “real pretty,” and Wash is surprised by it because Mal isn’t really a ceremonial kind of guy. Mal says that it will at least keep everyone busy and distract them from what needs to be done. Zoe is like SKKRT, HUH? and we cut to the bridge, where everyone is looking at something on the camera. Apparently, Reavers like to leave behind booby trap presents for rescue ships. If Serenity tries to detach itself from the Mystery Ship, the whole thing will blow. Kaylee says some mechanicy stuff about how she could maybe fix it, so Mal sets her to it. She says it’s not really a big deal if she messes up, since Mal won’t be able to yell at her. Because of everyone being dead and all. Wash uncomfortably snort laughs.
Jayne is lowering the corpses from the Mystery Ship down to Simon and Book. Kaylee is working on mechanicy stuff on Serenity to bypass the booby trap. Mystery Man is losing his shit in the infirmary. Inara is in her room with River, who is napping on the bed. Mystery Man’s eyes suddenly shoot open, and River wakes with a scream. Inara goes to hold her, and as Mystery Man climbs out of his bed and picks up a knife, River continues to yell and cry and SUMMER GLAU IS SO GOOD AT THIS.
Sweeney: SHE REALLY IS. SHE’S SO BATSHIT CRAZY BUT ALSO I LOVE HER.
Sara: Kaylee clips a wire and smiles as she realizes that she got the right one and she’s a badass. (M: I’m sorry, but did that wire just bleed?) Everyone makes it back on to Serenity, all, “Uh… what’s Kaylee doing?” and Mal is just like, “Blah blah booby trap, nothing you need to know, keep moving.”
As everyone is packing up, the Proximity Alert alarm goes off and Jayne immediately starts freaking about Reavers. It’s very telling that the biggest, baddest dude on this show is scared shitless of these creatures. That automatically makes me terrified, too. But when Mal runs up to the bridge, he sees that it’s not Reavers nearby, but Alliance cops. They order them to stop, so they can board Serenity.
Alliance ship. That captain of the ship doesn’t seem to realize that this is the same Firefly they were chasing down last episode, and the only reason they’re pulling the ship over is because they have a tail light out or something. One of the crew does a little digging and sees that there is a warrant for a Firefly out there, with a brother/sister that need to be picked up. The captain says they aren’t looking for any surprises, so if anyone happens to run into the brother and sister, the order is to shoot now and deal with it later. Cool.
Sweeney: I still know so little about what’s going on with River and Simon, but I AM SO STRESSED OUT FOR THEM ALL THE TIME. I CAN’T FORM NON-CAPSLOCK RATIONAL THOUGHTS BECAUSE ANXIETY.
Sara: Serenity. Mal tells Jayne to get all the stolen goods back out, and Jayne is irritated because he just packed everything. Mal DGAF – they start unloading all of the boxes because they don’t want the Alliance to think they have anything to hide. Simon is freaking out, for obvious reasons, but Mal just tells him to go grab River and bring her to the cargo bay with the rest of the crew. Simon is furious, because he thinks Mal only kept them around to use as bargaining chips. (Jayne pipes up with, “I knew there was a reason!” Gotta love him.) Simon says he won’t do it, but Book tells him to do as Mal says. When Book is telling you to do something, you kind of have to. It’s the kind, gentle voice.
A shit ton of Alliance officers stomp onto Serenity, and our crew just stands their ground. Mal confirms that this is indeed his ship, bought and paid for, and that everyone on the ship is right there in the cargo bay, except for that one guy in the infirmary who they rescued. Alliance Captain is like, “And did you also rescue these stolen goods?” which is kind of awesome. (S: You stress me out, but I dig your snark, Alliance Captain.)
When the Alliance officers go to the infirmary, Mystery Man is not in the bed and the place is a mess. Back in the cargo bay, Alliance Captain tells Mal that he’s looking for a Firefly harboring two fugitives – a brother and a sister. Mal plays dumb, all, “Nope, no kids around here!” and Alliance Captain informs him that he’s not talking about children. Alliance Captain (AC) has no problem searching all over Serenity for them – he knows where all the good hiding spots are. One of the Alliance officers interrupts to whisper to AC about the infirmary being empty. AC says that they will finish this conversation in a more professional environment and instructs the other officers to look everywhere on the junker for the siblings. Kaylee takes offense to the word junker, because she’s the cutest. The other officers lead the entire crew off of Serenity and into the Alliance ship.
Inara is being interrogated about her relationship with the crew on Serenity. The Alliance officer thinks it’s odd that someone as high-class as a professional companion would be hanging with thieves. She says it’s simply a mutually beneficial relationship. Renting the shuttle on Serenity allows her to meet with more clients and run a better business. Plus having a companion on board helps Mal get into classy places he might not be able to enter on his own. The officer asks if she loves him, but we cut back and see that he’s asking this of Zoe, not Inara. Zoe doesn’t see how that’s relevant which is funny because wouldn’t you think “Yes” would be the easiest response when someone asks if you love your husband? The officer exposits that Mal is the one who brought Zoe and Wash together. He was looking for a pilot, and Zoe found a husband. Get you one, girl. The officer goes on to mention that Zoe and Mal fought together in the war.
Sweeney: I died laughing through this whole segment, but extra giggles for Jayne. Favorite Jayne moment so far. He is what I imagine Ron Swanson would be like if he became a Space Cowboy.
Sara: RON SWANSON AS A SPACE COWBOY. BEST.
The officer tries to get information out of Book, but Book is also a badass and isn’t telling shit. The officer assures him that they will tear that ship apart, until they find what they’re looking for. And he ain’t lying, because we cut over to Serenity, where the officers are throwing things around and tearing things apart, searching for Simon and River. The camera pans backwards out the window, and we see that they’re both in spacesuits, hanging on to the outside of Serenity. Nice! Now try not to get hit by any spaceship traffic! (M: Or random corpses!)
We zoom in on Simon’s face and see how stressed he looks, but when we cut over to River, she has this look of epic excitement in her eyes, and it’s nice to see her happy.
Sweeney: This was such a wonderful little moment! Again, Simon’s terror is probably a fair representation of how I’d realistically feel in that scenario, but gleeful River might just be the cutest damn thing I have seen so far. I didn’t think anyone could out-cute Kaylee, but that look of pure joy on her face is amazing. I love her. I know you guys aren’t taking me seriously because I love everyone but I LOVE HER. I mostly love this sibling relationship. I think it’s my favorite relationship on the show right now.
Mari: Your love of River is my favorite thing so far, because I love everyone AND RIVER! too.
Sara: So much love! It’s everywhere!
Alliance Ship. It’s Mal’s turn to be interrogated, and the officer wastes no time in bringing up his military history by calling him Sergeant. Mal corrects the officer; he isn’t a sergeant anymore because the war is over. We get the story of how the Serenity came to be named Serenity; Mal fought in the Battle of Serenity Valley.
Sweeney: BROUGHT TO YOU BY TUMBLR! As I said before, the gifs from this show that I’ve seen tended to be more, “Here’s some great dialogue” than, “Here is a significant plot thing.” This scene has been a popular enough one in my dash that I did the, “HEY! MOMENT IN CONTEXT!” flailing thing.
It says a lot about Mal and why he’s such excellent TV Boyfriend material.
Sara: I pick ’em good!
The officer accuses Mal’s crew of murdering all of those people on the Mystery Ship, and Mal seems genuinely surprised that the officer thinks that. He asks why they would have left one guy alive and brought him back to their infirmary if they were the ones who did it, and the officer says he would ask the guy but he probably won’t be able to speak with his tongue split down the middle. OH GROSS. Mal says, “Wuh de tyen, ah” (Dear God in Heaven). Which is an interesting thing for Mal to say, since he doesn’t believe in God, right?
Sweeney: I would never have guessed at that translation! I was going with, “Well, fuck.” But then, that’s kind of a default translation for me when anybody but Kaylee says stuff in Chinese.
Mari: He had a big ole crucifix in the pilot! He’s probably just falling back on some standard calling out to Jesus. It happens.
Sara: The officer tells Mal he’ll be arrested, but Mal says that this really isn’t what the Alliance should be worried about now, because soon there will be blood. In the Alliance’s infirmary, Mystery Man seems to be dying, as the entire medical staff is trying to figure out what’s wrong. We see Mystery Man’s hand reach out with a knife and see blood splattering on the medical equipment.
Interrogation. Mal tells the officer about his Reavers theory, and the officer compares The Reavers Did It to My Dog Ate My Homework. He asks if Mal saw the Reavers with his own eyes, but Mal says he wouldn’t still be alive if he had. He tells the officer about the darkness of Reavers, and it sounds scary as shit. He goes on that the Reavers probably forced Mystery Man to watch as they killed everyone he knew. Now that they’re thoroughly fucked Mystery Man up, he’s cray cray in the head and will try to do everything he can to become a Reaver, too. He’ll start by mutilating himself, which is obviously the part he’s at now. The officer ignores his concerns and asks two officers to lead him away.
Serenity. Simon and River are back inside, and right after River’s helmet comes off, she asks to go again. HEART FUZZIES FOR RIVER FOREVER. (S: +1 FOREVER AND EVER.) Simon seems pleased that River is smiling, and I ship this brother/sister relationship so hard. Simon tries to lead River inside, but she starts panicking and won’t go in. It’s like when you try to put a cat in a bucket of water. The sneaky cameraman shows us a hand, grabbing for a weapon, where River and Simon can’t see.
Sweeney: During this whole bit, I had to stand up and watch. I was too stressed out to sit because of all! the! danger! that River and Simon were in!
Sara: That is the most adorable visual. THIS SHOW. ALL THE STRESS.
Mal escorts the officers back on Serenity, saying that he can help them find the Mystery Man. Simon hears Mal and the officers coming, so he ducks away. Mal walks all through the ship, with the officers following right behind him. He gets to a doorway, and when he looks in the hallway it leads to, he finds Simon and River.
Mal turns around to deflect the officers from checking there, but Perfect Timing Mystery Man shows up to slash someone’s face with a knife. He’s stabby and wild and TERRIFYING. His face is all mutilated and has staples in it and is seriously giving me the creeps. Mal pulls Mystery Man off of the officer and everyone is in shock.
Bridge. Jayne is bitching about the fact that Mal saved that officer’s life and yet, he’s still taking all of their stolen goods. Bad form! As Serenity flies away, we see the Alliance destroying Mystery Ship with rockets and fire, but it’s completely silent because SPACE.
Sweeney: I said it like 12 times already, but this episode was fucking stressful for me to watch. Also, I should say that we’re only three episodes in and I already love all of these characters to bits and pieces. I think River and Simon are my favorites, but that’s a tight race because they’re all so wonderful.
This show put forth a lot of big concepts and ideas about its world in that first episode and I’m impressed by how quickly and believably it is showcasing all of those things. Even the things that I don’t understand in their full depth have been presented to me in a way that makes me get the gist of it — particularly where The Alliance is concerned — so that the story feels cohesive. When you have this level of world building to do, it’s tricky to navigate that — because obviously the characters would not realistically sit around and explain The Alliance to one another. In addition to my deep love of all the characters, I’m enamored with the way in which we are being introduced to this world.
In short, I’m not even sure that I have anything interesting to say because I just love everything so much.
Sara: The speed with which you fall in love with these characters is unreal. I don’t know of any other show that gave me this many feels for almost every single character this quickly. I don’t know if it’s because of the writing, the natural chemistry within the cast, or both, but it just works. And it makes TV watching so stressful that you have to literally stand up while you watch certain scenes if you’re a Sweeney Snow.
I obviously love the first two episodes, but this is the one that hooks me. It is absolutely terrifying when someone is creeping around in the dark, because you don’t know if there’s about to be a Reaver behind that door or a punchline. The mixture of the serious and the jokes, the happy River faces and the sad Reaver victims all work together to make this show something really special.
Mari: Just jumping in to agree with Sweeney that they do some great universe-revealing work in this episode. While we’ve technically met both Reavers and The Alliance, in this episode we’re treated to a closer look at those two big evils, the men who aren’t men and the men ruled by rules of men. Plus, the interviews gives us insight to the characters in a more natural, less exposity way.
Everything is coming together.
I'm a 30-something with three kids who spends an embarrassing amount of time watching teen television dramas. There's a whole lot of Internet out there, and I plan on reading all of it before I die.
Nicole is the co-captain of Snark Squad and these days she spends most of her time editing podcasts. She spends too much time on Twitter and very occasionally vlogs and blogs. In her day job she's a producer, editor, director, and sometimes host of educational YouTube channels. She loves travel, maps, panda gifs, and semicolons. Writing biographies stresses her out; she crowd sourced this one years ago and has been using a version of it ever since. She would like to thank Twitter for their help.
I'm a 30-something south Floridan who loves the beach but cannot swim. Such is my life, full of small contradictions and little trivialities. My main life goals are never to take life too seriously, but to do everything I attempt seriously well. After that, my life goals devolve into things like not wearing pants and eating all of the Zebra Cakes in the world. THE WORLD.
