Pretty Little Liars S02 E17 – Plot Blender.

Previously: Lucas got the Toby Edit and was weirdly threatening until it all turned out to be misdirection, and Caleb agrees to help the Liars hack A’s phone.
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Blond Leading the Blind

Sara: The girls are at Spencer’s house, looking at the files Caleb has managed to decode. Hanna wants the Liars to stop using Caleb for help, because she doesn’t want to involve him in their dramz. My feeling is, he’s probably already involved, so you might as well use his magical wolfy hacking powers for good, right?

Sweeney: Definitely. Especially because it earns him more screen time, which really is a service to the greater good.

Sara: The file he’s managed to decode is just the You Know You Wanna Kiss Me video, and the girls are like, SRSLY AGAIN because if this video gets any longer, it’s going to be its own episode. But once we get to the end of it, the video cuts to a new location that we haven’t seen before. Aria alerts us to it being Alison’s bedroom, and we that Ian is setting this camera up in a secret place and WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK. It only gets worse when Garrett and Blind!Jenna show up. They ask where New Jason is, and Ian tells them that weed + alcohol made him pass out.

Lorraine: He really can’t remember the night of Alison’s murder! I mean, not that being blacked out is a good alibi, but it’s like an alibi…

Sweeney: It’s always so exciting when we learn that someone said a thing that can actually be trusted!

Sara: Ian goes on, telling Jenna and Garrett that he tried to get the videos back from Ali, but she refused to give them up. Jenna wonders if she refused to give something else up, too, and Ian’s comeback of SHUT UP is super mature. Garrett yells at Ian that he knew these videos were going to get them in trouble, and that’s why he wanted out of the National Adolescent Terrorization Club. They all start digging through Ali’s room, trying to find the videos she’s hidden. Come on, guys. Ali is a bitch, but you know she’s smarter than to hide that shit in her room.

Garrett finds the box that was given to Aria by New Jason, and Hanna freaks out and tells the girls that Caleb is officially out of this operation. Spencer is freaked because this video is evidence that the N.A.T. Club was all in Alison’s bedroom the night she died which is pretty freaking suspicious. JK THIS IS ROSEWOOD LOL.

Lor: What are they going to do? GO TO THE POLICE? LOL.

Sara: SHHHHHHH.

Spencer shows Emily a text she got from A with a picture of Toby and her kissing. And the picture is all up in their grill, so I’m not sure how they didn’t notice this mysterious photographer. Unless Spencer was too fixated on Toby Abs, which: Fair. Emily thought Spencer was trying to keep her distance from Toby for his safety, and Spencer is like, “Dude – Toby Abs.” Again: Fair.

Toby pulls into Spencer’s driveway in his Sugar Baby truck and calls Spence’s cell phone, but she just hands it off to Emily and begs her to cover. Em is super against lying to Toby, but she agrees because that’s what bffs do. Toby asks Emily to tell him what’s going on with the girls, but Em doesn’t want to get in between their relationship. She tells him that he should probably go, so he leaves with his Disappointed Face on. His soapy acting in this scene was hilarious and wonderful.

At Rosewood’s School for 99 Problems And a Boy Is 82 Of Them, (L: OMG. DYING.) (S: ACTUAL BEST.) Aria is telling Spencer that it’s romantic how she’s protecting Toby, but Spencer is like, Stupid Aria. I mean, she doesn’t, but her face says it all. Aria suddenly realizes that the conversation isn’t all about her and Ezra and says, “Hey, at least yours still wants to talk to you.” She worries that their slow motion walk towards each other was the last time she’ll ever see him. Seriously? Your dad freaking works with him. And you go to the same freaking college he works at. And your family can’t get a freaking meal without bumping into EzraFitz somewhere in Rosewood. Ugh, Aria.

Lor: I hate this reminder of how much I hate Aria’s notions of romance. ARIA: NONE OF THIS SHIT IS NORMAL.

Sweeney: It mostly reminds me of how much I hate Ezra. Aria thinks thinks that him leaving the play was her giving him space, and after that, she’s ~*owed*~ answers. This is all sorts of crazy, but it’s crazy that I can at least understand because she’s 16. Ezra should damn well know better and he has fed her delusions in dangerous ways.

Sara: Aria wants some answers from Ezra, but I’m not really sure what the questions are. “Is it still illegal for us to date?” is probably the most important one, but I have a feeling Aria DGAF about that answer. YOLO, BITCHES. The girls see Holden sit down at a lunch table near them, and Emily refers to him as Aria’s beard which is hilarious. They all inform Aria that Holden = Gay, but she’s not buying it. Spencer asks if he’s ever tried to kiss Aria, and she says no, and the other three Liars say in unison, “GAY.” Funny scene, but I don’t think I’d judge someone’s entire sexuality based on whether or not they’re attracted to freakin’ ARIA, for heaven’s sake.

 

Lor: Seriously. All the “gay” men would be young and probs not in jail.

Sara: Aria goes to say hello, and Holden is super cute. Just thought I’d throw that out there. Holden tells Aria that he owes her one, because she really helped him. She asks him if he can help her out by “going on a date” with her tonight, and he agrees. They tell each other that it’s best if they’re both in the dark about what Secrety Secrets the other is hiding. For Holden, I’m going to go ahead and guess drug dealer. As Aria walks away, she sees Holden checking out a girl’s butt, and it’s confirmed: Not Gay.

Lor: Ah, yes. The homosexuality litmus test: a big ole booty.

Sara: Caleb is sitting outside of a coffee shop, working on decoding videos for the Liars, because he apparently doesn’t need to go to school anymore. Cool. He’s working on a video with Garrett on it, and when he looks up, he sees Garrett sitting across from him, enjoying his own coffee. WTF, Caleb? Maybe the Liars should have passed along the message to work on this shit in private?

Sweeney: Surely the epic level of SHIFTY in their behavior while discussing this should have suggested that to him. I call stupid on everyone involved.

Sara: As he turns to walk away, Garrett calls him back, and Caleb freezes for a full ten seconds before turning around. (I always think this is funny in tv/movies because OBVIOUSLY you heard me say your name, so why the heck is it taking you so long to swing around?) Garrett tells him that he forgot his keys, and then gives a totally normal speech about being forgetful, but since the Toby Edit music is playing and Garrett says it in a threatening voice, it’s weird and murdery. Sidebar: Can Wolfy Bad Boy Caleb please cut his damn hair already?

Lor: I have different feelings about his hair. Like in this scene, it looks frozen in time, kind of like Caleb was before he turned around to face Garrett. Like, wind is supposed to be blowing through it, but his hair didn’t get the memo. I hope that makes sense.

Sara: This makes me feel a lot better about his hair in that scene, actually.

The girls are looking through the box from New Jason, while Hanna says they should just hand the video over to the police instead of trying to solve it themselves. LOL HOKAY. Two seconds later, they find the doll with the hollow head. When they open it, the notes Ali placed inside are still there.

“My turn to torture you.”

“You think you’re safe on the outside, buy you’re not when I’m on the inside.”

“Scared yet? You should be, bitch.”

“Next time it’ll be your face, not this pumpkin.”

This last note brings us to an Aliback from her Gagalloween episode. The girls are on their way to Ali’s house from the party and find her porch trashed. There’s a pumpkin smashed, and the other pumpkin has a knife through it. Alison looks legitimately scared as she examines everything, but she plays it cool for the Liars and says it was probably just one of Jason’s asshole friends.

The Liars say they’re going to go home, and Alison asks them to stay. She apologizes for the shitty joke she played on them and says she took it too far. UH, YOU THINK? After the Aliback, Aria sees that the last note was signed by A, and now our Liars are clued in to the fact that A was screwing with Alison before she ever started messing with them.

At the School for If You Wanna Get With Me, You Gotta Get With My Friends, (L: On. a. roll.) Hanna spots Mona and goes to clear up their fight by telling her that Noel Kahn is stupid and ugly and probably picks his nose, so she’s better off without him. Mona tells Hanna that she thought they were friends; she’s been calling her for two days and Hanna hasn’t picked up. She stomps straight to Noel and hands him a necklace. “Maybe the next girl you decide to dump all over will like it better than I did.” Noel tells her no refunds, no exchanges, but when she insists, he throws it in the trash can. Mona looks crushed, and I feel for her so hard right now! I mean, Mona doesn’t know that the Liars are almost getting murdered every week, and to a 16-year old, breakups are about as serious as murder anyways.

Lor: I’m so naturally suspicious of Mona, I sometimes forget to feel bad for her. But, yeah, sure. What Sara said!

Sweeney: Mona’s a great character because I can be simultaneously suspicious of her and have feelings for her. She straddles the friend/evil line pretty well.

Sara: Hanna follows Mona into the bathroom where she’s crying, and Mona tells her to GTFO. Hanna speechifies that Noel is a bad guy and Mona deserves better. Mona knows that he’s bad, but he’s incredibly charming which makes things all complicated. Hanna tells her they have a date at Rosewood’s One Diner that night to get over stupid boys, and this whole scene is getting me. I’ve had this kind of conversation with my own best friend before so I’m feeling the squishy feels in my tummy over Hanna/Mona. Mona agrees to the date and smiles. AW. After the girls leave the bathroom, Blind!Jenna creeps out of a stall, like the creeper she is.

Lor: And these girls will never learn to just use the bathroom at home.

Sara: Aria hangs out in an empty classroom in the middle of the day and calls Ezra from Emily’s cell. She leaves him a message and says that whether they’re over or not, they need to discuss it in person so he should meet her at 8 PM at a giant clock in Philadelphia(?). If he comes, it means there’s still a chance for them, and if not…. the voicemail cuts out because even Ezra’s voicemail is like SHUT UP ALREADY.

Toby is working on that climbable structure thing at Spencer’s house that A fucked with last episode. It starts wibble wobbling and falls and Toby falls with it, in a hilarious fashion. We immediately cut to Spencer answering her phone, and saying, “NO” as the camera zooms in on her face. Heehee. This episode is very, very soapy today. NGL, I’m loving it.

Hospital For Achy, Breaky Boys. Spencer is visiting Toby who seems to just have a broken arm. Look, kids fall off of monkey bars and handle their shit better. It’s just a broken arm. Wren just happens to be Toby’s doctor, because I guess there is no other doctor in Rosewood? He does a little possessive flirting with Spencer right in front of Toby, which is weird because he’s a grown man and these other two kids are… well, kids.

Lor: ALSO: DOCTOR.

Sweeney: HOT GROWN MAN WITH BRITISH ACCENT AND ALSO SUCCESSFUL DOCTOR. PLEASE TELL ME WHY YOU CREEP ON TEENAGERS.

Sara: Wren confirms that it is just a broken arm and gets one last flirty look in before leaving. Toby questions Spencer about it, but she receives a perfectly timed text from A to get her out of answering.

School for Do They Ever Get Off Their Fucking Cell Phones Seriously. Aria gets the call that Toby’s arm is broken, but he’s alive. She shares the news with Emily and Hanna and they’re amazed that Blind!Jenna would hurt her own stepbrother/rape victim like that. Really? They wonder if she’s okay with killing him because she has another boy lined up after dumping Garrett. That’s a weird conclusion to jump to, but OKAY!

Lor: “Maybe getting laid makes her feel murdery.” OKAY GIRLS. OKAY.

Sara: Hospital for the Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked. Blind!Jenna visits Toby’s hospital room and tells him that he shouldn’t be hanging out with the Liars, because those bitches are dangerous. Wouldn’t it be funny if Jenna was also receiving A texts and she thought the Liars were doing it, just like the Liars think she’s doing it? (L: Maybe the adults are being made to date little kids and the police can’t properly investigate anything too!) Toby tells her that he doesn’t need her stinking advice because he has Spencer. Jenna says he’ll never be happy with Spencer. She’s the only one who loves him, and they’re family whether he likes it or not. Ew.

Marin Manor. Caleb wants to know why Hanna and the Liars are researching a murder that someone has already confessed to. He wants to help her and protect her, but she tells him that she isn’t afraid for herself, she’s afraid for Caleb. Hanna tells him that he needs to stop working on the videos because he’s putting himself in danger, and Caleb agrees because he’s noticed people around town watching him while he works. THEN WORK IN A PRIVATE FREAKING PLACE, CALEB, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. Idiots. Upon hearing this, Hanna immediately grabs his flash drive, throws it in the blender, and turns it on. AWESOME. There’s the rest of Season 2’s plot getting crushed. (L: It was so freaking slim already too. I’m crying.) Caleb yells at her, but she doesn’t care. He’s off the case.

Sweeney: I can’t even with these girls and their propensity for losing/destroying evidence. I love Hanna to bits, but OMG STUPID.

Sara: Hospital for Catfights, Meow. Emily runs into Blind!Jenna click clacking through the halls and tells her that she shouldn’t be there. Jenna tells her that she should have left him alone, because everyone close to the Liars ends up getting hurt. Em asks if that’s a threat, but Jenna says it’s a fact. She click clacks into the elevator that Spencer is walking out of, and is like SPENCER, I SAID GOOD DAY. I’m guessing Spencer wears some pretty heavy perfume or Blind!Jenna is still not blind.

Lor: I’m not sure how eye surgery works, but I thought she left for the eye surgery that would make her even more not blind? I’ve lost track of how not blind she’s supposed to be.

Sweeney: It’s fine, Jenna and the show can’t seem to keep up with that either.

Sara: Montgomery Manse. PiperMom is asking why Aria and Holden have to go all the way to Philadelphia for a date tonight, and Aria should probably just remind her that there’s only one diner in Rosewood. PiperMom tells her what time they’ll be leaving and when Aria gripes about still having to be driven everywhere, PiperMom says that’s just the way things are in this post-I dated my teacher world.

Hospital for This Is Officially a Soap Opera. Spencer asks Emily to do something for her that will be really difficult, but it’s the only thing she can think of to save Toby. Emily agrees.

The following day, Emily goes to see Toby and tells him that Spencer was with Wren before Toby came along, and now that Wren is back in Rosewood, Spencer wants to be with him instead of Toby. Toby asks why Emily is telling him instead of Spencer, and Em continues to cover for her. Poor Toby.

Lor: Also, this is a stupid plan considering Toby knows Wren, now, and can probably converse with him. Idiots.

Sara: But that would require talking about significant details, soooo probably not going to happen on this show!

PiperMom drops Aria and Holden off, and Holden asks if it bothers her, lying to her mom. Aria says, “Of course,” in a tone of voice that sounds like, “Huh? Someone else’s feelings?” She tells him that in this case, what PiperMom doesn’t know won’t hurt her. Holden says he just wants to make sure that their arrangement is important to her, because it’s very important to him. He asks if she’s lying to her friends, too, and she tells him that they know the truth, but they think he’s gay. He tells her he isn’t and runs off to do his Secret Probably Drug Dealing.

Aria sits at the clock and waits for Ezra.

Sweeney: I hate everything that’s happening here, but I love her coat. And that gif is pretty.

Sara: Ezra is having a meeting with a student about a paper and this scene is so fucking terrible, so just bear with me. The student wants to know why his paper got a B, and Ezra tells him that he found the story a little unbelievable: “A guy leaves his fiancee and follows a woman he’s known for five minutes, and it’s a go?” Apparently, the guy was at his rehearsal dinner and was getting married the next day and walked out on it. Ezra thinks it sounds ridiculous, but the student says that true love kept him from making the worst mistake of his life. Ezra says that life isn’t always romantic and sometimes things don’t work out like you want them to. He looks at his phone, and it shows Aria’s voicemail still not listened to. This scene made me want to slam my face against a brick wall a few hundred times.

Lor: I. HATE. EZRA. Can you imagine having him as a teacher? “You got a B because I can’t date my fetus girlfriend SO SOMETIMES LIFE IS UNFAIR.” For the love of all learning, someone fire that man.

Sweeney: Fire and arrest, pretty please?

Sara: I’ll do it!

Aria continues to sit at the clock. Spencer looks out the window at the rain. Ezra finally listens to Aria’s voicemail. Aria sits some more.

Marin Manor. Hanna is sitting in the kitchen, looking sad. Ashley Marin asks what’s wrong, and Hanna tells her that she got in a fight with Caleb but she doesn’t want to talk about it. Ashley sits down with her and tells Hanna that she wants to talk about it. AW. Parents being parents! Ashley, you are so much better than Traumaland.

Hanna asks if her mom ever kept any secrets from her dad, and Ashley says that she has. She tells a story about Shitbag Marin painting their bedroom a terrible puke-green color, and he was so excited to show her that she couldn’t bare telling him it was ugly. And there was another time when Shitbag’s bff tried to make a pass at Ashley, and she knew if she told Shitbag, it would hurt him. Hanna looks pensive, and Ashley asks what the secret is, but Hanna doesn’t say. Ashley is trying so hard. I adore her.

Hospital for Boys Who Fight Over Girls. Toby gets snarky with Wren about Spencer, and Wren gets snarky back.

MONNA. Hanna and Mona are hanging out and see Noel Kahn having dinner with Blind!Jenna. Hanna is freaked by this development, and Mona tells her not to worry; she’s the one who got dumped by him.

Aria is still sitting by the clock, and it’s raining now, because they’re obviously about to rip off Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Ezrafitz finally pulls up and gets out of the car, just leaving it in the middle of the street like a punk. He walks straight up to Aria, and they start making out. And if this wasn’t Aria and Ezra, it would be a really beautiful scene, but since it’s them and it’s so reminiscent of Audrey Hepburn and George Peppard, it makes me mad. Stupid Ezria.

 

Lor: My road rage would be out of control if I was behind Ezra. Just saying.

Sara: In the car, Ezra says that he just wants to make sure she’s safe. They kiss some more. Ezra asks how they’ll keep their relationship going, and Aria says she has an idea called Holden.

Caleb tells Spencer and Emily that Hanna destroyed the flash drive. They freak out, but he says it’s not a big deal because he backed up the copies. Smart kid! (S: Right? Good for you, Caleb.) He says he’ll keep working on the files, but they can’t tell Hanna because he wants to keep her safe. His only condition is that they tell him what’s going on.

Aria is waiting at the drop off spot for her mom, but Holden isn’t with her. When Piper Mom pulls up, she asks where he is, and luckily, he comes running up before Aria has to come up with a fake answer. He brought ice cream and covers, saying that they wanted ice cream but didn’t want to be late. Smart kid! I don’t want to like Holden, but I still kind of do, even if he is a Secret Drug Dealer.

Sweeney: His secret drug dealing isn’t nearly as great an offense as his aiding and abetting of pedophilia, but yeah, I like him too.

Sara: Hastings House. Spencer tells Aria that they told Caleb a few nuggets of the truth without filling him in on the whole A thing. They have the rest of the video from Ali’s room, and they watch it. Ian pulls the camera out of its hiding place and tells Garrett that he’s now officially stuck in the club, because Ian has evidence of it on video. They hear a noise and Blind!Jenna says that someone’s coming.

The girls hear a noise outside and see Toby’s Sugar Baby truck parked in Spencer’s front yard, but he isn’t there. When they go outside to investigate, they find the keys inside and a note to Spence. The note says that Toby’s left town, and Spencer gets choked up.

A-nonymous: A takes a picture of Ezra and Aria kissing, cuts it in half and burns the Ezra side. YAY I LIKE THIS DEVELOPMENT. S/he does the same with a picture of Spencer and Toby.

Lor: This episode really gave me the feeling of how stuck we are in this never ending cycle of nothing really ever happens in Rosewood. It’s amazing, too, considering how many times everyone has almost died or been tortured. There is no feeling of progress or plot advancement. I’m not asking for super deep or intricate things here. Just like, not to be feeling like we’re watching the pilot over and over again.

Basically, I feel like we’re still paying fpr those few great episodes we had a bit ago. SIGH.

Sara: I’m thinking that they save all of their plot advancement for the Halloween episodes, which are… once a season. Lame.

 

Next time: Hanna gets the cold shoulder from the other Liars and Maya has dinner with Emily’s mom in Pretty Little Liars S02 E18 – A Kiss Before Lying.