Look, there's two more "chapters" left in this book, but one is two pages long and I'm just going to finally put this whole thing out of it's misery. So, hooray, welcome to the last Grey recap! (A: For real , this time!)(J: Huzzah!)
Grey is having a nightmare of finding his mother dead. I think we've read about his having this nightmare before so it doesn't even seem very evil to be like, "moving right along" about it.
Alex: The nightmare ends with Baby Grey saying 'I have no words'. That's basically been me for the past five or six recaps.
Well, this is awkward. I'm currently feeling a little like the Grinch who stole Christmas, because just last week Mari sent me an excited email about how she'd finished writing the last Grey recap...
...and then I had to go and ruin it by pointing out that she’d missed out a whole chapter.
Sorry, Mari!
Marines: I Tweeted about being done and everything! Being suddenly not done was truly was the most depressing thing that has happened to me in a long, long while. IN MY DEFENSE, each of these chapters start with a dream and end with a brood so while I checked to make sure I was on the right chapter I WAS DUPED.
...and then I had to go and ruin it by pointing out that she’d missed out a whole chapter.
Sorry, Mari!
Marines: I Tweeted about being done and everything! Being suddenly not done was truly was the most depressing thing that has happened to me in a long, long while. IN MY DEFENSE, each of these chapters start with a dream and end with a brood so while I checked to make sure I was on the right chapter I WAS DUPED.
Grey hasn't gone to bed yet, but since we've passed midnight it's the next chapter. He broods at his piano instead. He's mad because Ana said she would try to change for him, but in the end she didn't. In fact, he tells himself that she “fell at the first hurdle.” Grey, I think last night was leagues away from the first hurdle. Way after the selling-your-car and stalking-your-life hurdles.
Yes, it's true. Ana and Grey broke up, but this book is still going. Can you guess how happy I am about that?
But E. L. must have a really good reason for writing FIVE MORE CHAPTERS of this damn thing, right? I'm sure there are going to be all sorts of plot twists and turns, and plenty of brand new information which will make reading what follows a totally worthwhile use of our time. Right? RIGHT?
But E. L. must have a really good reason for writing FIVE MORE CHAPTERS of this damn thing, right? I'm sure there are going to be all sorts of plot twists and turns, and plenty of brand new information which will make reading what follows a totally worthwhile use of our time. Right? RIGHT?
Hey, it's the start of a chapter, and Grey is waking up. He's dreaming about wind and wakes up feeling like someone was just running their fingers through his hair. Ana is sleeping, though. Grey checks the time but tells us "it's after 4:30 in the morning." Look, it's not that I've come to expect the exact time or anything, but why would you look at the clock and then give unspecific information like "after 4:30"?
Grey stares at the blinking light of the fire alarm.
Grey stares at the blinking light of the fire alarm.
It's 2 a.m. and Grey can't sleep. I can't either, because his stupid ass is awake and I'm having to read about it, but here we are anyway. He's busy mulling over ex-submissive Leila, his own “waking nightmare.” In typical Grey fashion, he spends only about .2 seconds (A: seven whole words!) thinking about Leila before making it all about him. Her pain reminds him of his pain as a teenager, or something.
He goes to his piano to play moody music. He's upset that Ana's not there, and he can't just fuck himself into forgetfulness because, damn her, she never signed his contract. So now it's becoming Ana's fault, nice.
He goes to his piano to play moody music. He's upset that Ana's not there, and he can't just fuck himself into forgetfulness because, damn her, she never signed his contract. So now it's becoming Ana's fault, nice.
Before we get started, I’d just like to apologise for the delays in getting Grey recaps out so far this year, all of which have been entirely my fault. I promise I’ll get my shit together for the next one!
Anyway, here we go. The chapter opens and would anyone like to guess what Grey is doing? That’s right! He’s… waking up! He’s being woken up by Ana, who’s talking in her sleep. Her ‘whispered words penetrate [his] slumber’.
Anyway, here we go. The chapter opens and would anyone like to guess what Grey is doing? That’s right! He’s… waking up! He’s being woken up by Ana, who’s talking in her sleep. Her ‘whispered words penetrate [his] slumber’.
I cannot remember a single thing that happened in the last chapter. I’m not saying this as an apology or anything. I actually get pretty proud of myself whenever I manage to purge any part of this experience from my brain.
Jessica: I also have forgotten pretty much everything except some shadowy glimpses of plot. I've enjoyed this ignorance, and I feel that I shall soon miss it....
Mari: Yep. Also, I know I'm not posting this on it's regular day, but since we've been gone for so long, and we finally finished this thing, I figured why not. We can all soon miss our ignorance together.
Jessica: I also have forgotten pretty much everything except some shadowy glimpses of plot. I've enjoyed this ignorance, and I feel that I shall soon miss it....
Mari: Yep. Also, I know I'm not posting this on it's regular day, but since we've been gone for so long, and we finally finished this thing, I figured why not. We can all soon miss our ignorance together.
The chapter begins with a scene from Grey's childhood, where he hides in the closet from “him” who often hits Grey and the Crack Whore.
Grey awakens from this bad dream, and as he gets ready for a run, receives a text from Ana saying she's arrived safely in Georgia. That she's safe makes him happy, but then he checks his email and of course, there's a really long one from Ana. It makes his scalp prickle (you know, like when a ghost is nearby?) and he sits down to read it.
Grey awakens from this bad dream, and as he gets ready for a run, receives a text from Ana saying she's arrived safely in Georgia. That she's safe makes him happy, but then he checks his email and of course, there's a really long one from Ana. It makes his scalp prickle (you know, like when a ghost is nearby?) and he sits down to read it.
I must preface this recap with my usual ‘I have no idea what’s going on’ disclaimer. I’ve done a few OC recaps now, but I haven’t kept up with what’s been happening between each one. I hope you find my confusion charming and endearing.
We kick things off at a nightclub. Summer and Seth are watching Ryan and some girl… wait, is that Rosalie from Twilight? It totally is! Weird. OK, I’ve looked her up and her name is Sadie.
Marines: She's been around for a few episodes but every time I see her face, I go "wait, is that Rosalie from Twilight..?!" Weird forever.
We kick things off at a nightclub. Summer and Seth are watching Ryan and some girl… wait, is that Rosalie from Twilight? It totally is! Weird. OK, I’ve looked her up and her name is Sadie.
Marines: She's been around for a few episodes but every time I see her face, I go "wait, is that Rosalie from Twilight..?!" Weird forever.
I honestly kept forgetting to write this recap. I've never been so proud of my brain.
Anyway.
"Her sharp intake of breath is music to my dick."
Can I just start using "music to me [body part]" in real life now?
We start this chapter right in the middle of a goddamn conversation because EL James is the worst. If you'll recall, Ana wanted to talk about Grey's messed up childhood and he was like, "no. Vagina balls."
Anyway.
"Her sharp intake of breath is music to my dick."
Can I just start using "music to me [body part]" in real life now?
We start this chapter right in the middle of a goddamn conversation because EL James is the worst. If you'll recall, Ana wanted to talk about Grey's messed up childhood and he was like, "no. Vagina balls."
Grey starts his day by casually jogging past Ana’s new apartment. He chuckles to himself about what a stalker he is but then immediately gets defensive. He’s just out for a run, OK? ‘It’s a free country’. Dude, there’s no one else here. You’re literally arguing with yourself right now about whether or not you’re being a stalker.
Marines: So, really, the question is if you are a deranged stalker or a super deranged stalker. It's a close call.
Marines: So, really, the question is if you are a deranged stalker or a super deranged stalker. It's a close call.
In a shocking turn of events, we do not get a chronologically detailed description of Christian Grey going about every aspect of his boring life to start this chapter, but in fact, jump right to the time and place of the next “plot” point in the story.
Mia, ever ebullient, literally squeals Grey's name and hugs him at the airport. She wants to talk about his new girl, but he would rather do actual work and heavy lifting of her luggage than speak with her about that.
Mia, ever ebullient, literally squeals Grey's name and hugs him at the airport. She wants to talk about his new girl, but he would rather do actual work and heavy lifting of her luggage than speak with her about that.
We pick up the emails right where they left off last time, but now it's 12:03am, so it's a new day, see? Grey sends back an email asking why Ana said she doesn't like him. If you are an author who figures that including full email transcripts is a super excellent way to fill your book, what do you do between emails?
Before we get started on this chapter, I’d like to thank Mari for picking up chapter 9 (the sex contract chapter) while I was completely swamped with finishing my masters degree. However, I've kind of screwed myself over, because now I have to cover this extremely long chapter instead. Come back, sex contract! All is forgiven! (Not really).
Marines: I love you, but this worked out so well for me.
Marines: I love you, but this worked out so well for me.
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