The brilliant title of this chapter is, "sure as hell didn't see that one coming." There is a vampire sperm/mystical pregnancy joke in there and this is me making it.
Catherine: Omg. Mari, WHY?!?
Kirsti: -_- Pass the brain bleach, please.
Annie: Nope, sorry. I used it all last chapter.
Lucky, lucky me. We change to Jacob's perspective for the middle chunk of the book. JOY.
Catherine: The only thing worse than Bella's perspective is Jacob's perspective.
Annie: See, I'd completely forgotten about this in the book. And I got really excited when I saw the shift in perspectives. And then this chapter happened. Ha ha haaaaaa. Boy, was I stupid. I forgot that even though the perspective has changed, it's still written by SMeyer.
Catherine: The only thing worse than Bella's perspective is Jacob's perspective.
Annie: See, I'd completely forgotten about this in the book. And I got really excited when I saw the shift in perspectives. And then this chapter happened. Ha ha haaaaaa. Boy, was I stupid. I forgot that even though the perspective has changed, it's still written by SMeyer.
We open on Daxam on The Day that Krypton Died. Fireballs are raining down on the planet and Mon-El and the Prince are running. They find a Kryptonian Ship that some dead emissaries left behind. Mon-El insists that the Prince escape in it but the Prince admits he cannot fly it. Mon-El gets in to pre-program the destination and then the Prince shut him in because he's wounded and wants to go down with his planet.
Yet another chapter begins with Bella's fake psychic dreams. I'm not gonna recap this one and waste your precious time. Just imagine heavy-handed descriptions about dark “ruby eyes” and another vampire child and you've got the gist of it. Or just read the rest of these recaps and then go back and imagine that Bella had a dream that vaguely predicted the plot of the story for reasons that are never explained and never come up again.
This episode opens with a Friday Night Dinner where only Emily, Lorelei and Rory are in attendance. See how I used the term 'in attendance' because this is fancy? That's the kind of fanciness you can expect in my recap. If you're not already wearing your cravat, you should be.
Marines: RSVP: YES.
Marines: RSVP: YES.
Edward is sticking to his guns and refusing to have sex with Bella again as long as she's human. Which is tricky cuz Bella can't get enough of the sparkle peen and wants it bad.
Marines: Oh my goodness, you mean we are still denying Bella any fulfillment of her sexual desires with a ring on it? Color me shocked.
Kirsti: Whaaaaaaat?? I NEVER COULD HAVE FORESEEN THIS TURN OF EVENTS.
Marines: Oh my goodness, you mean we are still denying Bella any fulfillment of her sexual desires with a ring on it? Color me shocked.
Kirsti: Whaaaaaaat?? I NEVER COULD HAVE FORESEEN THIS TURN OF EVENTS.
Previously: Jacob got so pissed at Edward for thinking about sexing his wife. — Marines: Stephenie Meyer is terrible at transitions so instead of cutting to their arrival at their honeymoon...
Bella tells us that the wedding flows smoothly into the reception which starts AT TWILIGHT. I see what you did there, SMeyer. You're not even remotely subtle.
Anyway, apparently there are "another ten thousand flowers" outside with the marquee and dance floor, and I really hope that's an exaggeration because that is a fuckton of flowers. If it's not exaggeration, I hope they sent out antihistamines with the invitations...
Marines: There are only like 10 humans there and no one cares about them anyway.
Anyway, apparently there are "another ten thousand flowers" outside with the marquee and dance floor, and I really hope that's an exaggeration because that is a fuckton of flowers. If it's not exaggeration, I hope they sent out antihistamines with the invitations...
Marines: There are only like 10 humans there and no one cares about them anyway.
So, Bella wakes up from another of her dumb psychic nightmares that are never explained and she's immediately pissed at herself for having such a disturbing dream the night before her wedding. Um, okay.
Annie: If I was marrying Edward, I'd be having nightmares, too.
Catherine: Fair.
Annie: If I was marrying Edward, I'd be having nightmares, too.
Catherine: Fair.
We open this chapter with Bella and Edward whinging about having to be apart between 'hot' makeout sessions. Bella tells us how hard it is for her to remember Edward is a vampire. Not because he's so perfect and wonderful, but because he shows such restraint for not ripping her throat out and drinking all her delicious blood until she's dead, dead, dead. (K: Shame.)
Welcome back, dearest of friends. Welcome to the beginning of the end. We hope you made it through the dumpster fire that was 2016 in one piece. I'd say something about starting 2017 off on this terrible foot, but who are we kidding? We are going to laugh ourselves dizzy, and perhaps yell ourselves sad, but... friends and drinks. Welcome indeed.
DEO. Supergirl is still being choked by Kryptonian Coma Guy [KCG]. He flips her through some glass and runs out from his medical area. The DEO agents are both incompetent and puny, so they easily tossed aside by the super strong KCG, who seems to have all the same powers as the Supers. Alex shows up and I promise you she cannot successfully wield a gun or take down a bad guy unless we are at least 30 minutes into an episode. So, instead of taking the guy down, she just yells, "FREEZE!" KCG jumps out the window, lands unharmed, and super runs his way all the way into the title card.
Previously: Supergirl moved to the CW and met saw her cousin. — The Last Children of Krypton Catherine: After a previously where we’re reminded that Superman is in town and Kara...
Hello and welcome to the second season! We really appreciate those of you that have stuck with us this far!
Marines: I like this grand announcement as if we didn't finish season one last week. But, like, yeah. Welcome back!
Catherine: How are you guys? It's been SO long...
Marines: I like this grand announcement as if we didn't finish season one last week. But, like, yeah. Welcome back!
Catherine: How are you guys? It's been SO long...
Today, Supergirl season 2 premieres. It's not that we were so slow and so late that the new season is lapping us, it's that we wanted to celebrate the new season with last season's finale.
Yeah.
Samantha: That sounds like something we would do. We're so considerate.
Catherine: This is correct. We planned this.
Yeah.
Samantha: That sounds like something we would do. We're so considerate.
Catherine: This is correct. We planned this.
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