Alright so we decided to do something a little different and split up the last two episodes of Season 1 so we can open up the discussion more and make something more interesting for you guys to read.
Lol. Just kidding. We literally had to do this because we've now put off recapping the end of the season for A FULL YEAR and the new season is starting in a few days. Splitting these episodes up and taking less of each one was the only way for us to get through the last two vast wastelands of boringness that is this show.
Yaaaaaaaaay it's the Supergirl/The Flash crossover episode!!!!!! I watch The Flash, over on Supergirl's new home, The CW. I enjoy it A LOT more than Supergirl. It's my favorite currently airing tv show, even if the season 2 finale DID enrage me. ANYWAY I'M EXCITED.
Catherine: Good that you're keeping your expectations in check here, Sammy.
Samantha: Shoot for the moon!!!!! Or maybe Saturn!!!
Catherine: Good that you're keeping your expectations in check here, Sammy.
Samantha: Shoot for the moon!!!!! Or maybe Saturn!!!
Kara is wearing flannel over her Supergirl costume and eating a donut on the couch so that her brooding is super telegraphed. She's watching coverage of a bank robbery she tried to stop, but people are still pretty wary of her after she murdered alcohol bottles with peanuts, or whatever. (S: And wore extra cute clothes!) (C: Boo the lady with the fashion sense.)
At Cat Co, Cat is having a bad day because "Sandy Bullock" stole her exercise machine and also because National City is being slow to forgive Supergirl and the crime rate is up.
At Cat Co, Cat is having a bad day because "Sandy Bullock" stole her exercise machine and also because National City is being slow to forgive Supergirl and the crime rate is up.
Once again, it appears that our dear sweet Steph has zero understanding of what an epilogue is. Because once again, this thing is like a million pages long. Except that as a special treat, Bella's not the narrator for the epilogue. No, friends. Instead of little Bell-bell, we're hanging out in Jacob's head.
Fabulous.
Catherine: Of course. Just what we all wanted after this book.
Fabulous.
Catherine: Of course. Just what we all wanted after this book.
Bella has to pull over on her drive home because she's so upset about breaking the heart of the guy who sexually assaulted her and admitted last chapter that he manipulated her with the threat of suicide and purposefully put her in a situation where he HOPED that her boyfriend would beat her up so that she would leave him and he could catch her on the rebound.
I am not as upset, if you can tell.
I am not as upset, if you can tell.
The chapter opens with Bella telling us that the vampires are all so perfect they couldn't possibly ever need or use beauty products so Alice must have filled the bathroom with stuff so Bella can cover up her ugly human face. Great.
Alice brushes Bella's hair (K: Because a child needs both a father AND a mother. Edward can't do it all, you guys) and Bella whines that she wants to go to La Push because she wants to go and sit by Jacob's bedside but Alice tells her she needs to go home so Charlie won't get suspicious. This back and forth goes on for a page and a half. Bella worries about Jacob while Alice insists she goes home to protect the alibi.
Alice brushes Bella's hair (K: Because a child needs both a father AND a mother. Edward can't do it all, you guys) and Bella whines that she wants to go to La Push because she wants to go and sit by Jacob's bedside but Alice tells her she needs to go home so Charlie won't get suspicious. This back and forth goes on for a page and a half. Bella worries about Jacob while Alice insists she goes home to protect the alibi.
The fact that we are still recapping this is no longer a joke. (K: This is the book that doesn't eeeeeeend, it just goes on and on my friiiiiend.)
I briefly forgot where we even are in the story, but it all came rushing back when Bella describes Victoria's headless corpse, which Edward then dismembers. Bella laments that she can't go over to her boyfriend and, I don't know pet him? comfort him? cheer him on? as he dismembers a body. She does watch all of this closely, though, in case somehow dismembering a corpse hurts him.
I briefly forgot where we even are in the story, but it all came rushing back when Bella describes Victoria's headless corpse, which Edward then dismembers. Bella laments that she can't go over to her boyfriend and, I don't know pet him? comfort him? cheer him on? as he dismembers a body. She does watch all of this closely, though, in case somehow dismembering a corpse hurts him.
It's only been six weeks (at the time of writing this) between recaps, you guys. That's like a hot second to Melisandre. And don't pretend you didn't need some time to digest this madness before digging in. Now that I've made myself feel less guilty for delaying this so long, let's do this fucking finale.
Catherine: Ha! Smart. But honestly, we have so long until the next season starts that us delaying this long just means that you guys won't have to wait that extra six weeks for season 7 posts to start? Maybe?
Catherine: Ha! Smart. But honestly, we have so long until the next season starts that us delaying this long just means that you guys won't have to wait that extra six weeks for season 7 posts to start? Maybe?
Bella's face down on her sleeping bag. Edward strokes her knotty disgusting hair, and somehow she still knows that his hand is cold? (M: Like when you wash your hair with cold water. *cough*) Whatever. She says that she wants to die, and I really want her to die too. (A: Me three!) Although frankly, after the abomination that was the last chapter, I want EVERYONE to die. But sadly, Edward says he'll never let that happen. Um. So he's NOT going to let anyone turn her into a vampire? What's the point of this goddamn series then?! (C: Torture?)
Oh wow. WOW. I guess I got this chapter. The Twilight gods have not smiled kindly on my today, friends. I see how it is. *sigh*
Marines: If you read that and are thinking, "why do they keep saying this? Why won't they all accept there are no good chapters?" I can only say we are brave and endlessly hopeful in the face of adversity.
Annie: Each new chapter is just garbage in book form, each one worse than the last. I mean, it can't possibly be worse than two boys fighting over her like Bella's some sex companion to be won while she lays there, unconscious. Right?
Marines: If you read that and are thinking, "why do they keep saying this? Why won't they all accept there are no good chapters?" I can only say we are brave and endlessly hopeful in the face of adversity.
Annie: Each new chapter is just garbage in book form, each one worse than the last. I mean, it can't possibly be worse than two boys fighting over her like Bella's some sex companion to be won while she lays there, unconscious. Right?
We open the chapter with Bella, fully dressed, stuffed into her sleeping bag, in the tent with Edward. Bella is freezing and to hit it home, Meyer uses this fun device where Bella is stuttering and beyond just telling us that, she gives us this:
Marines: Aaaaaand we found this recap's single phrase that describes the whole series. "This is so unnecessary and annoying" can join such greats as "Shut up, Edward" and "I hope the baby vampires eat you all."
Catherine: Also: "What have we done to deserve this?"
“W-w-w-w-w-what t-t-t-t-time is it?” - I forced the words through my rattling teeth.That is so unnecessary and annoying.
Marines: Aaaaaand we found this recap's single phrase that describes the whole series. "This is so unnecessary and annoying" can join such greats as "Shut up, Edward" and "I hope the baby vampires eat you all."
Catherine: Also: "What have we done to deserve this?"
Hey guys! Yes, we are still doing Supergirl reviews even though it takes me a million years to get around to doing mine every time. BECAUSE LISTEN I HAVE A LIFE (I don't. I'm just forgetful.) (S: We <3 you though.) (C: *heart eyes*)
Anyway, I'm giving you previouslies since it's been a few weeks since we did the last episode.
Previouslies: We're reminded that Astra got bummer stabbed and died and Alex finally told Kara that she was the one that did it, Siobhan kissed Winn against all logic and reason, and Lucy broke up with Jimmy.
Anyway, I'm giving you previouslies since it's been a few weeks since we did the last episode.
Previouslies: We're reminded that Astra got bummer stabbed and died and Alex finally told Kara that she was the one that did it, Siobhan kissed Winn against all logic and reason, and Lucy broke up with Jimmy.
Bella wakes up and describes what the sky is doing, and I'm telling you just in case you maybe forgot that is a thing Meyer does in 90% of her chapters. Edward leaves Bella alone so she can get dressed and she tells us that she's thankful for this moment to think. I guess the down side of having your boyfriend around every waking moment and, hey, also around watching you sleep is that you feel like you never have a chance to think.
Annie: Edward doesn't want to give her time to think because that would give Bella the opportunity to realize how toxic and awful their relationship is, and she might try to leave the relationship. And abusive partners hate when that happens.
Annie: Edward doesn't want to give her time to think because that would give Bella the opportunity to realize how toxic and awful their relationship is, and she might try to leave the relationship. And abusive partners hate when that happens.
I skipped ahead to see what happens in this chapter and I only have one thing to say: WHY ME? WHY DO I KEEP BEING PUNISHED BY THE CHAPTER GODS?
Just hang on while I mentally prepare myself, you guys.
Marines: Kirsti. GET IT TOGETHER. We are ALL being punished by the chapter gods.
Catherine: This book is like Russian Roulette but the gun is fully loaded.
K: Pretty much exactly.
Just hang on while I mentally prepare myself, you guys.
Marines: Kirsti. GET IT TOGETHER. We are ALL being punished by the chapter gods.
Catherine: This book is like Russian Roulette but the gun is fully loaded.
K: Pretty much exactly.
After the excitement of last chapter, Bella is all tuckered out and Daddy!Edward has to carry her home in his arms and put her to bed. I assume he explained something to Charlie, otherwise he would've had to shove her in through the window and crawl in after her like you do when you're trying to move a big couch.
Marines: Yeah, I'm assuming that's what happened. He was probably like, "meh. She's asleep anyway *shove*."
Annie: I wonder how Charlie feels about co-parenting his teenage daughter with her teenage boyfriend. Because I think it would make me homicidal.
Marines: Yeah, I'm assuming that's what happened. He was probably like, "meh. She's asleep anyway *shove*."
Annie: I wonder how Charlie feels about co-parenting his teenage daughter with her teenage boyfriend. Because I think it would make me homicidal.
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