We open this chapter in the car, on the ride home from the graduation party. Bella is being her usual ungrateful self and is complaining about how the graduation party was way too long.
You should try reading these goddamn books, Bella. (C: Seriously.) (K: AGREED.)
Edward is petting her arm, because she needs soothing. Like a baby. Bella tells us all the ways the vampires soothed her: Alice patted her, Esme kissed her forehead and Emmett burped her, then swaddled her. Probably.
Marines: I wonder if anyone thought to try a binky. I hear it helps.
As Bella walks the plank that will lead her to a UGH, OH MY GOD, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? party, Edward sneaks up behind her and pulls her into a kiss. Bella tells us there is too much "tension edge" and "lip crush" to the kiss, which has her worried. Because Edward only kisses her to manipulate her, prove a point, or when he's secretly trying to say goodbye.
Annie: Again, why the fuck are they together? There is no real passion here, unless you count the passion for murdering her, so what the fuck.
Annie: Again, why the fuck are they together? There is no real passion here, unless you count the passion for murdering her, so what the fuck.
Bella stands in front of her wardrobe doing the typical "I have nothing to wear to graduation!" rant. She's planning on finding a top to go with her khaki skirt, and I'm going to go out on a limb and say that the fact that she owns a khaki skirt explains a lot about why she doesn't have anything to wear.
Marines: Now, I don't know if you wrote this recap before we spent time making fun of this khaki skirt or if you are just taking any opportunity to make fun of the khaki skirt. Either way: LOL.
Marines: Now, I don't know if you wrote this recap before we spent time making fun of this khaki skirt or if you are just taking any opportunity to make fun of the khaki skirt. Either way: LOL.
Seth and Ryan are at a gas station while Seth is simultaneously washing bugs off his windshield and being interrogated by Ryan.
Ryan is asking what's going on and Seth snarks that it's New Year's Eve and they're on their way to Las Vegas. Ryan's all like, "I know," but I'm like silly Ryan, that wasn't for you! That was for us, your loyal viewers. Good exposition, show!
Apparently what Ryan was really asking was why the girls are acting so strange. Seth kinda verbally shrugs and Ryan says he thinks that he's lying.
Ryan is asking what's going on and Seth snarks that it's New Year's Eve and they're on their way to Las Vegas. Ryan's all like, "I know," but I'm like silly Ryan, that wasn't for you! That was for us, your loyal viewers. Good exposition, show!
Apparently what Ryan was really asking was why the girls are acting so strange. Seth kinda verbally shrugs and Ryan says he thinks that he's lying.
We open this episode in the Phantom Zone, 13 years ago. Child Kara is sleeping in her pod when it starts to shake and jerk around. Child Kara makes some interesting acting choices and it passes through a space arch metal thing. I think it's supposed to be ominous. Also, Kara was asleep for the entirety of her stay in the pod right? Since it was years?
Catherine: I guess not? She was supposed to be in stasis. I guess it's like that thing where you wake up but realize you still have a couple more hours to sleep and roll over in your spaceship.
Catherine: I guess not? She was supposed to be in stasis. I guess it's like that thing where you wake up but realize you still have a couple more hours to sleep and roll over in your spaceship.
It's Wednesday afternoon. I know that, because Bella tells us so. Alice is planning on throwing the graduation party anyway, because the invitations have already been sent. They argue a bit about whether or not it's appropriate to have a party with the impending doom hanging over them. Alice tells Bella that she will only graduate from high school for the first time once, so that's cause to celebrate and do it right.
Kirsti: It causes me pain to say this, but I'm actually siding with Bella on this one.
Catherine: I mean, right? 'For the first time once' isn't even a good incentive?
Kirsti: It causes me pain to say this, but I'm actually siding with Bella on this one.
Catherine: I mean, right? 'For the first time once' isn't even a good incentive?
We've been super inconsistent here and when that happens you can just blame it on me. This month in the ongoing saga of why my life is kind of chaotic, I started a brand new job after being out of the country for a couple of weeks. Also, though, reading this book is hard.
Kirsti: SO FREAKING HARD OH MY GOD.
Annie: I'm on week 3 of my 7 week vacation and I'm still finding it hard to read this book, so.
Kirsti: SO FREAKING HARD OH MY GOD.
Annie: I'm on week 3 of my 7 week vacation and I'm still finding it hard to read this book, so.
The next day, Alice informs Bella that they're throwing a graduation party, and also she's only telling Bella this because she had a vision that Bella would freak the fuck out if it was a surprise. (M: HOW THE HELL is she having a vision about that if it is in no way a decision Bella is making...?) (K: Contrivance.) Bella grumbles about it, and then wants to know why they couldn't have waited to tell her until closer to graduation. Alice is all "Uh. Graduation is a week away, girl..."
Marines: Time kind of speeds up on me all the time. I get it. But more in a, "I can't believe it's June!" kind of way and not this crazy reaction Bella's having because apparently she missed the June memo entirely.
Marines: Time kind of speeds up on me all the time. I get it. But more in a, "I can't believe it's June!" kind of way and not this crazy reaction Bella's having because apparently she missed the June memo entirely.
So after Bella was handed off for partial custody from vampire to werewolf last chapter, she starts this chapter at a bonfire with all of the werewolves.
They're eating hotdogs and talking.
Kirsti: More accurately, they're eating hot dogs that were cooked on wire hangers. I'm still not sure why that level of detail was necessary.
They're eating hotdogs and talking.
Kirsti: More accurately, they're eating hot dogs that were cooked on wire hangers. I'm still not sure why that level of detail was necessary.
I'm trying very hard to ignore the fact that the name of this chapter is "Scent."
The chapter opens with Bella wondering why they're all so immature. Me, too, Bell-Bells.
Edward tells Bella that he doesn't feel any personal antagonism towards Jacob.
LOLOLOL. Okay. Sure.
Catherine: LOL. Yeah right, Edward. It's all just professional anger and not at all about the girl you're fighting over.
Kirsti: "I wish he'd die in a fire, but it's nothing personal!"
The chapter opens with Bella wondering why they're all so immature. Me, too, Bell-Bells.
Edward tells Bella that he doesn't feel any personal antagonism towards Jacob.
LOLOLOL. Okay. Sure.
Catherine: LOL. Yeah right, Edward. It's all just professional anger and not at all about the girl you're fighting over.
Kirsti: "I wish he'd die in a fire, but it's nothing personal!"
Alice drops Bella off at her house the next day, since they are still pretending that they were having a sleep over to hide the fact that Bella's half kidnapped, half not getting any. When Bella gets inside, Charlie right away lets her know that she's got a message. Jacob called to say he was sorry and Charlie adds to give him a break because he sounded upset. He doesn't add, "anything is better than Edward," but it's implied.
Bella and Jacob end up on the beach again, and he asks if she thinks the Cullens will come get her. She says they won't, but that they'll be hella pissed when she goes back. He suggests not going back, and her only response is that Charlie would love that because he's biased towards "my Quileute friends". Uh. You mean Jacob? The rest tolerate you because of him, girl.
Annie: Actually, Charlie is biased towards anyone who isn't the controlling, abusive, blood-thirsty boyfriend, but you tell yourself whatever makes you happier to stay in that relationship, Bells.
Annie: Actually, Charlie is biased towards anyone who isn't the controlling, abusive, blood-thirsty boyfriend, but you tell yourself whatever makes you happier to stay in that relationship, Bells.
I can't believe I got this chapter. I'm actually a little freaked out because I remember it being pretty upsetting and not very funny or easy to make fun of. In fact, I feel compelled to issue a trigger warning here for sexual assault and rape, on the grounds that it's almost definitely gonna get discussed. Because it's sort of what this chapter is about. But it's only in a flashback if that makes you guys feel any better?
Annie: Yeah, I'd completely blocked this part out of my memory, probably on account of it being trigging. Thanks, Stephenie.
Catherine: THANKS, STEPHENIE.
Annie: Yeah, I'd completely blocked this part out of my memory, probably on account of it being trigging. Thanks, Stephenie.
Catherine: THANKS, STEPHENIE.
Ladies and gentlemen, you could've been anywhere in the world tonight, but you're here with us in Winterfell. Are you ready for a BastardBowl?
Catherine: Get hype! We're probably gonna be in tears before this is over.
Diva: We're probably gonna be in tears before this starts.
The previouslies remind us that the battle for Winterfell is imminent, Shireen Baratheon loved the toy stag that Davos gave her (see - I'm already crying!), the Greyjoys are en route to Meereen, and the slavers are trying to blow up Dany's pyramid just as she deboards her dragon.
Catherine: Get hype! We're probably gonna be in tears before this is over.
Diva: We're probably gonna be in tears before this starts.
The previouslies remind us that the battle for Winterfell is imminent, Shireen Baratheon loved the toy stag that Davos gave her (see - I'm already crying!), the Greyjoys are en route to Meereen, and the slavers are trying to blow up Dany's pyramid just as she deboards her dragon.
Bella is driving home, paying little attention to the drive, but instead, thinking all about her visit with Jacob, when she spots Edward's Volvo (M: Sparkle) in her rearview mirror. Edward is following way too closely behind her. That sounds super safe. Bella seems worried about how much trouble she's going to be in, which is not a thing that should be happening, as Bella is an adult and Edward is her boyfriend. Not her parent.
Bella drives straight to Angela's house, calling herself a chicken. Yeah, Bella. You're scared to be alone with your boyfriend. You're such a big chicken!
Bella drives straight to Angela's house, calling herself a chicken. Yeah, Bella. You're scared to be alone with your boyfriend. You're such a big chicken!
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