We begin with a news report that tells us, yup, Sam Keating’s body was definitely found, because you guys are bad at getting away with murder. (M: Okay, so don't throw the body away in a trash can. Got it.) Dumbledore’s Army debates whether Annalise ratted them out, and we play another fun round of “no, it’s your fault!”
Meanwhile, Frank is in his car, being angry and bearded.
Annalise is in a hotel room somewhere, crying in bed. She gets up to grab some alcohol from the mini-bar, then we cut to her eating some delicious pasta, ignoring a call from Nate and hopping back into bed. We see this happen again and again- eat, drink, sleep drink- as title cards let us know that this is all taking place from Christmas to New Years. Plus, the show plays to its strengths and we get a few quality shots of Viola Davis's Tears.
Democracy Diva: First of all, there are worse ways to spend a holiday season. Second, I would wear the shit out of a perfume called Viola Davis's Tears.
Democracy Diva: First of all, there are worse ways to spend a holiday season. Second, I would wear the shit out of a perfume called Viola Davis's Tears.
Shrine O’Spielberg. Dawson is watching his Really Dumb Witch Island Movie. Joey climbs in the window just to make us all aggravated when the episode has barely begun. Dawson is nervous about an upcoming screening of his Laughably Terrible Witch Island Movie, but Joey reassures him that it's great and will help him make his dreams come true or some bullshit like that. (K: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. Sure it will, Joey. Sure it will.)
Joey also helpfully exposits that she has acontrivance college tour this weekend where she’s staying with a random student.
Joey also helpfully exposits that she has a
Welcome back to Shondaland! Let's see if the new year has brought us some new love for these characters. Probs not, though.
Marines: I like that you at least mentioned the possibility! That's positive.
Diva: I try.
We begin, as we always should, with a stripped-down, natural Annalise in front of the mirror. This is already so much better than any episode that starts with the murder!bonfire. The Voiceover Police question Annalise about why she thinks her husband murdered Lila. She explains that he's "missing."
Marines: I like that you at least mentioned the possibility! That's positive.
Diva: I try.
We begin, as we always should, with a stripped-down, natural Annalise in front of the mirror. This is already so much better than any episode that starts with the murder!bonfire. The Voiceover Police question Annalise about why she thinks her husband murdered Lila. She explains that he's "missing."
We open, as always, in the Shrine o' Spielberg where Pacey and Jen are making out. DUDE, NO. Who breaks into their best friend's house (although given the ladder, it's not REALLY breaking in, I guess??) to make out in their bed? Gross.
Democracy Diva: Also, pick a sexier room than the Shrine O'Spielberg to make out in. Avoid having E.T. watch you do the nasty at all costs.
K: Truth.
Anyway, the making out stops because they agree that they still have zero sexual interest in the other person. They discuss their past history and how everything should be falling into place because they came prepared (Pacey flashes condoms) and picked the perfect location (ugh).
Democracy Diva: Also, pick a sexier room than the Shrine O'Spielberg to make out in. Avoid having E.T. watch you do the nasty at all costs.
K: Truth.
Anyway, the making out stops because they agree that they still have zero sexual interest in the other person. They discuss their past history and how everything should be falling into place because they came prepared (Pacey flashes condoms) and picked the perfect location (ugh).
Going into this project, my big fear was that it was going to taint my relationship with my most beloved show. Here is one of the few things I had been a true fangirl for long before the blog and if our critical consumption has taught me anything, it's how tenuous those media relationships can be when placed under scrutiny.
So far I can say that I'm pleasantly surprised to find that it holds up. There's a lot that's wrong with the show, but they are failures that seem to have arisen mostly out of overshooting - the show is ambitious and when it stumbles, it's almost always because it tried to do too much. I respect that. This season is a prime example of that. There was a lot going on and in a few places, that meant that potentially compelling stories got trampled in the noise.
So far I can say that I'm pleasantly surprised to find that it holds up. There's a lot that's wrong with the show, but they are failures that seem to have arisen mostly out of overshooting - the show is ambitious and when it stumbles, it's almost always because it tried to do too much. I respect that. This season is a prime example of that. There was a lot going on and in a few places, that meant that potentially compelling stories got trampled in the noise.
Jen and Pacey are having a domestic moment, grocery shopping and arguing about what to cook for Thanksgiving at Grams’s, which is conveniently ruining their sex-buddies situation. Pacey blames Jen for the fact that this situation has not actually happened yet, and she just kinda laughs at his foreplay, which, RUDE. Then Jen comes up with the brilliant idea to do it immediately before/during/after the Grams Turkey Day God Fest '99.
Pacey says, uh, kinda have to spend the holiday with own my terrible family at some point. (K: I don't even want to think about how horrible a Witter family Thanksgiving would be...) (D: I'm thankful we were spared a scene at the Witter house.)
Pacey says, uh, kinda have to spend the holiday with own my terrible family at some point. (K: I don't even want to think about how horrible a Witter family Thanksgiving would be...) (D: I'm thankful we were spared a scene at the Witter house.)
For the first time in approximately a million episodes, we DON'T start in the Shrine o' Spielberg. SCANDAL. Instead, we're at the video store, being reminded that Dawson has a job. Joey walks in and asks if there are any copies of The Crucible left. There aren't and she headdesks for being "that girl" who leaves her schoolwork to the last minute and who had no chance to read the book. Dawson's surprised, and she tells him she was too busy looking after Alexander and setting up the B&B to study. He's double surprised because apparently his best friend didn't bother to tell him that her house is being turned into a B&B. LOL. There's some awkward life catch-up back and forth, then Joey goes to leave and face her inevitable failure.
Capeside High. Dawson and Jen talk to each other like normal friends for perhaps the first time in this show’s history, and it's refreshing! She discusses turning into her mother, who was a beauty queen when she was young. Jen thinks she’s a poser for being elected homecoming queen, but Dawson thinks she’s being too hard on herself, and that people voted for her because she’s her. Jen still thinks her blonde hair and big tits had something to do with it, and Dawson doesn’t disagree, but he still thinks her "alternative" vibe is what's drawing people to her. Also, I tried to find a gif of Christina Applegate in Anchorman talking about her "exquisite breasts" to use here, but you would not believe how difficult that questionable google search was, you guys. I saw a LOT of Tumblr tits.
The finale kicks us off right where we left off, feeling solidly sick to our stomachs as Aaron Echolls leaves the courthouse a free man with adoring fans. Veronica Voice Over sums it up for us: "So this is how it is: the innocent suffer, the guilty go free, and truth and fiction are pretty much interchangeable. There is neither a Santa Clause, nor an Easter Bunny, and there are no angels watching over us. Things just happen for no reason and nothing makes any sense."
After Aaron finishes smarming it up for the cameras, we cut to Mars Investigations where Keith takes the newspaper away from a very upset Veronica, telling her that however unjust things are, they cannot allow themselves to wallow in it.
After Aaron finishes smarming it up for the cameras, we cut to Mars Investigations where Keith takes the newspaper away from a very upset Veronica, telling her that however unjust things are, they cannot allow themselves to wallow in it.
Shrine o' Spielberg. Due to their sad tragic single status and the fact that it's apparently a million degrees, movie night's list of attendees has been reduced to Dawson and Pacey. It may also have something to do with how much they're sweating. Seriously, it's gross:
Democracy Diva: For real. They don't even look like they're sweating - they just look like they're covered in baby oil.
K: YES. Which, to be honest, they probably were.
Pacey bemoans the state of their lives, and also how much Indian summer sucks, thereby earning himself a shiny gold star.
Democracy Diva: For real. They don't even look like they're sweating - they just look like they're covered in baby oil.
K: YES. Which, to be honest, they probably were.
Pacey bemoans the state of their lives, and also how much Indian summer sucks, thereby earning himself a shiny gold star.
Shrine O’Spielberg. Pacey struts in with some outdated film technology. Dawson’s working on a documentary for his mother that might air this Friday. (Why no one employed by her station can actually film this thing is a question only the Great Contrivance Spirit can answer.) Pacey just can’t believe Dawson’s willing to stop focusing on fantasy and film something real, even for a second.
Kirsti: Meanwhile, I spent this scene being distracted about the fact that Pacey's brought the gun show to town...
Diva: YUM.
Kirsti: Meanwhile, I spent this scene being distracted about the fact that Pacey's brought the gun show to town...
Diva: YUM.
Bonfire night again! Annalise is hastily throwing a bunch of Sam's stuff in a suitcase. She asks how stupid he is, since clearly, Bonnie was going to tell her everything. Sam lied because he was worried that Annalise would think he killed Lila. One sure fire way to look like the murderer is to also be a liar, Sam. You're bad at this.
Annalise throws the suitcase out into the foyer. She says she's done with his lies, she's done covering for him and she's done loving him. Sam pulls the "I'm your husband" card and Annalise is threatens to call the police. In further, "I sure look like a murderer" developments, Sam grabs the phone and throws it against the wall, saying he's not leaving until Annalise talks to him.
Annalise throws the suitcase out into the foyer. She says she's done with his lies, she's done covering for him and she's done loving him. Sam pulls the "I'm your husband" card and Annalise is threatens to call the police. In further, "I sure look like a murderer" developments, Sam grabs the phone and throws it against the wall, saying he's not leaving until Annalise talks to him.
Shrine o' Spielberg. Dawson's plans for a get-to-know-you movie night with Eve have gone awry because a) she prefers TV and b) she's taken over said TV and is making him watch Felicity. I laugh for approximately a hundred years over his "HOW CAN YOU PREFER TV?!?!?!" reaction. She says TV is the same thing but "shorter and with built in bathroom breaks" and she's not at all wrong. Dawson scoffs some more, particularly when she says it's like getting a new sequel every week, because "Sequels I hate on principle". Ugh. Go fuck yourself, Dawson Leery. I'll just be over here with Captain America: The Winter Soldier, shitting all over your arguments.
Capeside High. Pacey is convinced he’s going to spontaneously combust, because he’s going to see Andie for the first time in months. Dawson asks if he wants some company picking her up, but Pacey says that Joey is actually coming with him. Dawson’s just happy Joey has someone to help her through their separate ways, or whatever. Pacey asks about the bus girl, who has conveniently vanished, being a figment of Dawson's unimaginative imagination and all. Apparently, she was a “temp” stripper, which is definitely not a thing, so he had no luck finding her at the strip club.
Kirsti: Not gonna lie, I said "strip joints have temps?!" about two seconds before Pacey said the exact same thing.
Kirsti: Not gonna lie, I said "strip joints have temps?!" about two seconds before Pacey said the exact same thing.
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