150 Posts

Author: Annie

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Gilmore Girls S01 E02 – That girl with the Daisy Dukes on.

  • Posted byby Annie
  • December 1, 2016
  • 5 Comments
Lorelai and Rory are sitting on the porch. Lorelai is painting Rory's toenails red while she squirts whipped cream into her mouth. Lorelai tells Rory that she's starting private school the next day and private school girls are bad girls and bad girls wear red polish. She clearly subscribes to Bad Girl Styling school of thought. Lorelai asks if Rory is nervous about starting Chilton. Rory jokes that she wasn't until she heard all about these bad girls.
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Gilmore Girls S01 E01 – Emotional music and boy banter.

  • Posted byby Annie
  • November 28, 2016
  • 40 Comments
This past weekend the Gilmore Girls revival premiered on Netflix. Why not choose this moment to start our journey from the very beginning?
A title card and jaunty yet dated music bring us to a street in the quaint town of Stars Hollow.
Annie: I know it's early for me to be already interrupting, but Pilot!Stars Hollow was filmed in a small town near Toronto. I visited it last year and all these years later, it really, really looks like Stars Hollow to me. (Sorry, sorry, sorry).
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Eclipse Epilogue – Thanks, Jacob.

  • Posted byby Annie
  • September 30, 2016
  • 18 Comments
Once again, it appears that our dear sweet Steph has zero understanding of what an epilogue is. Because once again, this thing is like a million pages long. Except that as a special treat, Bella's not the narrator for the epilogue. No, friends. Instead of little Bell-bell, we're hanging out in Jacob's head.
Fabulous.
Catherine: Of course. Just what we all wanted after this book.
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Eclipse Chapter 27 – Pain seasoning.

  • Posted byby Annie
  • September 29, 2016
  • 6 Comments
Bella has to pull over on her drive home because she's so upset about breaking the heart of the guy who sexually assaulted her and admitted last chapter that he manipulated her with the threat of suicide and purposefully put her in a situation where he HOPED that her boyfriend would beat her up so that she would leave him and he could catch her on the rebound.
I am not as upset, if you can tell.
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2016 Fall TV Roundup #01 – #NiceAss

  • Posted byby Annie
  • September 26, 2016
  • 10 Comments
The Snark Ladies have decided to tell you a little bit about what they think of this Fall season’s new TV shows. In part one, we talk a bit about some of the shows that premiered last week.
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Eclipse Chapter 26 – A fucking monster.

  • Posted byby Annie
  • September 22, 2016
  • 9 Comments
The chapter opens with Bella telling us that the vampires are all so perfect they couldn't possibly ever need or use beauty products so Alice must have filled the bathroom with stuff so Bella can cover up her ugly human face. Great.
Alice brushes Bella's hair (K: Because a child needs both a father AND a mother. Edward can't do it all, you guys) and Bella whines that she wants to go to La Push because she wants to go and sit by Jacob's bedside but Alice tells her she needs to go home so Charlie won't get suspicious. This back and forth goes on for a page and a half. Bella worries about Jacob while Alice insists she goes home to protect the alibi.
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Eclipse Chapter 25 – A Sam of wolves

  • Posted byby Annie
  • September 19, 2016
  • 17 Comments
The fact that we are still recapping this is no longer a joke. (K: This is the book that doesn't eeeeeeend, it just goes on and on my friiiiiend.)
I briefly forgot where we even are in the story, but it all came rushing back when Bella describes Victoria's headless corpse, which Edward then dismembers. Bella laments that she can't go over to her boyfriend and, I don't know pet him? comfort him? cheer him on? as he dismembers a body. She does watch all of this closely, though, in case somehow dismembering a corpse hurts him.
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Eclipse Chapter 24 – Sashay away.

  • Posted byby Annie
  • September 6, 2016
  • 12 Comments
Bella's face down on her sleeping bag. Edward strokes her knotty disgusting hair, and somehow she still knows that his hand is cold? (M: Like when you wash your hair with cold water. *cough*)  Whatever. She says that she wants to die, and I really want her to die too. (A: Me three!) Although frankly, after the abomination that was the last chapter, I want EVERYONE to die. But sadly, Edward says he'll never let that happen. Um. So he's NOT going to let anyone turn her into a vampire? What's the point of this goddamn series then?! (C: Torture?) 
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Eclipse Chapter 23 – Not far from violence.

  • Posted byby Annie
  • August 30, 2016
  • 29 Comments
Oh wow. WOW. I guess I got this chapter. The Twilight gods have not smiled kindly on my today, friends. I see how it is. *sigh*
Marines: If you read that and are thinking, "why do they keep saying this? Why won't they all accept there are no good chapters?" I can only say we are brave and endlessly hopeful in the face of adversity.
Annie: Each new chapter is just garbage in book form, each one worse than the last. I mean, it can't possibly be worse than two boys fighting over her like Bella's some sex companion to be won while she lays there, unconscious. Right?
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Eclipse Chapter 22 – Wake the hell back up.

  • Posted byby Annie
  • August 29, 2016
  • 11 Comments
We open the chapter with Bella, fully dressed, stuffed into her sleeping bag, in the tent with Edward. Bella is freezing and to hit it home, Meyer uses this fun device where Bella is stuttering and beyond just telling us that, she gives us this:
“W-w-w-w-w-what t-t-t-t-time is it?” - I forced the words through my rattling teeth.
That is so unnecessary and annoying.
Marines: Aaaaaand we found this recap's single phrase that describes the whole series. "This is so unnecessary and annoying" can join such greats as "Shut up, Edward" and "I hope the baby vampires eat you all."
Catherine: Also: "What have we done to deserve this?"
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Eclipse Chapter 21 – Angry moisture

  • Posted byby Annie
  • August 24, 2016
  • 17 Comments
Bella wakes up and describes what the sky is doing, and I'm telling you just in case you maybe forgot that is a thing Meyer does in 90% of her chapters. Edward leaves Bella alone so she can get dressed and she tells us that she's thankful for this moment to think. I guess the down side of having your boyfriend around every waking moment and, hey, also around watching you sleep is that you feel like you never have a chance to think.
Annie: Edward doesn't want to give her time to think because that would give Bella the opportunity to realize how toxic and awful their relationship is, and she might try to leave the relationship. And abusive partners hate when that happens.
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Eclipse Chapter 20 – Why me?

  • Posted byby Annie
  • August 22, 2016
  • 17 Comments
I skipped ahead to see what happens in this chapter and I only have one thing to say: WHY ME? WHY DO I KEEP BEING PUNISHED BY THE CHAPTER GODS?
Just hang on while I mentally prepare myself, you guys.
Marines: Kirsti. GET IT TOGETHER. We are ALL being punished by the chapter gods.
Catherine: This book is like Russian Roulette but the gun is fully loaded. 
K: Pretty much exactly.
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Eclipse Chapter 19 – The Lord’s Work

  • Posted byby Annie
  • August 17, 2016
  • 33 Comments
After the excitement of last chapter, Bella is all tuckered out and Daddy!Edward has to carry her home in his arms and put her to bed. I assume he explained something to Charlie, otherwise he would've had to shove her in through the window and crawl in after her like you do when you're trying to move a big couch.
Marines: Yeah, I'm assuming that's what happened. He was probably like, "meh. She's asleep anyway *shove*." 
Annie: I wonder how Charlie feels about co-parenting his teenage daughter with her teenage boyfriend. Because I think it would make me homicidal.
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Eclipse Chapter 18 – Gotta catch ’em all.

  • Posted byby Annie
  • August 15, 2016
  • 7 Comments
We open this chapter in the car, on the ride home from the graduation party. Bella is being her usual ungrateful self and is complaining about how the graduation party was way too long.
You should try reading these goddamn books, Bella. (C: Seriously.) (K: AGREED.)
Edward is petting her arm, because she needs soothing. Like a baby. Bella tells us all the ways the vampires soothed her: Alice patted her, Esme kissed her forehead and Emmett burped her, then swaddled her. Probably.
Marines: I wonder if anyone thought to try a binky. I hear it helps.
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Eclipse Chapter 17 – Poor sport

  • Posted byby Annie
  • August 10, 2016
  • 25 Comments
As Bella walks the plank that will lead her to a UGH, OH MY GOD, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? party, Edward sneaks up behind her and pulls her into a kiss. Bella tells us there is too much "tension edge" and "lip crush" to the kiss, which has her worried. Because Edward only kisses her to manipulate her, prove a point, or when he's secretly trying to say goodbye.
Annie: Again, why the fuck are they together? There is no real passion here, unless you count the passion for murdering her, so what the fuck.

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