Bella stands in front of her wardrobe doing the typical "I have nothing to wear to graduation!" rant. She's planning on finding a top to go with her khaki skirt, and I'm going to go out on a limb and say that the fact that she owns a khaki skirt explains a lot about why she doesn't have anything to wear.
Marines: Now, I don't know if you wrote this recap before we spent time making fun of this khaki skirt or if you are just taking any opportunity to make fun of the khaki skirt. Either way: LOL.
It's Wednesday afternoon. I know that, because Bella tells us so. Alice is planning on throwing the graduation party anyway, because the invitations have already been sent. They argue a bit about whether or not it's appropriate to have a party with the impending doom hanging over them. Alice tells Bella that she will only graduate from high school for the first time once, so that's cause to celebrate and do it right.
Kirsti: It causes me pain to say this, but I'm actually siding with Bella on this one.
Catherine: I mean, right? 'For the first time once' isn't even a good incentive?
Kirsti: It causes me pain to say this, but I'm actually siding with Bella on this one.
Catherine: I mean, right? 'For the first time once' isn't even a good incentive?
We've been super inconsistent here and when that happens you can just blame it on me. This month in the ongoing saga of why my life is kind of chaotic, I started a brand new job after being out of the country for a couple of weeks. Also, though, reading this book is hard.
Kirsti: SO FREAKING HARD OH MY GOD.
Annie: I'm on week 3 of my 7 week vacation and I'm still finding it hard to read this book, so.
Kirsti: SO FREAKING HARD OH MY GOD.
Annie: I'm on week 3 of my 7 week vacation and I'm still finding it hard to read this book, so.
The next day, Alice informs Bella that they're throwing a graduation party, and also she's only telling Bella this because she had a vision that Bella would freak the fuck out if it was a surprise. (M: HOW THE HELL is she having a vision about that if it is in no way a decision Bella is making...?) (K: Contrivance.) Bella grumbles about it, and then wants to know why they couldn't have waited to tell her until closer to graduation. Alice is all "Uh. Graduation is a week away, girl..."
Marines: Time kind of speeds up on me all the time. I get it. But more in a, "I can't believe it's June!" kind of way and not this crazy reaction Bella's having because apparently she missed the June memo entirely.
Marines: Time kind of speeds up on me all the time. I get it. But more in a, "I can't believe it's June!" kind of way and not this crazy reaction Bella's having because apparently she missed the June memo entirely.
So after Bella was handed off for partial custody from vampire to werewolf last chapter, she starts this chapter at a bonfire with all of the werewolves.
They're eating hotdogs and talking.
Kirsti: More accurately, they're eating hot dogs that were cooked on wire hangers. I'm still not sure why that level of detail was necessary.
They're eating hotdogs and talking.
Kirsti: More accurately, they're eating hot dogs that were cooked on wire hangers. I'm still not sure why that level of detail was necessary.
Ahhhh! I am so excited to be recapping this episode because it introduces my favourite OC character EVER. I'm so excited.
SO EXCITED. Okay. Let's get to it.
We open at Casa Cohen, Ryan is trying to battle his insomnia by watching Bollywood films. Seth joins him, and whines a bit, but then promises to stay up with him in solidarity. Cue montage of Seth sleeping on the couch next to Ryan while he stays up all night. Kirsten find Seth asleep on the couch the next morning and wakes him up.
SO EXCITED. Okay. Let's get to it.
We open at Casa Cohen, Ryan is trying to battle his insomnia by watching Bollywood films. Seth joins him, and whines a bit, but then promises to stay up with him in solidarity. Cue montage of Seth sleeping on the couch next to Ryan while he stays up all night. Kirsten find Seth asleep on the couch the next morning and wakes him up.
I'm trying very hard to ignore the fact that the name of this chapter is "Scent."
The chapter opens with Bella wondering why they're all so immature. Me, too, Bell-Bells.
Edward tells Bella that he doesn't feel any personal antagonism towards Jacob.
LOLOLOL. Okay. Sure.
Catherine: LOL. Yeah right, Edward. It's all just professional anger and not at all about the girl you're fighting over.
Kirsti: "I wish he'd die in a fire, but it's nothing personal!"
The chapter opens with Bella wondering why they're all so immature. Me, too, Bell-Bells.
Edward tells Bella that he doesn't feel any personal antagonism towards Jacob.
LOLOLOL. Okay. Sure.
Catherine: LOL. Yeah right, Edward. It's all just professional anger and not at all about the girl you're fighting over.
Kirsti: "I wish he'd die in a fire, but it's nothing personal!"
Alice drops Bella off at her house the next day, since they are still pretending that they were having a sleep over to hide the fact that Bella's half kidnapped, half not getting any. When Bella gets inside, Charlie right away lets her know that she's got a message. Jacob called to say he was sorry and Charlie adds to give him a break because he sounded upset. He doesn't add, "anything is better than Edward," but it's implied.
Bella and Jacob end up on the beach again, and he asks if she thinks the Cullens will come get her. She says they won't, but that they'll be hella pissed when she goes back. He suggests not going back, and her only response is that Charlie would love that because he's biased towards "my Quileute friends". Uh. You mean Jacob? The rest tolerate you because of him, girl.
Annie: Actually, Charlie is biased towards anyone who isn't the controlling, abusive, blood-thirsty boyfriend, but you tell yourself whatever makes you happier to stay in that relationship, Bells.
Annie: Actually, Charlie is biased towards anyone who isn't the controlling, abusive, blood-thirsty boyfriend, but you tell yourself whatever makes you happier to stay in that relationship, Bells.
I can't believe I got this chapter. I'm actually a little freaked out because I remember it being pretty upsetting and not very funny or easy to make fun of. In fact, I feel compelled to issue a trigger warning here for sexual assault and rape, on the grounds that it's almost definitely gonna get discussed. Because it's sort of what this chapter is about. But it's only in a flashback if that makes you guys feel any better?
Annie: Yeah, I'd completely blocked this part out of my memory, probably on account of it being trigging. Thanks, Stephenie.
Catherine: THANKS, STEPHENIE.
Annie: Yeah, I'd completely blocked this part out of my memory, probably on account of it being trigging. Thanks, Stephenie.
Catherine: THANKS, STEPHENIE.
Bella is driving home, paying little attention to the drive, but instead, thinking all about her visit with Jacob, when she spots Edward's Volvo (M: Sparkle) in her rearview mirror. Edward is following way too closely behind her. That sounds super safe. Bella seems worried about how much trouble she's going to be in, which is not a thing that should be happening, as Bella is an adult and Edward is her boyfriend. Not her parent.
Bella drives straight to Angela's house, calling herself a chicken. Yeah, Bella. You're scared to be alone with your boyfriend. You're such a big chicken!
Bella drives straight to Angela's house, calling herself a chicken. Yeah, Bella. You're scared to be alone with your boyfriend. You're such a big chicken!
This chapter is called imprint and we're so far away from imprinting but I'm already throwing up in my mouth.
Catherine: It gets worse, guys. It always, always gets worse. Remember that.
Kirsti: Every time I think it can't possibly get worse, it gets much MUCH worse. So yeah.
Mari: We pick up one second after the end of the last chapter for whatever reason. Bella asks if Jake is okay since Charlie has basically been telling her how unokay he is. Also, she's probably also asking because of his giant wolf hands and emo letters.
Catherine: It gets worse, guys. It always, always gets worse. Remember that.
Kirsti: Every time I think it can't possibly get worse, it gets much MUCH worse. So yeah.
Mari: We pick up one second after the end of the last chapter for whatever reason. Bella asks if Jake is okay since Charlie has basically been telling her how unokay he is. Also, she's probably also asking because of his giant wolf hands and emo letters.
This chapter starts off amazingly well: "I was having a bad week." Bella, girl. You're having a bad LIFE. But guess what, y'all? Her bad week has very little to do with the fact that Victoria's back and everything to do with the fact that no one will turn her into a vampire several weeks ahead of schedule. She argues that being a weak little human person is a terrible idea with Victoria around, but the Cullen-Hales point out that there are seven of them versus one of Victoria and for some inexplicable reason, they all want Bella to stay safe.
So every chapter of this book is roughly 30 pages long so far. I want you to really think about that, friends. 30 pages. There are chapters in War and Peace that are shorter than that.
Anyway! This endless nonsense begins with Edward and Bella getting back to Forks from their trip to Florida. Now, I know what you're thinking. Edward and Bella went all the way to Florida on a trip that probably lasted days and Meyer had the restraint to leave it out!?
Anyway! This endless nonsense begins with Edward and Bella getting back to Forks from their trip to Florida. Now, I know what you're thinking. Edward and Bella went all the way to Florida on a trip that probably lasted days and Meyer had the restraint to leave it out!?
Previously: Bella is off grounding, but Edward forbids her from seeing Jacob. — Annie: Bella is at school and she is not as miserable as she usually is. And it’s...
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