Sarah's asleep in captivity. A bright light shines on her face, waking her up as the cell door creaks open. Eerie music plays as she walks around an abandoned Castor Military HQ. She hears a giggle and runs after it, while my brain goes “ah, dream sequence.”
Marines: It's cool that her dream self is all gross and sweaty too, though.
Before we get started on this chapter, I’d like to thank Mari for picking up chapter 9 (the sex contract chapter) while I was completely swamped with finishing my masters degree. However, I've kind of screwed myself over, because now I have to cover this extremely long chapter instead. Come back, sex contract! All is forgiven! (Not really).
Marines: I love you, but this worked out so well for me.
Marines: I love you, but this worked out so well for me.
Helena is lying on the floor of her cell, bruised and bloody after being beaten by her captors for killing Parsons. Remember- she stabbed him in the brain? Yeah. Kinda hard to forget. Also, the Castor military folks weren’t too happy about that.
Marines: I mean, to be fair, they started it.
J: And Helena brought it! They seriously did not know what they were getting into when they allowed her into their picture.
Marines: I mean, to be fair, they started it.
J: And Helena brought it! They seriously did not know what they were getting into when they allowed her into their picture.
So right off, Grey orders a glass of Sancerre at a bar. It appears he doesn't have the same level of hate for it as he does for Chardonnay, but with his volatile personality, who the hell knows.
The reason he's chugging (I assume) wine at the bar is he's waiting for Ana for their date. He's nervous, because he's never taken a sub out to dinner before, and that crazy Ana insisted on driving herself so he can't control her every movement from the house onward. Other than that, he's had a pretty normal day so far doing business stuff, including firing three people.
The reason he's chugging (I assume) wine at the bar is he's waiting for Ana for their date. He's nervous, because he's never taken a sub out to dinner before, and that crazy Ana insisted on driving herself so he can't control her every movement from the house onward. Other than that, he's had a pretty normal day so far doing business stuff, including firing three people.
Grey really hates Detroit. He works real hard to suppress all of his memories from stupid Detroit, but we all know he's really unsuccessful at that. Exhibit A is those nightmares he has about once a chapter. All of this "matters" (I use that word loosely) because he is thinking of opening an electronics plant there. He tosses the report he's looking over aside and takes a sip of his wine.
"I toss it on the dining table and take a sip of my Sancerre. Shit. It's warm."
That is a really violent reaction to warm wine, Grey. Calm down.
"I toss it on the dining table and take a sip of my Sancerre. Shit. It's warm."
That is a really violent reaction to warm wine, Grey. Calm down.
We open on a class of students diligently at work at Rosewood High School. Just kidding! Emily is walking around the halls with her mom, who's talking about Skype conferences with teachers while she was in Texas.
Marines: I like that the show feels it necessary to try and fill in the gap of why Emily basically doesn't have parents. Cute, show. Like we care.
J: That's more effort than they've put into a lot of plot lines in this show. Maybe they hired some vaguely responsible-feeling writer late in the game? (M: Ha.)
Marines: I like that the show feels it necessary to try and fill in the gap of why Emily basically doesn't have parents. Cute, show. Like we care.
J: That's more effort than they've put into a lot of plot lines in this show. Maybe they hired some vaguely responsible-feeling writer late in the game? (M: Ha.)
In a small paragraph that's obviously just left over from last chapter, Grey informs us that he goes to bed sometime after 1 a.m. He's excited to continue work on his new project – Anastasia Steele: Virgin.
Alex: Fucksake. He actually calls her "a new project". We're literally three sentences into the chapter and I'm already getting a rage migraine.
Marines: If you want to black out early, try thinking about whether incessant talk of training her is worse than "new project."
J: Nothing is worse. We've just reached a plateau where everything is terrible.
Alex: Fucksake. He actually calls her "a new project". We're literally three sentences into the chapter and I'm already getting a rage migraine.
Marines: If you want to black out early, try thinking about whether incessant talk of training her is worse than "new project."
J: Nothing is worse. We've just reached a plateau where everything is terrible.
Hi, welcome back. Have a drink if you are playing along at home because Christian Grey just woke up with a start to start the chapter. This fine morning he's experiencing a pervading sense of guilt.
"Is it because I've fucked Anastasia Steele? Virgin?"
I laughed for five solid minutes. Anastasia Steele: VIRGIN.
Grey checks the time so probably you should drink again. It's after three in the morning and Ana is fast asleep. Grey says that his body "stirs" as he watches her and this is my mental image:
"Is it because I've fucked Anastasia Steele? Virgin?"
I laughed for five solid minutes. Anastasia Steele: VIRGIN.
Grey checks the time so probably you should drink again. It's after three in the morning and Ana is fast asleep. Grey says that his body "stirs" as he watches her and this is my mental image:
We pick this episode up right where we left off last time, with everyone looking at Toby's house on fire. Their phones all ring and it's a text message from A: Did you miss me, bitches? Um, actually no. Emily is still like, "but Shana is dead!" because even though a house is exploding in front of them, apparently we're still going to find it hard to believe that A is STILL a thing.
Jessica: This attitude just explains why in 5 seasons, we're no closer to finding out what the hell is going on with this A person/people than we were in Season 1, Episode 1.
Mari: As they look on and wonder where Toby went, the house explodes some more.
Jessica: This attitude just explains why in 5 seasons, we're no closer to finding out what the hell is going on with this A person/people than we were in Season 1, Episode 1.
Mari: As they look on and wonder where Toby went, the house explodes some more.
My last recap was mostly just a bunch of stuff from FSoG slightly rewritten from Grey’s PoV. It seems that I’ve got pretty much the same deal this time, only A MILLION TIMES WORSE, because now I have the dubious honour of recapping Grey’s first sex scene.
Luckily, though, I have a while to prepare myself for that, because this is also the LONGEST CHAPTER OF ALL TIME. It just keeps going and going. I’ll be surprised if anyone is even still reading by the time we get to the sex part.
Jessica: Your perseverance in not only reading, but writing, is impressive. Just reading this took colossal effort.
Luckily, though, I have a while to prepare myself for that, because this is also the LONGEST CHAPTER OF ALL TIME. It just keeps going and going. I’ll be surprised if anyone is even still reading by the time we get to the sex part.
Jessica: Your perseverance in not only reading, but writing, is impressive. Just reading this took colossal effort.
We start with Grey standing in front of the bathroom mirror, contemplating how much amazing sleep he's gotten lately and thinking about Ana. He says “As I shave, the asshole in the mirror stares back at me with cool, gray eyes” and before I finish the sentence my brain has already leapt to OH GOD HE'S SHAVING HIS ASSHOLE YOU GUYS. And I realize I'm ruined forever. I hope you're happy, Mari.
Alex: In case you were wondering, the italicised outbursts from Grey's penis while he shaves are 'Liar' swiftly followed by 'Fuck'. Maybe that razor got a little too close for comfort.
Alex: In case you were wondering, the italicised outbursts from Grey's penis while he shaves are 'Liar' swiftly followed by 'Fuck'. Maybe that razor got a little too close for comfort.
>We start right back where we ended at the Finch Farm, with Mark facing off against Gracie's mom. At the end of last episode, she had him cornered in the cornfield and we heard a shot go off.
Closeup on creepy corn. Sigh, it's ALWAYS creepy corn.
Marines: If I ever have to run into creepy corn, I'm basically doing this:
Closeup on creepy corn. Sigh, it's ALWAYS creepy corn.
Marines: If I ever have to run into creepy corn, I'm basically doing this:
A chapter is starting, so a character is waking up. Grey screams, "no!" and I find it oddly hilarious that EL tells us that the scream, "bounces off the bedroom walls and wakes [him] from [his] nightmare." That rude scream bounces off the wall and probably bopped him on the head.
Grey wakes up and can still smell the "stale beer, cigarettes and poverty" from his nightmare. He can smell the poverty. Usually we're being facetious when we use the "I hear poor people smell bad" tag, but leave it to Grey to think that poverty is actually a smell.
Grey wakes up and can still smell the "stale beer, cigarettes and poverty" from his nightmare. He can smell the poverty. Usually we're being facetious when we use the "I hear poor people smell bad" tag, but leave it to Grey to think that poverty is actually a smell.
Sarah and Felix drop the Mustached Clone's body in the tub. They are decked out in rubber gloves and Felix is wearing a smock. Sarah says they should close his eyes, and Felix agrees, but first a drink.
Jessica: An excellent gif that I totally agree with in this situation. This gave me Breaking Bad flashbacks.
Mari: Felix says Mrs. S will know what to do with the body or will at least know someone who will. Sarah doesn't want to ask for help, but that's okay, because Felix will definitely ask. They look at the mess of blood and make lots of, "this is awful" comments so we know that it's about to get way more awful.
Jessica: An excellent gif that I totally agree with in this situation. This gave me Breaking Bad flashbacks.
Mari: Felix says Mrs. S will know what to do with the body or will at least know someone who will. Sarah doesn't want to ask for help, but that's okay, because Felix will definitely ask. They look at the mess of blood and make lots of, "this is awful" comments so we know that it's about to get way more awful.
It's the day after Grey's stalker-shopping trip. He's out for an early-morning run as he listens to Moby and recalls dreaming about Ana last night. (J: For some reason, knowing Grey listens to Moby makes me laugh.) In his dream she was on her knees and calling him 'sir'. How sweet. His run apparently goes on for TWO WHOLE HOURS, although E.L. James thankfully manages to resist the urge to narrate the entire thing and instead skips to Grey jogging past a coffee shop on his way back to the hotel. He briefly considers asking Ana out for a coffee date, but then he laughs at himself because that's something a normal non-murdery person would do. Ew.
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