Look, let's deal with the elephant in the room: Supernatural is throwing shade on the fact that it's gotten beyond ridiculous, and yet we're only in season 4. We have so many more seasons of shark jumping left, friends.
Marines: I've seen this whole episode and I'm actually surprised that this is the one they chose to name "Jump the Shark."
K: Truth.
We open with a long shot down a hallway. After a bizarrely long period of silence, a woman bursts onto the screen, screaming. She stares back behind her, then sprints down the hall and locks herself in a bedroom.
I'm really curious to recap this episode, because it's easily been one of my favourites up until now. (Which is odd because it's written by Steven Moffat, and I've basically hated everything about his time as show runner...) But favourite things don't always stand up to being watched incredibly slowly, so...we'll see.
We open with CAREY MULLIGAN!!! climbing over a creepy fence into the grounds of a creepy house in the creepy rain accompanied by creepy music. There's a "Danger: Keep Out" sign on the gate.
We open with CAREY MULLIGAN!!! climbing over a creepy fence into the grounds of a creepy house in the creepy rain accompanied by creepy music. There's a "Danger: Keep Out" sign on the gate.
We open in a messy house, with a scruffy looking guy asleep in his underwear on the sofa. The shot flickers and he twitches in his sleep, then we're thrown into a montage of shots of various things, including Sam and the Bromobile in a weird grey-scale. Then we get a close up of a guy reaching for a comic book and the colour resolves. The boys walk in and introduce themselves as Agents DeYoung and Shaw, both of whom are in Styx. WOO, FAKE NAMES.
We start the episode right where the last one left off with Viserys Targaryen giving John Smith the ultimatum to either save Martha or Joan. John Smith is clearly at a loss, but in the background Latimer (baby Jojen Reed...) pulls out the Doctor's pocket watch. He opens it and we see some of that magic Timelord ejaculation float up from it and a voice whispers, "Time Lord." The aliens all freak out, giving Martha an opportunity to break out of alien!Jenny's grasp and grab the gun, like a total badass.
Martha and the Doctor burst into the TARDIS, explosions following them. The Doctor asks frantically if "they" saw Martha's face. She insists that they couldn't have. They set off through time and space, but the unnamed "they" follows, thanks to some stolen technology. The Doctor looks panicky as he realises "they" can follow him anywhere. "I'll have to do it," he says. He grabs a pocket watch and waves it at Martha, saying that his life depends on it. He talks directly into the camera as he starts to say more about the watch.
We open on an alarm going off at 6am. Well Respected Man by The Kinks starts playing as we watch Dean go about his morning - living in a posh apartment, wearing an expensive suit, making himself a fancy coffee, and driving to work in a Prius. When he starts the car, classic rock starts playing. He looks disgusted and changes the station to NPR.
He gets to work - a fancy high rise downtown - and his office door informs us that his name is Dean Smith and he's head of Sales and Marketing for Sandover Iron.
He gets to work - a fancy high rise downtown - and his office door informs us that his name is Dean Smith and he's head of Sales and Marketing for Sandover Iron.
We start in the TARDIS with the Doctor rigging Martha's flip phone so that it now has all-space-and-time roaming activated. Martha is impressed but before she can test it out, the TARDIS jerks and an alarm starts blaring. The Doctor announces that it's a distress signal and he's locking onto it.
After a bit more turbulence (thought it's an oddly quick series of events. Like AHH distress signal AHH we're here!) they land and the Doctor hurries out to investigate. Martha follows him out and they both comment on how hot wherever they've landed is.
After a bit more turbulence (thought it's an oddly quick series of events. Like AHH distress signal AHH we're here!) they land and the Doctor hurries out to investigate. Martha follows him out and they both comment on how hot wherever they've landed is.
We open to a bunch of car alarms going off. The cars are all smashed to shit. Castiel walks into the middle of them and raises a hand. The alarms stop, because he's...the car whisperer or some shit? I don't even know any more. (M: A little known and seldom useful angel power.)
Cas walks through the cars, looking like a sad puppy, and stops by the corpse of a blonde woman in a pretty white virginal dress. He pulls a piece of cloth away from her throat to reveal a bloody wound. "Goodbye, sister," he says sadly. Police cars speed towards him, sirens blaring.
Cas walks through the cars, looking like a sad puppy, and stops by the corpse of a blonde woman in a pretty white virginal dress. He pulls a piece of cloth away from her throat to reveal a bloody wound. "Goodbye, sister," he says sadly. Police cars speed towards him, sirens blaring.
A couple of guys leave a bar, discussing fantasy football. As they pass an alley, a twitchy looking guy jumps out and asks if they have any change. Then he pulls a gun on them. A young dude in an apron is dumping rubbish in the dumpster and freaks, dropping the lid with a bang. Twitchy Guy starts, pulling the trigger and shooting the white guy, which makes for a nice change. Twitchy Dude runs. The black guy yells at the Apron Dude to call 911, and starts administering CPR.
We open with a woman beating the shit out of some steaks with a meat tenderiser the size of Mjolnir. Her husband gets home from work and she's all judgey about how late he is. He snaps at her, then apologises. As he gets a beer from the fridge, she tells him that she ran into a friend and they've been invited to a 40th birthday party at the weekend.
Anyway, this season felt so long that by the time we'd reached the end, I'd forgotten almost every plot point from the early episodes. Remember how Eve gave Dawson a blowjob that caused him to crash Mitch's boat and Pacey threw a stripper party to raise money to repair it? (D: Barely.) Yeah. That was THIS SEASON. It feels like the show has morphed completely since then.
It's been a long time coming, friends, but WE FINALLY FINISHED ANOTHER SEASON. Cue Snark Lady dance party:
Democracy Diva: YAAAS WE DID IT, LET'S DANCE WITH PACEY UNTIL HE KEELS OVER!
K: What, like you're all surprised it features Pacey Witter? Please.
Dance party over, let's get down to business! On the main street in Capeside, Mitch and Gail get smoochy while Mitch thoughtfully informs us that Joey is Gail's maid of honour. This...makes literally no sense, but also I'm distracted by how hideous Joey's shoes are.
Democracy Diva: YAAAS WE DID IT, LET'S DANCE WITH PACEY UNTIL HE KEELS OVER!
K: What, like you're all surprised it features Pacey Witter? Please.
Dance party over, let's get down to business! On the main street in Capeside, Mitch and Gail get smoochy while Mitch thoughtfully informs us that Joey is Gail's maid of honour. This...makes literally no sense, but also I'm distracted by how hideous Joey's shoes are.
We open with a preppy blonde cheerleader uttering the words "She's such a slut," so that we can get our misogyny shots out of the way early. The jock next to her at the lunch table says he's "pro-slut" (SHOTS!) and asks for further details. She provides them, then stops as the girl in question approaches the table and goes to sit in her usual spot. But LOL NOPE, society is the worst and all her friends fake-cough "SLUT!" at her until she storms off to sit at another table.
Marines: She can't see it now, but it's a better table, far from slut-shamers and almost equally as bad, people who would ever fake cough a word.
Marines: She can't see it now, but it's a better table, far from slut-shamers and almost equally as bad, people who would ever fake cough a word.
The Doctor and Martha furiously work the controls of the TARDIS, then the Doctor compliments himself on a perfect landing. Martha excitedly wants to know where they are, and the Doctor replies "The end of the line..." She clearly doesn't hear him, and rushes out the door excitedly. Her face falls when she realises that she's standing in her living room. The Doctor informs her that it's the morning after they left on their trip, and she's only been gone about 12 hours in real time.
Marines: So, basically he gets the landing and timing exactly right when he's trying to dump someone? Cool.
Marines: So, basically he gets the landing and timing exactly right when he's trying to dump someone? Cool.
Sioux City, Iowa. Also known as the place where I first paid for accommodation on my own and freaked out that the Motel 6 was going to be all "Get out, child". But no. Anysegue, it's Iowa Celebrates Magic Week, and there are people on the street doing tricks with cards and doves and whatnot. At a bar, an old guy shows off his card tricks to the bartender AND OH MY GOD I'VE SEEN THIS EPISODE LIKE FIVE TIMES AND I JUST REALISED IT'S THE GUY WHO PLAYED BRAD IN ROCKY HORROR.
The bartender's impressed, but another magician - this one wearing a cape that I'm pretty sure he borrowed from Fake Dracula - pooh poohs his tricks and gives away the secret and is generally a dick.
The bartender's impressed, but another magician - this one wearing a cape that I'm pretty sure he borrowed from Fake Dracula - pooh poohs his tricks and gives away the secret and is generally a dick.
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