he camera pans over a floating city, with the Union flag painted next to it. We pan over the buildings, many of which are illuminated with the names of counties.
Cut to a school room where all the kids are in 1950s style outfits, sitting at 1950s style desks. A robotic voice praises each of them in turn as they head out the door. One boy hangs back reluctantly. (M: Yeah, boy. I wouldn't walk up close to that robotic voice either.) A girl gives him a "what are you waiting for?" expression before heading out. He's the last in the classroom.
I have always hated that this episode follows one of the best episodes of teen virginity loss in the history of recorded television. This episode is essentially four minisodes all crammed together, none of them particularly interesting.
Kirsti: #ACCURATE. This episode is a snoozefest and I just need the whole thing to be Pacephine adorableness rather than whatever the hell this mess is.
Kirsti: #ACCURATE. This episode is a snoozefest and I just need the whole thing to be Pacephine adorableness rather than whatever the hell this mess is.
It took us more than a year to finally get out of Series 4, partly because we tagged all the Tennant specials into this season, but mostly because we so slow. We did it though and the super struggle bus of getting here only makes this gif dance party celebration all the more earned:
Welcome to the bloody Quentin Tarantino Chapter of Breaking Dawn, also known as nope, nope, fucking no, nope.
The title of this chapter is 'There are no words for this'. Aptly named. I'm still not sure that prepares us all for what is to come in this chapter, but I'm doing my best.
Kirsti: Come, friends. Let us gather around the Snark Lady Booze Cupboard and drink its full contents before proceeding with this abomination of a chapter.
The title of this chapter is 'There are no words for this'. Aptly named. I'm still not sure that prepares us all for what is to come in this chapter, but I'm doing my best.
Kirsti: Come, friends. Let us gather around the Snark Lady Booze Cupboard and drink its full contents before proceeding with this abomination of a chapter.
After a recap of what happened last time, we jump straight into the credits. Farewell, Russell T Davies era credits and title screen. I love you forever. (M: I'm glad the farewell tour is starting so early!)
DOO WEE OOO!
DOO WEE OOO!
I feel like you guys aren't even going to believe this chapter name but I am here to faithfully report it: What Do I Look Like? The Wizard of Oz? You Need A Brain? You Need A Heart? Go Ahead. Take Mine. Take Everything I Have.
The drama is real. Also, I'm not convinced Jacob has a brain or a heart so...
Kirsti: Neither. Neither is good. (Seriously though - that chapter title is fucking ridiculous. No wonder this book is seven trillion pages long...)
Annie: Everything about this is ridiculous, so at least Meyer is staying on message?
The drama is real. Also, I'm not convinced Jacob has a brain or a heart so...
Kirsti: Neither. Neither is good. (Seriously though - that chapter title is fucking ridiculous. No wonder this book is seven trillion pages long...)
Annie: Everything about this is ridiculous, so at least Meyer is staying on message?
We open in space. We zoom past the Moon to Earth. A narrator tells us that in the last days of planet Earth, everyone had bad dreams. Except that everyone forgot because people are dumb. Well, one person remembered. We zoom in on Wilf(!!!!!!), watching happily as a Salvation Army band plays Christmas carols. He hears a maniacal laugh in his head, and shakes himself.
Jacob wakes up (-_-) on the floor when Edward decides that it's time to cool Bella down. He heads out with Leah to do "the deep run" while Seth stays on patrol. They don't find anything. I just recapped 3 pages. You're welcome.
Marines: I love these reminders that this is way too many words to describe boring crap and utter horrors.
Marines: I love these reminders that this is way too many words to describe boring crap and utter horrors.
Almost five years ago, our baby website decided to expand from its usual fare (the terrible books we read as children) to cover a TV show. At the insistence of my friends, I'd watched the pilot episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer even before the founding of the blog. In fact, "Childhood Trauma" was the first name of this blog, thanks to the classic line in the pilot. When it came time to pick a show to cover here, it seemed natural to start with Buffy.
The title of this chapter is 'Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tock', which is appropriate because I can feel my life slipping away as I read it. (K: Samesies.) (A: Ditto.)
We begin with Jacob thinking more about Leah and how much he hates her. This time it's because, although Leah is 'trying hard' to think less aggressive thoughts, (I guess?) she still doesn't like the vampires and she doesn't like Jake and Seth's friendship with them. Jake realizes, though that Leah has been less of a bitch to him and wonders if it's because he understands her hostility better now.
We begin with Jacob thinking more about Leah and how much he hates her. This time it's because, although Leah is 'trying hard' to think less aggressive thoughts, (I guess?) she still doesn't like the vampires and she doesn't like Jake and Seth's friendship with them. Jake realizes, though that Leah has been less of a bitch to him and wonders if it's because he understands her hostility better now.
Jacob returns to the Cullens' house to find Edward has left out a set of clothes for him. He takes the clothes that reek of vampire back to the forest to make sure Edward hasn't played a trick on him or given him ladies clothes or something. Because cross dressing is both HILARIOUS and something to be embarrassed and ashamed about. Haha, lol.
Hi, hello there! I'm back from 1- Three business trips in a month 2- moving into a new apartment in a nearby city 3- CATCHING THE FLU and 4- having Breaking Dawn be number 247 on my list of overall priorities. Luckily for you all (?), I missed you guys and so here we are.
Annie: I don't know if I'd use 'lucky' and Breaking Dawn in the same sentence, but let's do this.
Annie: I don't know if I'd use 'lucky' and Breaking Dawn in the same sentence, but let's do this.
This chapter is titled "Some people just don't grasp the concept of unwelcome." Yeah, and one of those people is Stephenie Meyer in publishing this abomination of a book.
Ahem.
Catherine: We can high five on that.
Ahem.
Catherine: We can high five on that.
Already going into this chapter, I can see a lot of wolf thoughts in italics and I hate this narrative device so much for some reason. (K: SAAAAAME.) You may remember that the last chapter ended with Jacob refusing a direct order from Sam, the Alpha wolf, and then crumpling on the ground. I believe those of us in the Pick Up Artist community refer to that as a 'beta cuck'.
This is supposed to be this big build up from New Moon for us to finally see what happens when a wolf actually refuses the command of their Alpha but I don't care about... any of this so.
This is supposed to be this big build up from New Moon for us to finally see what happens when a wolf actually refuses the command of their Alpha but I don't care about... any of this so.
I'd like to point out that the name of this chapter really sums up our journey through this series: "Why didn't I just walk away? Oh right. Because I'm an idiot."
Kirsti: I will solidly take the blame for suggesting that we continue with this trainwreck of a series after finishing book 1. Sorry, ladies. I regret that decision more than I regret any other decision in my life, including the time I thought it would be a good idea to eat three huge helpings of pie and I threw up all over my parents' bathroom.
Kirsti: I will solidly take the blame for suggesting that we continue with this trainwreck of a series after finishing book 1. Sorry, ladies. I regret that decision more than I regret any other decision in my life, including the time I thought it would be a good idea to eat three huge helpings of pie and I threw up all over my parents' bathroom.
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