Author: Marines

Buffy the Vampire Slayer S04 E13 – Don’t touch our toys.

Sweeney: The episode begins with Willow chanting, but we pan out and realize that she's just "praying" for a good card in a poker game with Xander and Anya, who is predictably bad at poker. Xander is bummed about their current lack of money, but he swears that's about to change because he's going to sell some crap that doesn't sound at all appealing.
K: I love Anya's "dirty dirty cheater witch" expression of exasperation. Also her complaining about playing poker with chips. In high school, we used to play poker with M&Ms. Which turned out to be horribly flawed because we'd eat them all in about five minutes and not be able to bet any more...

Fifty Shades Freed Chapter 02 – Sensual threats.

Ana knows she's in deep trouble because she's topless on a European beach. Grey picks up her bikini top, throws it at her and hisses for her to get dressed. Ana tries to tell him that no one is looking, on account of this being A EUROPEAN BEACH but she's Ana Freakin' Steele so of course people are looking at her magical boobs. I'm sure a rainbow can be found between them and there is a unicorn that rides back and forth in merry bliss. Ooooor, Grey is a possessive asshole and no one else in the world gives any shits about Ana's boobs. Either or.
Sweeney: I always struggle with these multiple choice quizzes.
Lor: I make them difficult on purpose.

The More You Know April 2013 – People are crazy. Especially us.

Sweeney: We missed two days because (1) Lor was helping me get my shit out of storage (Welcome to California!) -and- (2) We decided that vacation meant all the sleep and none of the TV.
Lorraine: Our lives are super glamorous. I'm not being sarcastic; the naps I took in LA were FANTASTIC. Totally worth storage moving.
Sweeney: Aside from our glamorous lives with amazing naps, we've been busy this month! To reiterate the theme from last month's TMYK: not dying = winning.

Game of Thrones S03 E05 – Instant Judgement

I think the credits like me better than Sweeney. I get a new place today! Off we go to King's Landing, Harrenhal, Riverrun, Winterfell on Fire, The Wall, and Yunkai!
Sweeney: OH. COOL. -_-
Lor: We start at the Brotherhood Without Banners and they are praying to the Lord of Light, to give them wisdom and to let The Hound die if he's guilty, "for the night is dark and full of terrors." I feel really bad stereotyping an entire group of fictional characters based solely on their religion, but maybe now that they've all chanted "the night is dark" thing, I can stereotype them based on their motto? No? I'M SORRY. They are just creeping me out now.

Angel S01 E12 – You are not the father.

Cordelia starts us off by using a window as a mirror to apply some lip gloss. Angel startles her when he walks in, and she gives herself a little bit of a Joker mouth. As she cleans herself up, she jokes about being too young and carefree for a heart attack. Angel turns the joke around on her as he sorts through some files, and remarks that she should be less young and carefree with those, as she's placed a Mrs. Benson's file under F. Cordy remembers that she did so because Mrs. Benson is from France, a fact that she relates with her being a pain in the ass. Also, Cordelia is wearing a large bandanna as a top.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer S04 E12 – Beware of old friends bearing booze.

We open in the Bigger on the Inside Dorm Room where Buffy and Riley are making out on her bed and the background music suggests that the show has been relocated to Capeside. I fully expect Joey Potter to climb in the window any minute (#TeamPacey). (L: #duh) Riley asks if she's expecting anyone (yes, Joey Potter. We just established that, dude), and she says that Willow's going to be at the library all night. He starts to pull her shirt up and Willow, cockblocker extraordinaire, bursts through the door to rescue us all from the need for brain bleach (which is an excellent thing, because I know what's coming in episode 18, and we'll need to hoard that shit like it's gold).

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO US.

Sweeney: As with many of our big plans, this was meant to be edited and uploaded sooner. This was going to happen in the same universe where we were going to...

Angel S01 E11 – Gratuitous gifs

Kirsti: SURPRISE!!!! Lor didn't get the chance to watch today's episode of Angel before she flew out to California to hang out with Sweeney and DAMMIT WHY AM I ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE WORLD RIGHT NOW. Anyway, Lor and I have done a swap, so you're stuck with me today. Which is absolutely fine by me, because today's episode has a spectacular guest star.
Sweeney: HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Lorraine: Seriously, thank you for doing this so Sweeney and I could hang out on the right side of the world. AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Buffy the Vampire Slayer S04 E11 – Headaches.

This episode starts so directly after the end of the last, I thought for a second I was still watching previouslys. But no, Buffy and Riley are just sitting around, giving really good awkward silence. She breaks it first by suggesting one of them speak before graduation. Riley paces a bit before asking what she is. Buffy dryly offers, "Capricorn on the cusp of Aquarius. You?" Riley apologizes for the blunt question, but he's in awe of her strength and speed.
Buffy turns the question around on him, and he assures her that she knows who he is. What he does, though, is confidential.

Fifty Shades Freed Chapter 01 – Awkward Airlines

Sweeney: It’s here, Traumateers! The beginning of the end! I feel like I can see the glorious light at the end of this shit tunnel.
Lorraine: While Sweeney and I were in California, during our goodbye brunch, we had a serious 15-20 minute conversation about the end of Fifty Shades, the amount of time we invested in it and how weird/awesome it will be when we're done. Thinking of the end gives me something like nauseous nostalgia. It's weird.
Sweeney: Before we dive into the nauseous nostalgia, the book begins with a page of thanks to various people who helped bring this book into being.

Angel S01 E10 – Choosing Feelings

Sweeney: The episode begins with Angel begging the Oracles for the thing we all want: UNDO IT. TAKE IT BACK. The Oracles give no shits, though, and tell him not to be so selfish. Obnoxious. Angel points out that Doyle was PTB(C)'s messenger to them, so he should come back with his visions. The Oracles are already walking away, though, because they don't care and this will work itself out. BYE. Then we see a demon running down an alley. Roll credits, WHICH STILL INCLUDE GLENN QUINN AND MY CORRESPONDING TEARS.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer S04 E10 – Fun Dip Nightmares

Sweeney: I talk about this a lot because the luck of the draw gave me a lot of the legit awesome episodes. For those of you who don't join the party in the comments section, we snark ladies have something of a debate over whether it's worse to be stuck spending more time with an episode that is awful (taking lead on a post is obviously more time consuming than contributing commentary) or attempting to snark something that is genuinely awesome. On the whole, I'm not complaining about having to do the former less often than the latter. (L: And really, the jury is still out.) All of that being said, this episode, buried in the abysmal season 4, is the only episode in the entire series to garner an Emmy nomination, because it's nothing short of brilliant.

The Seven Worst Christian Grey Moments in Fifty Shades Darker

After writing 22 separate posts about how terrible this book is, it has reached a point where we're not even sure how to simplify how much it sucks. Just in case you were looking for the tl;dr version (not to be confused with our usual snark which is more TOO TERRIBLE; PLEASE DON'T READ), we've put together a list of the stand-out awful moments, courtesy of one Christian Grey. Consider this your, "Fifty Shades Darker is Awful Talking Points Cheat Sheet."

Fifty Shades Darker at a Glance

Lorraine: Hello Traumateers!
We decided to pause for a wrap-up post for a couple of reasons: (1) - Have we mentioned we love finishing things? Man, we do. So pausing for a celebratory flail post is necessary.
(2) - We covered the entire book over the span of 22 weeks, which is a fucking lot, now that I think of it. Jesus, that's a lot of time dedicated to a load of crap. BRB. I didn't think I would need alcohol for a wrap up post, but alas.
Sweeney: It's always necessary for anything Fifty Shades related.

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