Lorraine: Just when we seem to give up on the credits, it adds a shiny, new location to the map so we forgive it for being an occasional liar. I feel like this is an abusive relationship, Credits, but I don't know how to quit you. Today: King's Landing, Harrenhal, (new location) Riverrun, Winterfell on Fire, The Wall and Astapor.
Sweeney: I'm glad you got the episode where the credits tried to make nice again, because I don't think I'm ready to forgive just yet.
Lor: Fair. Lady Catelyn's father's dead body is pushed off into the sea for a Viking-type funeral as she stands solemnly by with the rest of those in mourning.
Kirsti: Oh, Whedon. You really do like to deliver us ALL THE FEELS at once, don't you? Sigh.
Lorraine: Thanks for the upfront warning. We should consider giving our own version of TV Parental Guidelines. This episode is rated F for feels. Viewer Discretion is advised.
Sweeney: YES.
K: Other ratings? B for Boring, R for Rage Inducing, and and S for SPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE!!!
Lorraine: Thanks for the upfront warning. We should consider giving our own version of TV Parental Guidelines. This episode is rated F for feels. Viewer Discretion is advised.
Sweeney: YES.
K: Other ratings? B for Boring, R for Rage Inducing, and and S for SPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE!!!
Kirsti: We open with Willow standing in the dark in Oz's bedroom while the Piano of Feels plays. She sits on his bed looking teary, and sniffs then hugs one of his t-shirts. We cut abruptly to Buffy walking through that random area full of sofas where all the students seem to congregate. Riley is helping some girls to hang a banner, and Buffy stops to...appreciate the view, I guess, based on her head tilt. Or maybe she's a little jealous, because she gets a relieved smile on her face when he flips the banner down to reveal that it's for the UC Sunnydale Lesbian Alliance. He tells her that he's planned out the picnic they were talking about having, and Buffy's all "Uhhh, whut?" And then Riley channels me with "So, was that a conversation I actually had, or just one I was practicing?"
The moody music starts right away as Angel winds a clock and tests the levelness of his desk. Cordelia and Doyle enter. She gives us the exposition: Angel was in Sunnydale for three days and saw Buffy! Why isn't he brooding more? Cordy's guess is that his lack of brooding actually means that he's brooding more than usual. Cordy sees him take out a stake from his desk, assumes the worst, and rushes into the office telling him it's not worth it! He will meet someone else! Angel explains he just needs the stake to level his desk, which just seems like the most inefficient way to level anything. He is going to trip over that stake. For sure.
Sweeney: It's round! That doesn't even make sense!
Sweeney: It's round! That doesn't even make sense!
Buffy, in jeans and a leather jacket, approaches a tall, blond, slightly dorky looking guy who she immediately punches IN THE FACE. (S: BAMF BUFFY GREETINGS.) He puts his vampgrill on and says things were much better for the college-vamps back when she was in high school. Something like that. I don't want to consider this too deeply because how many vampires are parading around as college students and why didn't she know this before? Anyways, she dusts this vamp but gets a sense that something is still out there, lurking.
And then I LOL forever because it is in fact Angel lurking in some bushes. I like Angel more now, thanks to his own show, and I'm sad his intro back into Sunnydale is via lurking in bushes.
And then I LOL forever because it is in fact Angel lurking in some bushes. I like Angel more now, thanks to his own show, and I'm sad his intro back into Sunnydale is via lurking in bushes.
Lorraine: Ana is horrified because, if you'll remember, Kate has chosen Grey's birthday party as the moment to confront Ana about an email she found. Kate's all, "what the fuck is this? Who in the hell changes the subject line each time they send an email?!?!" Just kidding! There are far more horrible things in this particular email, as it contains the Sexy Times Contract. I'm sure we will now get a good discussion that will pave the way for future conversations between Ana and Kate on the disturbing nature of this relationship. Just kidding again! I'm on a roll! Instead, let's watch and see how this is all resolved within two pages:
Sweeney: Nothing new to report from the title credits. Winterfell is still on fire, and we're still upset about it. Astapor, home of Baby Fun Dip is still on the map. You know what is new this time? BRAN'S BACK. We begin the episode in what must be his dream, because he's running. Also, this kid is growing crazy fast. Don't child actors realize that they need to slow that shit down?
Related: I also suspect that allowing our youngest actors to grow up might be something of an added perk for the writers in dragging out the third book across two seasons. Again, haven't read them, but I can imagine that the age of the actors becoming an issue at some point.
Related: I also suspect that allowing our youngest actors to grow up might be something of an added perk for the writers in dragging out the third book across two seasons. Again, haven't read them, but I can imagine that the age of the actors becoming an issue at some point.
Sweeney: Angel is reading and Doyle is pestering him. I hate when people try to talk to me when I'm reading. LISTEN, I AM PERFECTLY CONTENT TO SPEND MY NIGHT READING AND I'D BE A LOT MORE CONTENT IF YOU'D SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE. Sorry. Pet peeve.
Lorraine: GOD YES. I'm not sitting here with a book open waiting for anyone to come talk to me. I'M READING.
K: SERIOUSLY. Why do people do this?
Lorraine: GOD YES. I'm not sitting here with a book open waiting for anyone to come talk to me. I'M READING.
K: SERIOUSLY. Why do people do this?
Sweeney: Hearts may break and SEASON FOUR MARCHES ON. Grab a drink and let the suckfest continue, because today we're going to get properly introduced to the season's atrocious arc. I hope you're ready.
K: I'm sure as hell not, and this is about my tenth time through.
Sweeney: The episode begins with a guy rambling about hot ladies in the cafeteria. I remember forever ago when one of you mentioned him re: black characters on Buffy and I really had no fucking clue who you were talking about, which says a lot about what a memorable, useful character he is. Or how well I blocked out this season.
K: I'm sure as hell not, and this is about my tenth time through.
Sweeney: The episode begins with a guy rambling about hot ladies in the cafeteria. I remember forever ago when one of you mentioned him re: black characters on Buffy and I really had no fucking clue who you were talking about, which says a lot about what a memorable, useful character he is. Or how well I blocked out this season.
K: We open in an alley. A bag drops into frame, followed by a man. He starts to walk away, but there's a short blonde woman standing the shadows. He runs, and she chases him down, eventually delivering a spectacular fly kick when he tries to get in a car. The camera pans out, and the woman is Kate. She roughs him up a little and then arrests him. Cut to the police station. Kate's trying to get Crook Man to spill the beans on where a certain Mob boss type is, but he's not spilling. Eventually she snaps and pins him against the wall with an arm across his throat.
S: A commenter pointed out that Kate is sort of a Buffy-like placeholder.
S: A commenter pointed out that Kate is sort of a Buffy-like placeholder.
Kirsti: The alternative post title for this episode is "In which Team Heartless Cow curls up in the Corner of Endless Tears", but that was too long to fit...
Sweeney: I've already made room for you on the couch.
K: THANK YOU, SWEENEY <3 We open on the campus at night. In typical Contrivance U fashion, there are people everywhere, unlike every single time Buffy fights a demon/vampire. Speak of the devil, Buffy sprints through the background with a vampire hot on her tail. And in typical Contrivance U fashion, NO ONE NOTICES.
Sweeney: I've already made room for you on the couch.
K: THANK YOU, SWEENEY <3 We open on the campus at night. In typical Contrivance U fashion, there are people everywhere, unlike every single time Buffy fights a demon/vampire. Speak of the devil, Buffy sprints through the background with a vampire hot on her tail. And in typical Contrivance U fashion, NO ONE NOTICES.
Sweeney: Christian Grey's MAGICAL birthday continues. I'm drafting this early because the actual post date is too close to my own birthday and I don't intend to celebrate with Christian Grey's butt plug.
Speaking of, someone mentioned last week that Ana's failures now extend to gift giving, as Grey's presents were mostly his own stuff. Good job, Ana!
Lorraine: I was going to make a joke about giving you your own stuff for your birthday, but butt plugs are too close to this joke and I don't want to make it awkward. Maybe I just did.
Speaking of, someone mentioned last week that Ana's failures now extend to gift giving, as Grey's presents were mostly his own stuff. Good job, Ana!
Lorraine: I was going to make a joke about giving you your own stuff for your birthday, but butt plugs are too close to this joke and I don't want to make it awkward. Maybe I just did.
Lorraine: I was expecting the credits to roll first, but we get a pre-credits teaser today! Against a black screen we hear some war sounds -metal clanging, screaming and general death-sounds. We stylistically fade into the white misery of north of the wall where Samwell is running through the snow with all the speed and grace of someone who is about to get eaten very soon.
Sweeney: I was totally surprised to find him still alive! I assumed he was dead after that finale. I can't say that I care all that much that either way, but it was unexpected.
Sweeney: I was totally surprised to find him still alive! I assumed he was dead after that finale. I can't say that I care all that much that either way, but it was unexpected.
Lorraine: Cordelia is giving Doyle a little taste of her audition for a commercial. She does as well as you would imagine. The phone rings and he wonders if she's going to pick that up, and Angel wanders in to wonder the same thing. Angel as a boss makes me giggle.
Sweeney: It doesn't suit him particularly well....
K: Truth. Also, the idea of Cordy starring in an advert for garbage bags is rather hilarious.
Lor: Cordelia scurries over, but by that point, the answering machine has it. It's someone named Aura who's calling to check in on Cordy.
Sweeney: It doesn't suit him particularly well....
K: Truth. Also, the idea of Cordy starring in an advert for garbage bags is rather hilarious.
Lor: Cordelia scurries over, but by that point, the answering machine has it. It's someone named Aura who's calling to check in on Cordy.
Lorraine: I'm not really sure how you introduce this episode, Whedon's take on a public service announcement, but probably with an invitation for you all to grab a beer.
We open at the graveyard and after a second of silence, we see that Buffy is currently in the middle of kicking some vampire butt, but is momentarily distracted by Poop Head Parker, on the ground, softly calling out to her.
She instructs him to stay down and the fight sequence continues with a very cool running kick, in which she uses the side of a gravestone to propel herself.
We open at the graveyard and after a second of silence, we see that Buffy is currently in the middle of kicking some vampire butt, but is momentarily distracted by Poop Head Parker, on the ground, softly calling out to her.
She instructs him to stay down and the fight sequence continues with a very cool running kick, in which she uses the side of a gravestone to propel herself.
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