Sweeney: First, happy Easter if you celebrate. Happy Colorful Chocolate Day to everyone else. Enjoy.
Lorraine: "Enjoy." Now forever said with a Cersei-like bow and offering of wine.
Sweeney: Obviously.
Second, it seems like there is less to say by way of introduction to this newsletter-esque post this month. We still have a thousand big exciting plans brewing, but we have started to really find a rhythm that works for us here at our digital Snark HQ.
Sweeney: The credits thing was a great ruse. We got new places as places were added, and then shit stayed the same, so I'm done acknowledging this. After the epic-but-not-revealing credits, we see an eyeball waking up and faint sounds of battle noises. This is Tyrion and his first sight is Pycelle, who you will recall is no great fan of Tyrion's, having be imprisoned by him. Pycelle fills Tyrion in on the fact that Tywin gets full credit for the victory and now Tyrion isn't hand of the king. He tosses a coin at Tyrion, a reminder of when Tyrion burst in on him.
Lorraine: Here's to hoping Tyrion takes all those ungrateful little shits down.
Lorraine: Here's to hoping Tyrion takes all those ungrateful little shits down.
Sweeney: The episode starts with Cordelia lamenting all the bills associated with running their business, which is a problem, since Angel isn't really big on collecting payment, as it interferes with being the hero. Doyle agrees that money would be good, but mostly because Cordelia thinks so.
Kirsti: Aww. Bless.
Lorraine: Doyle is hitting on Cordelia in this scene big time, but I spend most of it noticing his beautiful eyes. He looks yummy here. Okay, carry on.
Kirsti: Aww. Bless.
Lorraine: Doyle is hitting on Cordelia in this scene big time, but I spend most of it noticing his beautiful eyes. He looks yummy here. Okay, carry on.
Sweeney: Halloween! Huzzah! This isn't the best Halloween episode of the series, but it's one of the few watchable episodes in this abysmal season, something I am going to complain about at the beginning of every single post so get used to it.
K: I'm going to argue that it IS the best Halloween episode of the series, because we've already established that Soldier Xander annoys the crap out of me, and the Halloween episode in season 6 is kind of lame. But that might just be because I like to be contrary.
Sweeney: I can't even fault that episode for giving us soldier Xander; I LOVE IT SO MUCH.
K: I'm going to argue that it IS the best Halloween episode of the series, because we've already established that Soldier Xander annoys the crap out of me, and the Halloween episode in season 6 is kind of lame. But that might just be because I like to be contrary.
Sweeney: I can't even fault that episode for giving us soldier Xander; I LOVE IT SO MUCH.
Last week I started to write Sweeney an email yelling at her for having the luck of getting to cover the super short chapter 19. Sure, we found out that Grey wasn't dead and sure, Ana accepted his proposal, but then the chapter ended and now I'm stuck with the inevitable "let's get married" sex. As it happens, though, I believe next week's chapter- a Sweeney chapter- is the return to the playroom. You'll forgive me for that spoiler because: LOL.
Sweeney: You're the actual worst. I'm glad I began my search for a new BFF in yesterday's GoT post.
Sweeney: You're the actual worst. I'm glad I began my search for a new BFF in yesterday's GoT post.
Two things before we start: (1) The last few episodes have been stressing me out big time. (2) I'M SO EXCITED.
I know these seem like contradicting emotions and they pretty much are, because it's hard being me. But mostly, I'm stressed out for the finale and wars and people dying and shit, but excited because these posts have become a countdown for me and I can't wait to start watching/posting real time. I bet you guys are going to be the best TV watching buddies ever.
Sweeney: We blog because we want TV watching buddies.
Lor: Obviously.
Nothing new to report in the opening credits as we will be in or around King's Landing, Harrenhal, Pyke, Winterfell, The Wall, and Qarth.
Sweeney: We blog because we want TV watching buddies.
Lor: Obviously.
Nothing new to report in the opening credits as we will be in or around King's Landing, Harrenhal, Pyke, Winterfell, The Wall, and Qarth.
We open with a hippy looking girl running down a dark alley. She hides in a doorway, then peeks out. When no one's there, she tries to run for it, but the guy she's running from is behind her. He's kinda insane and sweaty - the best kind of boyfriend, right? WRONG. He hits her and then pulls a gun. He's about to pull the trigger when Angel appears out of nowhere and grabs his arm. They fight briefly, and Angel knocks the guy out. He asks the girl if she's okay, and we learn that she hired him to help before the camera pans to a nearby rooftop. Spike's there, and I'm going to give you his full impersonation because it's AWESOME:
I have a love/hate relationship with this episode. Because it's kind of awesome. But there's also a crapton of douchey nonsense that pisses me off. So...yeah.
We open at the Bronze. Oh, trusty Bronze. At least something around here is still the same... Also the same? Dingoes Ate My Baby are playing and Willow's doing her proud face over Oz's musical abilities.
Lor: Also, Devon is wearing a belly-shirt with the US flag on it. Oh, trusty horrible fashion. You too are still the same.
Sweeney: And we're so glad for it! I would be so lost and confused without it.
K: So true.
We open at the Bronze. Oh, trusty Bronze. At least something around here is still the same... Also the same? Dingoes Ate My Baby are playing and Willow's doing her proud face over Oz's musical abilities.
Lor: Also, Devon is wearing a belly-shirt with the US flag on it. Oh, trusty horrible fashion. You too are still the same.
Sweeney: And we're so glad for it! I would be so lost and confused without it.
K: So true.
Sweeney: After the zoomy camera lied to us yesterday, I trust nothing, but there's a chance we'll be visiting King's Landing, Harrenhal, Pyke, Winterfell, The Wall, and/or Qarth. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE.
Lorraine: Watching TV is hard.
Sweeney: So many struggles.
We're starting in Winterfell, where a bunch of ravens are being killed and Theon opens the gates for riders approaching, letting in Yara, who is not accompanied by the 500 men he asked for. Inside, she takes over with the gaggle of men she did bring. They eat and she mocks him for being a douche, proclaiming himself a warrior for defeating a cripple and a six-year-old.
Lorraine: Watching TV is hard.
Sweeney: So many struggles.
We're starting in Winterfell, where a bunch of ravens are being killed and Theon opens the gates for riders approaching, letting in Yara, who is not accompanied by the 500 men he asked for. Inside, she takes over with the gaggle of men she did bring. They eat and she mocks him for being a douche, proclaiming himself a warrior for defeating a cripple and a six-year-old.
Lorraine: Angel is sitting in the dark, because darkness helps concentrate the brood. Doyle turns on the lights and says it's Friday night and Angel should really out.
K: This sounds very much like something my mother would do to me. Except I'm not brooding in the dark. I'm just allergic to leaving the house.
Lor: He suggests drinks to toast the new business. Angel catches his drift and suggests that if Doyle wants to go out with Cordelia, he ask her out himself.
Enter Cordelia with "calling cards." I'm not sure why we're calling them that and not business cards. They have moment a of confusion about the Microsoft Clip-Art looking graphic on the front of it.
K: This sounds very much like something my mother would do to me. Except I'm not brooding in the dark. I'm just allergic to leaving the house.
Lor: He suggests drinks to toast the new business. Angel catches his drift and suggests that if Doyle wants to go out with Cordelia, he ask her out himself.
Enter Cordelia with "calling cards." I'm not sure why we're calling them that and not business cards. They have moment a of confusion about the Microsoft Clip-Art looking graphic on the front of it.
Lorraine: Buffy is in her dorm room as Kathy, her roommate, plays Cher's "Believe" and irons her jeans. Just stake her now, B.
Kirsti: Seriously. That song is the WORST. And the only person I've ever known who ironed jeans was my grandmother. She also ironed bras and underpants...
Lor: I have no comment about your grandmother's underpants.
After establishing that Kathy's been playing this song on repeat, Buffy heads to her closet to collect her (very unfortunate) coat. Kathy asks if she's going out and when B answers in the affirmative, expresses passive-aggressive concern that she will be in and out of the room at all hours of the night. But she's totally okay with that, giggle, giggle smarm!
Kirsti: Seriously. That song is the WORST. And the only person I've ever known who ironed jeans was my grandmother. She also ironed bras and underpants...
Lor: I have no comment about your grandmother's underpants.
After establishing that Kathy's been playing this song on repeat, Buffy heads to her closet to collect her (very unfortunate) coat. Kathy asks if she's going out and when B answers in the affirmative, expresses passive-aggressive concern that she will be in and out of the room at all hours of the night. But she's totally okay with that, giggle, giggle smarm!
Sweeney: Ana sits in front of Grey's fireplace emotionless and lost in internal monologue, even though there are at least a dozen people there with her, because Ana can't be bothered to interact with people who aren't Christian, and he has gone missing.
Lorraine: In an early reminder that Ana sucks, is not a real human being, and doesn't know how to interact with human beings, she tells us that she "blinks dispassionately" at Grace and Mia. DISPASSIONATELY. They've just lost a son/brother respectively, but this bitch who has known him for less than two months is so wrapped up in her own damn emotions describes herself as completely unaffected by their emotions.
What a stand-up character you've created, James. Truly.
Lorraine: In an early reminder that Ana sucks, is not a real human being, and doesn't know how to interact with human beings, she tells us that she "blinks dispassionately" at Grace and Mia. DISPASSIONATELY. They've just lost a son/brother respectively, but this bitch who has known him for less than two months is so wrapped up in her own damn emotions describes herself as completely unaffected by their emotions.
What a stand-up character you've created, James. Truly.
Lorraine: We may or may not be visiting King's Landing, Harrenhal, Pyke, Winterfell, The Wall, and Qarth. Please do not blame me for any opening credit misrepresentation.
Sweeney: The opening credits do what they want. Kind of like us.
Lor: Theon EWWWW Greyjoy rolls over to find he's alone in bed. We cut to some time later, outside of the castle where we see the guard Osha killed splayed out on the floor. Theon is reprimanding one of his men for letting the cripple boy (Bran Stark) escape. The man suggests that "the giant" took Bran, and Theon thinks this is even worse, as he let a half-wit escape with a cripple. They establish that Rickon is also missing, as well as Osha, who Theon was fucking, the man knowingly points out.
Sweeney: The opening credits do what they want. Kind of like us.
Lor: Theon EWWWW Greyjoy rolls over to find he's alone in bed. We cut to some time later, outside of the castle where we see the guard Osha killed splayed out on the floor. Theon is reprimanding one of his men for letting the cripple boy (Bran Stark) escape. The man suggests that "the giant" took Bran, and Theon thinks this is even worse, as he let a half-wit escape with a cripple. They establish that Rickon is also missing, as well as Osha, who Theon was fucking, the man knowingly points out.
The title is reassuring me a teeny tiny bit, as the LA girl of the batch. I'm going to give you guys the oh-so-hilarious Snark Squad speech about how we really planned to keep this short. I laugh preemptively, because I have to start this and my Twitter bio is about how I am an uncontrollable rambler. I drank a bit to prepare myself. I am also terrified to start this series because I am a one-sided Buffy/Angel shipper in that I am cool with Buffy moving on and having a life BUT ANGEL MUST LOVE HER FOREVER AND EVER UNTIL HE BROODS TO DEATH. I'm also preemptively confused as to how they're going to give him romantic subplots, because of the whole orgasm happiness = no-soul thing. I'm curious to see how we contrive our way around this.
Sweeney: Season four is here! I'll save my rant about this season for the wrap-up and get right to work, because I'm all about getting through this season as quickly as possible. Let the snark commence.
The season begins in the cemetery, I guess to comfort us that some things never change. Fortunately, Willow's hair did change for the better this season.
K: Possibly just to be contrary, I love Buffy's hair and hate Willow's. I have no explanation for this.
Sweeney: Buffy's hair is great too.
The season begins in the cemetery, I guess to comfort us that some things never change. Fortunately, Willow's hair did change for the better this season.
K: Possibly just to be contrary, I love Buffy's hair and hate Willow's. I have no explanation for this.
Sweeney: Buffy's hair is great too.
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