A soldier stands in a field with a smudge of lipstick on his face. He's kind of twirling around, indicating that he is dizzy and out of sorts. A man in evening wear (accompanied by two other soldiers) stomps very unhappily over to Dizzy Soldier and wipes a little of the lipstick smudge off his face.
We cut to Dizzy Smudge sitting in what TV has taught me can only be a super secret underground something. He's still out of it and Angry Evening Wear Man waited until they got all the way back to the office and out of the field to declare the lipstick smudge a hallucinogenic.
Hi, hello! Remember when we were cute and recapped a whole Twilight book in a month? Ha ha ha, welcome to Breaking Dawn. (I said that in my head like "The Reynolds Pamphlet.") ("Have you read this shit?")
I was definitely the delay here as it was my task to edit the video below. But the delay really happened because it took full freaking weeks to read this chapter. I'm not joking.
On the bright side, A VIDEO!
I was definitely the delay here as it was my task to edit the video below. But the delay really happened because it took full freaking weeks to read this chapter. I'm not joking.
On the bright side, A VIDEO!
Tessa asks Hardin wtf he's doing here even though the answer is obviously that he has some tasty Kool Aide samples for them to try. (M: OH YEAH.)
Hey, we're back! Whatever. Extended breaks are sometimes necessary. (S: Especially with this book, in this timeline we live in.)
In an almost direct copy and paste from every other chapter in the Fifty Shades series, Tessa wakes up next to Hardin feeling way too hot because of course these two started cuddling in their sleep. Tessa doesn't really want to get out of bed, but she remembers Noah, who got his ass left at the dorms.
In an almost direct copy and paste from every other chapter in the Fifty Shades series, Tessa wakes up next to Hardin feeling way too hot because of course these two started cuddling in their sleep. Tessa doesn't really want to get out of bed, but she remembers Noah, who got his ass left at the dorms.
The previouslies remind us that Tom was shot, MacLeish was President for a bit and made some sketchy decisions, and oh yeah, ATWOOD'S SON IS I GUESS STILL KIDNAPPED? Can I tangent about this for a bit? Why has no one reported this child missing? Why has no one else noticed that this child is missing and put two and two together? What the hell?
This episode starts with Supergirl being thrown through a wall by Martian Manhunter/Hank Henshaw who still looks like regular Hank with a Martian voice. Supergirl asks him why he's doing this and he tells her that it's time for her to die. Yikes! How scary! A flashback episode? Ew.
Previously: The girls found out the truth about Cole’s identity thanks to his coat. — Coyote Piper Stephanie: We open at the manor where Prue and Leo are looking at...
We start off in Caleb's hacker apartment, with the “suspicious storage unit was rented in Hanna's name” plot point. Caleb and Spencer are convinced that the barrel they found in there contains Mona's body, without, you know, having looked inside it. Maybe they've been reading the Rosewood LOLPD manual on how to investigate potential crime scenes.
Marines: They also haven't been paying enough attention to their lives to figure out that whatever they think happened is 100% not what happened.
Marines: They also haven't been paying enough attention to their lives to figure out that whatever they think happened is 100% not what happened.
New two-parter = new credits! NPH sings, "the lumber mill is where the Baudelaires are forced to work, the eye doctor is sinister, the owner is a jerk, they end up in a fiendish plot with logs and hypnotism, the very thought of watching should be met with skepticism."
Look away, look away, etc.
New dedication to Beatrice: my love flew like a butterfly, until death swooped down like a bat.
Look away, look away, etc.
New dedication to Beatrice: my love flew like a butterfly, until death swooped down like a bat.
We start in Svalbaro, Norway at the Thorul Arctic Research Center. A lady scientist finds a Dr. Jones, as there is something he needs to see. Dr. Jones is played by William Mapother, who has guest starred in a bunch of stuff, was on Lost and is Tom Cruise's little cousin. (C: I wouldn't put that particular detail on my resume.) We cut to a lab where there is a dead wolf on a table. The lady scientist explains that they found an arrowhead in it, dating back to 3000 B.C. Dr. Jones kind of waves off the discovery, as they are climate change experts not archaeologists, but lady scientist invites Dr. Jones to touch the dead wolf. Despite having been trapped under the ice for 5,000 years, the wolf is warm.
This is the first episode of Doctor Who that I get to recap, and I'm so psyched to join the team that I won't even complain about it involving stupid Daleks.
Marines: That's a lot of excitement because UGH, DALEKS. Also, so happy to have you!
Kirsti: I'm super happy to have you toobecause it means I have to recap fewer episodes of the Matt Smith era!!
Dani: #Priorities
Marines: That's a lot of excitement because UGH, DALEKS. Also, so happy to have you!
Kirsti: I'm super happy to have you too
Dani: #Priorities
You can stop sweating with anxiety, dear readers! Hardin goes over to the dresser and pulls out a pair of blue and white boxers that are apparently hideous. (M: How hideous can they be without cartoon characters or something on them? What's happening?) Tessa notes that Hardin’s soon to be step mom or father must have bought clothes for him to have here. Hardin leaves the room to change because it’s really nice to have privacy and stuff and to feel comfortable and IT WOULD REALLY SUCK IF SOMEONE FORCEFULLY TOOK THAT AWAY FROM SOMEONE. Ahem.
Hardin's eyes are on fire ("blazing") as he pulls Tessa onto the bed and on top of him. Tessa is straddling him, which she's done before, but now she's straddling him with very little clothing on. She stays up on her knees so they aren't touching but "Hardin isn't having it," and he pulls her all the way down. Because clearly what Hardin's having is the only thing on the menu.
Look away, look away!
We start with the kids standing in front of the wide window, reading Josephine's suicide note. What we thought was a grammatical error previously turns out to be a few errors. Dowadger instead of dowager. Leadle instead of lead. But perhaps the worst thing of all is that the end of the letter says that Josephine is leaving the kids in the care of Captain Sham. We fade from Violet saying that it can't be, to Lemony in the nearer present, in front of the ruins of Josephine's house. Lemony says that when you lose someone close to you, "it can't be" are often the words that run through your saddened head.
We start with the kids standing in front of the wide window, reading Josephine's suicide note. What we thought was a grammatical error previously turns out to be a few errors. Dowadger instead of dowager. Leadle instead of lead. But perhaps the worst thing of all is that the end of the letter says that Josephine is leaving the kids in the care of Captain Sham. We fade from Violet saying that it can't be, to Lemony in the nearer present, in front of the ruins of Josephine's house. Lemony says that when you lose someone close to you, "it can't be" are often the words that run through your saddened head.
Welcome back to Rosewood everyone! The previouslies remind us that Holbrook is helping Ali, some rando named Johnny is staying in Spencer's guest house, Hanna's mom hooked up with Jason, Spencer and Toby are not on the same evidence page, and Annoying Aria wrote a fake admissions letter to trick her sleazy boyfriend's ex into getting her into college. Honestly, the previouslies were packed with lots of stuff, which is weird because I don't remember lots of stuff happening on this show, so we'll figure it out as we go, okay?
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