Bella is driving home, paying little attention to the drive, but instead, thinking all about her visit with Jacob, when she spots Edward's Volvo (M: Sparkle) in her rearview mirror. Edward is following way too closely behind her. That sounds super safe. Bella seems worried about how much trouble she's going to be in, which is not a thing that should be happening, as Bella is an adult and Edward is her boyfriend. Not her parent.
Bella drives straight to Angela's house, calling herself a chicken. Yeah, Bella. You're scared to be alone with your boyfriend. You're such a big chicken!
This chapter is called imprint and we're so far away from imprinting but I'm already throwing up in my mouth.
Catherine: It gets worse, guys. It always, always gets worse. Remember that.
Kirsti: Every time I think it can't possibly get worse, it gets much MUCH worse. So yeah.
Mari: We pick up one second after the end of the last chapter for whatever reason. Bella asks if Jake is okay since Charlie has basically been telling her how unokay he is. Also, she's probably also asking because of his giant wolf hands and emo letters.
Catherine: It gets worse, guys. It always, always gets worse. Remember that.
Kirsti: Every time I think it can't possibly get worse, it gets much MUCH worse. So yeah.
Mari: We pick up one second after the end of the last chapter for whatever reason. Bella asks if Jake is okay since Charlie has basically been telling her how unokay he is. Also, she's probably also asking because of his giant wolf hands and emo letters.
Hello! I am so very excited and honored to be writing for Snark Squad! Seriously thank you, Mari for letting me do this. And now I am so sorry for the endless parade of stupid you're all about to read. Blame it on my youth y'all! Also blame it on the fact that I have never seen the OC ever in my life. When the OC was in its prime, I was still singing along happily to Hannah Montana. (M: That makes me feel a wee bit old, in that strange, almost 30 kind of way...)(R: You're not old! I'm young!) On with the recap!
This chapter starts off amazingly well: "I was having a bad week." Bella, girl. You're having a bad LIFE. But guess what, y'all? Her bad week has very little to do with the fact that Victoria's back and everything to do with the fact that no one will turn her into a vampire several weeks ahead of schedule. She argues that being a weak little human person is a terrible idea with Victoria around, but the Cullen-Hales point out that there are seven of them versus one of Victoria and for some inexplicable reason, they all want Bella to stay safe.
So every chapter of this book is roughly 30 pages long so far. I want you to really think about that, friends. 30 pages. There are chapters in War and Peace that are shorter than that.
Anyway! This endless nonsense begins with Edward and Bella getting back to Forks from their trip to Florida. Now, I know what you're thinking. Edward and Bella went all the way to Florida on a trip that probably lasted days and Meyer had the restraint to leave it out!?
Anyway! This endless nonsense begins with Edward and Bella getting back to Forks from their trip to Florida. Now, I know what you're thinking. Edward and Bella went all the way to Florida on a trip that probably lasted days and Meyer had the restraint to leave it out!?
Previously: Bella is off grounding, but Edward forbids her from seeing Jacob. — Annie: Bella is at school and she is not as miserable as she usually is. And it’s...
Hello! Welcome back. As ever, we are so happy to have you here and so not looking forward to the thing we voluntarily put ourselves through. The Internet is a strange place, my friends.
We start with the dedication:
Snort laugh when you see it.
Kirsti: I'm sure her kids are THRILLED to be included in the same dedication as... that.
Catherine: More evidence that Meyer doesn't know what words mean.
We start with the dedication:
Snort laugh when you see it.
Kirsti: I'm sure her kids are THRILLED to be included in the same dedication as... that.
Catherine: More evidence that Meyer doesn't know what words mean.
You guys, I'm really excited to be recapping this episode for one simple reason - this is the first episode of Doctor Who that I ever saw. I'd had friends telling me for years and years that I'd love it, that I had to watch it, that it was amazing. And I'd always been pretty meh about it. But one Saturday night in 2010, I was home alone in Canberra and had nothing to do (because I'm cool like that), and when ABC News finished, Doctor Who started. And I was still pretty meh about it, but was too lazy to get up and put a DVD on, so I watched it. Conveniently, this is one of those episodes like Blink that requires no prior knowledge of the show, so it was basically the perfect starting point.
We recap part one in the previouslies and then head straight to DOO WEE OOH.
After the opening credits, we pick up right where we left off, with Swarm in a Suit chasing our gang, cornering them in a dark hallway. River stands back and blasts a way out for them.
Little Girl is sitting on her couch and the chase sequence is playing out on her TV. She tells her father that the library is on TV, and he reminds her that the library is all in her imagination.
After the opening credits, we pick up right where we left off, with Swarm in a Suit chasing our gang, cornering them in a dark hallway. River stands back and blasts a way out for them.
Little Girl is sitting on her couch and the chase sequence is playing out on her TV. She tells her father that the library is on TV, and he reminds her that the library is all in her imagination.
Previouslies: we're reminded that Dany walked through fire to impress the Dothraki, Sam and Gilly are on their way to Hornhill and we're also shown a shot of Rob and Cat standing together. In case you have any feels left after last week that still needed destroying. Lastly we're shown Hodor sacrificing himself. Again. THANKS SHOW.
Credits take us through Kings landing, Winterfaux, The Wall, Braavos, Vaes Dothrak and Meereen. So basically everywhere ever.
Credits take us through Kings landing, Winterfaux, The Wall, Braavos, Vaes Dothrak and Meereen. So basically everywhere ever.
Orange County is pretty! That's how we open before settling in on the Cohen home, where Kirsten exposits that Ryan hasn’t spoken to them in days. Sandy says he’s not worried about Ryan not talking to the two of them, but he is concerned that Ryan’s still ignoring Seth.
Meanwhile, Ryan’s on the phone with Julie, who’s pouting about Sandy and Kirsten uninviting her from Thanksgiving. Kirsten and Sandy are discussing this as well, and Sandy says sending their kids on a murder mission knocks you off the guest list.
Meanwhile, Ryan’s on the phone with Julie, who’s pouting about Sandy and Kirsten uninviting her from Thanksgiving. Kirsten and Sandy are discussing this as well, and Sandy says sending their kids on a murder mission knocks you off the guest list.
Wow, we are really dragging our heels here. Why do we have such crappy luck with superhero shows?
Catherine: It may not be us. It may, in fact, be the networks.
Mari: That makes me feel better.
We start at the Super Pad. Kara and Alex are hanging out, but Kara just wants to go to bed. (S: CBS did not get permission to use my life. Rude.) She has to face Cat in the morning, after having dumped her son and missed work a ton. Plus, Kara says that she misses that aunt that was trying to murder her face off, Astra.
Catherine: It may not be us. It may, in fact, be the networks.
Mari: That makes me feel better.
We start at the Super Pad. Kara and Alex are hanging out, but Kara just wants to go to bed. (S: CBS did not get permission to use my life. Rude.) She has to face Cat in the morning, after having dumped her son and missed work a ton. Plus, Kara says that she misses that aunt that was trying to murder her face off, Astra.
Unsurprisingly, this episode which features archaeologists and libraries, is one of my favourites. Because it's freaking amazing.
Marines: I'm with you on the library and the amazing and the favorite and we're already squeeing and the episode hasn't started yet. I'M SO EXCITED.
K: "Close your eyes, and tell me what you see," says a voice. The tinkly orchestra tinkles as a little girl floats over a huge city and says that she sees the library. When she opens her eyes, she's in her living room, talking to a psychologist named Doctor Moon. (M: It's Colin Salmon, who I best know as Walter Steele in Arrow!)
Marines: I'm with you on the library and the amazing and the favorite and we're already squeeing and the episode hasn't started yet. I'M SO EXCITED.
K: "Close your eyes, and tell me what you see," says a voice. The tinkly orchestra tinkles as a little girl floats over a huge city and says that she sees the library. When she opens her eyes, she's in her living room, talking to a psychologist named Doctor Moon. (M: It's Colin Salmon, who I best know as Walter Steele in Arrow!)
Look, there's two more "chapters" left in this book, but one is two pages long and I'm just going to finally put this whole thing out of it's misery. So, hooray, welcome to the last Grey recap! (A: For real , this time!)(J: Huzzah!)
Grey is having a nightmare of finding his mother dead. I think we've read about his having this nightmare before so it doesn't even seem very evil to be like, "moving right along" about it.
Alex: The nightmare ends with Baby Grey saying 'I have no words'. That's basically been me for the past five or six recaps.
Grey is having a nightmare of finding his mother dead. I think we've read about his having this nightmare before so it doesn't even seem very evil to be like, "moving right along" about it.
Alex: The nightmare ends with Baby Grey saying 'I have no words'. That's basically been me for the past five or six recaps.
We get another extensive previously section and it reminds us that Littlefinger exists. I think they are going to whip out one "remember them??" character per episode.
Catherine: This whole season has been like a Westeros High reunion.
Mari: Before Facebook, when you really didn't know what anyone was doing.
The credits take us to King's Landing, The Eyrie, Winterfaux of Perpetual Sadness, across the Narrow Sea to Vaes Dothrak, and finally to Meereen.
Catherine: This whole season has been like a Westeros High reunion.
Mari: Before Facebook, when you really didn't know what anyone was doing.
The credits take us to King's Landing, The Eyrie, Winterfaux of Perpetual Sadness, across the Narrow Sea to Vaes Dothrak, and finally to Meereen.
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