Previously: Bella paid attention her “friends” for the first time in months. — Catherine: For some reason Bella thinks that it’d be a super great idea to go visit the...
Hey, it's the start of a chapter, and Grey is waking up. He's dreaming about wind and wakes up feeling like someone was just running their fingers through his hair. Ana is sleeping, though. Grey checks the time but tells us "it's after 4:30 in the morning." Look, it's not that I've come to expect the exact time or anything, but why would you look at the clock and then give unspecific information like "after 4:30"?
Grey stares at the blinking light of the fire alarm.
Grey stares at the blinking light of the fire alarm.
We open with Bella talking about how these motorcycles that they plan to fix up don't need any other hiding beyond being in Jacob's garage, because Billy can't get his wheelchair into the garage.
Marines: Oh, well, I guess his disability worked out to your advantage then...? Hooray for you?
Catherine: Mmm, still risky. Probably should go ahead and blind him, too.
Kirsti: Maybe deafen him too. You never know, he might overhear you talking about bikes.
Marines: Oh, well, I guess his disability worked out to your advantage then...? Hooray for you?
Catherine: Mmm, still risky. Probably should go ahead and blind him, too.
Kirsti: Maybe deafen him too. You never know, he might overhear you talking about bikes.
Ryan broodily channel surfs. Kirsten sadly folds laundry. It's a difficult day at the Cohen house.
Kirsten hears a door. Seth goes directly to the pool house and Sandy meets Kirsten in the main house. We cut between Seth and Sandy telling the story that Seth denied all fire-setting charges. Sandy isn't sure he believes that, especially since he saw the confession napkin. Seth tells Ryan that it was totally a mistake. Ryan tells him to tell The Eyebrows the truth, but lol, no. Meanwhile, the Cohen parents worry about what would happen if they accuse Seth of lying and he isn't.
Kirsten hears a door. Seth goes directly to the pool house and Sandy meets Kirsten in the main house. We cut between Seth and Sandy telling the story that Seth denied all fire-setting charges. Sandy isn't sure he believes that, especially since he saw the confession napkin. Seth tells Ryan that it was totally a mistake. Ryan tells him to tell The Eyebrows the truth, but lol, no. Meanwhile, the Cohen parents worry about what would happen if they accuse Seth of lying and he isn't.
Previously: Bella walked towards some skeevy guys and heard Edward’s voice in her head. — Marines: Now would be a good a time as any to link you to this interesting...
Lucky me, I get the aftermath of the breakup! -_-
Marines: Bad news for us all: the aftermath of the breakup is basically the entire rest of this book.
K: Hooray.
In typical SMeyer fashion, we can't just read about time passing. No, no. We have to do it in the most dramatic style possible: four pages, each with a month written in the middle of it. Because, like, Bella has zero life without Edward. Geddit?
Marines: Bad news for us all: the aftermath of the breakup is basically the entire rest of this book.
K: Hooray.
In typical SMeyer fashion, we can't just read about time passing. No, no. We have to do it in the most dramatic style possible: four pages, each with a month written in the middle of it. Because, like, Bella has zero life without Edward. Geddit?
Previously: Alison is taking her fake kidnapping super seriously. — No One Here Can Love or Understand Me Jessica: The episode starts with our four Liars walking abreast down the street...
Gosh, I just can't seem to remember if anything important or significant happens in this chapter.
Annie: Does anything important or significant ever happen in SMeyer's books until she remembers that they should have a plot in Chapter 22? My prediction is no.
Catherine: I guess we'll have to read on and see.
Annie: Does anything important or significant ever happen in SMeyer's books until she remembers that they should have a plot in Chapter 22? My prediction is no.
Catherine: I guess we'll have to read on and see.
We pick up exactly where we left off, with the TARDIS vworp vworping off to God knows where, Martha still on board. The controls aren't responding, and the Doctor says he has no idea where they're going, but his spare hand is super excited about. Donna's all "Your spare WHAT?" and Martha briefly explains. (M: Donna, girl. You never noticed the bubbling hand?) The TARDIS lands, and the Doctor pokes his head out into an underground tunnel, full of barbed wire and shot up sheets of metal. Martha whispers to Donna that she loves this bit, where the Doctor works out where and when they are.
Previously: The bad guys defeated themselves and the apocalypse didn’t happen. — Be Careful What You Witch For Stephanie: It’s only taken about a year, but it’s finally time for the...
We open this chapter right in the middle of action, because I'm that lucky! Carlisle is ordering the vamp family around, trying to make sure that Jasper doesn't murderface Bella, who's being all human and bleeding over everything.
Emmett, Rosalie and Esme haul a rabid Jasper outside while Carlisle and Alice set to work fixing up Bella after she refuses to go to the hospital. Bella doesn't want to have to explain to Charlie that Edward was too rough with her after she accidentally cut herself, and ended up slicing up her whole arm on broken glass when he threw her into a table.
Emmett, Rosalie and Esme haul a rabid Jasper outside while Carlisle and Alice set to work fixing up Bella after she refuses to go to the hospital. Bella doesn't want to have to explain to Charlie that Edward was too rough with her after she accidentally cut herself, and ended up slicing up her whole arm on broken glass when he threw her into a table.
It's 2 a.m. and Grey can't sleep. I can't either, because his stupid ass is awake and I'm having to read about it, but here we are anyway. He's busy mulling over ex-submissive Leila, his own “waking nightmare.” In typical Grey fashion, he spends only about .2 seconds (A: seven whole words!) thinking about Leila before making it all about him. Her pain reminds him of his pain as a teenager, or something.
He goes to his piano to play moody music. He's upset that Ana's not there, and he can't just fuck himself into forgetfulness because, damn her, she never signed his contract. So now it's becoming Ana's fault, nice.
He goes to his piano to play moody music. He's upset that Ana's not there, and he can't just fuck himself into forgetfulness because, damn her, she never signed his contract. So now it's becoming Ana's fault, nice.
And we're back! I added a little exclamation point to feign some excitement about reading this again. I am happy you are here, though. Welcome! (Note: Genuine exclamation point that time.)
Say hello, ladies:
Kirsti: HELLO FRIENDS. Fun fact: when I first typed that, I wrote "HELL FRIENDS", and that accurately depicts what reading and recapping this book is like: you're in hell, but at least you have friends to complain to about how godawful it is.
Catherine: Hi! I'm glad to see you all again although I wish it was under better circumstances. We really must meet at a happier occasion sometime. Like a funeral or a Mary Kay party.
Say hello, ladies:
Kirsti: HELLO FRIENDS. Fun fact: when I first typed that, I wrote "HELL FRIENDS", and that accurately depicts what reading and recapping this book is like: you're in hell, but at least you have friends to complain to about how godawful it is.
Catherine: Hi! I'm glad to see you all again although I wish it was under better circumstances. We really must meet at a happier occasion sometime. Like a funeral or a Mary Kay party.
After a recap of the last episode, we jump straight to the credits.
DOO WEE OOH.
The Doctor is trying to sonic his way into the car where Wilf is being poisoned. Sylvia Noble comes out of nowhere with a sledgehammer and busts the windshield open like a boss and because DUH!
Kirsti: But seriously, why did no one think of that earlier?!
Mari: At UNIT, general chaos. Colonel Mace goes into a command room where a helpful woman lets him know that ATMOS has gone wild all over the world.
DOO WEE OOH.
The Doctor is trying to sonic his way into the car where Wilf is being poisoned. Sylvia Noble comes out of nowhere with a sledgehammer and busts the windshield open like a boss and because DUH!
Kirsti: But seriously, why did no one think of that earlier?!
Mari: At UNIT, general chaos. Colonel Mace goes into a command room where a helpful woman lets him know that ATMOS has gone wild all over the world.
Our exposition-on-the-fly this episode is really Kara reading a letter from Cat to her estranged son, basically being like, "sorry I wasn't a parent." While that voice over plays, Supergirl saves a family stuck in a camper from a forest fire. Because FAMILY.
Catherine: At first I actually thought her 'sorry I neglected you' letter was about the earth. Like, 'sorry I wasn't saving you quicker' and I was like, huh, this is cool. But no. And now I'm not sure why I went there.
Mari: They should hire you.
Catherine: At first I actually thought her 'sorry I neglected you' letter was about the earth. Like, 'sorry I wasn't saving you quicker' and I was like, huh, this is cool. But no. And now I'm not sure why I went there.
Mari: They should hire you.
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