We begin in the Cohen kitchen. Sandy, Mama Cohen, Ryan and Seth are standing around looking somber on account of Marissa being in the hospital thanks to all those Mexican painkillers. They’re too upset to eat bagels, (L: What even?) (RIGHT?) so Mama Cohen sets up the premise of the episode. Ryan has a meeting with the dean of Rich Kid High, and Sandy and his eyebrows are starting a new job. Just as they’re about to get ready for the day, the phone rings and they all turn to look at it like, “MARISSA!” Personally, I’d rather eat bagels than deal with her.
Lorraine: Also, if they just stare at the phone, they are all doing phone calls wrong.
Sweeney: Or really, really right, since I hate talking on the phone.
Lorraine: Hello, friends! Long time no see in this dusty "Fifty Shades" corner of Snark Squad. In fact, the last time we were here, Charlie Hunnam was still slated to play Christian Grey.
Sweeney: I'm so glad we got to have this gif for the final Fifty Shades posts. It was so useful!
Lor: Fast forward to ten months later and the official release of the Fifty Shades of Grey trailer:
Sweeney: I'm so glad we got to have this gif for the final Fifty Shades posts. It was so useful!
Lor: Fast forward to ten months later and the official release of the Fifty Shades of Grey trailer:
In a parking garage that is strangely lit in blue, one white dude in a suit greets another white dude in a suit, in a stalker-y way. Dr. Mitchell tries to get into his car but the Fanboy Stalker blocks his path and gushes about Dr. Mitchell's studies in cell degeneration. Fanboy says Dr. Mitchell has become kind of a hobby of his and mentions a paper that hasn't even been published yet. Fanboy assures the doctor that it will be published and that he will also find a vaccine. Dr. Mitchell asks for what and Fanboy shoots him with a blue laser in the forehead.
The Halliwell sisters are waiting in a line for something and Phoebe brought along a Magic 8 Ball. In public.
The Halliwell sisters are waiting in a line for something and Phoebe brought along a Magic 8 Ball. In public.
We open in Havana, Cuba. Funnily enough, it looks a lot like Neptune, except with horses. Duncan is spending some time there to grow an ugly beard hide out for awhile.
Lorraine: That beard definitely looks like it's trying too hard.
Diva: Keith has managed to track him down, while wearing a hat that makes me fully unable to take him seriously. Duncan wants to know if Keith also thinks he's a murderer. He tells Duncan that he doesn't know who killed Lilly, but he knows it wasn't Abel Koontz. Duncan is all, yeah, but it also wasn't ME, so let me grow my chin-pubes in peace
Lorraine: That beard definitely looks like it's trying too hard.
Diva: Keith has managed to track him down, while wearing a hat that makes me fully unable to take him seriously. Duncan wants to know if Keith also thinks he's a murderer. He tells Duncan that he doesn't know who killed Lilly, but he knows it wasn't Abel Koontz. Duncan is all, yeah, but it also wasn't ME, so let me grow my chin-pubes in peace
The episode starts and I instantly recognize Danielle Harris from that instant classic Disney Channel movie, Wish Upon a Star. She played the younger, undesirable sister to Katherine Hiegl's It Girl. The thing I most remember about Danielle Harris are her very expressive eyebrows. I mean, really, she can just lift them up toward her hairline, but that expresses a lot.
IMDB has also informed be that she voiced Debbie Thornberry in The Wild Thornberrys and this is very exciting news for me.
IMDB has also informed be that she voiced Debbie Thornberry in The Wild Thornberrys and this is very exciting news for me.
Sweeney originally called dibs on this episode, but she's still having grand adventures in Europe, so I told her I'd trade her. (S: And I let go only because I had to because this is an iconic moment in OC history, guys.) Explanation as to why we're taking a guest posting break and you're stuck with me over, let's get to the episode:
Seth practically chases Ryan into the kitchen, trying to convince him that some plan he's come up with is foolproof, since he goes to a comic book convention every year around this time and his parents trust him.
Seth practically chases Ryan into the kitchen, trying to convince him that some plan he's come up with is foolproof, since he goes to a comic book convention every year around this time and his parents trust him.
After the previouslies, we start off with a shot of the Cohen car filled with food. Sandy “Eyebrows” Cohen makes a crack about feeding Kirsten's dad to get his love, and while that probably won't work on Mr. Evil Corporate man, that would definitely work on me. Just sayin'. (S: Cosign.)(L: And another +1 makes it a party.)
Kirsten's dad (Caleb) enters and cheerfully calls himself the devil so we don't have to. Outside, Seth and Ryan talk about Caleb, and how he's Mr. Big Money. Seth points out that he, like Ryan, came from humble beginnings and they'd probably hit it off.
Kirsten's dad (Caleb) enters and cheerfully calls himself the devil so we don't have to. Outside, Seth and Ryan talk about Caleb, and how he's Mr. Big Money. Seth points out that he, like Ryan, came from humble beginnings and they'd probably hit it off.
A young woman (Allison) walks through a garden having lots of feelings. We know this because she touches a rose and sighs. She's met by a man (Elliot) who hands her a white rose. She says they've spent lots of time planning their wedding and she doesn't want anything to go wrong.
Their kiss is interrupted by a woman with an uptight hairdo, asking Elliot, her son, about the marriage certificate. They couple has plans to get it handled the next day but Mommy Uptight wants them to do it RIGHT NOW. Elliot asks what her deal is, but she doesn't answer because the soundtrack just whooshed at her.
Their kiss is interrupted by a woman with an uptight hairdo, asking Elliot, her son, about the marriage certificate. They couple has plans to get it handled the next day but Mommy Uptight wants them to do it RIGHT NOW. Elliot asks what her deal is, but she doesn't answer because the soundtrack just whooshed at her.
Neptune High Parking Lot. Veronica's car has stopped and lots of people are honking at her and generally being shit waffles because they SEE Veronica is having issues, so why honk? Logan and his Brogans are casually passing by, in "making jokes about poor people" distance. Logan is carving up an apple and Veronica grabs his knife all while brushing off their subpar insults.
Sweeney: 1430s all around for your Logan and his Brogans and for Veronica's delightful snark.
Democracy Diva: I was also going to give Lor a 1430 for "Logan and his Brogans," so congrats, you get a 2860!
Sweeney: 1430s all around for your Logan and his Brogans and for Veronica's delightful snark.
Democracy Diva: I was also going to give Lor a 1430 for "Logan and his Brogans," so congrats, you get a 2860!
This show ended up taking Sweeney and I by surprise for a reason that's unique to our experience: it's a pain in the ass to recap. Part of what intrigues me about the whole Snark Squad project has a lot to do with the material we pick and cover and how it lends itself to scrutiny. It's hard to tell what a recapping experience will be like before we get a few posts under our belts. Anyway, the point is that this is better than average material that just takes SO. LONG. to cover. I'll go into the construction of this season a little more at the end, but there was never an easy way to recap one of these episodes. It was always a many, many hour ordeal.
Which also (partly) explains why this is so late.
Which also (partly) explains why this is so late.
We open with Ryan and my boyfriend Seth Cohen (Just to be clear, I just want Seth, aint even 'bout to homewreck the first couple of teen fandom: Adam Brody/Leighton Meester) in true show-set-in-California style, riding a bike and skateboard (adorably) down a boardwalk with flashes to random dudes playing beach volleyball to further indicate being in a coastal town in SoCal.
Sweeney: The best part of having different recappers write their posts, mostly without ever seeing the posts that came before them is going to be seeing how many people stake their claim on Seth Cohen. Since you're my sister I feel especially obligated to interject with a, "HE WAS MY TV BOYFRIEND FIRST!" even though I've accepted that he's actually everyone's TV boyfriend.
Sweeney: The best part of having different recappers write their posts, mostly without ever seeing the posts that came before them is going to be seeing how many people stake their claim on Seth Cohen. Since you're my sister I feel especially obligated to interject with a, "HE WAS MY TV BOYFRIEND FIRST!" even though I've accepted that he's actually everyone's TV boyfriend.
Phoebe runs into Qua ke and some bro comes over to ask if she's a terrorist because she's the bomb. As much as I'm sure I could end the recap there, another random bro taps into this bad pick-up line ring, asking if it hurt when Phoebe fell from heaven. She whispers in his ear that she's a witch, not an angel, because she's on a one woman mission to basically announce that to everyone, ever.
Phoebe joins her sisters, who are staring at a couple making out at the bar. Phoebe and Piper moan about being single. A cheery waitress delivers a drink to Prue and points out the man in the restaurant who sent it to her.
Phoebe joins her sisters, who are staring at a couple making out at the bar. Phoebe and Piper moan about being single. A cheery waitress delivers a drink to Prue and points out the man in the restaurant who sent it to her.
After a lot of previouslies we open with Seth and Ryan playing video games. Ryan has mastered the art and is beating Seth. The student has become the master so to say. Just then, the Cohen parents walk in, wanting to talk to Ryan. The suspense is killing all of us, I know, right?! Like, what could this possibly be about? Seth is being his weird self, mentioning something about the rug which I have no idea whether it will be necessary information or is just a stupid throwaway comment. Moving on.
The Cohens inform Ryan that they went to CPS today and they want him to stay with them. I told you this was going to be exceptionally unexpected news, ahem. The Cohen's only concern is that they will need to have signed over all of Ryan's legal rights.
The Cohens inform Ryan that they went to CPS today and they want him to stay with them. I told you this was going to be exceptionally unexpected news, ahem. The Cohen's only concern is that they will need to have signed over all of Ryan's legal rights.
Andy tells Prue that he was nowhere in the neighborhood and decided to stop by. Prue appreciates his honesty. I still think that on the scale of trying too hard, he's landing on the side of "weird." He's got an early birthday gift for her and it comes in a Tiffany blue box but is in no way related to jewelery. What Prue gets is a key to a room at the Calistoga Spa and they leave in a week. I'm not sure what kind of hotel is in the habit of giving physical keys a week before check-in but OKAY. Maybe the key is a more symbolic.
Prue is hesitant so Andy clarifies that he got them adjoining rooms, because he respects her wish to take it slow. He asks her to think about it, gives her a kiss and leaves. "Happy birthday to me," she says in a tone I can't quite figure out because acting is hard.
Prue is hesitant so Andy clarifies that he got them adjoining rooms, because he respects her wish to take it slow. He asks her to think about it, gives her a kiss and leaves. "Happy birthday to me," she says in a tone I can't quite figure out because acting is hard.
We begin in the Mars Investigations Offices with Veronica tutoring Weevil in math. This scene not only gives us some adorable Veronica/Weevil time but also reminds us that the gang leader with the heart of gold is not only sweeter than he lets on, but smarter than the school system gives him credit for. He dismisses a word problem he doesn't want to answer by giving Bob the fictional Word Problem Guy some financial advice. I'm overselling this - that advice was basically, "Illegal stuff makes a lot of money!"
Lorraine: Because the gang leader with a heart of gold is also poor. So, you know.
Lorraine: Because the gang leader with a heart of gold is also poor. So, you know.
Plugin by Social Author Bio