In some offline news, I joined a local book club this past month! If I'm honest, I had a big worry about the people I would encounter there. I mean, I knew pretty quickly that they were lovely girls, very smart and well spoken with great taste in beer and good conversation. Still, there was that niggling fear in the back of my mind. I waited for my moment, and as soon as I saw it, I went for it: So, what did you guys think of Fifty Shades of Grey?
Lucky for me, the two girls who'd actually read the book hated it and everything was safe. I exhaled loudly and rushed through an explanation about how I spent almost two years recapping that book chapter by chapter.
Hanna is laying in bed in the middle of the night when Mona creeps up on her like a total fucking creep. Mona tells Hanna that she was just released from Radley with a clean bill of mental health (lol k) and Hanna is like, "You were released in the middle of the night??" which is a valid question but an even more valid question would be, "HOW DID YOU GET INTO MY HOUSE?" Why do these girls not all have security systems in their big, fancy, rich people homes?
Lorraine: Shit, I'd settle for locks in my big, fancy, rich people house.
Sara: Mona is worried because she has to start public school at Rosewood School For Not Having School, and she knows that everyone will be talking about her and how she tried to kill some people. (S: Girl, middle-of-the-night B&E is not really the way to go convincing people that you're not crazy.)
Lorraine: Shit, I'd settle for locks in my big, fancy, rich people house.
Sara: Mona is worried because she has to start public school at Rosewood School For Not Having School, and she knows that everyone will be talking about her and how she tried to kill some people. (S: Girl, middle-of-the-night B&E is not really the way to go convincing people that you're not crazy.)
Seeing as how the last episode ended with some implied rape, I'm kind of scared. I'm going to be flinching the whole time. We start moments after Sarah's car wreck. She comes to and sees Daniel next to her, passed out and bleeding. Cal opens the driver's side door and apologizes for the crash. He didn't know what else to do. Sarah grabs the Project Leda picture and Daniel's gun as Cal says they have to call the cops. LOL. Sorry, I never get tired of laughing at people suggesting someone call the cops.
Sweeney: THEY NEVER DO. The only people who call the cops are the rare characters who actually call the cops without having silly lines of dialogue in which they ponder at whether or not law enforcement should be involved in their very dangerous situation.
Sweeney: THEY NEVER DO. The only people who call the cops are the rare characters who actually call the cops without having silly lines of dialogue in which they ponder at whether or not law enforcement should be involved in their very dangerous situation.
We begin at Neptune High, where a "Total Eclipse of the Heart" banner is hung up to notify us that there's a dance a-coming. (L: Another one!) Veronica and Logan are discussing Lisa Rinna's credit card statement - she used her maiden name for this card. And rented a red Benz convertible, which I think is the same car she allegedly crashed on the bridge. Maybe get a yellow one next time, just to go a little more incognito? Anyway, Logan sincerely thanks Veronica for helping him.
Duncan is helping plan the 80s dance and wants to know if anyone has asked Veronica to the dance; she snarks that she's just waiting by the phone for that special boy to call.
Duncan is helping plan the 80s dance and wants to know if anyone has asked Veronica to the dance; she snarks that she's just waiting by the phone for that special boy to call.
A very rough looking Wes stands in Fred's old office, watching Illyria generally be weird in Evil Radio Shack below. When Angel turns up, Wes says that Illyria is either "counting oxygen molecules or analysing the petri dish she just put into her mouth." Angel tells Wes that Illyria isn't his responsibility, she's THEIR responsibility and they should be testing and/or studying her. Wes says that Illyria's not much with the people, and that someone might get hurt. "We'll make Spike do it," Angel says quickly.
Wes vaguely agrees before saying that Illyria needs a guide in our world. Angel's all "Right, but you need sleep. And also to stop punishing yourself. Because you look like a crazy person right now and also my Super Smelling Abilities can smell your excess drinking and lack of showering all over the building and it's gross."
Wes vaguely agrees before saying that Illyria needs a guide in our world. Angel's all "Right, but you need sleep. And also to stop punishing yourself. Because you look like a crazy person right now and also my Super Smelling Abilities can smell your excess drinking and lack of showering all over the building and it's gross."
Sarah wakes up in the stolen pickup truck out in the middle of nowhere. It's a really pretty shot, but Felix isn't finding this camping thing all that pretty. Sarah's wearing leather pants which seem like a really bad choice for life on the run. ETERNAL SWAMP ASS. (L: Plus, it clearly outs her as a BAD GIRL.) Sarah catches Felix up on what happened with Mrs. S and The Birdwatchers, (Sounds like a band name!) adding that it seemed like this wasn't Mrs. S's first murder. Felix decides he's really had his fill of camping when he steps in a pile of shit and Sarah laughs. Don't laugh girl, you're going to have to ride in a car with that. (L: Plus, those with eternal swamp ass can't be judgers.) Felix decides that they 100% need to get to civilization now.
Angel sits at a conference room table, anxiously tapping his fingers and rearranging his paperwork.
Kirsti: I'm already distracted because he's wearing his leather coat for the first time in aaaaaaaaaaaaages. YAY.
Lor: He calls Harmony and she tells him she's called everyone for the meeting already. Angel yells at his phone about how he's still sitting there alone, and Harm comes to talk to him in person. She gives us the expository rundown of where everyone is: Wesley is baby-sitting Illyria, Gunn is still in the hospital (as if Angel wouldn't know that) and Lorne is MIA because, and this is what it all comes down to, Fred is dead.
Kirsti: I'm already distracted because he's wearing his leather coat for the first time in aaaaaaaaaaaaages. YAY.
Lor: He calls Harmony and she tells him she's called everyone for the meeting already. Angel yells at his phone about how he's still sitting there alone, and Harm comes to talk to him in person. She gives us the expository rundown of where everyone is: Wesley is baby-sitting Illyria, Gunn is still in the hospital (as if Angel wouldn't know that) and Lorne is MIA because, and this is what it all comes down to, Fred is dead.
Jaime is pissed now that the sweet deal he set up with his father, in which Tyrion spent the rest of his days at the Wall, has crumbled. Tyrion doesn't see why he should be grateful about being exiled to a perpetual snowpocalypse for a crime he didn't even commit. (S: PLUS, WHITE WALKERS. Fuck that.) Jaime snaps that this isn't a joke. Tyrion says it is, it just isn't very funny. I think we've all felt like life's walking punchline a time or two. I mean, probably we weren't on trial for murder, but the sentiment is universal.
The previouslies, the last five seconds of the last episode and the beginning of this episode bleed together, so that Veronica opens the door to find Logan, he asks her to find his mother, and then Veronica, with some genuine concern in her voice invites him into the Plush Poor People Apartment.
Democracy Diva: I like this show's habit of picking up from where we left off when the episodes end on particularly cliffhanger-y notes.
Lor: Inside, Logan insists that his mother isn't dead, and can't understand why everyone is assuming she is, since there is no body. Veronica asks about the lady who's all over the news, claiming to have seen Lisa Rinna jump.
Democracy Diva: I like this show's habit of picking up from where we left off when the episodes end on particularly cliffhanger-y notes.
Lor: Inside, Logan insists that his mother isn't dead, and can't understand why everyone is assuming she is, since there is no body. Veronica asks about the lady who's all over the news, claiming to have seen Lisa Rinna jump.
We start off in the asylum on a stormy night with Mona doing some creepy singing about teddy bears having their picnic today. (Pretty singing, though! Do we have a pretty+creepy word in our creepcabulary? It could often be used to describe Mona.) She's painting a head. (YVONNE LEHEAD?) She draws a big red blob on the lips which are magically perfectly painted a hot second later. Continuity is for people with no imagination. Mona monologues about how she gets to do an art project for Halloween, even though they're not big on Halloween around those parts. She turns around and we see that she's talking to a hooded member of the A-Team (Toby?) as she continues about how much she loves Halloween. (You're making this awkward for me, Mona, because I also love the shit out of Halloween.)
It's been ten years since Mean Girls saw it's theatrical release. Let that sink in for a moment.
This movie is truly a ton of stereotypes held together by the glue of memorable one liners and the wonder of Lindsay Lohan back when she resembled, you know, Lindsay Lohan. Also, I just realized this is the second Lindsay Lohan film we've covered for #snarkathon and that was not at all on purpose. I feel slightly ashamed.
Okay, movie: Cady Heron and her zoologist parents return to the United Starts after a 12 year research trip to Africa, meaning she'll have to attend public school for the first time ever. Cady has a difficult time blending in for a day or two, before she befriends classmates Janis and Damian.
This movie is truly a ton of stereotypes held together by the glue of memorable one liners and the wonder of Lindsay Lohan back when she resembled, you know, Lindsay Lohan. Also, I just realized this is the second Lindsay Lohan film we've covered for #snarkathon and that was not at all on purpose. I feel slightly ashamed.
Okay, movie: Cady Heron and her zoologist parents return to the United Starts after a 12 year research trip to Africa, meaning she'll have to attend public school for the first time ever. Cady has a difficult time blending in for a day or two, before she befriends classmates Janis and Damian.
We begin where we left off: Illyria saying, "This will do," in Fred's body. She goes to look at herself in the mirror and Wesley says her name. Illyria gets really pissy with Wesley for using her name. Wes asks if she knows who Fred is and she doesn't know or give a shit. She says they're done and Wes agrees, grabbing an ax.
Electric Cellos, complete with all those Fred scenes. Fuck. Are they going to be replaced with Illyria scenes or will we just die a little inside during the credits for the rest of the season?
Lorraine: You figured we'd be used to dying all kinds of deaths while watching Angel.
Electric Cellos, complete with all those Fred scenes. Fuck. Are they going to be replaced with Illyria scenes or will we just die a little inside during the credits for the rest of the season?
Lorraine: You figured we'd be used to dying all kinds of deaths while watching Angel.
The whole internet seems to be making Law & Order jokes about this episode and I'm going to try super hard to not be one of them but also I'll probably fail.
The previouslies remind us of the enemies that Tyrion made while being the best member of his family and basically Westeros. Also the part where Varys told Tyrion he was the best forever. Also a reminder of Theon's torture, as if we could ever, ever forget that shit.
Liar liar credits on fire: King's Landing, Dreadfort, Winterfellstillonfire, The Wall, BRAAVOS! all shiny and new, complete with an animated soldier man guarding the city, and finally, to Meereen.
The previouslies remind us of the enemies that Tyrion made while being the best member of his family and basically Westeros. Also the part where Varys told Tyrion he was the best forever. Also a reminder of Theon's torture, as if we could ever, ever forget that shit.
Liar liar credits on fire: King's Landing, Dreadfort, Winterfellstillonfire, The Wall, BRAAVOS! all shiny and new, complete with an animated soldier man guarding the city, and finally, to Meereen.
Joss Whedon got his feature length film, and we're going to recap it, but fair warning that this post will be long.
The Universal Pictures logo becomes Earth. A voice over gives us the set-up, but it is not Mal, as we were accustomed to. It's a woman (S: Tamara Taylor from Bones!) with a slightly different version of events: Earth-That-Was could no longer sustain the ever growing population. People found a new solar system, terraformed the planets and moons to form new Earths. The central planets formed the Alliance. The savage, outer planets refused Alliance control, resulting in a devastating war. But the Alliance won and now everyone is happy!
The Universal Pictures logo becomes Earth. A voice over gives us the set-up, but it is not Mal, as we were accustomed to. It's a woman (S: Tamara Taylor from Bones!) with a slightly different version of events: Earth-That-Was could no longer sustain the ever growing population. People found a new solar system, terraformed the planets and moons to form new Earths. The central planets formed the Alliance. The savage, outer planets refused Alliance control, resulting in a devastating war. But the Alliance won and now everyone is happy!
The soundtrack squeals and we fade into a hospital room where Helena is fading in and out of consciousness. There is a police officer there, taking pictures and collecting evidence. He asks the same question I had last episode: how is she even alive? Almost in response to him, Helena starts convulsing and the nurse rushes to her aid.
Meanwhile, Art is asking Sarah what the Proletheans want with Kira. She doesn't know. Everyone wants Kira, and probably not to play with puzzles and finger paints. There's a knock at the door and Sarah lets Felix in. He immediately comforts Sarah by letting her know they will find Kira. Felix greets "Arthur," but adds a grumble about how he can't believe Sarah let a cop into Clone Club. Yeah, I'm having a hard time with that one too, Fee.
Meanwhile, Art is asking Sarah what the Proletheans want with Kira. She doesn't know. Everyone wants Kira, and probably not to play with puzzles and finger paints. There's a knock at the door and Sarah lets Felix in. He immediately comforts Sarah by letting her know they will find Kira. Felix greets "Arthur," but adds a grumble about how he can't believe Sarah let a cop into Clone Club. Yeah, I'm having a hard time with that one too, Fee.
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