Warning - this episode is rated F for Feels. Please acquire tissues before proceeding with this recap. We open in a FLASHBACK! Fred is at her parents' house, packing up her stuff for her big move to join the graduate physics program at UCLA. Her dad is totally against her moving, saying that she's going to Hell-A and that if she meets one angel there, he'll eat the dogs. Dude. No. (L: She met Angel; LEAVE THE DOGS ALONE.)
He goes out to check the car for the millionth time. Fred realises that she's forgotten Feiginbaum, her stuffed bunny toy, which I mention only because it's relevant later. (S: AH. I DIDN'T CATCH THIS. AH. FEELS.)
We're at some sort of crime or accident scene, and watch as paramedics wheel a gurney into the back of ambulances. A crowd has gathered, and our fabulous and fashionable fibbers are there as well. Hanna is bawling as Aria and Spencer hold her up. A little ways away, Gossip Cop (at least I think it is. I may just be calling every cop who isn't Wilden Gossip Cop) (S: None of them do a whole lot of law officering, so probably accurate.) asks Emily if the deceased was their friend. Emily doesn't answer, and it's probably because Hanna's really loud gasp-crying is super distracting.
Sara: For real though, Hanna, tone it down. Shit.
Sara: For real though, Hanna, tone it down. Shit.
Who gets the puppet episode? THIS GIRL.
I'm pretty pumped, but first, I wouldn't be a true Snark Lady if I didn't say that puppets will always and forever remind me of Goosebumps, and that one time we thought it'd be an awesome idea to cover all three Night of the Living Dummy books. (It was an awesome idea.)
Sweeney: Night of the Living Dummy is Traumaland's One True Puppet.
Lor: Always and forever. On to the episode: While the screen is still black, some jaunty, cartoonish music greets us. It's coming from a TV show that features (BIG REVEAL) puppets!
I'm pretty pumped, but first, I wouldn't be a true Snark Lady if I didn't say that puppets will always and forever remind me of Goosebumps, and that one time we thought it'd be an awesome idea to cover all three Night of the Living Dummy books. (It was an awesome idea.)
Sweeney: Night of the Living Dummy is Traumaland's One True Puppet.
Lor: Always and forever. On to the episode: While the screen is still black, some jaunty, cartoonish music greets us. It's coming from a TV show that features (BIG REVEAL) puppets!
We start at Tommen's coronation, where the (I'm assuming) High Septon calls the crown a heavy burden. He means it in a "ruling the Seven Kingdoms" way, but since the last handful of kings were all murdered, I'd say that shit is the worst kind of burden. Little Tommen needs all the prayers and blessings he can get. We pan a bit around the room, and focus for a while on DaddyUncle Jaime, standing just in back of the throne. The Probably High Septon finishes the ceremony, earns himself a Gold Star by calling Tommen the first of his name, places the crown on Tom's head and proclaims, "long may he reign!" We hear and see Cersei and Tywin repeat those words, with the crowd, and I'm struck by Charles Dance's smooth, velvety voice.
There is lots of cheering and celebration for the baby king.
There is lots of cheering and celebration for the baby king.
We start underwater. Remember when Connor sunk Angel and the entire show basically went down with him but didn't get pulled back out again? I'm keeping that in mind because I've been warned that after the last two gems, this is, you know, not so much. Anyway, this underwater scene is a WWII submarine that is being evacuated. What are the evacuation procedures for a submarine? I've never given this much thought. I don't actually find out (yet) because we just see that whatever has them all distressed is probably demonic. We don't see what, but there's a lot of blood.
Kirsti: And to think, the last time we started an episode without the Fang Gang, I was instantly hooked. This time? Bored within the first ten seconds.
Kirsti: And to think, the last time we started an episode without the Fang Gang, I was instantly hooked. This time? Bored within the first ten seconds.
The episode begins with a wealthy black man (*gasp*!) yelling at someone on the phone as he lounges by the pool. His wife comes over and he grumbles how it's always nice there. She has stuff for him to sign, like permission slips for their kids who live a wonderful cushy life which is far removed from the life that he had growing up on the streets. (L: First generation rich, natch.) His wife teases him about his discomfort with this: "And the street was tough and you lost a lot of homies. But this is Neptune." As he's wondering how he ended up with "National Black Velvet and Urkel" for children, Urkel walks up. (Probably wondering how such a smart kid ended up with a dad who didn't see how awesome that is.) Unfortunately, Urkel's got bad news: National Black Velvet is missing.
It's same night as the events of the S1 finale and Sarah is running in the rain (though it wasn't raining then). (L: It started raining because she's distraught and TV weather is effected by the MC's emotions. Everyone knows that.) (S: True. We learned that lesson watching Ever After - her mood didn't call for rain until the very end of that episode.) She leaves Felix a voicemail explaining that Mrs. S and Kira are missing. She ducks into a small, empty diner, where the proprietor hooks her up with free tea. She tries to call the other pink clone phones, but they're disconnected. She finally tries Paul and leaves him a voicemail that she needs to talk immediately about her missing family. Seconds later, she gets a return call from his number, but it's Rachel.
Holy crap, you guys. We have FINALLY made it through 100 episodes of Angel. Which feels like it took approximately 500 years longer than covering 100 episodes of Buffy. Let's have a gif party and get started, shall we?
We open with the Fang Gang kicking down a door and walking into a room featuring a big ass crucifix and a bunch of lit prayer candles. The guys stare in horror as Fred talks to the screen of her scientific gadget about how the guy they're looking for has been there but he's gone now and she's picking up lots of blood that's not his. She finally looks up to see the room is filled with dead nuns. The perp, apparently, is one of their clients.
We open with the Fang Gang kicking down a door and walking into a room featuring a big ass crucifix and a bunch of lit prayer candles. The guys stare in horror as Fred talks to the screen of her scientific gadget about how the guy they're looking for has been there but he's gone now and she's picking up lots of blood that's not his. She finally looks up to see the room is filled with dead nuns. The perp, apparently, is one of their clients.
The credits on fire take us through Kings' Landing, Dragonstone, the dreaded Dreadfort, Winterfell, The Wall, and finally forever away to Meereen.
We start the episode with Missandei teaching Grey Worm to read and speak in the Common Tongue. He asks about her background and she tells him she was kidnapped when she was five years old. Her memories are vague, but she does remember her village burning. If her village was anything like Winterfell, it was probably on fire forever, so I guess that's the kind of thing you'd remember. (S: FOREVER AND EVER.) Missandei in turn asks Grey Worm if he remembers his original home. He says there is nothing before the Unsullied. She says that's BS and maybe one day he will return to the Summer Isles. Grey Worm doesn't want to return. He wants to kill all the masters.
We start the episode with Missandei teaching Grey Worm to read and speak in the Common Tongue. He asks about her background and she tells him she was kidnapped when she was five years old. Her memories are vague, but she does remember her village burning. If her village was anything like Winterfell, it was probably on fire forever, so I guess that's the kind of thing you'd remember. (S: FOREVER AND EVER.) Missandei in turn asks Grey Worm if he remembers his original home. He says there is nothing before the Unsullied. She says that's BS and maybe one day he will return to the Summer Isles. Grey Worm doesn't want to return. He wants to kill all the masters.
April is the best month of the year due to it being the month of my birthday and Coachella and hanging out with Lorraine and the blog's birthday and also my birthday. (L: Did she mention her birthday? HAPPY BIRTHDAY.) Of course, all that excitement was a lot to take in and meant that we got a little more off-schedule than usual. Like, "Post the bloggy equivalent of a vacation auto-responder" levels of off schedule. But good times were had and we hope the, "CHECK OUT OLD POSTS!" stuff kept you all occupied. Hopefully we didn't lose too many of you in our absence because we're back and rushing to play catch up.
Our episode today starts at a psychiatric hospital. A nurse sitting at a station, with apparently nothing better to do besides a crossword puzzle, tells a passing doctor that they are running low on diazepam (Valium). He tells her to see if they can get some from a neighboring hospital and then wants in on her crossword action. "In a mellifluous manner," is the clue. 7 letters, ends in y. (Harmony?) The doctor doesn't get it, but fun with words is soon interrupted by an actual medical emergency.
Sweeney: Night shift life.
Sweeney: Night shift life.
Episode begins with the credits and Winterfell's eternal fire. Because this show just wants to taunt us and destroy us and so they give us these credits and also, you know, this episode. This fucking episode.
Lorraine: I think that's a good thing to get out of the way early. Welcome to our recap for episode 3; THIS FUCKING EPISODE.
Sweeney: This Fucking Episode begins where the last one left off. Joffrey's corpse, bloody and blue. Cersei screaming for Tyrion to be taken and demanding to know where Sansa is. Tywin orders the gates to the city barred and every ship in the harbor seized. Too bad for you, assholes, Dantos is successfully getting her the hell out of there. About damn time, really.
Lorraine: I think that's a good thing to get out of the way early. Welcome to our recap for episode 3; THIS FUCKING EPISODE.
Sweeney: This Fucking Episode begins where the last one left off. Joffrey's corpse, bloody and blue. Cersei screaming for Tyrion to be taken and demanding to know where Sansa is. Tywin orders the gates to the city barred and every ship in the harbor seized. Too bad for you, assholes, Dantos is successfully getting her the hell out of there. About damn time, really.
Hanna and Spencer are in the former's room as she tries on outfits and complains that nothing covers the bandage on her leg from her gigantic improbable stab wound. There's always... pants?
Lorraine: MIND BLOWN. The Improbable Wound is mid-thigh. I'm not sure she should be having this much difficulty finding something to cover it.
Sweeney: You live in Pennsylvania. There's no way that you don't own clothing that will cover past mid-thigh. Winter is coming, girl. (Eventually. One day. Maybe.)
Lorraine: MIND BLOWN. The Improbable Wound is mid-thigh. I'm not sure she should be having this much difficulty finding something to cover it.
Sweeney: You live in Pennsylvania. There's no way that you don't own clothing that will cover past mid-thigh. Winter is coming, girl. (Eventually. One day. Maybe.)
After the previouslies show us Sarah trying to process the, "HEY THE GIRL WHO TRIED TO KILL YOU ISN'T JUST YOUR CLONE BUT YOUR CLONE TWIN!" bomb, she's tucking her sleeping daughter into bed. Downstairs, Sarah's getting ready to let her biological mother see said crazypants. Mrs. S isn't sure that any of this womb-providing and womb-sharing constitutes good reason for the serious endangerment of this little get-together, but Sarah's not hearing any of this. Sarah and the bio-mom head to the Basement of Don't Go In There: Canadian Edition, where Helena is tied to a post. Bio-mom pulls Sarah aside to say that she needs to speak with Sarah somewhere privately so that she can share something with her. As soon as Helena catches sight of this black woman claiming to be her birth mother she starts laughing because she's crazy and racist. Always a classy combo.
This episode begins by jumping back to just before Spike took that big old swig of flat Mountain Dew. He's telling Angel how fully not about him this is and then he drinks. As he does, Angel's face burns up and he screams. (K: Reminiscent of when he dreamt of marrying Buffy and then her burning up???) Then he wakes up sweating, sitting at his desk.
Meanwhile, Spike's hanging out at a strip club (K: Is this an I Know Who Killed Me crossover?) when Lindsey shows up, and Spike tells him to fuck off.
Meanwhile, Spike's hanging out at a strip club (K: Is this an I Know Who Killed Me crossover?) when Lindsey shows up, and Spike tells him to fuck off.
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