We open in the kitchen / common area, where Inara & Kaylee are playing a game, Simon is trying to get River to eat something, and Jayne is sitting off by himself. Simon tries to convince River that the food is good, but Jayne says it smells like crotch, which is the funniest description I've ever heard. Zoe and Wash enter, playfully arguing about taking a vacation. Wash wants to take a vacation on Ariel, but Zoe knows that Ariel is a hot spot for the Feds.
Wash begs someone to help him convince Zoe, and Inara chimes in that Ariel is a beautiful planet with lots of romantic things to do. Even Simon helps try to sell it, and Wash eagerly bounces up and down and it's the cutest. Zoe is adamant, though: "I don't care if it's got sunsets 24 hours a day, I ain't settin' foot on that planet." Mal enternounces that ain't nobody settin' foot on that planet.
Why yes, we are starting another insane new thing. It's a new year, which means it's time for us to reflect on all the exciting and traumatizing events of the previous year. That's sort of what we did in yesterday's TMYK, but as we mentioned then, Traumaland is a community and we want you all to be a part of this process. As Traumaland expands, we have an ever-growing cast of characters to recognize for all the ways they either got us to feel all the feelings or simply ruined us for life. For that I give you: The Traumaland Awards
How it works: We came up with a handful of categories and nominees. (All chosen from things that happened -- on the blog -- in 2013) You have about to weeks to make your decision, campaign for your favorites, rig the vote - whatever. We'll be posting the official ballot link on Tuesday, January 14th.
How it works: We came up with a handful of categories and nominees. (All chosen from things that happened -- on the blog -- in 2013) You have about to weeks to make your decision, campaign for your favorites, rig the vote - whatever. We'll be posting the official ballot link on Tuesday, January 14th.
Our final The More You Know post for 2012 was titled, "So, we had a year." That seems fitting. In 2012 we fell into a hiatus, lost a few Snark Ladies, but then decided to reinvent the website. We did a lot of great things, but it was a celebration in and of itself that we'd even had a year. Sweeney and I pulled it together and soldiered on, despite all the craziness and a multitude of changes.
Sweeney: It's weird to think about that time, then. That brief period when we wondered how/if this blog would continue to exist. By "weird" I mean "impossible" because this thing has come to be so damn important to us both.
Sweeney: It's weird to think about that time, then. That brief period when we wondered how/if this blog would continue to exist. By "weird" I mean "impossible" because this thing has come to be so damn important to us both.
This post is obviously incredibly late. It is mostly late because I've been enjoying some much-needed family time. (Also, feeling incredibly old because I feel like family time is a lot more exhausting than it used to be.) The other reason this post is late is that everyone would not stop going on about how painful this episode is. Half a dozen people discussed the necessity of brain bleach for this particular episode. I had the choice of stuffing my face with cookies until I passed out in a painful-but-glorious food coma or watching the ZOMG BRAIN BLEACH 5EVA episode; I stand by my choices. In spite of our many drinking games, I can't actually write a recap while shitfaced. It doesn't work out well for anyone.
That was my long-winded introduction to say that even though I haven't seen the episode yet, I already know it's rated BB.
That was my long-winded introduction to say that even though I haven't seen the episode yet, I already know it's rated BB.
The episode kicks off with tight shots of a band plugging stuff in and starting to play. An actual title card shows off the episode title, which already makes this episode all fancy like.
Kirsti: Can we give a gold star to a title card? Or is that just too easy?
Sweeney: Given that saying the title is literally it's job, no.
Moody music plays while we get back-to-back shots of Buffy in the cemetery, Spike listening alone in the Bronze, and the band playing.
Kirsti: Can we give a gold star to a title card? Or is that just too easy?
Sweeney: Given that saying the title is literally it's job, no.
Moody music plays while we get back-to-back shots of Buffy in the cemetery, Spike listening alone in the Bronze, and the band playing.
It's nearly finale time, folks, so maybe something will happen this episode! We're dreaming big.
Sweeney: We Snark Ladies dream impossible dreams. Remember all the times we hoped we'd seen the worst of Fifty Shades and then, you know, read more chapters? Good times.
Lor: Indeed. And proof that we're fucking optimists. Clearly.
Spencer is sleeping on the couch and she wakes to some pretty inconsiderate rustling. Turns out it's Alison, which I should've known because that bitch would be making tons of noise while others were trying to sleep.
Sweeney: We Snark Ladies dream impossible dreams. Remember all the times we hoped we'd seen the worst of Fifty Shades and then, you know, read more chapters? Good times.
Lor: Indeed. And proof that we're fucking optimists. Clearly.
Spencer is sleeping on the couch and she wakes to some pretty inconsiderate rustling. Turns out it's Alison, which I should've known because that bitch would be making tons of noise while others were trying to sleep.
We start with Lorne sitting in a club singing "The Way We Were." He starts monologuing to the audience about how everyone wants to get their youth back but they all forget how fucked up it is. He starts to tell a story, and says that it starts with a kid. That sends us into a seizure cut sequence of Connor angrily walking down the street while flashbacking to kissing Cordy. Hey Lor? Was there any brain bleach left from last time?
Lorraine: I've got an industrial order in. We'll make sure to always have a bottle or 5 at the Table of Ugh.
K: EXCELLENT. Anyway, Lorne changes his mind and says that the story really starts with Cordy's question to Angel at the end of the last episode - "Were we in love?" We cut over to them. Angel dithers a response, and Cordy gets about as pissed as I imagine Lor and Sweeney were during this moment.
Lorraine: I've got an industrial order in. We'll make sure to always have a bottle or 5 at the Table of Ugh.
K: EXCELLENT. Anyway, Lorne changes his mind and says that the story really starts with Cordy's question to Angel at the end of the last episode - "Were we in love?" We cut over to them. Angel dithers a response, and Cordy gets about as pissed as I imagine Lor and Sweeney were during this moment.
I'm gonna go ahead and start by saying that I refuse to give out gold stars, because we would literally be here all day, because I just checked the transcript and the word "him" appears like 50 times in this episode. (S: A sound policy.)
After the previouslies, we're at Xander's Gift Apartment. He walks in the front door, informing Spike that he's now going to be living in the Cupboard Under the Stairs. (Fine, it's the walk-in closet, which Xander is now claiming is a room. But HOW COULD I NOT?) He informs Buffy that he hates this plan (you're not alone, Xand), and she reminds him that Spike - who's hovering in the doorway - needs an invitation to enter. Xander reluctantly gives one while I'm busy being distracted by Buffy's sudden and horrific fringe.
After the previouslies, we're at Xander's Gift Apartment. He walks in the front door, informing Spike that he's now going to be living in the Cupboard Under the Stairs. (Fine, it's the walk-in closet, which Xander is now claiming is a room. But HOW COULD I NOT?) He informs Buffy that he hates this plan (you're not alone, Xand), and she reminds him that Spike - who's hovering in the doorway - needs an invitation to enter. Xander reluctantly gives one while I'm busy being distracted by Buffy's sudden and horrific fringe.
We open to a trio of nerds (not THAT Trio, thank goodness), rating their female classmates based on hotness. Apparently, Veronica's detective skills up her from an 8.5 to a 9, according to Dweeb #1. How empowering! Troy and Veronica do a walk-and-talk, which hilariously features V assuming T's weekend plans revolve around autoeroticism. He's actually just got a boner for boats, like apparently all wealthy southern California boys on television in the early aughts.
They exchange something like eight hundred thousand flirty glances as Troy departs.
They exchange something like eight hundred thousand flirty glances as Troy departs.
The previouslies include basically everything we've seen so far, including all of the annoying Aria/Ezra crap which means we'll all be gauging our eyes out by the end of this one. Anyways, the episode starts with the girls drinking coffee at a very public coffeehouse and having a very public conversation about their secrets, per usual. The Liars rehash how Ali was dressing up as Wigison to get answers on who 'A' was.
Sweeney: These expository conversations are always so laughably clunky. We're meant to believe that they had some brief conversation about what happened between Aria and the random dude, but actually no conversation was had because they ask Aria questions that amount to, "Please, tell the entire brief story again."
Sweeney: These expository conversations are always so laughably clunky. We're meant to believe that they had some brief conversation about what happened between Aria and the random dude, but actually no conversation was had because they ask Aria questions that amount to, "Please, tell the entire brief story again."
I brought up my recapping method in today's Buffy post. For Angel, it's become a different thing. Namely, I have to power through the episode in a sitting and then come back and recap from memory/skipping around Netflix/transcripts/notes. It's the only way.
That said, I'd be a terrible Internet friend if I didn't tell you that about 5 minutes of this episode is rated BB for [FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY PLEASE STOCK UP ON THE] Brain Bleach.
Sweeney: I can't believe we didn't make this rating sooner, really:
That said, I'd be a terrible Internet friend if I didn't tell you that about 5 minutes of this episode is rated BB for [FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY PLEASE STOCK UP ON THE] Brain Bleach.
Sweeney: I can't believe we didn't make this rating sooner, really:
This is my second episode this season and it is again an episode a few of you have claimed to love. We know how well that worked out for me and Beneath You. Here's hoping I can love this one. The previouslies are Anya heavy, which is a good sign.
Sweeney: No pressure or anything, Anya, but our happiness for the week rests on you.
Lor: We open at Chez Summers, where Dawn is helping Willow arrange some things while giving her advice that consists of, "do what everyone else does," "nod and smile," and generally, "fake it 'till you make it." "Do what everyone else does," seems like a good way to get dead in Sunnydale, even if we are just talking about Willow going back to college.
Sweeney: No pressure or anything, Anya, but our happiness for the week rests on you.
Lor: We open at Chez Summers, where Dawn is helping Willow arrange some things while giving her advice that consists of, "do what everyone else does," "nod and smile," and generally, "fake it 'till you make it." "Do what everyone else does," seems like a good way to get dead in Sunnydale, even if we are just talking about Willow going back to college.
It's been a while, so I'm not pleased with the very somber introduction to this episode, my return to the show. Funereal music plays as we see a bunch of shots of the empty ship. The sequence ends with a shot of Mal collapsing.
He has a flashback. I think Whedon took a cue from Rosewood because this flashback is clearly brought to us by a particularly strong Instagram filter. I'm thinking Toaster? Anyway, this flashback is of the day he showed Zoe the brand new ship he bought. She is all sorts of unimpressed by Serenity - thinks it's a bit of a dump. Future!Kaylee is off somewhere, taking offense, I'm sure.
He has a flashback. I think Whedon took a cue from Rosewood because this flashback is clearly brought to us by a particularly strong Instagram filter. I'm thinking Toaster? Anyway, this flashback is of the day he showed Zoe the brand new ship he bought. She is all sorts of unimpressed by Serenity - thinks it's a bit of a dump. Future!Kaylee is off somewhere, taking offense, I'm sure.
First: I flailed a little over this episode being named after one of my favorite poems. Fun! (Weeeeee apocalyptic poetry!) When the show begins, a man is trying to jump start his family vehicle in a shady area that he shouldn't have been in to begin with. Connor appears to be his horrifyingly I'm-going-to-wear-your-skin self, and the dad clearly wants Connor to get gone because they already called for help. Said help arrives and is, of course, a vampire towing company. IDK. Sure. Connor reappears and stakes them.
Kirsti: Our old friend Contrivance has set a new world record with this scene.
Lorraine: I love how you first recognize the evil because the vampires drive like asshats.
Kirsti: Our old friend Contrivance has set a new world record with this scene.
Lorraine: I love how you first recognize the evil because the vampires drive like asshats.
Today's fun time in Sunnydale begins in a funeral home where two guys are closing up, after preparing an older woman for her service the next day.
Kirsti: Right, because you'd totally leave a dead body sitting out at room temperature all night...
Sweeney: Kirsti, that sentence already requires me to think more about the care of dead bodies than I'd like. (See also: any thinking about the subject at all.)
After the guys leave, Buffy and Xander emerge from coffins. Xander says something about wanting to HELP. Seems like a lazy way to earn the star, but kudos for being so quick about it and beating everyone else to it:
Kirsti: Right, because you'd totally leave a dead body sitting out at room temperature all night...
Sweeney: Kirsti, that sentence already requires me to think more about the care of dead bodies than I'd like. (See also: any thinking about the subject at all.)
After the guys leave, Buffy and Xander emerge from coffins. Xander says something about wanting to HELP. Seems like a lazy way to earn the star, but kudos for being so quick about it and beating everyone else to it:
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