The last chapter ended with Ana answering a phone call from Mia, only to discover that Jack Hyde, evil boss extraordinaire, was on the other line. We start this chapter one second later. "Jack." My voice has disappeared, choked by fear.
Jack, she says with her voice, one second before the cracked out author tells us her voice has disappeared. Jack is surprised that Ana remembers him. Since he was her boss at her first post-college job, who also tried to sexually molest her, I'm gonna go ahead and say it isn't any wonder she remembers him. Also, she last saw him a few months ago. Maybe this is more a commentary on Jack being surprised that Ana remembers anything at all.
This episode begins with, you guessed it, the girls recapping the last few minutes of the last episode. Spencer managed to get away from Officer Garrett by telling him she had to get home. Well, that was anti-climatic. Hanna suggests that maybe Blind Jenna didn't give Garrett the pottery candle thing, but Spencer thinks that's unlikely. "What do you think, he bought it at the Blind Artists Craft Fair? Of course she gave it to him!"
It turns out that the girls are parked outside of Emily's house, because the people leasing the place don't know how to work the alarm system and it keeps getting set off. This seems like completely pointless information, which probably means it will be important later.
It turns out that the girls are parked outside of Emily's house, because the people leasing the place don't know how to work the alarm system and it keeps getting set off. This seems like completely pointless information, which probably means it will be important later.
Sweeney: I've been over here wondering when Darla's going to turn in up in LA like she promised. I'm not necessarily a fan of all the things they've done in the interim, but I think I like that they took their sweet time with this. FINE, SHOW. FINE. But I think the suspense is over because we kick this episode off in Rome, 1771. TERRIBLE WIG FLASHBACK TIME! Angelus is running around in a sewer (the more things change, the more they stay the same). He's being chased by some monk like dudes. Maybe they're not monks, but they're wearing big brown robes and I can't be bothered to differentiate the kinds of people who wear big brown robes.
Lorraine: Basically, don't wear a big brown robe if you don't want the Snark Ladies to mistake you for a monk.
Sweeney: Precisely.
Lorraine: Basically, don't wear a big brown robe if you don't want the Snark Ladies to mistake you for a monk.
Sweeney: Precisely.
The episode begins with a totally delightful bit of opening credits manipulation that reminds me of Bewitched. The credits feature some fun upbeat music that continues even after the episode ends with the title.
Lorraine: I feel like this episode was telling us right from the beginning that it was going to be fantastic. I was sold 10 seconds into the episode. There was happy seal clapping involved.
Kirsti: The first line of my notes says "These credits remind me of Bewitched!". I'm glad we established our mindmeld only seconds into the episode, Sweeney.
Lorraine: I feel like this episode was telling us right from the beginning that it was going to be fantastic. I was sold 10 seconds into the episode. There was happy seal clapping involved.
Kirsti: The first line of my notes says "These credits remind me of Bewitched!". I'm glad we established our mindmeld only seconds into the episode, Sweeney.
In a nutshell: So there's this guy, right? And he's fighting in the Revolutionary War all heroic and brave like, right up until some creep with a metal mask comes over to stab him. In his dying moments, this guy (Ichabod Crane) goes down swinging and manages to chop off the head of the creep with the mask. He dies, and if that weren't sucky enough, Ichabod Crane is rudely awakened from his grave 250 years later, and soon falls right into an epic mission: the Headless Horseman is back as well, and in the year 2013, it seems that everyone likes their horsemen with heads and generally not going around killing people and being apocalyptic. Ichabod teams up with Lt. Abbie Mills to figure out WTF is going on.
What Lorraine Thinks: This show is batshit crazy.
What Lorraine Thinks: This show is batshit crazy.
The episode starts with all of the girls in their separate rooms in no way referencing what happened last episode. JUST KIDDING. They are all in the Marin Manor kitchen. Emily's explaining that some pipes broke in the house, meaning that Hanna and Em have to share a room. Hanna says that it'll be like a never-ending sleep over and Aria and Spencer give each other hilarious side eye.
Sara: Aria is so good at that side eye. I can't stop watching.
Sweeney: Those big old powderpuff eyes of hers can pull of all sorts of wonderful expressions. There's a slight eyeroll to the Aria shrug, too, that really enhances it.
Sara: Aria is so good at that side eye. I can't stop watching.
Sweeney: Those big old powderpuff eyes of hers can pull of all sorts of wonderful expressions. There's a slight eyeroll to the Aria shrug, too, that really enhances it.
Kirsti: First of all, I'm not handing out gold stars in this episode because it would be like a freaking Oprah show - EVERYONE GETS A GOLD STAR!! Second of all, I hate this episode with the fire of a thousand suns. It's not that it's badly acted or shot or anything like that. It's just 42 minutes of bullshit that makes me indescribably angry, and I kind of can't believe the network signed off on producing this.
Sweeney: Woo! That's...uh...promising. -_-
Lorraine: Hold on:
Sweeney: Woo! That's...uh...promising. -_-
Lorraine: Hold on:
We open at the Magic Box, where they're having their Halloween Bone-anza, and they should REALLY have thought up a different name for that because that does NOT sound like something I would want to attend. (L: Lots of bone jokes lately...) ANYWAY. Xander's dressed as a pirate and is trying to tell a small child dressed as a fireman that he found the bottle of fireflies he's holding off the coast of Kathmandu. The small child is dubious, and I am too because apparently Xander's never cracked an atlas in his life.
Lorraine: Xander gets points though, this being Talk Like a Pirate Day and all. I swear that's a thing. Also, I clearly have to point out that this child is Beans from Even Stevens. That is all.
Lorraine: Xander gets points though, this being Talk Like a Pirate Day and all. I swear that's a thing. Also, I clearly have to point out that this child is Beans from Even Stevens. That is all.
Chapters either begin with Ana waking up and asking herself lots of questions about how she came to a person who is awake or immediately after the previous chapter ended, with Ana asking lots of questions about the thing we just learned. This is the latter. She asks herself all sorts of questions about this "betrayal" and how he could do this to her. That's the one that really gets me. How could he do this to you? Really, Ana? At this point the list of horrible things he has yet to do to you is much shorter than the ones he has. You should have made that list and kept it in your wallet for regular review so you know what to expect next.
I'm not kidding -- two consecutive (short) paragraphs contain a grand total of 10 questions. (That's including two instances of "Why.")
I'm not kidding -- two consecutive (short) paragraphs contain a grand total of 10 questions. (That's including two instances of "Why.")
This is your semi-regular reminder that at least one of these four girls should now have been driven to full-blown insanity with the stress of an ever-changing cadre of blackmailers, murderers, and murders in their lives. The fact that 4/4 are still fully-functional human beings strikes me as implausible at best. Henceforth, I choose to view the story as all being some sort of vivid dream on the part of an institutionalized PLL. It makes the implausibility factor of all other events easier to handle too! You may all begin voting on which PLL's brain my headcanon should be attributed to.
The nervous-break-induced story continues in Emily's bedroom, where the PLLs are folding flyers for a fashion show because that is EVEN BETTER than another effing dance.
The nervous-break-induced story continues in Emily's bedroom, where the PLLs are folding flyers for a fashion show because that is EVEN BETTER than another effing dance.
In a nutshell: Things are changing for Cath and very quickly. She's spent her whole life holding the hand of her twin sister Wren, but now they are starting college, and Wren doesn't even want to be her roommate. Wren has also abandoned their long time joint hobby of writing Simon Snow fanfiction. Cath is completely out of her element, but still, she's got to learn to navigate her new life, which includes a brutally honest roommate and her always cheery boyfriend, a Fiction Writing class where fanfiction is not welcome, a twin sister who keeps drifting away and the father they left behind, who she can't quit worrying about.
Plus, she's determined to finish her latest fanfiction story before the final book in the series is released.
Plus, she's determined to finish her latest fanfiction story before the final book in the series is released.
We get a good, old fashioned misdirection opening today, this time with a big pointy sword in Wesley's face. I'm happy to report that his hair is deflating, but unfortunately it is still not at acceptable levels.
Sweeney: I wonder if his Puff Level will prove comparable to John Green's as an indicator of stress level?
Kirsti: We can but hope, Sweeney.
Lor: Cordy is holding the sword. They banter about running through inventory, because Angel has been complaining about the weapons cabinet.
Sweeney: I wonder if his Puff Level will prove comparable to John Green's as an indicator of stress level?
Kirsti: We can but hope, Sweeney.
Lor: Cordy is holding the sword. They banter about running through inventory, because Angel has been complaining about the weapons cabinet.
Buffy gets home with a bucket of fried chicken, only to find that Willow, Tara, Giles and Dawn are already having dinner. It's says a lot about how not-okay things are that this makes everyone super uncomfortable. Giles even says they haven't eaten, even though we can totally see the food. Buffy assures everyone that it's okay, but they all make a big show of really wanting Buffy's chicken.
Kirsti: Oh, Giles. Don't ever change. Also, this scene made me realise that we're only just at the beginning of Buffy's attempts at bringing things home for dinner, and now I has the sads.
Sweeney: THANKS, KIRSTI. NOW I DO TOO.
Kirsti: Oh, Giles. Don't ever change. Also, this scene made me realise that we're only just at the beginning of Buffy's attempts at bringing things home for dinner, and now I has the sads.
Sweeney: THANKS, KIRSTI. NOW I DO TOO.
The PLLs are sitting at lunch, looking at a copy of the note they found next to Dead Ian, because Hanna was smart enough to snap a picture of it before they called the cops. They question whether it's a suicide note or a confession, and Emily wonders why Ian would kill himself right before running off with Melissa. And then I wonder wtf is wrong with Emily, because she literally just saw him murdered by that bell tower not that long ago, so she has to know this is another A setup, right?
Lorraine: YOU WOULD THINK. No one is even questioning how fucking impossible it is that he was alive enough to kill himself.
Lorraine: YOU WOULD THINK. No one is even questioning how fucking impossible it is that he was alive enough to kill himself.
The episode begins with everyone sitting in the lobby quietly and jumping when Fred enters. Fred looks over Cordelia's shoulder at her magazine and having starved in a cave for five years, is confused by the starved-looking models. She's also just generally lurking and even though it's just a beauty magazine it still gives me, "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY BUBBLE WHEN I'M READING," feelings just watching. (K: Agreed. My mum does it all the time and it makes me squicky.) She mentions that Angel is probably reading, which is his cut to enternouncequestion if anyone else has read this great thing in the paper. Said great thing is a Charlton Heston double feature which nobody else gives any fucks about, but I'm going to go ahead and declare shots for the Angel/art OTP. I'm reaching a little here, but I don't care.
Plugin by Social Author Bio