We begin the episode in the Summers Basement, an ominous sounds warn us of Buffy's foe...which turns out to be a leaky water pipe. Dawn suggests calling a plumber, which Buffy declines. Naturally, the pipes explode in a rather comic book fashion.
Kirsti: Oh, Buff. Don't use Slayer Strength on the pipes, honey. It was bound to end badly.
Lorraine: Pipes and ice cream machines, remember?
Sweeney: Indeed, though I wasn't a big fan of the ice cream machine bit. This silliness feels strange but also welcome. Don't worry, the show will cut that out soon enough. Roll credits.
Ana is in total shock because apparently, if you are having sex, YOU CAN GET PREGNANT. Ana thinks about how much she doesn't want a baby and how she knows her husband is going to freak.
Dr. Best in Seattle says, "judging by your reaction, I suspect you're just a couple of weeks or so from conception-- four or five weeks pregnant." UM. WHAT? RUN THAT BY ME AGAIN. Because she was shocked, your super doctor skillz tell you she's four or five weeks pregnant? Shock is a measure of such things? Clearly, Dr. Best doesn't watch any TV.
Dr. Best in Seattle says, "judging by your reaction, I suspect you're just a couple of weeks or so from conception-- four or five weeks pregnant." UM. WHAT? RUN THAT BY ME AGAIN. Because she was shocked, your super doctor skillz tell you she's four or five weeks pregnant? Shock is a measure of such things? Clearly, Dr. Best doesn't watch any TV.
We open at Lorne's bar with Angel apologising sincerely to someone off camera - he used them and he feels really bad about it. Said off camera person turns out to be Merl the snitch, who doesn't believe Angel's apology on account of he's reading it from a piece of paper.Merl doesn't feel like it's sincere enough, and Angel eye-rolls at the Fang Gang who are still sporting completely terrible hair. Cordy pulls Merl aside for a pep talk while Wes does the same for Angel. Angel eventually offers Merl a free shot at him, and then taunts him until he throws a bottle. At which point Merl gets hurled back by some kind of force field. Angel tries to keep a straight face while Lorne makes the sarcastic excuse that Angel must have "forgotten" that demon violence is impossible in his bar.
We start immediately after the conclusion of Bargaining. The Scoobies head out of the alley where they killed the Lame-o Biker Demon, with Willow saying that Buffy has to be back at Chez Summers. Xander claims to know a shortcut through the alleys, but Anya's less than convinced about how safe it is on account of half the town being on fire. Just as Xander's in the middle of a speech about how he's got wikkid skillz, a bunch of Lame-o Bikers appear behind them and blaze past on their way out of town, causing Xander to mildly wet his pants. Contrivancely, the Lame-o Bikers are all spontaneously aware that their leader is dead and are running for the hills. Okay, show. Whatever.
Sweeney: I'm glad they are being eliminated as hastily as they were introduced.
Sweeney: I'm glad they are being eliminated as hastily as they were introduced.
Spencer goes back to the pawn shop to get Melissa's wedding ring. The shop owner is surprised to see her. We pan out of the shop and see that Emily, Aria and Hanna are waiting for their friend out in the skeevy alley, prepared to give us the Early Episode Exposition: Dr. Ex-Fiance Wren gave Melissa something unidentified last episode and Emily got a fake scholarship letter from A.
Back inside the pawn shop, the owner hands Spencer back a horseshoe. Spencer freaks out and says she gave him a ring, though he plays dumb and says not according to her ticket. Spencer demands that he find her ring, and he hits her with a, "or what? You gonna call the police?"
Back inside the pawn shop, the owner hands Spencer back a horseshoe. Spencer freaks out and says she gave him a ring, though he plays dumb and says not according to her ticket. Spencer demands that he find her ring, and he hits her with a, "or what? You gonna call the police?"
Wesley and his weird hair (I can't get over it) are eating take out with Gunn. We catch them mid-conversation and Wesley is saying they need to be more mindful of something. Just then, Cordelia strides in and they great her with just a touch too much enthusiasm. She doesn't spare them a glance. Gunn asks Wesley how he preformed and Wes thinks they came off pretty genuine. From somewhere behind them, we hear Fred say, "B+, C-. A girl can tell." She's sitting under a desk eating her take-out, so, you know. Progress.
Sweeney: FRED IS PRECIOUS.
Sweeney: FRED IS PRECIOUS.
Buffybot is surrounded by the Lame-O Biker Demons. She babbles about a total systems failure, and how she has to get back to Willow for repairs. One of the Lame-Os knocks her down with a chain.
In the woods, Tara and Anya have found Xander and a passed out Willow. Xander thinks the Biker Demons won't bother them in the woods, but Anya isn't convinced. Xander adjusts his plan to "split up and meet at the Magic Box." He's stay with Willow, since he can carry her. Anya asks about the Buffybot, but Xander proclaims it a loss. The gang all take off running.
We cut back to the cemetery, and in a shot through one of the spokes of a motorcycle wheel, we see the Lame-Os taking great pleasure in repeatedly kicking the Buffybot. I have robot feels.
In the woods, Tara and Anya have found Xander and a passed out Willow. Xander thinks the Biker Demons won't bother them in the woods, but Anya isn't convinced. Xander adjusts his plan to "split up and meet at the Magic Box." He's stay with Willow, since he can carry her. Anya asks about the Buffybot, but Xander proclaims it a loss. The gang all take off running.
We cut back to the cemetery, and in a shot through one of the spokes of a motorcycle wheel, we see the Lame-Os taking great pleasure in repeatedly kicking the Buffybot. I have robot feels.
The chapter begins with some stuff that's meant to be sweet, but when you realize that it's mommy porn, it's more awkward. Ana is excited that her "daddy" is awake and he calls her "Annie" and whatnot. He doesn't seem to remember the accident and asks for some water, specifically, but I think he really wants a drink. I do too, because rather than staying there with her father, we cut immediately to Ana running out to the waiting room to tell Christian Grey that he's awake. Because obviously. "What do I do now? IDK, better go tell that infected scrotum I call my husband."
The infected scrotum is all, "Great. He's awake."
The infected scrotum is all, "Great. He's awake."
Chances are, dearest of Traumateers, that you've heard the news. No, not about Syria. No, not about that guy sentenced to 1,000 years in prison. No, not about that school stabbing. No, not about Miley Cyrus. FOCUS.
We're clearly talking about Fifty Shades casting news! I know, I know. If you're like us, you've been ignoring the early news about this movie, hoping that someone, somewhere would wisen up and realize there is no actual way you can film a tampon scene. Rumors swirled, Brett Easton Ellis plugged for his own involvement, a director was chosen, and still we hoped against hope that it was all a joke.
We're clearly talking about Fifty Shades casting news! I know, I know. If you're like us, you've been ignoring the early news about this movie, hoping that someone, somewhere would wisen up and realize there is no actual way you can film a tampon scene. Rumors swirled, Brett Easton Ellis plugged for his own involvement, a director was chosen, and still we hoped against hope that it was all a joke.
The previouslies remind us of Wren, so I guess we'll be seeing him, and I don't like it because SPOBY 4EVA.
Lorraine: I suddenly feel like we need #teamageappropriatelove on a t-shirt.
Sweeney: ABSOLUTELY. I would wear the shirt all the time.
Anyway, the girls are in a movie theater, apparently alone, watching an old black and white movie, recapping Spencer's theory that Melissa is sneaking out to visit Ian on foot, and probably at Jason's. Spencer spots someone in a black hoodie in the back of the theater, but when the other girls turn around, (s)he's gone.
Lorraine: I suddenly feel like we need #teamageappropriatelove on a t-shirt.
Sweeney: ABSOLUTELY. I would wear the shirt all the time.
Anyway, the girls are in a movie theater, apparently alone, watching an old black and white movie, recapping Spencer's theory that Melissa is sneaking out to visit Ian on foot, and probably at Jason's. Spencer spots someone in a black hoodie in the back of the theater, but when the other girls turn around, (s)he's gone.
Zoomy LA establishing shot eventually takes us inside the Brooding Hotel, where Fred is being a jittery creeper, in accordance with her five years of being driven solidly insane over in Pylea. She's listening as Cordelia explains that for all the shit she understands in this world, demon-worshippers are not among them. She is returning with Wesley and Gunn, as they are discussing a job they are clearly returning from. Shop talk quickly turns into lamenting their general lack of social lives or love lives.
Kirsti: The highlight of which for me was Gunn's "Who has time for love when you're out there doin' it with the demons?" and then his realisation that he should probably think and then speak.
Kirsti: The highlight of which for me was Gunn's "Who has time for love when you're out there doin' it with the demons?" and then his realisation that he should probably think and then speak.
We begin with another round of previouslies that essentially summarize the entire show. A series of clips that give the viewers the Cliff Notes version of all the show's major characters (except Giles -- the previouslies don't tell you much about his story. Poor Giles.) These previouslies end with Buffy's death and tombstone, with the VO: "You have to be strong Dawn -- for me."
K: BRB, dealing with All the Nostalgia Feels.
Sweeney: After that we cut to the cemetery where Spike, Tara, and Giles are chasing a vamp who gets away. I totally forgot about this scene!
K: BRB, dealing with All the Nostalgia Feels.
Sweeney: After that we cut to the cemetery where Spike, Tara, and Giles are chasing a vamp who gets away. I totally forgot about this scene!
This episode starts right where the last one left off, with the girls in the Greenhouse of Secrets, freaked out about the possibility of Ian still being alive. Hanna says he has to be alive, because zombies can't text. Or Hanna is totally wrong, and at the end of the series, we'll find out that A/Ian/everyone else is actually in a zombie movie. I just wrote a way better ending than anything the PLL writers will come up with, I'm sure.
Lorraine: Re-writing the series we cover with zombies seems to be a common theme in the last couple of days. I approve.
Sweeney: The Traumaland Zombie Novel series is going to be a huge hit, I'm sure.
Lorraine: Re-writing the series we cover with zombies seems to be a common theme in the last couple of days. I approve.
Sweeney: The Traumaland Zombie Novel series is going to be a huge hit, I'm sure.
EL James only ever starts chapters one second after the previous or with Ana waking up.
Ana wakes up, and it's her birthday. I'm pretty sure enough has been said about how loathsome it is that her birthday is near or around mine (and so many of you in the comments!) but I'm saying it again, because the Number Gods have deemed that I am to cover her actual birthday on top of it all.
Ana takes full moments to "orientate" herself, and it comes with a sense of deja vu over being at the Heathman again. She "gasps out loud," and look if these jokes are recycled, file a complaint with EL James who after three books, didn't learn that a gasp is an audible thing.
Ana wakes up, and it's her birthday. I'm pretty sure enough has been said about how loathsome it is that her birthday is near or around mine (and so many of you in the comments!) but I'm saying it again, because the Number Gods have deemed that I am to cover her actual birthday on top of it all.
Ana takes full moments to "orientate" herself, and it comes with a sense of deja vu over being at the Heathman again. She "gasps out loud," and look if these jokes are recycled, file a complaint with EL James who after three books, didn't learn that a gasp is an audible thing.
The first episode of season two starts moments after where we left off at the end of For Whom the Bell Tolls. The girls are sharing a group WTF over the fact that Ian was most definitely dead, and now his body is missing. They of course attribute this to A shenanigans.
Creepy Jenna-kissing Officer Garrett comes over to tell the girls that they are being taken down to the station and their parents will meet them there. The girls don't question this, and hop on into Officer Garrett's car. He takes a turn that is decidedly not towards the station, pulls into a back alley and demands that the girls all get out of the car in a super creepy fashion.
Creepy Jenna-kissing Officer Garrett comes over to tell the girls that they are being taken down to the station and their parents will meet them there. The girls don't question this, and hop on into Officer Garrett's car. He takes a turn that is decidedly not towards the station, pulls into a back alley and demands that the girls all get out of the car in a super creepy fashion.
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