Author: Marines

Angel S02 E05 – Head vomit.

Lorraine: Today's episode starts with a flash!bang and a series of fast moving shots through LA. It managed to scare the shit out of me and threatened to give me a seizure. Thanks, show!
Sweeney: This show definitely needs to come with an epilepsy warning of some sort.
K: A+. Like, seriously.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer S05 E05 – Family is the key.

Lorraine: We start with a couple of monks running through darkened halls. One monk trips and falls and this is my stress dream. Not the monks or darkened hall part, but the part where I'm running away from something and keep tripping and falling. At least it isn't teeth falling out.
K: Mostly, monks running through darkened halls made me assume that the TARDIS was going to be turning up shortly. I'm still disappointed that it didn't.
Lor: Fair.
A title card tells us that this is happening two months ago.

Pretty Little Liars S01 E09 – BAMF Parenting

Spencer, Aria, and Hanna are gathered around the Hastings's kitchen table. Aria is quizzing Spencer on vocabulary words while Hanna whines about having to learn them. Hanna asks Aria about Noel Khan, but Spencer interrupts to remind them both that SAT's are just 12 hours away. Spencer and Hanna are so precious, even Aria is made tolerable by their presence. Also, I love Spencer's "messy hair" here. Yeah, girl. That's what I look like when I'm studying too.
Sara: I don't think I even caught on to the fact that she had "messy" hair! I bet she also wakes up with perfect loose curls and rosy cheeks.

Angel S02 E04 – Advanced Placement Creep

Sweeney: The episode begins with Lilah snooping around Lindsey's office. Darla appears and creeps about how powerful it feels to rummage through other people's shit. Darla's playing with some bright purple powder that Lilah assumes is how she keeps Angel asleep.
Kirsti: Either that, or Darla's been raiding Cordy's eyeshadow collection.
Lorraine: 1430.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer S05 E04 – Engorgio!

Sweeney: The episode begins with Buffy surveying the cemetery from the top of a crypt, clearly in full-on hunter mode. She runs around, staking vampires before they even come out of the ground. She's interrupted by Riley, who stakes a few vampires before Spike also shows up and also fights off a vampire. Buffy is annoyed by all the interruptions (K: Can't say I blame her. Get your own sacred calling, yo.) and takes this frustration out on Spike with some pointless stay-away-or-I'll-make-more-empty-threats-at-you banter.
Kirsti: I mostly love how indignant he gets when she's like "EW YOU JUST TASTED YOUR OWN NOSE BLOOD." Vampire, Buff. What did you expect?

Fifty Shades Freed Chapter 09 – A Proper Bullshit Metric

Sweeney: The chapter begins with Ana waking up to being physically smothered not-quite-to-death by Grey. She notes that he is "so needy on some level." LOL, you think? This makes her think of baby!Grey just for your chapter-beginning pedobear EW moment. She wakes him up and he blinks a couple of times. I imagine that we are told about people blinking as many times in these three books as in the whole rest of literature.
Lorraine: I like that comparing these books to the whole rest of literature has become a thing. It really gives scope to the bullshit.
Sweeney: That's what we're all about: giving everyone a proper bullshit metric.

Angel S02 E03 – Bitchfaces and improvised weaponry

We open with a hilarious scene between Lorne and Angel. Apparently Broody McBroodsalot has been singing karaoke again, this time clown themed. Lorne asks if Angel's been practicing, and yes - in the shower. Personally, I sing while blowdrying my hair because then no one can hear me, but to each their own. Lorne tells Angel that he's reached a bend in the road and needs to work out what to do now, then heads on stage for some singing. Angel, meanwhile, heads over to the bar where Darla is waiting for him. They're schmoopy and Angel is grinning like an idiot, and it makes me very uncomfortable because that's a trait I associate exclusively with Seeley Booth.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer S05 E03 – Neither can live while the other survives.

I think I’m being punished by Whedon. First I get a Xander-centric episode, and then later today I get a bunch of insane dream sequences in Angel? What the hell did I do to deserve this?! SIGH.
Lorraine: Pfft. No sympathy from me. Get back to me if Whedon ever does an episode about anal lube.
K: Fair.
We open in the Fruit Roll Up Basement, where Xander, Anya, Buffy and Riley are watching kung fu movies. Anya’s arm is in a sling on account of the head wound she incurred in the last episode turned out to be an arm injury instead? IDK.

Pretty Little Liars S01 E07 – Learn About It

We pick this episode up exactly where the last one left off and our Pretty Little Liars are running through the halls looking for Emily. They consider splitting up, but resolve to "split up together" when nobody wants to be left alone to get picked off by Creepy Toby who they probably incorrectly believe to be A.
Lorraine: Hey, I'm awarding points for at least knowing that you don't wander around alone looking for the guy who comes with his own murder-y soundtrack.
Sweeney: This is true. I forgot about his murdery soundtrack.

Angel S02 E02 – History is the worst.

Wesley is looking over a photograph of the Hyperion Hotel. He tag-teams with Angel to provide us with the relevant back-story. Essentially, it's big, impressive and has been abandoned for a long time. Cordelia comes in and serves Wesley tea, has a cup of coffee for herself and hands Angel a cup of blood Angel inspects it for a bit before telling Cordelia that it appears to be coagulating. She replies that it's just a little cinnamon and she was experimenting. As one does.
Kirsti: He should consider himself lucky - she could have added crumbled up Weetbix to it like Spike does!

Buffy the Vampire Slayer S05 E02 – Harriet the Spy

There were split opinions on the whole randomly throwing out the fact Buffy has a sister thing. It was strange to me, but I also know that I'm not the exact audience it was written for. I only mean that I had 10 years of pop culture to tell me Dawn would show up eventually and a bit of foreshadowing last season told me she was probably Buffy's sister. That's a ton of build-up all leading to about 10 seconds last episode where it was all, "AND BUFFY HAS A SISTER LOLOL."
Sweeney: When I first watched last summer I sent our group of bloggy friends a series of DAFUQ? emails.

Fifty Shades Freed Chapter 08 – It’s whatever.

I always find it amusing when I feel compelled to start a recap by reminding you all of some plot point or other. Most of the time it's because it's some random shit that wouldn't qualify as a plot point anywhere outside of the Fifty Shades series. For instance, please do recall that the architect designing the new Grey house has come to visit the Greys... and she's a woman!
I KNOW, GUYS. How could I think you would forget such a shocking turn of events, in which a woman is a woman near or around Grey?!

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