Author: Marines

Angel S01 E21 – Now you see me, now you don’t

Kirsti: We open in a dark street, where a shady looking guy is selling a couple of way-too-young-to-be-out-alone-after-dark kids some crappy looking toys. A young blind woman in a VERY unflattering outfit is walking down the street with a cane. (L: K, girl, she's blind.) The shady guy stops her so that he can move his crappy looking toys out of her way. This scene apparently serves almost no purpose because we seizure cut - LESS THAN A MINUTE IN - to Angel fighting some vampires.
Lorraine: I'm pretty sure the point of the scene was to bash us over the head with how completely blind this woman is.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer S04 E21 – Epic bullshit breaks

We open at Crispydale High and Buffy searching for Riley. LOL, NICE TRY. He's hanging out in Adam's cave, being called 'brother' and being given a pep talk. "What have you done to me?" Riley asks, and Adam replies that the Evil Bitch Monster [Professor Walsh] gave Riley a behavioural modification chip, just like Spike's. Except that instead of being in his brain, it's in his chest and is tied into his central nervous system. LOL, OKAY SHOW. WHATEVER.
Sweeney: Since I've already ranked this episode really high on the strength of, quite frankly, one scene, I feel obligated to make it clear how much bullshit I am willing to put up with for certain things. Epic bullshit break #1!

Fifty Shades Freed Chapter 06 – EL James Approved.

Sweeney and I have developed a sort of unofficial game when it comes to handing off chapters. Mostly it involves pointing and laughing at whatever atrocities the other person has to endure. I mean, we're totally friends and everything, but you can't deny the little bit of satisfaction that comes when your chapter fades on sex and you think, "YES. I AM SPARED." That all said, Sweeney is currently winning this game because her chapter ended riiight before our two main idiots decide to head back into the Red Womb of Domestic Violence.

Angel S01 E20 – Skulking for a living.

If fighting in a cemetery is Buffy's go-to opening (with dream sequences being a not-too-far second place) a woman worriedly walking down a street at night is Angel's go-to. That's how we start our episode today. Worried Walking Woman is being followed by three nefarious looking guys and she soon breaks out into a worried jog. She reaches a dead end, and we see the nefarious guys are in fact vampires. She looks pretty SOL until we hear footsteps approaching. One vamp is all, "YOU!" and the music swells and the lying camera zooms in on the YOU!'s feet, so we know it isn't who we expect it to be, despite the black and billowy coat. It is not Angel. It's a black male wearing a bandana. He asks if the vamp was expecting someone else, just as a jeep full of back-up rolls into the shot.
Roll credits.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer S04 E20 – Boring vs. Broody

We've complained plenty about season four. I mean, nitpicking is what we're all about, because it's funny, but season 4 has been tough to get through so I know the straight complaining may have increased lately. That all said, I can't believe that we're in fact almost done with the season. Someone mentioned in the comments a bit ago that we've passed the half way point for the entire series. CRAZY, YOU GUYS.
Sweeney: Halfway. As in, like, we'll finish it one day? Does not compute. O_o
Lor: I KNOW.

Pretty Little Liars S01 E04 – It’s not going to happen.

Hanna is in lots of trouble with her mom partly for wrecking her boyfriend's car, but mostly for the fact that there are cops at her house again and she can't sex her way out of this one for Hanna. Poor Mama Marin. It seems like this is the first time she found a problem her vagina couldn't solve.
The PLL's are talking about the exciting new memorial bench the town is putting in and the flowers they'll plant and BFF tiles they will all make for Alison. Hanna still has Alison's bracelet and she is not happy about it. The other girls hesitate, but Spencer takes it and tells the girls to grow the fuck up.

Angel S01 E19 – Greeting Cards

The episode begins more or less right after the last, as it's a two-parter. Angel is returning to the Brooding Basement with a very beat up Faith. He gives her a towel and puts her to bed. She says nothing until he starts to walk away. She says his name and we see her beating him up, but it was just in her head. He asks her what she wants. "Nothing," she says. Roll electric cellos.
Lorraine: Dude, if she has those murdery scenes playing in her head all the time, it's a wonder she doesn't kill more people.
K: A+

Buffy the Vampire Slayer S04 E19 – It’s complicated.

It's necessary to warn everyone that this is a get-the-tissues-ready episode.
Lorraine: I was gonna put it on here if you didn't. Team Feels unanimously agrees.
K: Damn. We missed a prime episode to vote the last episode V for Vomit-worthy. Also, Team Heartless Cow agrees that this episode is full of feels. Brace yourselves.
Sweeney: The episode begins with Tara and Willow being adorable.

Game of Thrones S03 E08 – Wine is good for you.

The lying liar title credits give us King’s Landing, Harrenhal, Riverrun, Winterfellstillonfire, The Wall, and Yunkai.
We start with our favorite direboss waking up and deciding to smash a sleeping Hound’s head in with a large stone. He tells her that if she fails to kill him, he’ll break both of her hands. Later, they’re riding on a horse, and he’s trying to insist that men far worse than him would have found her. When he mentions that he’s saved her sister, Arya’s interest piques, as does my feels, with this additional mention of how long the Starks have been separated and HOW THEY’LL NEVER HAVE A COMPLETE REUNION. But! The Hound has decided to facilitate that because Robb and Cat will probs pay him for her safe return.

Fifty Shades Freed Chapter 05 – Good morning.

Ana wakes up to find Grey gone-but-not-really because he was just, you know, casually sitting in the arm chair watching her sleep. He tells her not to panic, speaking to her "like a cornered, wild animal," which is either a commentary on Ana's lack of intelligence or the fact that waking up to Christian Grey watching you sleep is terrifying. Maybe both. Isn't this how you'd like to start your days?
Lorraine: Absolutely not. I can't even joke about this shit; that is terrifying.
...but I like that he's wearing GRAY! pants. A+

Angel S01 E18 – Issues for hire

We start under a freeway bridge. A dude in a beanie approaches some guys and asks what they're burning because EW STINKY. The answer? A human arm. And the guys doing the burning aren't so much homeless guys as they are demons with lopsided faces. I'm going to call them the Crooked Smile demons, because if I have to read about ONE MORE YA love interest with a crooked smile, I will scream and I'm secretly hoping this stops all authors from adding it to their stories.
Lorraine: High hopes, my friend, but I approve.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer S04 E18 – Nudge nudge wink wink

First of all, Maurice Sendak would be spinning in his grave to know that the title of his book had been stolen for the trainwreck that is this episode. (S: +1, especially as I just declared my love for this book on this blog.) Second of all, I HATE THIS EPISODE SO MUCH OMFG. Right. Now that we've got that over with, let's get this horrific trainwreck over with, shall we?
We open in the cemetery where Buffy, in a pair of shiny snakeskin pants, is fighting a vampire. You know, just for a change. She throws him across the cemetery to Riley who starts punching while Buffy loads her crossbow. Riley holds the vamp still for Buffy to shoot, then a blue horned demon appears out of nowhere to rescue the vamp. She drops the crossbow and heads into the fray.

Segue Magic: Internet Origin Stories (Lorraine)

Every technical difficulty ever went into the making of this video. Eventually, I will stop feeling the need to apologize before every vlog (this one is choppy in place, due to those difficulties) but I think these are the growing pains as we iron out the whole vlogging thing. That's what I like to tell myself so I don't throw my laptop across the room in a Hulk rage.
As I mention in the vlog, Sweeney and I are flip flopping days next week, as she's been traveling these last few days. That also explains why our thumbnails on the main page are all wonky. She will fix those when she gets back. (COME BACK SOON, SWEEN.)

Pretty Little Liars S01 E03 – A Shitty Turnout

Our Pretty Little Liars are walking through a wooded area. You know, the kind where pretty girls get raped and killed and stuff. Emily is leading the other, somewhat reluctant girls back to the shed, site of the original murder-y slumber party, to build a memorial to Alison. Spencer thinks going back to the scene of the crime looks weird and Emily asks if she's worried what other people think. Spencer is all, "UM, WE HAVE OUR OWN DETECTIVE STALKER WHO THINKS WE KILLED HER, SO YES I CARE."
Sweeney: Word. I love how Emily tries to make it a whole BE YOURSELF! ish thing both because of the pot/kettle thing and, more importantly, being investigated for murder is a whole other level of "Yes, what other people think of you matters."

Angel S01 E17 – That’s so raven.

We start with tight shots of Angel's and Wesley's faces alternatively. Denisof really is a handsome man. Boreanaz truly has a prominent brow. The suspenseful music flares up as they realize all the exits are are blocked and they would be spotted right away. Just as Angel suggests shouting fire, we widen the shot to see they are watching Cordelia in a play. Wesley checks his watch: one hour left. Angel: I thought I knew eternity.
K: Punny Angel is punny.
Lor: Roll electric credits.

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