We start with a classic Buffy beginning: our titular character is fighting off a vampire. We quickly see that the Scoobies are with her, being helpful where they can be and pointing her in the direction of a vampire who scurried away. They follow him into a crypt and find a nest of vampires who are all busy noisily slurping on a person. It's funny to me that sometimes vampires seem to insta-drain someone, but here we get more of an extended meal. I wonder if the quick slurp ever gives them vamp-indigestion.
Sweeney: I feel like this line of thinking can't go anywhere good.
Grey has been locked away in the study for over an hour so naturally Ana doesn't even know what to do with her self. She's tried reading, watching TV and sunbathing, though she's sure to tell us it's full dressed sunbathing. I don't even know what that means. Probably sunbathing in a parka, because what else screams "abuse victim on a vacation!"
Sweeney: It's amusing when Ana "tries" to do things other than be around Christian Grey because this, like many other things in this series, is something that she talks about doing -- she often tells us of her arduous efforts to DO things at the "stressful" moments in her narrative, but she almost never actually does much of anything besides wait for Christian Grey to tell her what to do.
Sweeney: It's amusing when Ana "tries" to do things other than be around Christian Grey because this, like many other things in this series, is something that she talks about doing -- she often tells us of her arduous efforts to DO things at the "stressful" moments in her narrative, but she almost never actually does much of anything besides wait for Christian Grey to tell her what to do.
I gloated during my last episode about how I always get the fun credits. I should've learned from Buffy villains and kept the gloating to a minimum: King's Landing, Harrenhal, Riverrun, Ring of Fire Winterfell, The Wall, and across the Shivering Sea toYunkai.
Jon Snow and his ice-wall-climbing pack of Wildlings are walking along on the green side of the Wall. Which is confusing, because his time spent training at the wall was always very snowy and miserable. Also, there are a lot more Wildlings than I initially thought there were. They only showed us Ginger NotMance (Tormund Giantsbane), Wildling Warg, Ygritte and Jon. But, okay. There's a whole pack of them.
Jon Snow and his ice-wall-climbing pack of Wildlings are walking along on the green side of the Wall. Which is confusing, because his time spent training at the wall was always very snowy and miserable. Also, there are a lot more Wildlings than I initially thought there were. They only showed us Ginger NotMance (Tormund Giantsbane), Wildling Warg, Ygritte and Jon. But, okay. There's a whole pack of them.
The episode begins with Cordelia and Wesley bickering about all the things. First it's the name of the demon database Cordelia is using (Demons! Demons! Demons!) which is a thing whose existence I love and approve of. As all three Snark Ladies are students who get their research on occasionally, it's amusing to watch the Buffyverse acquire technology. I just hope that nobody scanned any old demonic texts in the making of this database, because that was an awful moment in Buffyverse history that I'd rather not revisit.
K: I recently sat in a class where a lecturer told us about how when online database searching first started, you got charged by the SECOND for using it.
K: I recently sat in a class where a lecturer told us about how when online database searching first started, you got charged by the SECOND for using it.
I wish I could tell you that I'm kidding when I say that I spent a good fifteen minutes debating how to name Faith/Buffy in this episode -- whether Faith!Buffy would mean Faith in Buffy's body or Buffy in Faith's body. Obviously that would be the most insane, confusing thing ever. For the sake of this recap, they will be referred to by the character they are, not the body they are in, though I'll occasionally clarify when I feel it's necessary. That is, Faith-in-Buffy's-body will be Faith and Buffy-in-Faith's-body will be Buffy. Got it? Cool.
Outside the Summers home, Joyce and Faith-as-Buffy are being told by a detective (LOL Sunnydale cops) that they're so glad they have "Faith" in custody because they've been looking for her.
Outside the Summers home, Joyce and Faith-as-Buffy are being told by a detective (LOL Sunnydale cops) that they're so glad they have "Faith" in custody because they've been looking for her.
Firstly, Segue Magic it is! I think that calls for a dance party!
Secondly, I realized I talk very little about why I love the Chronicles of Narnia series, though I do have about 20 minutes of cut material about how much Lucy Penvensie rocks, the importance of reading in the publishing order, and how much the secondary characters add to the series. So, you know, I have reasons, I promise!
Secondly, I realized I talk very little about why I love the Chronicles of Narnia series, though I do have about 20 minutes of cut material about how much Lucy Penvensie rocks, the importance of reading in the publishing order, and how much the secondary characters add to the series. So, you know, I have reasons, I promise!
Sara: We open up right after the funeral, with the girls drinking coffee at the local Rosewood diner. They wonder why Jenna would have been at the funeral, because of that whole The Jenna Thing thing.
Lorraine: A nice big cheer for PLL's first gold star ever!
Sweeney: Pretty sure several people earn the star today, so congrats to all! And to the writers, for successfully reducing the number of actual words they had to come up with/string together. We're always proponents of people who manage to do less work at work.
Lorraine: A nice big cheer for PLL's first gold star ever!
Sweeney: Pretty sure several people earn the star today, so congrats to all! And to the writers, for successfully reducing the number of actual words they had to come up with/string together. We're always proponents of people who manage to do less work at work.
Kirsti: We open on a sunny morning with a girl in a historically inaccurate costume pouring water from a well into a jug. It's 1753, and we're in Galway. Oh, sorry. Galway, IRELAND, because the show needs to clarify such things for stupid people who don't know where Galway is.
Sweeney: This is an American show. Our people don't know shit about maps or other places. They can't even put half the US states on a map, so expecting them to identify foreign cities without clarification is just too much.
K: And yet someone decided America should be in charge of the world. Go figure...
Sweeney: This is an American show. Our people don't know shit about maps or other places. They can't even put half the US states on a map, so expecting them to identify foreign cities without clarification is just too much.
K: And yet someone decided America should be in charge of the world. Go figure...
We open in Buffy's room at Chez Summers. She and Faith (YAY) are putting clean sheets on Buffy's bed, so clearly it's one of those freaky mindmeld dream things from the end of season 3. There's a crapton of foreshadowing awesomeness (seriously, you guys. Whedon is a GENIUS), (L: BUFFY HAS A LITTLE SISTER?!) (SPOILERS, SWEETIE) and then Faith rudely bleeds all over the clean sheets. "Are you ever going to take this thing out?" she says to Buffy, and we see that Buffy's still holding the crazy murder knife in Faith's gut. Buffy twists the blade and we dramatic music over to a hospital room. There's thunder and lightning, and we see a comatose Faith in a hospital bed. The dramatic music turns suspenseful and then the credits roll without a damned thing happening.
Someone mentioned in a comment how illogical these chapter-to-chapter not-cliffhangers are in this book, because it's not like someone reading this book is going to wait in suspense for days. I'm only bringing it up now because I'm about 99% certain that this "writing" choice is most likely the product of the fact that this was originally Twilight fanfiction, where readers did have to wait for her next abysmal installment. Consider this your semi-regular reminder of that fact and also that the world is unfair.
My personal headcanon of Ana's shock and horror upon looking in the mirror was an existential crisis of sorts, in which she realized what a tragedy it was that she exists. Or fictionally exists. The actual reason? Hickeys.
My personal headcanon of Ana's shock and horror upon looking in the mirror was an existential crisis of sorts, in which she realized what a tragedy it was that she exists. Or fictionally exists. The actual reason? Hickeys.
Sweeney: HERE IT IS. US VLOGGING. WEEKLY. First of all, let me just say that we need an actual title. The only other series in Snark Squad Sentiments is The...
The sometimes-useful-for-Lor-but-always-an-evil-lying-liar-to-me-credits show us King's Landing, Harrenhal, Riverrun, Still-Depressingly-On-Fire-Winterfell, The Wall, and Yunkai. You can assume that the honesty of the credits is directly related to the Snark Lady doing the week's recap.
Samwell is attempting to light a fire for Gilly, but she's all LOL, you don't know what you're doing and I do. I give no shits about either of them and they have nothing to really talk about, especially once Gilly realizes that Sam's lack of ability to do much of anything is the product of his being highborn. He tries to impress her with that knife he found forever ago.
Samwell is attempting to light a fire for Gilly, but she's all LOL, you don't know what you're doing and I do. I give no shits about either of them and they have nothing to really talk about, especially once Gilly realizes that Sam's lack of ability to do much of anything is the product of his being highborn. He tries to impress her with that knife he found forever ago.
Wesley is showing Angel a super special knife, useful for killiig Kek demons, which would be great Angel says, if Kek demons weren't extinct. Wesley holds out hope that there may yet be a sole, hibernating Kek.
The oven buzzes. Cordelia is baking brownies. She enters to collect said brownies as Wesley comments under his breath that he thought what he smelled was something he tracked in. Cordy tells Wesley he's going to love them. Angel is saved from a taste test because his selective eating says so. (S: I'd abuse the shit out of that too.)
The oven buzzes. Cordelia is baking brownies. She enters to collect said brownies as Wesley comments under his breath that he thought what he smelled was something he tracked in. Cordy tells Wesley he's going to love them. Angel is saved from a taste test because his selective eating says so. (S: I'd abuse the shit out of that too.)
Buffy is doing her version of the "previouslies" for the Scooby Gang, as this episode starts right after the last. The more I think about the whole Buffy in the Initiative development, the more unlikely it seems to me that they brought her in against their better judgement and then 10 minutes later were all LOL. JAYKAY! She's a liability and we're gonna kill her. But that is indeed what happened.
K: Agreed. It's totally stupid. Unless the whole thing was an attempt to pump her for information about what the Slayer is/does, and then when the Evil Bitch Monster realised that she couldn't chop off bits of Buffy and put them into Adam, she put her in the Too Hard Basket?
K: Agreed. It's totally stupid. Unless the whole thing was an attempt to pump her for information about what the Slayer is/does, and then when the Evil Bitch Monster realised that she couldn't chop off bits of Buffy and put them into Adam, she put her in the Too Hard Basket?
We open up in a barn with four obnoxiously gorgeous girls and 3oh!3's "Don't Trust the Girl" playing in the background, which is a pretty suitable song choice. When the power goes out, the sleepover party gets a little freaked, especially when they hear a noise outside. They get up to go Nancy Drew the situation when the door creaks open, and OH FUCK! ....Wait, no, it's just a fifth gorgeous girl, Alison. If only one of the Pretty Little Liars had hit her with a bat or something, right? Then I guess we'd just be watching Pretty Little Girls Who Are Kind of Boring and Don't Do Much and Nothing Murdery Ever Happens, and that title doesn't have the same ring to it.
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