960 Posts

Author: Nicole Sweeney

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The OC S02 E01 – Pool Furniture vs. Bad Acting

We open on…lots of shirtless construction workers. Unfortunately, the camera’s not on them nearly long enough. The only two people with shirts are Sandy and I guess the head construction dude, and it’s not until they start talking that I realize the construction is in the Cohen home. Their house is torn apart, literally and figuratively, which Sandy actually says out loud. As always, very subtle with the symbolism, writers. They talk about the endless construction and we learn that it’s now September. Just before the construction workers knock down a wall that almost hits them, Sandy complains about all the shirtless guys (killjoy!) saying that the neighbors have started to call their house The Manhole. Hee. Kirsten comes downstairs wearing this adorable little black dress and greets “Archie,” the head construction dude.
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Gotham S01 E02 – Cat got your eyes?

Baby Batman is continuing his slightly suicidal exploration of his fears by burning his hand on a candle. Alfred walks in and startles BB, who hides his burnt hand. Alfred demands to see his hand and then freaks out at the sight, calling BB stupid and shaking him into a hug. There is no other way to describe that. I'm not sure I understand what this show is doing with Alfred. (A: Me neither).
Selina Kyle sits with some of her homeless friends playing with a necklace kind of like how a cat would play with yarn. (wink.)
A van comes down the alley and puts Selina on her guard. Two overly peppy people in outfits I cannot explain jump out of the van and claim to be from the mayor's outreach program.
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The More You Know September 2014 – Life Expectancy

In TMYK tradition, here is the part where I explain why this month was crazy. This month was a boring kind of crazy, which is one of the worst kinds of crazy months - being beaten out for that title only by sad crazy. After a summer of adventures, my workload increased considerably and so did Lorraine's who not only got more work stuff, but also started school.
Lorraine: BOOOO. I mean, fine, yay education or whatever, but boo. My return to school has lined up with Sweeney's finally being done with it, which is strange for both of us, I think. If we keep trading off this way, though, you can just always assume that some of the time used putting together this blog should've been spent on schoolwork. Forever and ever.
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Pretty Little Liars S04 E05 – Memory Lane

We begin the episode with what I thought was a scream, but is actually sirens. Hanna's eyes pop open. She calls out to her mom and goes downstairs to find her asleep on the patio off the kitchen, all bundled up. As Hanna explains that she had a nightmare, Ashley sits up and reveals that her hair has fallen out and she's wearing an orange jumpsuit. Fortunately this is just some sort of inception nightmare-within-a-nightmare, because Ashley I-hide-my-stolen-money-in-pasta-boxes Marin wouldn't last a day on Orange is the New Black. Back in Hanna's bed, she wakes up for real, screaming, and her mom comes to her. Hanna says she's fine and doesn't want to talk about her prison mom nightmare.
SHHHHH!
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Veronica Mars S02 E13 – Child Abuse Adjacent

In Free Study Period That Mostly Exists in Fictional Universes For Plot Purposes, Veronica is picking up some stuff for an FBLA booth. Mrs. Hauser asks some kid to go get some stuff and he declares Veronica his nemesis. While he does as he's asked, Veronica snarks to Madison Trip to the Dentist Sinclair about their eternal nemesis status. Mrs. Hauser complains about poor teacher life while also hating the poor kids, which is super cool.
Corny and Weevil are also randomly there to provide some the essential us/them divisiveness. Rich 09ers are preparing for the school carnival which will raise money for the senior trip they control.
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The OC S01 E27 – Leaving the OC, bitch.

FINALE TIME! I have no idea why this show has a ridiculous 27 episode order, but unlike some other teen soap operas, the previouslies inform us that shit has been happening on this show. Speaking of, this episode begins with Seth and Ryan discussing potential baby names. Ryan, suddenly with more to brood about than ever before is uncommonly lighthearted. (For Ryan, anyway. This would still qualify as a broody day for most other fictional characters.) Bro chat comes to an end when Theresa emerges from the family planning clinic.
Casa Cohen. Kirsten gets off a phone call, still distressed about the impending nuptials of The Gruesome Twosome.
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How to Get Away with Murder S01 E01 – #livingthedream

Democracy Diva: Welcome, Traumateers! I am thrilled to be using my status as a barred-but-under-employed attorney to help Sweeney and Lorraine snark the new Shonda Rhimes drama "How to Get Away with Murder."
Lorraine: I'm cracking up already. #livingthedream
Sweeney: You too can spend lots of money/time/sanity on law school so that you can write about it on the internet. For free.
Diva: Like a boss.
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Pretty Little Liars S04 E04 – Keeping face

Best Papa Fields gets home, greets Emily and quickly sends her on her way. Because every other day she has full hours for coffee and crime investigating, but on the day her dad gets home, can't be late! No time!
Sweeney: Emily, girl, reexamine all of your priorities.
Lor: Hanna and Caleb are already at school, discussing Shitbag Marin's missing gun. Caleb's all, "hey, all we know is there may have been a gun in the room when your mom got there and it was definitely gone after she left." Caleb says if Wilden was shot with a 38, Ashley is in trouble. Hanna's response is to just forget everything about murder and evidence and stuff because it's too hard.
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Veronica Mars S02 E12 – Pointless biblical asides

We open with a threatening knife. No, just kidding, it's a happy knife, because it's cutting cake, and cake is delicious. Veronica is trying to comfort-feed Wallace, because he has just implicated Rashard Rucker in a manslaughter. And they've said like eighty times (okay, twice) that Rashard Rucker = Lebron James, but I guess this was back when Lebron was a baby basketball star and not taking his talents to Miami. (Did I just accurately reference sports?) (L: Possibly! All I know is that he has since left Miami...)
Wallace insists he's fine, but Veronica is all, my ex-boyfriend just left town with his dead ex-girlfriend's vampire slayer baby so, just let me take care of you so I don't have to think about that.
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The OC S01 E26 – ‘The Petting Zoo’

One of the few (conscious) memories I have of ever watching a complete episode of the OC is from when I was horribly hungover at university, feeling very sorry for myself, and being unable to muster up enough energy to change the damn channel. Even with half my braincells devoted to feeling utterly wretched, my main- and recurring- thought about this show is best summed up as 'what the fuck is this?'.
Caveat: while I have some vague awareness of the characters and their backstories, I have no idea what the plot line is or what the last twenty five episodes have been banging on about and the 'previously on.. ' doesn't really help me at all.
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Gotham S01 E01 – Subtlety is Overrated

Necessary disclaimer: we know nothing about Batman. I've maybe seen all of the Batman movies made in my lifetime, occasionally watched the 90's cartoon as a kid, and love Batman The Ride. I also just remembered that I suppressed memories of thinking Chris O'Donnell was dreamy when I was in the 4th grade, thanks entirely to Batman Forever. That is my entire Batman CV. My comic book IQ is pretty low, in general, and Batman is definitely not on the list of superheroes whose stories I could feign competency in. To the best of my knowledge, this is also true of Lorraine (L: Yep.) and Alex, who agreed to join us for her first series recapping gig with the internet equivalent of a shrug and nervous laughter (A: Thanks again for the invite! And I think I've only seen two Batman movies ever).
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Veronica Mars S02 E11 – Looking at lives and choices.

Logan is heading up to the Billionaire Bros Bungalow. Before the elevator doors close, Veronica runs inside. Because it is a Logan/Veronica interaction, it's been fully gifed for your viewing pleasure:
Sweeney: It's good to know there are some things we can count on in this world, like shippers on Tumblr.
Lor: All that "Duncan is sad over the death of his ex and his new baby" exposition over, those two finally get upstairs. Veronica walks into Duncan's room, with more sarcastic commentary from Logan in the background. It's a little hard to keep track of Logan's moods sometimes.
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Pretty Little Liars S04 E03 – How Stuff Works

The girls go through a box of toys and other Ali things at Rosewood's One Coffeeshop, reminding us about the missing bird, returned dead bestie's mother, and Hanna's future accused murderer mother. Everyone is unimpressed with Aria's latest teacher boyfriend.
Piper Mom is also there with her Coffee Shop Owning boyfriend. He's moving to Austria and wants her to come with him, but she can't because she has children. He wants her to "take motherhood off the table for a second" and Piper Mom doesn't in any way whatsoever respond that this is not how motherhood works. Is that why parenting is so bad in Rosewood? "I want to do a thing, but I'm a parent!" "Just, like, pretend you're not." "Perfect!"
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The OC S01 E25 – Everybody is Awkward

I’m starting off my recap with a Grand Proclamation of Love. Don't worry, Ladies of Snark - you can keep your Seth Cohen, because I am all Ryan all the time. He can grab my face and movie star kiss me any day.
Like most episodes, we start off in the Cohen kitchen. While I love the Cohen house, this kitchen is far too small and ordinary for the setting. This always distracts me from what’s happening in the show. Where is the chandelier? Why is the room so small?
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Veronica Mars S02 E10 – Because Hellmouth

Veronica stares broodily at her shitty school holiday-themed dessert. Duncan sits down excitedly, but Veronica's got no time for happy and cuts right to the "Your comatose girlfriend is pregnant" chase. Duncan confesses that he found this out from reading Meg's letter, and Veronica's upset that Duncan didn't tell her. Dick arrives to break the tension by inviting them to a big holiday party, which Duncan can't attend. Dick also nonchalantly exposits that Meg woke up. (L: God bless Ryan Hansen for trying to make this exposition work.) Once Dick leaves, Veronica gets into PI mode, pulling out her VISITOR pass from the last episode, assuring Duncan that she can get them in to see the no-longer-comatose Meg.
Democracy Diva: And her superhero vampire slayer fetus that can survive explosions and bus crashes and comas.

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