Friends, Snark Ladies, Traumateers, lend me your ears. Or failing that, a one-off spot on your blog. Hello, or something. (L: HI.)
We start episode fifteen with some slightly obnoxious-sounding early-noughties jingly rock-pop, in the kitchen of what is rapidly becoming the Cohen Family Rehabilitation Centre for Strays and Fuck-Ups (seriously, does this family have to fix everyone?) (L: Yes, because Plot. I'm waiting for an adorable dog to show up.) (S: THAT WOULD BE THE BEST.) Hailey is sitting at the table with her earbuds in, trying as hard as she can to look like a moody teenager, and Sandy walks in only to look like someone kicked his puppy when he sees she’s nicked his bagels.
Previously: Seth introduced us to Christmakuh and them chose himself in the Summer vs. Anna showdown. — The Countdown Coyote Rose: So I vaguely remember watching the first three episodes...
A new Hunger Games movie is upon us (well, a few months away, anyway), and the geniuses behind The Hunger Games: Mockingjay, Part 1 have released seven Panem propaganda posters entitled "District Heroes." Each poster salutes a different district, as the Capitol implores its citizens to "love your labor" and, you know, generally stop supporting Katniss-inspired rebellions, I guess.
But since Snark Ladies know more about Panem than your average Lionsgate marketing genius, we thought it would be fun to tear these posters apart! Some are brilliant, others are bit off the mark, and the rest don't make any fucking sense at all. I will dole out Propaganda Points for how effective the poster would be at convincing the district citizens to support the Capitol, and Bullshit Ratings for how accurately it depicts life in that district (at least from the Capitol's point of view). Let the propaganda party begin!
But since Snark Ladies know more about Panem than your average Lionsgate marketing genius, we thought it would be fun to tear these posters apart! Some are brilliant, others are bit off the mark, and the rest don't make any fucking sense at all. I will dole out Propaganda Points for how effective the poster would be at convincing the district citizens to support the Capitol, and Bullshit Ratings for how accurately it depicts life in that district (at least from the Capitol's point of view). Let the propaganda party begin!
I preface this with this bit of knowledge: I have never watched the OC. All I know about it is that they are in the “OC” which I think is in California somewhere, I want to say Orange County? Which I think is Los Angeles...ish? Look at me figuring things out all by myself! I’m sure I can figure out this teen-angst-plot-drama-rama with just one episode!
This episode is called “The Secret.” Unless the secret is that someone is Batman, I am not interested. However, I promised and while this isn't a show I would watch on my own, it certainly has to have some loltastic moments in it. Any show, no matter how straight and serious, has loltastic moments.
Further up and further in! After the previouslies, we start off with an establishing shot of California with some peppy music. (L: "A long time ago, we used to be friends...")
This episode is called “The Secret.” Unless the secret is that someone is Batman, I am not interested. However, I promised and while this isn't a show I would watch on my own, it certainly has to have some loltastic moments in it. Any show, no matter how straight and serious, has loltastic moments.
Further up and further in! After the previouslies, we start off with an establishing shot of California with some peppy music. (L: "A long time ago, we used to be friends...")
WE DID IT! We're here! Dance party time!
OK, so, we often begin rankings with a discussion of how bad we are at ranking things, but seriously, seriously, this is the hardest ranking I've ever had to do. I love all 22 of these episodes. I'd watch any of them in a heartbeat and they are all near and dear to my heart. Both of the non-Snows began this project by discussing how we count this as one of the best seasons of TV ever (it's part of our description for the show!) and that opinion holds. Whatever new flaws I may have picked up on this rewatch, I will forever love this show and Veronica and, especially, this season.
OK, so, we often begin rankings with a discussion of how bad we are at ranking things, but seriously, seriously, this is the hardest ranking I've ever had to do. I love all 22 of these episodes. I'd watch any of them in a heartbeat and they are all near and dear to my heart. Both of the non-Snows began this project by discussing how we count this as one of the best seasons of TV ever (it's part of our description for the show!) and that opinion holds. Whatever new flaws I may have picked up on this rewatch, I will forever love this show and Veronica and, especially, this season.
Seth is pleading with Kirsten to put the recipe books away. She's desperate to treat Ryan to a proper family Thanksgiving, but Seth is convinced that Kirsten's cooking will destroy a holiday that he waits for all year. Even Eyebrows has to note that she's not inspiring a lot of confidence when she doesn't even know where the pans are in the kitchen.
More awkwardness ensues when she tries to ascertain what to do with the turkey. Were people not widely aware of the power of Googling yet in 2003? Google could answer your questions, Kirsten. (L: Complete with instructional Youtube video! ...were people Youtubing in 2003?) (S: Sadly, no, that didn't start until 2005.) Seth and Sandy both jump in to volunteer to do stuff, leaving Kirsten with the useful task of answering the phone.
More awkwardness ensues when she tries to ascertain what to do with the turkey. Were people not widely aware of the power of Googling yet in 2003? Google could answer your questions, Kirsten. (L: Complete with instructional Youtube video! ...were people Youtubing in 2003?) (S: Sadly, no, that didn't start until 2005.) Seth and Sandy both jump in to volunteer to do stuff, leaving Kirsten with the useful task of answering the phone.
Dearest Traumateers, I am writing this recap from Paris! And sure, I like announcing that I'm in Paris as much as possible, but also, it's kind of relevant because this is where we tell you what we've been up to.
Sweeney was traveling a ton in July (check out her videos about it here and here) and I met her a week ago in Paris. Since then, we've been waking up late, eating lots of bread and pastries, discussing the merits of goat cheese, almost dying on the Eiffel Tower (me), working some (Sweeney), talking a lot about Snark Squad (we can't help it) and meeting a group of wonderfulamazing Traumateers!
Sweeney was traveling a ton in July (check out her videos about it here and here) and I met her a week ago in Paris. Since then, we've been waking up late, eating lots of bread and pastries, discussing the merits of goat cheese, almost dying on the Eiffel Tower (me), working some (Sweeney), talking a lot about Snark Squad (we can't help it) and meeting a group of wonderfulamazing Traumateers!
Ryan and Marissa are finally officially together and to show how together they are this episode starts with a make out session in Ryan's pool house.
Lorraine: I'm really uncomfortable with the heavy breathing Mischa Barton is doing right now. Just, FYI.
Sweeney: SAME.
Lorraine: I'm really uncomfortable with the heavy breathing Mischa Barton is doing right now. Just, FYI.
Sweeney: SAME.
FINALE TIME, FRIENDS. It's been a long haul to the finale, what with posting being only weekly and less, still, when you account for all the lateness, but HERE WE ARE. The big finish. We'll talk a lot next time about how incredible this season of television is, when I attempt to rank a season in which I LOVE ALL 22 EPISODES. ALL OF THEM. For now, there's still a mystery to wrap up, so let's get to it.
We start with a reporter, sitting in his cubicle, incredulously listening to Keith's theory that Abel Koontz couldn't have killed Lilly because he was with Cheyenne, a call girl. The reporter says flat out (in front of this call girl) that this whole thing sounds far too tabloidy and would basically jeopardize his entire career. Cheyenne's pretty happy to say, "Great! We tried! We're done now!" but Keith's adamant and hands over a file with a whole hell of a lot more proof.
We start with a reporter, sitting in his cubicle, incredulously listening to Keith's theory that Abel Koontz couldn't have killed Lilly because he was with Cheyenne, a call girl. The reporter says flat out (in front of this call girl) that this whole thing sounds far too tabloidy and would basically jeopardize his entire career. Cheyenne's pretty happy to say, "Great! We tried! We're done now!" but Keith's adamant and hands over a file with a whole hell of a lot more proof.
We open with a Cohen family breakfast and a Marissa/Summer powwow at Jimmy’s apartment. It’s back to school time for the kids and everyone is nervous. Seth’s nervous because he’s a huge loser; Ryan’s nervous because he’s about to go to a new school with a bunch of Lukes; Marissa’s nervous because she is a complete and total trainwreck and almost offed herself in Tijuana; Summer’s nervous because, actually no, Summer’s not nervous because she’s just better than the others. Summer reminds her human disaster of a friend that she has to plan the school carnival because she’s still the social chair. I’ve always wondered how people on television shows have enough time before school to hang out at their friends’ houses and gab about life. I was lucky if I had time to make a Toaster Strudel before hauling my ass to school.
It's been a while, friends, but I'm confident that things are ever as we remember in Rosewood.
Sweeney: A place in which dramatic music and zoomy cameramen keep trying to tell you that EPIC THINGS ARE HAPPENING but the actual rate of change suggests that nothing ever happens here.
Lor: Exactly. That's the city motto, I think.
We start the episode with a small peek at TOBY ABS! I mean it's dark and stuff and we're mad at Toby for being part of the A team and making Spencer cry, but yes. Abs are near.
Sweeney: A place in which dramatic music and zoomy cameramen keep trying to tell you that EPIC THINGS ARE HAPPENING but the actual rate of change suggests that nothing ever happens here.
Lor: Exactly. That's the city motto, I think.
We start the episode with a small peek at TOBY ABS! I mean it's dark and stuff and we're mad at Toby for being part of the A team and making Spencer cry, but yes. Abs are near.
We begin in the Cohen kitchen. Sandy, Mama Cohen, Ryan and Seth are standing around looking somber on account of Marissa being in the hospital thanks to all those Mexican painkillers. They’re too upset to eat bagels, (L: What even?) (RIGHT?) so Mama Cohen sets up the premise of the episode. Ryan has a meeting with the dean of Rich Kid High, and Sandy and his eyebrows are starting a new job. Just as they’re about to get ready for the day, the phone rings and they all turn to look at it like, “MARISSA!” Personally, I’d rather eat bagels than deal with her.
Lorraine: Also, if they just stare at the phone, they are all doing phone calls wrong.
Sweeney: Or really, really right, since I hate talking on the phone.
Lorraine: Also, if they just stare at the phone, they are all doing phone calls wrong.
Sweeney: Or really, really right, since I hate talking on the phone.
Lorraine: Hello, friends! Long time no see in this dusty "Fifty Shades" corner of Snark Squad. In fact, the last time we were here, Charlie Hunnam was still slated to play Christian Grey.
Sweeney: I'm so glad we got to have this gif for the final Fifty Shades posts. It was so useful!
Lor: Fast forward to ten months later and the official release of the Fifty Shades of Grey trailer:
Sweeney: I'm so glad we got to have this gif for the final Fifty Shades posts. It was so useful!
Lor: Fast forward to ten months later and the official release of the Fifty Shades of Grey trailer:
We open in Havana, Cuba. Funnily enough, it looks a lot like Neptune, except with horses. Duncan is spending some time there to grow an ugly beard hide out for awhile.
Lorraine: That beard definitely looks like it's trying too hard.
Diva: Keith has managed to track him down, while wearing a hat that makes me fully unable to take him seriously. Duncan wants to know if Keith also thinks he's a murderer. He tells Duncan that he doesn't know who killed Lilly, but he knows it wasn't Abel Koontz. Duncan is all, yeah, but it also wasn't ME, so let me grow my chin-pubes in peace
Lorraine: That beard definitely looks like it's trying too hard.
Diva: Keith has managed to track him down, while wearing a hat that makes me fully unable to take him seriously. Duncan wants to know if Keith also thinks he's a murderer. He tells Duncan that he doesn't know who killed Lilly, but he knows it wasn't Abel Koontz. Duncan is all, yeah, but it also wasn't ME, so let me grow my chin-pubes in peace
Sweeney originally called dibs on this episode, but she's still having grand adventures in Europe, so I told her I'd trade her. (S: And I let go only because I had to because this is an iconic moment in OC history, guys.) Explanation as to why we're taking a guest posting break and you're stuck with me over, let's get to the episode:
Seth practically chases Ryan into the kitchen, trying to convince him that some plan he's come up with is foolproof, since he goes to a comic book convention every year around this time and his parents trust him.
Seth practically chases Ryan into the kitchen, trying to convince him that some plan he's come up with is foolproof, since he goes to a comic book convention every year around this time and his parents trust him.
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