Joss Whedon got his feature length film, and we're going to recap it, but fair warning that this post will be long.
The Universal Pictures logo becomes Earth. A voice over gives us the set-up, but it is not Mal, as we were accustomed to. It's a woman (S: Tamara Taylor from Bones!) with a slightly different version of events: Earth-That-Was could no longer sustain the ever growing population. People found a new solar system, terraformed the planets and moons to form new Earths. The central planets formed the Alliance. The savage, outer planets refused Alliance control, resulting in a devastating war. But the Alliance won and now everyone is happy!
The soundtrack squeals and we fade into a hospital room where Helena is fading in and out of consciousness. There is a police officer there, taking pictures and collecting evidence. He asks the same question I had last episode: how is she even alive? Almost in response to him, Helena starts convulsing and the nurse rushes to her aid.
Meanwhile, Art is asking Sarah what the Proletheans want with Kira. She doesn't know. Everyone wants Kira, and probably not to play with puzzles and finger paints. There's a knock at the door and Sarah lets Felix in. He immediately comforts Sarah by letting her know they will find Kira. Felix greets "Arthur," but adds a grumble about how he can't believe Sarah let a cop into Clone Club. Yeah, I'm having a hard time with that one too, Fee.
Meanwhile, Art is asking Sarah what the Proletheans want with Kira. She doesn't know. Everyone wants Kira, and probably not to play with puzzles and finger paints. There's a knock at the door and Sarah lets Felix in. He immediately comforts Sarah by letting her know they will find Kira. Felix greets "Arthur," but adds a grumble about how he can't believe Sarah let a cop into Clone Club. Yeah, I'm having a hard time with that one too, Fee.
Warning - this episode is rated F for Feels. Please acquire tissues before proceeding with this recap. We open in a FLASHBACK! Fred is at her parents' house, packing up her stuff for her big move to join the graduate physics program at UCLA. Her dad is totally against her moving, saying that she's going to Hell-A and that if she meets one angel there, he'll eat the dogs. Dude. No. (L: She met Angel; LEAVE THE DOGS ALONE.)
He goes out to check the car for the millionth time. Fred realises that she's forgotten Feiginbaum, her stuffed bunny toy, which I mention only because it's relevant later. (S: AH. I DIDN'T CATCH THIS. AH. FEELS.)
He goes out to check the car for the millionth time. Fred realises that she's forgotten Feiginbaum, her stuffed bunny toy, which I mention only because it's relevant later. (S: AH. I DIDN'T CATCH THIS. AH. FEELS.)
We're at some sort of crime or accident scene, and watch as paramedics wheel a gurney into the back of ambulances. A crowd has gathered, and our fabulous and fashionable fibbers are there as well. Hanna is bawling as Aria and Spencer hold her up. A little ways away, Gossip Cop (at least I think it is. I may just be calling every cop who isn't Wilden Gossip Cop) (S: None of them do a whole lot of law officering, so probably accurate.) asks Emily if the deceased was their friend. Emily doesn't answer, and it's probably because Hanna's really loud gasp-crying is super distracting.
Sara: For real though, Hanna, tone it down. Shit.
Sara: For real though, Hanna, tone it down. Shit.
Who gets the puppet episode? THIS GIRL.
I'm pretty pumped, but first, I wouldn't be a true Snark Lady if I didn't say that puppets will always and forever remind me of Goosebumps, and that one time we thought it'd be an awesome idea to cover all three Night of the Living Dummy books. (It was an awesome idea.)
Sweeney: Night of the Living Dummy is Traumaland's One True Puppet.
Lor: Always and forever. On to the episode: While the screen is still black, some jaunty, cartoonish music greets us. It's coming from a TV show that features (BIG REVEAL) puppets!
I'm pretty pumped, but first, I wouldn't be a true Snark Lady if I didn't say that puppets will always and forever remind me of Goosebumps, and that one time we thought it'd be an awesome idea to cover all three Night of the Living Dummy books. (It was an awesome idea.)
Sweeney: Night of the Living Dummy is Traumaland's One True Puppet.
Lor: Always and forever. On to the episode: While the screen is still black, some jaunty, cartoonish music greets us. It's coming from a TV show that features (BIG REVEAL) puppets!
OK, so, this post should have gone up months ago, but let's pretend that this is right on time. NOTHING TO SEE HERE. TOTALLY APPROPRIATELY TIMED POST. Ballots have been cast and the results are in (in a totally timely fashion). Pop the cheapest champagne you can get your hands on and don your tackiest sparklies. It's (finally) time to celebrate the winners of the first annual Traumaland Awards:
We start at Tommen's coronation, where the (I'm assuming) High Septon calls the crown a heavy burden. He means it in a "ruling the Seven Kingdoms" way, but since the last handful of kings were all murdered, I'd say that shit is the worst kind of burden. Little Tommen needs all the prayers and blessings he can get. We pan a bit around the room, and focus for a while on DaddyUncle Jaime, standing just in back of the throne. The Probably High Septon finishes the ceremony, earns himself a Gold Star by calling Tommen the first of his name, places the crown on Tom's head and proclaims, "long may he reign!" We hear and see Cersei and Tywin repeat those words, with the crowd, and I'm struck by Charles Dance's smooth, velvety voice.
There is lots of cheering and celebration for the baby king.
There is lots of cheering and celebration for the baby king.
We start underwater. Remember when Connor sunk Angel and the entire show basically went down with him but didn't get pulled back out again? I'm keeping that in mind because I've been warned that after the last two gems, this is, you know, not so much. Anyway, this underwater scene is a WWII submarine that is being evacuated. What are the evacuation procedures for a submarine? I've never given this much thought. I don't actually find out (yet) because we just see that whatever has them all distressed is probably demonic. We don't see what, but there's a lot of blood.
Kirsti: And to think, the last time we started an episode without the Fang Gang, I was instantly hooked. This time? Bored within the first ten seconds.
Kirsti: And to think, the last time we started an episode without the Fang Gang, I was instantly hooked. This time? Bored within the first ten seconds.
The episode begins with a wealthy black man (*gasp*!) yelling at someone on the phone as he lounges by the pool. His wife comes over and he grumbles how it's always nice there. She has stuff for him to sign, like permission slips for their kids who live a wonderful cushy life which is far removed from the life that he had growing up on the streets. (L: First generation rich, natch.) His wife teases him about his discomfort with this: "And the street was tough and you lost a lot of homies. But this is Neptune." As he's wondering how he ended up with "National Black Velvet and Urkel" for children, Urkel walks up. (Probably wondering how such a smart kid ended up with a dad who didn't see how awesome that is.) Unfortunately, Urkel's got bad news: National Black Velvet is missing.
It's same night as the events of the S1 finale and Sarah is running in the rain (though it wasn't raining then). (L: It started raining because she's distraught and TV weather is effected by the MC's emotions. Everyone knows that.) (S: True. We learned that lesson watching Ever After - her mood didn't call for rain until the very end of that episode.) She leaves Felix a voicemail explaining that Mrs. S and Kira are missing. She ducks into a small, empty diner, where the proprietor hooks her up with free tea. She tries to call the other pink clone phones, but they're disconnected. She finally tries Paul and leaves him a voicemail that she needs to talk immediately about her missing family. Seconds later, she gets a return call from his number, but it's Rachel.
Holy crap, you guys. We have FINALLY made it through 100 episodes of Angel. Which feels like it took approximately 500 years longer than covering 100 episodes of Buffy. Let's have a gif party and get started, shall we?
We open with the Fang Gang kicking down a door and walking into a room featuring a big ass crucifix and a bunch of lit prayer candles. The guys stare in horror as Fred talks to the screen of her scientific gadget about how the guy they're looking for has been there but he's gone now and she's picking up lots of blood that's not his. She finally looks up to see the room is filled with dead nuns. The perp, apparently, is one of their clients.
We open with the Fang Gang kicking down a door and walking into a room featuring a big ass crucifix and a bunch of lit prayer candles. The guys stare in horror as Fred talks to the screen of her scientific gadget about how the guy they're looking for has been there but he's gone now and she's picking up lots of blood that's not his. She finally looks up to see the room is filled with dead nuns. The perp, apparently, is one of their clients.
Ever After is a Snark Lady favorite and we'll probably fight you if you deny that it's a cinematic classic. In spite of Drew Barrymore's terrible accent, the subpar acting by a whole lot of people, the absurd husband bulge Dougary Scott is sporting throughout the film, and the fact that Danielle probably shouldn't even end up with him anyway, THIS MOVIE IS WONDERFUL, OK?
The movie begins as a story within a story when an old lady is talking about how totally legit the story of Cinderella is, gesturing to a painting and having her fancy shoes brought over before launching into her story about a girl named Danielle.
The movie begins as a story within a story when an old lady is talking about how totally legit the story of Cinderella is, gesturing to a painting and having her fancy shoes brought over before launching into her story about a girl named Danielle.
The credits on fire take us through Kings' Landing, Dragonstone, the dreaded Dreadfort, Winterfell, The Wall, and finally forever away to Meereen.
We start the episode with Missandei teaching Grey Worm to read and speak in the Common Tongue. He asks about her background and she tells him she was kidnapped when she was five years old. Her memories are vague, but she does remember her village burning. If her village was anything like Winterfell, it was probably on fire forever, so I guess that's the kind of thing you'd remember. (S: FOREVER AND EVER.) Missandei in turn asks Grey Worm if he remembers his original home. He says there is nothing before the Unsullied. She says that's BS and maybe one day he will return to the Summer Isles. Grey Worm doesn't want to return. He wants to kill all the masters.
We start the episode with Missandei teaching Grey Worm to read and speak in the Common Tongue. He asks about her background and she tells him she was kidnapped when she was five years old. Her memories are vague, but she does remember her village burning. If her village was anything like Winterfell, it was probably on fire forever, so I guess that's the kind of thing you'd remember. (S: FOREVER AND EVER.) Missandei in turn asks Grey Worm if he remembers his original home. He says there is nothing before the Unsullied. She says that's BS and maybe one day he will return to the Summer Isles. Grey Worm doesn't want to return. He wants to kill all the masters.
April is the best month of the year due to it being the month of my birthday and Coachella and hanging out with Lorraine and the blog's birthday and also my birthday. (L: Did she mention her birthday? HAPPY BIRTHDAY.) Of course, all that excitement was a lot to take in and meant that we got a little more off-schedule than usual. Like, "Post the bloggy equivalent of a vacation auto-responder" levels of off schedule. But good times were had and we hope the, "CHECK OUT OLD POSTS!" stuff kept you all occupied. Hopefully we didn't lose too many of you in our absence because we're back and rushing to play catch up.
Our episode today starts at a psychiatric hospital. A nurse sitting at a station, with apparently nothing better to do besides a crossword puzzle, tells a passing doctor that they are running low on diazepam (Valium). He tells her to see if they can get some from a neighboring hospital and then wants in on her crossword action. "In a mellifluous manner," is the clue. 7 letters, ends in y. (Harmony?) The doctor doesn't get it, but fun with words is soon interrupted by an actual medical emergency.
Sweeney: Night shift life.
Sweeney: Night shift life.
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