Episode begins with the credits and Winterfell's eternal fire. Because this show just wants to taunt us and destroy us and so they give us these credits and also, you know, this episode. This fucking episode.
Lorraine: I think that's a good thing to get out of the way early. Welcome to our recap for episode 3; THIS FUCKING EPISODE.
Sweeney: This Fucking Episode begins where the last one left off. Joffrey's corpse, bloody and blue. Cersei screaming for Tyrion to be taken and demanding to know where Sansa is. Tywin orders the gates to the city barred and every ship in the harbor seized. Too bad for you, assholes, Dantos is successfully getting her the hell out of there. About damn time, really.
Hanna and Spencer are in the former's room as she tries on outfits and complains that nothing covers the bandage on her leg from her gigantic improbable stab wound. There's always... pants?
Lorraine: MIND BLOWN. The Improbable Wound is mid-thigh. I'm not sure she should be having this much difficulty finding something to cover it.
Sweeney: You live in Pennsylvania. There's no way that you don't own clothing that will cover past mid-thigh. Winter is coming, girl. (Eventually. One day. Maybe.)
Lorraine: MIND BLOWN. The Improbable Wound is mid-thigh. I'm not sure she should be having this much difficulty finding something to cover it.
Sweeney: You live in Pennsylvania. There's no way that you don't own clothing that will cover past mid-thigh. Winter is coming, girl. (Eventually. One day. Maybe.)
Three years ago, snarksquad.blogspot.com had it’s first post, titled “Trauma Never Looked So Good.” Lorraine put together a video from all the silly shit the original team of five had uploaded...
After the previouslies show us Sarah trying to process the, "HEY THE GIRL WHO TRIED TO KILL YOU ISN'T JUST YOUR CLONE BUT YOUR CLONE TWIN!" bomb, she's tucking her sleeping daughter into bed. Downstairs, Sarah's getting ready to let her biological mother see said crazypants. Mrs. S isn't sure that any of this womb-providing and womb-sharing constitutes good reason for the serious endangerment of this little get-together, but Sarah's not hearing any of this. Sarah and the bio-mom head to the Basement of Don't Go In There: Canadian Edition, where Helena is tied to a post. Bio-mom pulls Sarah aside to say that she needs to speak with Sarah somewhere privately so that she can share something with her. As soon as Helena catches sight of this black woman claiming to be her birth mother she starts laughing because she's crazy and racist. Always a classy combo.
This episode begins by jumping back to just before Spike took that big old swig of flat Mountain Dew. He's telling Angel how fully not about him this is and then he drinks. As he does, Angel's face burns up and he screams. (K: Reminiscent of when he dreamt of marrying Buffy and then her burning up???) Then he wakes up sweating, sitting at his desk.
Meanwhile, Spike's hanging out at a strip club (K: Is this an I Know Who Killed Me crossover?) when Lindsey shows up, and Spike tells him to fuck off.
Meanwhile, Spike's hanging out at a strip club (K: Is this an I Know Who Killed Me crossover?) when Lindsey shows up, and Spike tells him to fuck off.
Lying lying credits on fire and Winterfell’s inexplicable forever smoke kick us off.
After, people are running through the woods. At first I thought a playful thing was happening, and then I realized that Ramsay Snow, the only character more sick and twisted than the Little Shit King, is among this frolicking party. Then I realized that the lead runner is a girl in a pretty white virginal dress, screaming and crying because Ramsay and a woman I don’t recall seeing are hunting her, Most Dangerous Game style, with Theon behind them.
After, people are running through the woods. At first I thought a playful thing was happening, and then I realized that Ramsay Snow, the only character more sick and twisted than the Little Shit King, is among this frolicking party. Then I realized that the lead runner is a girl in a pretty white virginal dress, screaming and crying because Ramsay and a woman I don’t recall seeing are hunting her, Most Dangerous Game style, with Theon behind them.
Previously: Keith and Lamb team up to solve the case of the E-String Strangler, who doesn’t actually strangle, but definitely impacts tourism. — Clash of the Tritons Democracy Diva: I’m...
Ashley Marin ordered a plant but it's too big and she's trying to move it out of the way, asking for Hanna's help and she teenagers that it's fine where it is. The Great Contrivance Spirit whisks Ashley away to answer her phone, leaving Hanna to move some small plants out of the way and magically discover an old note from Maya to Emily.
The other Liars all come over so that Hanna can read them the message. Maya's phone was stolen and she had something that she needed Emily to see. The note asks Emily to meet Maya somewhere, but weather and the fact that the episode just started eroded that part of the note. Just that part. Em's 100% sure the note is from Maya. The girls are pretty sure it's the evidence that Garrett is Ali's killer and that's why she got killed. Aria looks more closely at the note and guess what wasn't magically washed away? The date. Maya wrote it the day she died. Maybe it was all that note-writing that got her killed.
The other Liars all come over so that Hanna can read them the message. Maya's phone was stolen and she had something that she needed Emily to see. The note asks Emily to meet Maya somewhere, but weather and the fact that the episode just started eroded that part of the note. Just that part. Em's 100% sure the note is from Maya. The girls are pretty sure it's the evidence that Garrett is Ali's killer and that's why she got killed. Aria looks more closely at the note and guess what wasn't magically washed away? The date. Maya wrote it the day she died. Maybe it was all that note-writing that got her killed.
We watch as an ambulance carries a broken Kira to the hospital, and then as paramedics rush her into an operating room. Kira and Siobhan follow behind them closely, crying and distraught, until they are told they can go no further. Sarah's outcry makes me... have hay fever. It's the weirdest thing.
Sweeney: IT'S THE WORST. I was already pretty devastated over the wounded child but mother-losing-her-shit is a kind of heartsick that is fully contagious.
Sweeney: IT'S THE WORST. I was already pretty devastated over the wounded child but mother-losing-her-shit is a kind of heartsick that is fully contagious.
We open with a pretty hilarious "Welcome to Wolfram & Hart" recruitment video. The guy giving the voiceover is infomercial peppy, and it's intercut with shots of Angel looking awkward and stating their new employee policy: "If you don't kill us, we won't kill you." That throws us into an alarm clock going off. (S: WEIRD. My version misses that peppy video, starting at the alarm clock, and now I'm sad.) (K: Womp womp...)
Harmony turns it off and throws us into a montage of her getting ready for the day. This includes her looking at her not-reflection and vamping out to brush her fangs as well as her teeth. I stop to wonder how the hell she does her make up when she can't see her reflection... (S: Mind. Blown.)
Harmony turns it off and throws us into a montage of her getting ready for the day. This includes her looking at her not-reflection and vamping out to brush her fangs as well as her teeth. I stop to wonder how the hell she does her make up when she can't see her reflection... (S: Mind. Blown.)
Art is sitting in the station, staring at Sarah's ID photo, trying to figure out what the fuck is going on. He puts forth doppelgangers and twins as possible explanations, but Deangelis isn't really sure either one makes any sense. They have to make a house call, since they identified Sarah Manning as their Jane Doe (who was actually Katja) and now they have to make a house call. Art gets Deangelis to agree to keep the Beth-Childs-lookalike thing on the DL until they figure out what's going on.
Felix's Frisky Flat. Sarah and Paul wake up in Felix's bed the next morning. You've asked a lot of Felix, Sarah, but kicking him out of his bed so you can have sex while he sleeps on the couch a couple feet away is crossing the line. (L: Still love my siblings. NOT GONNA HAPPEN.)
Felix's Frisky Flat. Sarah and Paul wake up in Felix's bed the next morning. You've asked a lot of Felix, Sarah, but kicking him out of his bed so you can have sex while he sleeps on the couch a couple feet away is crossing the line. (L: Still love my siblings. NOT GONNA HAPPEN.)
People in the comments were taking bets on how we would react to this episode which would've been all I needed to figure out that the Number Gods have seen it fit to gift me with YET ANOTHER Spike episode. It might be a good thing, though. At least I know it won't be an episode where they shoehorn him in to give one or two punchlines that could be delivered by literally anyone else on the whole team.
Sweeney: You mean *gasp* character development? What's this mythical concept you speak of? Lor put it best in the comments, but it's worth reiterating here: didn't even like this character but WOW has he been badly used by the AtS writers so far.
Sweeney: You mean *gasp* character development? What's this mythical concept you speak of? Lor put it best in the comments, but it's worth reiterating here: didn't even like this character but WOW has he been badly used by the AtS writers so far.
Veronica wishes Keith a good morning and gets a, "you don't hang out at the Oceanside bars, do you?" in response. So, probably not a great morning for him. She jokes about preferring biker bars, though Keith is not in a joking mood as a 20-year-old co-ed was recently found murdered. Keith shows Veronica the newspaper, which has a big "The E-String Strangler Strikes Again" headline. I read e-string, and my mind immediately went to the Internet. This murderer is probably not strangling people with a string he bought online, though. Just to clarify.
Democracy Diva: At least it's not a g-string strangler.
Democracy Diva: At least it's not a g-string strangler.
I both cannot believe it's been a year and feel like I've been waiting for this forever. Welcome back, dear friends and comrades in misery! It's time for Game of Thrones, season four.
We open with an extended previously sequence that is much better than what I was able to come up with at the start of this post, but does boil down to a lot of death and bad luck. I mean, I counted: they showed us 8 outright deaths plus the Unsullied attacking a whole bunch of people. The last thing we see is the bloodied sword used to chop Ned Stark's head off. It is because of these previouslies that I realize that Ned was beheaded by his own sword. It's like retroactive trauma. NO SERIOUSLY. WELCOME BACK!
Sweeney: I don't think I could handle watching this show without you guys. I need this weekly therapy session to process all my emotions.
We open with an extended previously sequence that is much better than what I was able to come up with at the start of this post, but does boil down to a lot of death and bad luck. I mean, I counted: they showed us 8 outright deaths plus the Unsullied attacking a whole bunch of people. The last thing we see is the bloodied sword used to chop Ned Stark's head off. It is because of these previouslies that I realize that Ned was beheaded by his own sword. It's like retroactive trauma. NO SERIOUSLY. WELCOME BACK!
Sweeney: I don't think I could handle watching this show without you guys. I need this weekly therapy session to process all my emotions.
Sarah and Cosima are video chatting. Sarah is freaking out because Paul has been called in by Olivier and she hasn't heard from him since. Cosima is cosima-ing, rolling a joint while telling Sarah that everything is totally fine because Paul is on their side. Trouble is, Sarah isn't so sure Paul is on their side. He could be ratting them out at this very moment.
Sweeney: Cosima's nonchalant attitude about serious shit is like Orphan Black's much more intelligent version of the Aria shrug.
Sweeney: Cosima's nonchalant attitude about serious shit is like Orphan Black's much more intelligent version of the Aria shrug.
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